Kate and James

by Wandergirl108

I wrote this to give myself peace of mind after Lost's unsatisfactory end, not to publish, but then I figured, Why not? I realize this is very OOC, these characters never talk about themselves or their feelings - but they SHOULD, and this is what would happen if they did. Please don't criticize; I feel very strongly about the stuff in here. Rated T because kids wouldn't get it...

1. Chapter 1

It was a month after the survivors of the great Island Battle between Jacob and his nameless brother got home on the plane that had landed on the little island nearby. Frank had managed to guide the plane through the Island's strange magnetic field and gotten everyone back to LA safely. The truth had come out - well, most of it - and the world knew most of the truth about the Island. James had cleverly manipulated the story to be both believable and as close to the whole truth as possible, without mentioning Jacob, the Black Smoke Monster, or any of the other seemingly magical things about the island that couldn't be explained away by electromagnetic qualities. Being an ex-con man, his story was perfect for all purposes, and everyone had managed to regain a normal life…including James and Kate.

Kate was living in her house, alone. Claire was raising Aaron now. Kate had been forgiven for her part in a worldwide scandal, and was also not penalized for breaking the terms of her probation and leaving the state of California (mostly thanks to James's manipulation of the story and sticking up for her - he'd made her out to be a hero who had been willing to risk jail time to save the people she'd left behind). As for James, well, he had spent some time "officially" ending his career and reputation as a con man, including getting revenge on the bastard who had sent him to Australia to kill an innocent man by claiming the man was James's old nemesis, Sawyer the Con Man - the one who had killed James's parents. He had originally planned to beat the crap out of the guy, but, upon reflection, he realized that had the guy not sent him to Australia, he never would have landed on the Island, and therefore would never have found a) happiness, and b) Sawyer. The guy got off easy; James had just yelled at him a little.

It was evening. There was a knock on Kate's door. She opened it, and James was standing there, looking a little awkward.

"James," she said, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey, Freckles," he replied in his usual manner.

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Then, Kate gestured behind her and started to ask, "Do you want to come in-?"

"No," James cut her off. There was another pause, then he took a breath and said, "I…I don't want to come in, I just…I…I need to talk to you." As he spoke, he shook his head, took breaths, and made vague gestures with his hands, all of which she recognized as signs that he was anxious about something.

Not that she didn't have a pretty good idea why he was there.

"We can talk inside," she said.

"No, no, I, um…" James paused again. "I…well, call it a symptom of living on the freakin' Magic Island for three and a half years, but I…I'd rather talk outside…and walk."

Kate smiled, understanding; on the Island, the only place that was private was somewhere deep in the jungle, and most people talked mainly when they went out to do something else together - like hunting or gathering wood.

"Okay," she said, and stepped outside, closing the door behind her.

Her house was somewhat remote; there were no neighbors to speak of, and there was just enough of a wooded area to make two Island Survivors feel comfortable.

They walked toward the small bit of woods just beside her house; the trip took about eight steps. Then, James stopped and turned back to look at her.

He opened his mouth. Closed it, exhaling through his nose. Swallowed. Closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over his face. Opened his mouth again.

She could see he was very distressed, and decided to help him out.

"James?" she said softly. "What-?"

"I lied to you, Freckles," he said, the words tumbling out suddenly.

She blinked. This wasn't what she had expected. It also wasn't exactly a news flash; he had lied to her many, many times. But somehow, she had a feeling that this was a lie she didn't know about already.

"About what?" she asked.

He couldn't read her face, which meant that she herself wasn't sure what she was feeling.

He sighed. The guilt tugged at his heart. Tell the truth, it said.

"'Bout Cass," he said, letting a bit of an edge creep into his voice and half turning away. He couldn't look at her, couldn't make himself see her react.

But she just shrugged, confused. "What about Cassidy?" she asked.

"Her…and her daughter," he said, now allowing the shame to creep into his voice, replacing the edge. "My daughter."

She still didn't understand. "What about them?" she asked.

He looked her in the eye for the first time since he'd spoken, then looked away quickly. He continued to make agitated movements with his head and hands.

She understood what it meant. When he was uncomfortable about something, his body language was one huge mess.

"I…I didn't want you to see them," he said.

Her brow furrowed. "Then why did you tell me to take care of Clementine?" she asked as she took a step closer to him, her tone not so light now.

He took another deep breath and backtracked.

"I didn't know, when I jumped out of that helicopter, that the damn Island was gonna move," he said. "The way I saw it, there were two possibilities." She crossed her arms and settled back into a stance, allowing him to continue. "One, I'd die when I hit the water, or two, I wouldn't die when I hit the water, and then I'd swim back to shore. I figured, if I lived, I'd just take the next ride back to the damn boat and go home with you, and if I died…" He took another breath. "You'd've been hurt. Bad." She lowered her eyes, half closing them, and shifted. Yeah, she would have.

She had been.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Freckles. I wanted to save you." He turned his whole body back toward her and looked at her now, taking a step closer. "I didn't want to die and leave you behind, hurtin' and thinkin' I'd died to save you."

"But you're saying you would have," she said, making it a half question and looking him in the eye.

"Yeah," he said, "that's what it would've been." He said it seriously, in that tone that she knew meant that he was allowing himself to feel, and truly mean, what he was saying…that the words came from his heart. "But I didn't want you thinkin' that. And…I also knew that if you talked to Cass, she'd tell you I'd jumped 'cause I was scared. That that was my way of dumpin' you."

She just looked at him, sadness in her eyes. She thought she could see where he was going with this, but she wasn't quite sure…

"I didn't think that you'd ever talk to her while I was still alive," he said, emotion coloring his voice. "I didn't know that I was gonna get left behind. I just asked you to do it 'cause I wanted you to be able to let go of me if I died. I wanted you to move on with Jack." She flinched at the sound of the name.

"Sorry," he said softly, noticing this. "I'm also sorry that I sent you to Cass. Thinkin' I'd jumped 'cause I was scared when I was still alive…I didn't want that. I didn't wanna do that to you." She closed her eyes.

"You weren't scared," she said, again making it half a question.

"Not of you," he said. "Not of what might happen between us if we both got back here to the states."

She opened her eyes suddenly and lashed out, which he knew she did whenever she was upset.

"Then why did she say that was it?" she demanded. "Why would she think that that was why you jumped?"

"Because that's what would've been the case…if I'd still been the man I was when we first crashed on that damn Island," he answered, taking her sudden fury in stride, knowing that that was just what she did. "The man she knew - Sawyer, the con man - would have jumped 'cause of fear. I left her 'cause I got scared."

"I thought you left her because you were conning her," Kate shot back.

"No," he said softly. "Not her. She was…" He sighed, looking for the right words. "She was different," he said at last, knowing it wasn't nearly good enough.

He tried to explain further.

"I…I didn't love her," he said slowly, "but I almost did. When I realized that, I got scared."

