Hi. My RL worries are eased tremendously when I immerse myself in writing. So...here is my first modern AU drabble. Based on a reviewer's request. Their first time… (If you've not read Time to Love Together from the beginning this might not make any sense… but it's fun anyway!)
XX
"We should." His voice warm but over enunciated. Making an effort to sound more confident that he felt. "We really should."
Mary had given him a look both surprised and knowing. He was right. They should.
"I'll book a B&B for this week end." He had nodded at her silent acknowledgement.
"Not at Downton?" Her rapid blinks giving away the senselessness of that question. Quickly shook her head at the notion and knew the answer before the words came out of her mouth. Coughing to cover up… "Forget I said that."
"Nervous?" He had asked, trying to hide his own shyness. Feeling the same.
"Stupid isn't it." She had replied. "It's not like we've not done it before." Her brown eyes sharply drawn up to his own. "At least I think we have." Her voice flinched.
"Yes." Drawing out the word slowly, a bit put out. "Just not with each other."
Matthew's eyes traveled back towards hers. Did he look that naïve? He knew he had a baby face and an introverted nature but he most certainly had enough sexual experience with women to know what he was doing with Mary.
At least that's what he told himself. She was quite a woman. In all ways. He frankly could not wait to know her. In all ways that was possible for a man to understand a woman. For a fiancé to know a fiancée. For a lover to know his partner.
Each wanted to get the built up expectations (or God forbid, fears) of their 'first time together' out of the way. The wedding was in two weeks. And enough angst had already been shed with regards to venue, guests and catering needs. Matthew had stayed well out of the way. Cora had it all in hand. Mary seemed distant, filled with a kind of ennui that unnerved him.
It was as if she was resigned to whatever fate befell her.
He had no idea how to reach her. Thought this week end would at least force them to get know each other. Maybe even allow them some intimacy. As if the sexual act was not intimate. Matthew knew it could be mechanical, fraught with unforeseen performance issues.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. His second thoughts haunting him as the week end drew near.
Now they were at Barbican B &B in a suburb of York.
They had driven straight from Downton after Matthew returned from London on Friday afternoon.
They had been uncomfortably quiet the entire trip.
He parked the car in the guest car park. He pulled up on the emergency brake and turned to face Mary.
"Straight to business… "He had said to fill the space. His eyes darted left to right. "Uh… So to speak." Damn damn damn Matthew thought. He shook his head at his inane blather.
It was beautiful, Mary admitted. They had introduced themselves to the owner as Mary and Matthew Crawley. Not exactly untruthful and not that it mattered at all. The owner led them to their room that overlooked a private garden. She told them tea in the room and breakfast in the morning. Some tourist guides on the table.
They nodded trying to appear interested. Looking at them with an unspoken curiosity, she left.
The air tangible with a nervous energy. Intoxicating and off-putting in equal measure.
Matthew threw himself into an armchair. Fidgeted and strummed his fingers. Mary stood near the window. Looked out but saw nothing.
They turned.
Their eyes met. Hooded and cerulean blue seeking deep lidded flecked brown.
"So…" His knuckles gripped the armrest. "Should we…." His hand spread open and motioned towards the bed.
She swallowed. "I'm ready if you are."
Mary turned. This was crazy. Why was she nervous? It was Matthew. She was attracted to him.
"Better to get right in the saddle…" He caught himself; twitched…did he just say that?
"Right, just as long as you don't die in my bed we'll be fine."
His eyes got as big as saucers.
"Sorry." Mary put her fingers to her mouth. "You should learn to forget what I say. I know I do. My humor gets dark and scary the more jumpy I am."
"Let's just get this over with." Tossing her head to the side. Not knowing what else to say.
"Are you playing with me?" Matthew asked not knowing if she was trying to put him off.
"Are you doing this out of duty?" She came back at him, the cold edge coming out.
"Of course not. I want to know everything about you."
"You don't know me at all." She dismissed such an idea.
"Maybe I should brush up on my powers of fascination." He paused. "Except that I don't want to be just another of your conquests."
His tone expressing more irritation than he intended. "Like all the other men you flirt with."
Groaning with withheld frustration Mary blurted out "I do what's expected of me."
"I've made you angry."
"Matthew I've told you my life makes me angry. And don't make more of this than there is."
He grimaced. Her cold tone continued to unnerve him. This was not going at all like expected.
"My father made a contractual agreement with you to take the title and control over the estate. I mean nothing in all this." She hated herself in this moment but truth hurts. But she did not really mean to hurt Matthew. He was collateral damage in her anger towards her father and her own life.
Matthew held up his hand. He could no longer listen to this.
"On the contrary, you mean a great deal…very great deal." His voice hitched and went an octave deeper.
"Well then I came as a fringe benefit." Still dismissive.