"So you left her," Kate said angrily.

"No," he said again. "Not…not right away. I…I thought that if she knew who I was - who I really was - she'd hate me. So…I tested her."

"You tested her," Kate repeated, still angry.

"I wanted to see if she could hate me," James said. "I just…I needed to know. So I tried."

Kate just glared at him.

"I tried," he repeated, "and I saw that it could be done. So I took the money and ran. But you…" He took a step closer to her.

She turned her head away.

"I loved you," he said.

She turned her head back and looked at him, her eyes wide with a combination of surprise and incredulity.

"I loved you," he repeated, looking her in the eye, "more than life itself. More than everythin' else in the world put together." His voice filled with emotion as he continued. "You were my world," he said, "and there wasn't nothin' I wouldn't've given for you." She forgave his use of triple-negative speaking, understanding southern speak, though not quite able to fully wrap her mind around his meaning. "I'd've been happy to die for you. I couldn't've thought of a way I'd rather die."

"James…" Emotion filled her, bringing tears to her eyes. She hated that that happened whenever she started feeling anything too strongly, but that was just how her body responded to intense emotion.

Tears filled his eyes, too, as he remembered what had once been. "I'm sorry," he said, pain filling his voice. "I didn't really want you to believe that I didn't love you. I just wanted you to…be able to move on…if I died." His hands made strong, if still somewhat vague in meaning, gestures.

They just looked at each other for a minute, tears in both of their eyes that weren't quite ready to fall. They were barely a step apart.

"But," James finally said, turning away again, "you know…the best laid plans…" He finished with a hand gesture that was his substitute for "et cetera".

She did know.

"Yeah," she said softly, closing her eyes, struggling to get ahold of herself.

He took a step, not quite away from her, but putting a little more distance between them, facing to her left.

He shook his head again, staring out into the distance. "I'm sorry," he repeated, and she could hear the full meaning of those words in his voice.

"You couldn't've known," she said after a moment, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. "There's no way you could've known."

"Yeah," he said softly.

She sniffed and tried to wipe the unshed tears out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry too," she said after a minute.

James turned back to her.

"For what?" he asked.

"For not believing in you," she replied, her eyes still closed as she struggled to maintain her composure.

"It's alright," he said. "I knew you wouldn't. That was the point." He emphasized that last point with a shrug.

"Did you…really come up with that…all of it…right there, on the spot?" she asked.

He smiled, a hint of amusement flickering in his eyes.

"I was a con man, Freckles," he replied. "Gettin' folks to believe what I wanted 'em to believe is my talent. Was my talent," he corrected himself.

"No," she said with a hint of a smile through her tears, "it still is."

He smiled an equally sad smile.

"Yeah," he said again.

What else was there to say?

They were silent for a minute.

"You loved me," she finally began, still trying not to cry.

"More than anythin'," he replied.

"But you don't love me anymore," she said.

He didn't answer right away. He turned around to look at her.

Finally, he said, "Yes I do."

She looked up at him.

"Again?" she asked, not believing it.

"Still," he corrected her. "I've always loved you, and I always will." He paused. "When you love someone as much as I loved you…" He sighed. "Well, that feelin' never really goes away."

Kate was losing the battle with her tears.

"You loved me that much…"

"More than words can say," he said.

"Even when you-?" She stopped herself.

"Yeah," he said, knowing what she had been about to say. "Even when I was with Juliet."

"But you loved her…" Kate trailed off, trying to understand.

"Yes, I did," he said, "but never as much as I loved you."

They were silent for another moment.

He shook his head.

"I waited for you," he told her. "Lord knows, I waited. For days, I used to lie awake at night and think about you. Weeks passed, and I couldn't get you out of my mind." He sighed. "But…after months passed…well…" He made another hand gesture. "…You weren't there," he finally said. "And…she was. She was there. For me. Whenever I had to talk, she'd listen. Whenever I got too sad, she was there to get me to snap out of it. Jin-bo and Miles got tired of it real fast, but Juliet…" He trailed off.

"She was always there for you," Kate finished after a moment.

"Yeah," James said again.

After a moment he added, "Like you."

She looked up at him.

"After a while…I gave up on waitin'," James continued after a moment. "I figured, if you hadn't come back by then, you weren't never comin' back. Me and Juliet…" He sighed. "We didn't happen right away, and when we did, it wasn't all at once. Sometimes…sometimes I'd lie in bed beside her at night, after she fell asleep, and wish with all my might that it was you lyin' there with me, not her. But as time went on, and you didn't come back, I started thinkin' about you less and less…by the time y'all came back, I'd forgotten what you looked like." He shook his head, sad and guilty. "I was ready to move on. I was…ready to marry her."

"I'm sorry," Kate said.

"Wasn't your fault, Freckles," James said. "But when I saw you again…when you came back…" He shook his head again.

"I didn't know what to do," he finally finished. "And that was real bad, 'cause when y'all came back, Jin, Juliet, and Miles all looked to me to figure out what to do. And the Doc…" Kate closed her eyes, hard, bracing herself against the wave of emotion that the name brought on. "Well, he saw everyone else look to me, and decided to do the same 'cause he wasn't feelin' like himself…and y'all followed him…" he sighed, not really seeing what was in front of him, remembering. "It was all up to me," he finally said. "It was up to me to figure out what to do. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't think about figurin' out how to deal with y'all comin' back…'cause all I could think about was what to do 'bout you and Juliet. 'Bout how I couldn't…" He trailed off, unsure of how to go on…unsure of how he could put the torture he'd felt at being torn between them into words.

Kate understood. She'd been there.

"It's okay," she told him.

But he didn't really seem to hear her. "Maybe, if I'd've been able to focus more…Danny…Juliet…hell, maybe even Sayid'd still be alive. Maybe even Jin and Sun."

"James, it wasn't your fault," Kate said, taking a step toward him, her tears gone for now.

James heard her take a step closer but didn't turn around.

"Yes it was," he said.

"No, it-"

"It is my fault," he interrupted her, "because I just couldn't admit to myself that I loved you more."

She froze.

He breathed deeply through his nose. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he just stood there, looking at her.

And that's when it dawned on her.

"Why're you tellin' me this?" she asked him, letting a hint of her own southern accent creep into her voice.

He looked away.

"You have never been open about your feelings," Kate prodded, taking another step toward him, a bit of an edge in her voice now. "As long as I've known you, all you've ever done is hide. You never talk about how you feel, about anything."

He sighed, but said nothing.

"So why're you tellin' me this now?" Kate asked, not relenting. "What do you want?"

"Nothin'!" he exclaimed. "I don't want nothin' from you! I just…"

"Just what?" she pressed.

"I just…needed to tell you…that's all…" He was very uncomfortable.

Kate wouldn't let up.

"Why?" she demanded.

James sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know," he said, his normal pissed-off attitude returning.

She didn't let him get away with that.

"Why?" she pressed again.

"I don't know, damn it!" he answered, raising his voice. "I…"

Kate crossed her arms and glared at him.

He waved his hands around and motioned with his head, his body language once again a huge mess.

"I…I wanted to tell you how I felt when you came back," he finally answered. "I mean, back in the beginnin'. I'd planned on tellin' you. I…" He sighed. "When I saw that the damn boat had blown up," he continued softly, his voice filled with pain as he remembered, "I thought you were on it. And I thought…that it was 'cause of me." He looked at her, on the edge of tears. "I thought I'd got you killed, Freckles," he said, the words tearing at his heart as he remembered what he'd felt. "You were…the one good thing I'd ever known…and I thought I'd killed you."

The one good thing… Kate tried hard not to flinch at that. She closed her eyes, and was about to tell him what he needed to know when he added, "And if not for all the madness that went on after the Island moved, I'd've just…wasted away. But the craziness did happen, and then Johnny Locke told me that y'all weren't dead, and that he was gonna go and bring y'all back, and I was able to breathe again. So, I decided that, when y'all got back, I'd stop bein' such a damn coward and just tell you how I felt about you…'cause I should've told you sooner, and if I got a second chance, I wasn't gonna be a fool and let it slip away, too."

"I'm not good, James," she said.

For a moment, he was stunned.

"What?" he asked.

"You said…that I was the one good thing you'd ever known," she said slowly, not opening her eyes, her voice as emotionless as she could manage.

"Yeah, you were," he said. "You are. You always-"

"You're wrong!" she snapped, opening her eyes now. "As long as we're being honest with each other, I might as well tell you now: I'm not good!"

"Freckles, what the hell're you talkin' 'bout?" he asked, confused. "Of course you're good. You made me good. You changed me. You saved me."

"It's not what you do, it's who you are!" she retorted, unknowingly repeating an old mantra that James had heard all his life.

But that didn't deter him, not even for a second.

"And what do you think you are?" he asked, allowing anger to creep into his own voice now.

"I'm flawed!" she shouted at him.

"No you ain't!" he shouted back, matching his adamance to hers. "You ain't flawed, Freckles! You're perfect!"

"I am not perfect!" she yelled back as his words touched an old, sensitive nerve.

"Oh, no?" he shot back.

"No!" she yelled at him, her voice raising even louder. "I am not perfect! I am not good! Why would you even say that I was?"

"'Cause you are from where I'm standin'!" he retorted.

She glared at him. Couldn't he see it? Didn't he know her?

"You wanna know what I see?" he asked her as he took another step closer to her, his voice soft now but no less angry. "You wanna know what I see when I look at you? I see a goddess. I see an angel. I see the best damn thing I've ever known. I see my savior, sent to me from Heaven. 'Cause you saved me, Freckles. I was nothin' when we crashed on that damn Island, but you saved me. You taught me how to feel again. You taught me what love is. And I never would've been able to love Juliet…if I hadn't loved you first."

His words banished her anger, filling her with sadness instead. He was so wrong…

"Look at you," he went on. "You're strong, and you're tough enough to use your strength…you're smart, and you're clever enough to use your brains…you're brave…you're beautiful…" He paused here, to emphasize that this last quality was the one he admired most. "…And you've got a heart big enough to care about a piece of scum like me, no matter how hard I tried to get you to hate me." She opened her eyes but turned her head away. "So tell me," he asked; "what about you ain't perfect?"

She was silent for a moment, her eyes closed again, her head lowered slightly. He was quiet too, letting her think.

"My father," she whispered at last, her voice filled with sadness, her eyes still closed.

What?

"What about your daddy?" James asked. He had never heard about her parents, either one of them, apart from the brief bit about her mom that he'd heard in the story about what happened with the Oceanic 6 that Jack had told him.

"Long story," she answered, still whispering that same whisper, still not opening her eyes.

"I'm listenin'," he replied. "We got plenty of time."

She opened her eyes to look at him, and saw that he was serious.

Why not? If he thought she was some kind of angel…well, after all they had been through together, he deserved the truth.

"When I was five…my mom divorced my dad to be with a man who treated her like garbage," she began. James crossed his arms and got into a comfortable stance, sensing that this really would be a long story. "He was a drunk," she went on. "He beat the crap out of her every night, he drank away most of the money she earned as a waitress, and when I was…old enough…he started hitting on me."

James's teeth clenched. He wanted to rip the bastard she was talking about apart.

"I put up with it for so long," she continued. "I felt like…you know, what could I do? My mom never reported him, she just…dealt with it. She loved him, somehow."

She took a breath.

"But then I found out that he wasn't just my stepfather," she said after taking a moment to steady herself. "I found out that…the man I'd always called 'dad'…wasn't my biological father. See, he was a war hero, and I'd been asking some friends around for old photos of him to put together for a present for his birthday…" She looked up at James. "Some of the photos were dated as late as four months before I was born."

"So you thought your step-daddy…" James thought out loud.

"Yeah," Kate said. "He was also my biological father."

"You sure?" James asked.

"Yes," she answered.

"Son of a bitch," James said, stunned.

"Yeah," she said with a hint of a smile, "he was. And that son of a bitch was also my father."

James still didn't understand what this had to do with whether or not she was good.

"So?" he asked.

Her head snapped up, blazing again with anger.

"Don't you get it?" she snapped.

"No, Freckles, I don't," James answered.

"He was my father!" she shouted. "He was…part of me! I was part of him! That…monster…was part of me! He is part of me! I can never be good! I can never…have anything good! Not ever!"

"Freckles, that's about the dumbest thing I ever heard," James said calmly.

"No," she sobbed with anger, shaking her head. "No, no, you don't understand…"

"No, I d-"

"He's…part of me," she repeated emphatically. Why couldn't he understand what that meant? "He's in me. He's part of who I am."

"He don't have to be," James answered.

"No, no, he is," she said, shaking her head again, her grief at the fact tearing her apart. "I've done…all kinds of…of horrible things…and I don't…I can't…" She broke off, struggling to hold back her tears enough to speak. "I don't feel guilt," she sobbed at last. "I think about the things I've done and…I just don't care! I feel…nothing!"

"What'd you do?" James asked her. "What kind of things we talkin' 'bout?"

Kate took a breath.

"I've…killed people…I've conned people…I've stolen from people…I've hurt people…" She looked him in the eye. "You've done some bad stuff, too, but…you feel guilty about it." She gave a humorless laugh. "Hell, you let your guilt just eat you alive! You…by the time I met you, all the guilt you felt about all the things you'd done had left you broken!"

"And you healed me," James responded. "Yeah, I was broken…and then I met you, and everythin' changed."

"I don't understand that," Kate said sadly. "I have no idea how someone like me could make anyone better."

"Someone like you…" James repeated slowly.