Matthew was despairing now.
"I'm sorry, I wish I could think of something to say that would help." His body coiled and tense.
"There's nothing. But you mustn't let it trouble you."
"It does trouble me. It troubles me very much." Almost inaudible but Mary heard it.
"Then that will be my consolation prize." Said softly, Mary knew what he was saying was the truth.
None of this was his fault.
"And as for that garden party where you saw me flirt so outrageously as you say, you know that you could have had any girl there, Matthew. They all had a crush on you."
"Well that's something no one can accuse you of..." Mocking harshly at the idea that he had ever thought this week end would be successful.
"You should have more faith." Her eyes met his again.
Unblinking the world fell away as they continued to gaze upon each other.
His whole demeanor changed at her utterance. His mouth fell open. His move towards her became more deliberate.
"I don't want any other girl." Truthful.
"Oh Matthew. What I am telling you is that you need to pay no attention to the things I say." Soft. Inviting.
She pushed a wandering strand of hair out of her mouth.
He walked over. Stood over her. Cupped her chin and lifted her face. Took the same lock of hair and traveled it with his fingers over her cheek and around her ear lobe. Bent down. His eyes glistened and reflected her face.
Kissed her with intent. "I think we should …"
The touch of his fingers gave her skin bumps and the hair rose on her arm. She gripped his splayed fingers as he began to pull it back from her ear.
Their fingers intertwined. Breaths came short, fast. The air moist with the mix of heat and desire.
His hands gripped her shirt more tightly than he meant to. They were also shaking. They wavered as he began to unfasten the first button of her blouse and open her alabaster skinned torso to his naked touch.
His breath moved air into her mouth as she looked up into his eyes.
"It will be good." Her voice soft, silky. "We'll be good." She took her own hands and opened all the buttons and placed his hands gently onto her chemise where he felt her erect nipples. He groaned into her mouth as he molded his fingers around the silk. It wrinkled under his touch.
He lost his bearings as he gave into the sensation of need. Mary wrapped herself around his tight muscled abdomen and leaned her head into his chest.
They stayed like that for a moment. This was where they were good together.
But they hesitated to proceed. Could they sustain this?
They moved apart and finished undressing. At a distance. He watched with nervous eyes. Averting in case she wanted privacy.
She was beautiful. The curves of her body his hands could explore for an eternity.
But once on the bed Matthew did not know how best Mary wanted to be touched. Mary faltered in figuring out by what means to best gratify Matthew's needs. Did he want to be touched there?
Foreplay was not easy under these circumstances.
He moved to take her nipple but stopped before he squeezed too hard. She grunted in frustration at his hesitation.
Matthew's elbow knocked into her cheek as she moved and he leaned forward at the wrong moment. He apologized and moved away.
She moved to get on top at the same time he wanted to straddle her.
"Matthew…" she said, a cutting edge in her voice.
"Well just move then…" His voice taut. Not meaning to be so direct.
He put on some protection. She looked at him. "No?" He asked. She just nodded assent.
He moved to enter her but found she was not responding. He grunted out.
"You're going too fast." She complained. She unhooked her legs.
They fell back onto the sheets. Sweaty. Worked up but not satisfied.
Turned towards each other. The tension eased as they broke into giggles.
"Let's try again." Matthew suggested his voice low and playful. "I can do this."
"Bring it mister." Mary replied.
In the end it was good. Not great. He eased inside her now ready body. He still wasn't sure how much longer he could hold in his arousal without release. Mary, pushing against him and guiding him in further said," now, now," with increased heat. She grabbed his backside and pushed it against her. The climax came first for him. No matter how much he tried. And she knew it.
But rather than just give up, Matthew stroked her to satisfaction. His touch was soft yet urgent. His lips moist and hot on hers as he pressed against her mouth with intense concentration.
Her breaths came ragged and her nails pressed against his back.
She fell back, satiated. Her eyes half lidded and her mouth slightly agape. She caught her breath and caught his eye with her own.
He was broadly grinning. His arm braced at the elbow and he leaned on his side.
"Not bad. Not bad at all." She said, playing him.
"Oh. I can do better…" with a flash of his eyebrows.
She bit her lip at the edges in anticipation.
XX
Matthew's head bowed and his fingers moved slowly through his hair. He pushed his hands against his temple. The thoughts would not go away.
Ever since Mary's letter. The memories of their first time flooded his brain.
It has been so awkward. It had been so beautiful.
Could this time …. This second chance… be the same? Worse? Better? His mouth twitched at the potential.
Did he want it too much? Was it all wrong?
He flexed his tense muscles. Tried to shake out the coiled frustration he felt as the clock moved like a snail.
When the hell would this party start anyway? …
XX
Ok I had to get that out. Now I can write the party… Whoo HOO!