"Yeah," she said; "someone who can murder her own father in cold blood. Someone who can-"

"You mean your step-daddy?" James asked. "Your…biological daddy?"

"Yeah," she said.

He looked at her with disbelief.

"That's what you think you should feel guilty about?" he demanded incredulously. "Freckles, from the way you tell it, he deserved it."

"But that's not why I did it!" she snapped, frustrated that he refused to understand that she was flawed. "I did it because, after I found out, I couldn't stand to look at him anymore! I couldn't bear the sight of this…thing…that I was the product of!" Her voice softened, sadness replacing her anger. "I couldn't…make myself live…with that…that bastard…and know that, every time I saw him do something awful, every time I looked at him, I was seeing what I was inside."

James was about to tell her that she was wrong, that she wasn't like that, when her last words tugged at his mind. A memory came to him, slowly.

"Your daddy," James said softly. "Was his name Wayne, by any chance?"

Her head shot up.

"Yeah," she said just as quietly. "…How did you know?"

"'Cause I still remember wakin' up in the Hatch after I was carried 'cross the Island…and hearin' you talkin' to me," he said. "You said…that every time you looked at me, every time you felt somethin' for me - and I was like, 'She has feelin's for me?' - and then you said that you saw him…Wayne…but you said it like you were talkin' to him, and I thought, 'What?'…and then you said it made you sick."

Kate smiled sadly as she remembered. "And you said that that was about the sweetest thing you ever heard."

"Yeah," replied James. "And it was…'cause you said that you had feelin's for me…and that was more than I'd ever hoped to hear."

Kate smiled, giving a half-laugh, half-sob at his words.

James's expression hardened. "I remind you of him?"

"No," she said quickly. "No, no, you're nothing like him, but I just…well…I loved you and" - James's expression softened and his heart quickened at her words - "I didn't want to. I didn't want to love you. But I couldn't help it, just like my mom said she couldn't help loving Wayne, and…that scared me. I was scared of ending up like her."

James's sudden rush turned to confusion. Not knowing how to respond to that, he instead asked another question that had been bothering him about that day.

"Why were you callin' me by his name?" James asked.

Kate smiled a sad smile and shook her head. "I was…it was stupid. I was tired 'cause I'd been up all night taking care of you, and you were…" She trailed off, unsure how to explain the strange happenings that had led to that moment.

When James didn't respond, she decided to backtrack.

"When I found out Wayne was my father, I killed him," she began. "I helped him get to bed - 'cause he always needed help getting into bed when he got home - and I left a candle burning…and…well, I set it up to look like there had been a gas leak."

"You blew him up?" James asked.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "And before I did that, I took out an insurance policy on the house in my mom's name. I figured she could get a fresh start, you know, get another house, actually save the money she made waitressing, and…you know…" She made a vague hand gesture as a substitute for what words couldn't say.

He understood.

"I was so careful," Kate continued. "It looked like an accident. I made sure of it. My only mistake…was going to see my mom right afterward."

James was silent, not understanding.

"I gave her the insurance policy." Kate's voice was filling with the sadness, confusion, and anger the betrayal had filled her with. "I told her I was going to go away for a while. I went to a train station, tried to get a ticket to Tallahassee." Her hands balled into fists. "That court marshal - the one who was on the plane with me - he was waiting for me there."

"Your mama called the cops on you?" James asked, shocked.

"Yeah," Kate said, remembering, "she did."

James's jaw dropped, but Kate didn't see. Her eyes were closed as she continued to relive that day.

"He arrested me," she went on. "He put me in handcuffs, seated me in the passenger seat of his car, and started driving me to the station." She took a shaky breath, trying to contain the hurt. "He kept trying to get me to talk. Said he understood why I'd done it…tried to prod me. I remember that night…so well…" She paused again. "It was night, and it was raining hard. The marshal kept trying to talk to me, get me to say something incriminating…and all of a sudden, out of absolutely nowhere, this horse just…ran out across the road."

"A horse?" James repeated. Could it be…?

"Yeah," Kate said, finally opening her eyes. "It was the same horse we saw in the jungle that day."

"You think the Island sent it?" James asked. It wasn't a stupid question, considering all the other things that had happened on the Island. "You think maybe Jacob sent it? To save you?"

"Maybe," Kate said, closing her eyes again as she returned to that night.

"The marshal wasn't looking at the road," she continued. "He was looking at me, 'cause he'd finally managed to get me to say something. It wasn't much, but he was looking at me. When he saw the horse…he swerved hard to the left to try to avoid it…and the car went off the edge of the road. There was a…a trench…along the side…sort of…no, no, more like…the road was kind of…on a ridge…or something…" Words came harder to her as she got lost in the memory. "There was a…a telephone pole…at the bottom…We crashed into it…He was knocked unconscious…but I wasn't…and…I took the keys to my handcuffs out of his pocket…unlocked myself…pushed him out of the car…and drove away."

"And you never stopped runnin' since," James finished.

"Yeah," she said.

There was a pause.

"When you were still asleep, trying to recover from the infection from your bullet wound, I went out for a minute to gather some fruit for you," she finally said, coming back to the present. "I came back down…and I was about to go back, when I saw it."

"The horse?" James asked.

"Yeah, the horse," Kate answered. "So…when I got back, I was already thinking about Wayne, and everything that'd happened." She turned her head and opened her eyes. He understood the movement; sometimes, when she talked about something that was painful, she shifted between methods of avoiding eye contact. "Then, when I got back, Jack-" she stopped and clenched her muscles against the wave of sorrow that crashed through her as she remembered him. "…He…he said he had to go," Kate said after a moment. "So I was alone with you." She opened her eyes for a moment, then looked down. "While I was mashing up the fruit I'd gotten for you, I was talking to you, and…you started mumbling something."

"What'd I say?" James asked.

"I couldn't understand you," Kate went on, seeming to have not really heard his question. "So I leaned closer…and…" She paused, wondering if she should tell him. "And…the next thing I knew…your hand was around my neck, and you shouted, 'You killed me! Why did you kill me?'"

"I did what?" James exclaimed. He would never hurt her!

"You were choking me," Kate said, looking at him now.

"I would never - damn it, Freckles, there ain't no way in hell I'd ever try to hurt you!" he insisted adamantly.

"I thought that, too," Kate said calmly, closing her eyes yet again. "And even if you would, your words didn't make sense. And since I was…since seeing that horse got me thinking about Wayne…" She trailed off.

"You thought…what? That his ghost was possessin' me or somethin'?" James asked, not sarcastic in the least. That had to be it. He would never hurt her…

"Something like that," Kate answered, smiling like she thought she was being silly.

"Nothin' less than that would ever make me hurt you," James said firmly. "Not even bein' crazy 'cause I was sick would've ever made me hurt you. I loved you."

"Even then?" she asked.

"Even then," he confirmed without hesitation.

"Well…" She sighed. "I ran away and left you…and the button…I…I needed to think. After a while, I went back, and I told…I asked to be alone with you for a minute." She couldn't say his name. "I called you by your name - well, your other name." Sawyer. "But…you didn't answer. I tried again; nothing. So then I said, 'Wayne?'…and…you responded. You started mumbling again…and I recognized what it was."

"What was I sayin'?" James asked, curious despite himself.

"I don't know what you were saying," Kate answered, "but I recognized that whatever it was, it was the same as the whispers we heard in the jungle sometimes."

James raised his eyebrows briefly, though he wasn't quite sure exactly what emotion caused him to. On the Island, there had sometimes been whispers that could be heard in the jungle that were incomprehensible. Normally, they'd signified that the Others were nearby, but not always. Hurley had somehow figured out what they were, but he had never been kind enough to share before they had left, and he had stayed behind.

"The fact that you responded to his name, but not yours, made me think that maybe, just maybe…" Kate trailed off again.

"Maybe it was him," James finished for her again.

"Yeah," Kate said again. "So I told you…him…and then-"

"And then I woke up."

"Yeah."

They were silent for another minute. Dusk was coming soon, but neither of them really noticed.

"So…" James finally said slowly. "…Why is it you think you can't be good?"

Anger filled Kate again.

"Because that son of a bitch was my father!" she shouted.

"So what?" James demanded with equal frustration.

"So-!" She stopped. Maybe another story would clear things up.

She shook her head.

"After I got away from the marshal," she began as flatly as possible, "I went to see my dad. My real dad. He wasn't my father, but he was my dad." Adamance coated her voice, as though she expected an argument.

But James didn't argue. He understood…somehow.

"I went to ask him…why he hadn't told me," Kate said, sad once more.

"Told you what?"

"That Wayne was my father."

"Oh." Then, "What'd he say?"

"He said it was because he knew I'd kill the son of a bitch," Kate answered, pain mixing with the sadness in her voice.

Pain? Why pain? James didn't understand, so he was silent and let her continue.

Kate understood his silence. "And he added that my mom…loved him. Wayne, I mean. She loved Wayne," she clarified. "So I asked him…why he didn't kill him. And he said…" Kate trailed off as tears threatened to overwhelm her. It was all she could do to speak when she finally said, "He said it was because…he didn't have murder in his heart."

"Murder?" James repeated, but he understood her pain now. The man she'd looked to as a father figure had basically called her a natural-born murderer for killing a monster.

But she didn't understand. It hadn't been because he didn't have murder in his heart. It had been because he was a coward.

Kate just stood there, fighting back tears that were threatening to overwhelm her more than ever. She couldn't speak.

"Freckles…" James tried to figure out how to explain to her what he saw. "Your daddy…your real daddy…he didn't mean it."

"What do you mean, 'He didn't mean it'?" Kate exploded.

"He didn't let your mama get hurt 'cause he didn't have murder in his heart," James told her firmly. "It was 'cause he was too much of a coward to do what needed to be done. He just said that 'cause he was ashamed-"

"Sam was a war hero!" Kate yelled at him. "He'd killed people before!"

James shook his head. "Not when it was illegal, he didn't."

"It doesn't make a-"

"It makes a huge difference!" James cut her off, knowing what she was going to say. "Look, he's the man you'll always think of as your daddy, and the fact that he was a soldier prob'ly don't help, but you need to realize that he's a man like any other, not some embodiment of perfection!"

Embodiment? Kate hadn't even known James knew that word, and it was enough to stun her for a minute.

"Listen, Freckles," James said angrily, though his anger was more towards her dad than her, "your daddy said what he did 'cause he was ashamed that he hadn't been able to do it, and you had, and you weren't the one who'd been in a war. He didn't really think you were evil or flawed or any-damn-thing like that. He just said that 'cause he didn't want to admit to you that he was a coward. He knew you looked up to him, and he didn't want to ruin that. 'Sides, it would've hurt his ego to admit it. He was selfish and cowardly and he wanted to blame somebody besides himself."

"You don't know him," Kate said.

"I don't need to," James answered. "I know you. I know you ain't got 'murder' in your heart. What you got is the guts to do what needed to be done, even though the law said it was wrong. You were willin' to break the law to do what you knew was right."

"I didn't kill Wayne because he deserved it!" Kate let all of her anger and frustration out with her words.

"Would you've killed him if he hadn't done all those things he did? If he hadn't been all those things?" James demanded, not backing down.

Kate closed her eyes but said nothing.

"No, you wouldn't've," James answered for her. "You killed that bastard 'cause he deserved it. 'Cause he was a monster and the world was better off without him."

"I did what I did, for me," Kate said, not opening her eyes.

"I never said you didn't," James replied. "What I said was he deserved it and the world was better off without him. The world, includin' you. Maybe even especially you."

Kate was still silent.

"Freckles…" James moved closer to her, intending to touch her, but he didn't know what would comfort her, so he just stood close and spoke softly. "Your daddy…was probably a great man. Maybe even a good man. But he didn't think you'd take those words so much to heart. He thought he could just lie to you and save his ego without hurtin' anybody. Maybe he thought you knew yourself better, maybe he just didn't know you, but he didn't mean what he said."

"How can you be so sure?" Kate asked, looking at him now with tear-filled eyes.

"'Cause I know you, and I know that that's what folks do when they're ashamed. They lie. They try to blame someone else. It's just how it is. Folks are just like that. And I know how folks think." He smiled. "I was a con man, remember?"

Like she could ever forget.

She closed her eyes and turned her head away again, but she didn't argue anymore, which James felt was progress.

"When did your mama tell you she couldn't help lovin' Wayne?" James asked after a minute or two, feeling it might help to change the subject slightly.

He was wrong. And yet, somehow, he was right, too.

Kate smiled at the irony of the answer to his question.

"I managed to talk to her after I became a fugitive," she said. Then she grinned and looked up at him as she said, "Cassidy helped me."

"Cass?" James exclaimed.

"Yeah," Kate said, still smiling.

"You tellin' me you knew Dimples before we met?" James asked, somewhat in shock.

"'Dimples'?" Kate asked, raising an eyebrow.

James said nothing, but he took a step back and shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I knew her," Kate answered after a moment. "I actually met her after you conned her. When I met her, she was trying to sell some fake necklaces like they were real, and the guy she was trying to scam wasn't buying it. I couldn't let him call the cops, so I helped her out."

James laughed quietly to himself. "Guess I forgot to mention that one only works with help," he muttered to himself.

"You taught her that trick?" Kate asked, surprised.

"Yeah," James said. "Long story."

"I'm listening. We've got plenty of time," Kate replied.

James smiled, recognizing his own words. "Alright," he said. "I'll tell you that story, if you promise me that when I'm done, you finish your story."

"Deal," Kate said.

James sighed. He hadn't really wanted to tell her. Still…

"It's funny," he said. "Of all the women I'd conned over the years, you happened to make friends with the one I almost fell for."

"So you were conning her," Kate said.

"Yeah, I was," James admitted. "At first. Well, sort of the whole time, I guess. It started out like a routine thing, you know? Seduce her, get her to really love and trust me, then 'accidentally' show her a suitcase full of money, do a song and a dance 'bout an investment deal, take the money and ride off into the sunset. She had a few hundred grand from a divorce, and that's why my partner, Gordy, picked her out."

"Why?" Kate asked, not quite understanding how that followed.

"Well, she had a lot of money stashed away, and she was single with no kids," James explained. "And by then word'd gotten 'round to all the bastards that I never hurt kids."

"You didn't want to create another you?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, and…well, I just didn't have the lack of heart to put a kid through what I went through," James answered. "Took 'em all long enough to get it through their heads, though."

"Who?" Kate asked.

"The other con men," James replied. Then he realized that it took some explaining. "See, there're two kinds of con men. There are the ones who go out and do the dirty work, and then there're the guys who like to fund the cons. 'Cause in order to pull a long con, you need starter money. Now, the real bastards don't need no sponsors; they just use the money they earned in the last job to pull the next one. But for the rest of us…there's…a network, of sorts. You ask around, and it takes a while, but eventually you find one of 'em - one of the ones who're willin' to fund a long con, that is - and then they tell others 'bout you, and eventually, you get a rep. It's like a whole secret society for thieves."

Kate laughed.

"Now, I got a great rep," James said. "Or a bad one, however you wanna look at it. I became known as one of the best casanova con men in the country."

"Casanova con man?" Kate asked, not recognizing the term.

James smiled his evil smile. "Con men who pull long cons that involve seducin' women."

"Oh."

"And I was pretty damn good at that," James said, "and it didn't take the bad boys long to figure that out. None of my con jobs ever fell through unless I deliberately walked away."

"Did you ever walk away?" Kate asked, curious despite herself.

"Yeah, actually, I did, once or twice," James said.

Kate raised an eyebrow.

"If I found out the woman or couple I was connin' had a kid, then no matter how far I'd gotten, I just walked away," James told her. "The fact that I wouldn't hurt kids…well, let's just say that that bit of info 'bout me didn't spread as quickly as the rest of my rep did. Even once it had spread, there were one or two jackasses who thought they'd just not tell me. See, the ones who fund the cons are the ones who pick the targets. That's their contribution to the job, apart from the money." James shook his head. "And let me tell ya, there weren't many who gave a damn about whether or not they hurt kids."

"I'd imagine not," Kate said. "Con men tend to be sociopaths - not you, of course, but most of them are, and that's how they're able to keep doing it; they just don't care."

"Yeah, well, I didn't have any other way of makin' a livin'," James said.

He sighed.

"I remember there was this one time," he told her, reliving the memory, "when I'd gotten as far as I could go without finishin'. I'd done all the seducin' I needed to do, and I did the whole 'You weren't exactly supposed to see that' thing that I did when my suitcase broke 'accidentally' and money went flyin'. She totally bought into my investment deal story. I remember I had a hundred-forty grand, and told her I needed three hundred. That's how it works, see? You start out with less than half of the money you say you need, so the guy fundin' the con gets somethin' out of it, too, 'cause you split the money with your partner when you're done. Anyway, she told me she could get the money from her husband, the three of us met, he was a little suspicious, so I let him keep the money for the night. Make it look like I was for real, you know? Make it look like I really was desperate, and that I'd risk losin' my money to earn their trust. Husbands always buy that trick. Thing is, my partner didn't know that, being a behind-the-scenes man. When I told him the target couple had his money, he threatened to kill me if I didn't pay him back the next day. I wasn't worried. The next day, I went over, the husband put his hundred-sixty grand in another suitcase, I grabbed both, and I was about to walk out the door…when this kid walks in. A little boy, 'bout the same age as I was when my folks died. He asked his mama if she'd read him a story. And I looked at that kid, and I saw myself, and I said, 'Deal's off.' They didn't understand, and I couldn't tell them I was a con man, you know? So I dropped their money and said I was walkin' away, but the husband got in front of me so I couldn't get out the door. He kept sayin' I couldn't walk away. He thought I was for real, you know? I couldn't get past him, so I did the only thing I could do: I dropped the other suitcase full of money. That stunned him long enough for me to be able to get out the door. So I left."

"You left your partner's money with them?" Kate asked, understanding the risks of what he did.

"Yeah, I did," James said.

"Did your partner ever find you?" Kate asked.

James smiled.

"He didn't need to," James said. "See, I knew he'd find me eventually, and I didn't really feel like hidin', so I actually went straight to him and told him to his face that his money was gone, and he wasn't gettin' it back, 'cause he hadn't told me 'bout the kid." James paused. Kate just looked at him, afraid of what he'd say next.

"Wound up in the hospital," James finished after a minute. "Had to pull another long con six months later to pay my medical bills."

Kate looked at him, filled with empathy.

"But I don't regret my choice, and I never did," James said, "'cause I wasn't gonna hurt that little boy, and there wasn't nothin' that could've made me."

"James…" she said softly, all of her sympathy made plain by that one word. She took a step toward him, closing the gap, and cupped his cheek in her hand.

James tried hard not to think about how her touch made him feel. Happy, excited, peaceful, aroused, and just plain grateful, all at once.

They just stood like that for a minute, looking into each other's eyes, empathy in hers, sorrow in his. Eventually, he sighed, breaking the stillness.

"Anyway," he mumbled.

"Yeah," Kate said, taking her hand back.

James tried not to wish too hard that she hadn't stopped touching him. He took a step away from her and turned around so that his back was to her. Then he turned back so he was facing her again.

"Anyway…Cassidy…" he paused, not quite sure how to go on. "Well…I did my seduction thing. I asked her the question I always asked them right after I finished screwin' them when I thought it was time to get down to actual business…"

"What question?" Kate asked, curious.

"'What do you want…right now?'" James answered.

Kate smiled. Yeah, she could just imagine him saying that to a woman lying in bed with him after they had sex, and how it would be the final nail in her coffin. It was terrible, but…

"Cassidy answered well, like they always did," James continued. "I was real good at judgin' when the time was right to start the next phase. Anyway, I told her I was late for a meetin', started gettin' dressed…I remember she didn't really believe I was goin' to a meetin'. Anyway, I grabbed the suitcase, it broke open, money flew everywhere, I said my usual 'oops' line: 'You weren't exactly supposed to see that.' And she looked at me…and then she laughed and said, 'Are you serious?'" Kate tilted her head. James smiled, remembering how caught off-guard he had been. "I was…I don't think I really even understood what she said. I just kinda…my mind just kinda froze, you know? I didn't know what to think. I automatically said, 'Excuse me?', but I felt like I was…"

"Swimming in mind mud?" Kate suggested. She didn't know where she'd heard that phrase, but it worked.

"Yeah, that," James agreed. "So anyway, I said, 'Excuse me?', and she stopped laughin' and said, 'You're not serious.' Long story short, she basically called me out on everythin'. Figured out the money wasn't even real - 'cause it wasn't, not that time, it was just newspaper between two bills in every bundle - and she called me out on bein' a con man, and the song and dance about an investment deal I was gonna do, and…she just didn't buy it, not for one second. So I conceded. What else could I do, you know? I was like, 'You got me. Good for you. No harm, no foul.' I was about to walk out the door, when she said, 'Show me what you do.'"

Kate laughed. "Was she trying to fry your brain?" she asked teasingly.

"Hell, sure seemed like it," James said. "The woman was…I don't know. Anyway, she asked me to teach her how to con people."

"Oh my god," Kate said, grinning.

"No kiddin'," James agreed. "And that…well, it was a first, I'll tell ya that much. But I figured, you know, maybe I could work with it and still get the money out of her. She denied havin' money, by the way," he added. "She said I shoulda done my homework, and that she didn't get nothin' out of the divorce. That she wasn't even worth my trouble."

"And what did you say to that?" asked Kate, really enjoying herself as she imagined what the look on his face must have been. The great con man, caught in the act.

She wished she'd been there.

"I said, 'Well shame on me,'" James answered.

No kidding. Kate managed not to say her thought out loud, but James read it perfectly well in her eyes.

"So anyway, that's how that went," James continued. "I had an idea, and I went with it. I taught her too much and too little for her own good, and she just fell more and more in love with me as time went on. Took me a whole six months, that job. Longest con I ever pulled." Kate didn't comment, if only because he didn't say it proudly. "Finally, she got tired of learnin' little stuff, said she wanted to do a big one. I told her, in order to pull a long con - I corrected her about what it was called - you need money. That's when she admitted she had money. Told me 'bout the six hundred grand she'd gotten from the divorce. I didn't jump on it, of course. I told her we could retire with that kind of money. Go to some tropical place and sit on a beach and drink. But no, she begged me to show her one long con, just like I knew she would. Just one, she begged. I told her I'd think about it. She…" He didn't really want to tell Kate how Cassidy had "convinced" him to do it.

"I think I know," Kate said, reading his mind.

"Thank you," James said, not doubting her. After all, the woman had seen through him since day one, even though no one else had. "So, anyway, yeah, I told her I'd do one with her, told her to get the money together - cash, all of it. Then I called Gordy and told him to meet me, said I had her."

"What did he do if he didn't give you money?" Kate asked.

"Well, he picked her out, and he gave me the few bills I did need," James answered. "Pickin' out a target was somethin' I never liked to do myself, obviously, so…it worked out. Anyway, I met him in a diner, and he asked me if I really had her. And that's when I realized…I didn't want it to end."

All the mirth left both of them. His voice softened, going from reminiscent to sad, as he told Kate the end.

"I told him…I couldn't do it. He…well, obviously he didn't just accept that. He tried to convince me by sayin' a lot of different things. He threatened me, told me he'd found her for me and I owed him, told me a tiger don't change his stripes and that I was a con man through and through, and…well, he said a lot of things. Most of it didn't affect me at all. But there was one thing he said that got through to me." He sighed. Kate let him take his time.

"He told me…that once she knew what I'd been doin'...she'd hate my guts," James said.

"And you believed him?" Kate asked.

"Not…not right away," James said, sorrow filling him as he remembered. "But I…I got scared. I had to be sure. So, I went to her, told her I'd been connin' her all along, and, well…" He sighed. "She slapped me, called me a son of a bitch, and told me to go to hell right then."

"And I don't blame her," Kate said.

"Me neither," James said. "But…I saw hatred, Kate. I looked in her eyes and saw, for just a minute, pure loathin' and disgust." He sighed again. Kate didn't say anything; the fact that he was upset enough to call her by her name was saying a lot.

"I managed to convince her to trust me again. Told her my partner was gonna kill us both 'cause I wasn't gonna take her money. I did a little slight-of-hand, handed her a duffel bag full of paper, told her to run and wait for me at a hotel. Right before she left, I told her I loved her." He took a deep breath. "That was about the closest I ever came to sayin' those words and meanin' 'em…before you. It was…I thought it was the closest I ever would come."

"But you still took her money and drove away," Kate said, trying to remember that he had hurt a friend of hers, no matter how close he had come to not doing it.

He nodded.

After a moment, he sighed again.

"Freckles, I…to be fair, I might as well tell you what happened with you," he said.

"What do you mean, 'what happened with me'?" she asked.

"I didn't…I didn't realize, when I first met you, what you…how I felt…how I would feel about you," James struggled to put it into words. "From the moment I saw you, I knew you were…somethin' special. I didn't really get it. I was tryin' so hard to get everyone to hate me, 'cause I felt like it was what I deserved…and I knew that, if I could just get you to hate me, I'd be in hell. I didn't know why. I didn't understand." Another sigh.

"I realized what was happenin' when we went after Mike. You know, after he stole a gun and ran off to find his kid? The Doc-" She flinched.

"You were told not to come with us," James rephrased it after a moment. "But you did anyway. You waited, then followed us, without no gun, without no knife…you just wanted to be part of it, 'cause you didn't like bein' told what you could and couldn't do. And you got caught."

"Yeah, I remember," she said.

"We walked across the Island for hours, 'til it was dark," James continued. "Then we met that one guy, Tom. We were surrounded by the Others, and they were all holdin' torches to prove it. Then you came out with a bag over your head and a gag in your mouth. And when he pulled the bag off, and I saw it was you, and he held that gun to your throat…" James shook his head gravely, not breaking eye contact with her. "I went crazy," he said. "All of a sudden, I just wanted to run at that bastard and rip his head off for darin' to hold you like that, for havin' the nerve to threaten to hurt you. I didn't care that I'd get shot by the other Others that were surroundin' us. I didn't care 'bout nothin' except defendin' you. The only thing that kept me held back was the fact that all he had to do was put a little too much pressure on that trigger, and you were dead." As he spoke, rage grew in his body and filled his voice.

"James…"

He took a breath and calmed himself down, helped by the sound of her voice saying his name.

"After that happened…I didn't understand it," he said. "I thought about it for hours, trying to understand why I reacted to you bein' in danger the way I had. Finally, I was left with only one explanation." He paused, and she looked in his eyes, her own eyes wide, as she anticipated what he was about to say.

"I was fallin' for you." The words filled her, drowning her in emotion. It was…it was what she'd always wanted to hear from him. Not the abstract, over-the-top professions of love he'd made before, but an actual, specific time when he had loved her.

He made a gesture with his head and said, "Then I got scared."

She blinked.

"I remembered what'd happened with Cass," he continued. "And I was afraid of the same thing happenin' with you. You…" He broke off, shaking his head. "I didn't think I'd be able to live with your hatred, if it came. It would've killed me. So I had to…make it happen, sooner rather than later."

"The guns," she gasped, her eyes widening as it dawned on her.

"Yeah, the gun con," James said. "I put everythin' I had into hurtin' you with that one. I used you, manipulated you…played you, just like you said. Yeah, it was to get back on top of everybody's Most Hated Person on the Beach List, but more than that, I had to see…if you could hate me."

"You tested me," she said, her tone unreadable.

"And I didn't think there was any way in hell you could pass," he told her. "But somehow…you did. You…you didn't hate me, even after all that. Not even for a second. I didn't know how, or why, but I realized…I didn't have to be afraid of you."

Afraid of her. Of course. That was why he had done it.

"I don't know how I did it either," Kate said. "I wanted to. I knew I should have. But…I could only feel sorry for you. Because I knew you were just trying to punish yourself for your past in your weird, twisted way, and…" Then it occurred to her. "You felt guilty about what you'd done. You felt so guilty that you worked hard to punish yourself by whatever means necessary. You felt bad…and I didn't feel anything for what I'd done. You…you were a better person than me, and you didn't deserve to suffer, just because you thought that you did."

"I ain't a better person than you, Freckles," James told her. "There ain't nobody who's a better person than you. And don't argue with that, 'cause it's true, and there ain't nothin' you can say to convince me otherwise."

Kate closed her eyes, hating herself for wanting with all her might to believe his words. You know he's wrong, her conscience told her. You're not a good person. You never will be. You have no right to hope that you're anything other than what you are.

James tried to contain his frustration as he saw her internal struggle. What could he do to convince her?

"Anyway," he said at last, "that's when I 'let myself' fall in love with you. Hell, I was already in love with you, but that was when I was willin' to accept it."

She looked at him, unable to speak from the joy the words brought her. He loved her.

"Your turn," he said after another minute.

"My turn?" she asked, not remembering.

"Tell me about when Cass helped you see your mama," James said.

"Oh! Right," Kate said. "Yeah. Well, after I helped her out of the hole she was digging for herself, we…well, we went to a restaurant together and talked over coffee, just to get to know each other a little. She was sharp. She knew right away why I'd helped her."

"How did you help her?" James asked.

"Oh, I said that my dad owned a jewelry store and bought one of the necklaces she had," Kate answered. "She gave me my money back, but she…well, we decided to talk."

"Thank you," James said.

She understood what he meant. Thank you for helping her out of a part of the mess he had left her in. Thank you for looking out for her when she needed a friend. Thank you for helping clean up one of the messes he regretted the most.

"She knew when I lied about my name," Kate went on. "She just…she was sharp. I can see how she would've been able to see through you. I mean, I'm a pretty good liar, too." James smiled. "Anyway, I admitted that I was a fugitive, and I told her I needed to see my mom, and she offered to help me find out how easy it would be to get to her." Kate gestured with her head. "It wasn't easy, as it turned out. The court marshal…he took my escape personally. He had a vendetta against me. He was guarding my mom personally. Thankfully, Cassidy was the one who found that out, not me."

"How'd she do that?" asked James.

"She wore my clothes, my baseball cap, and a wig that looked like my hair, and knocked on my mom's door," Kate answered. "The marshal tackled her without taking a good look at her."

"Hold on, now," James started, but Kate cut him off.

"She was fine," she told him. "She didn't get in trouble…though she was questioned by the police at the station for a couple of hours. But she was OK." James clenched his jaw, but let her continue.

"So, we came up with another plan, after I told her why I needed to talk to my mom," Kate went on. "It was because I needed to ask her why she'd betrayed me," she added, anticipating James's question. "Anyway, I got to see my mom alone, and I asked her why."

"And what was her excuse?" asked James, an unmistakable edge in his voice.

"She said it was because I killed Wayne, and she loved him," Kate answered. "I asked her why she loved him, and she just said, 'You can't help who you love, Katherine; and for better or worse, I loved Wayne.'"

"Katherine?" James repeated.

Kate laughed. "Yeah, that's my full name."

"Huh," he said. "I'll be damned." Then he shook his head. "What a bitch."

"Hey!" Kate exclaimed.

"Well, she was!" James snarled. "You're her daughter! She's supposed to love you!" He just stood there for a minute, seething.

"I wanna talk to her myself," he said after a minute.

"James, she's sick!" Kate said. "She's dying! I'm not gonna let you have at her-"

"Okay, fine!" James snapped. "Whatever!" He ground his teeth. "Did she say anything else?" he asked, his fists clenched, his eyes so angry that they were scary.

"Yeah," Kate said, somewhat nervous in the face of his fury. "She said she'd let me go that one time, but she swore to god that, if she ever saw me again, the first thing she was going to do was scream for help."

"Bitch!" he spat, meaning her mom.

Kate closed her eyes sadly, remembering how things had ended up. "She kept her promise," she said quietly.

James was so furious he couldn't speak. He breathed deeply through his nose, his muscles tense and ready to attack…something. Someone.

After a few moments, he realized that Kate was in pain. Not just because her mother had kept that promise…but because of the story of the time when it happened.

"What happened?" he asked her, trying to be gentle.

Kate shook her head slightly, clearly on the verge of tears. "Someone I cared about got killed," she answered.

"Tell me," he said gently, stepping closer to her, the fury gone for now, tamed and replaced by concern for her.

Kate hesitated, trying to contain herself. James let her take her time.

"My mom…has cancer," she began after a minute. "She…got the news…years before we crashed on the Island. When I found out, I…I went home…to see her."

"Why did you wanna see her?" James asked, not too harshly.

"I needed to," Kate answered. "I…wanted to tell her…that I was sorry for everything I'd put her through…and I needed to do it before she died."

"Everything you put her through?" James repeated, anger creeping back into his voice.

Kate didn't respond to that.

"I had a…a friend," she continued. "His name…was Tom. And…he was a doctor…at the hospital where my mom was being treated."

"A doctor," James repeated. He wasn't going to say it - she was in enough pain at the moment as it was - but…

"Yeah," she said. "Like Jack."

James didn't know what to say.

She sighed and cleared her throat. "I went to see him…I figured he could help me," she went on. "He…he was happy to see me. We grew up together." She smiled sadly. "We were…childhood sweethearts."

"Oh, Freckles," James said softly. What else could he say?

"He said he could make it so that I could see her right before she went into surgery," Kate continued, speaking more quickly now. "We had a few hours before that happened, so we…" She shifted. "We went and dug up a time machine we'd buried when we were little. His wife and kid were out of town, so-"

"Wife?" James asked.

Kate nodded. "After I…killed Wayne…and ran…he…he met someone else. So, when I saw him…he was married, and…he had a son…who was two years old."

James was silent, wishing he was the more consoling type. Wishing he knew what to say to make her feel better.

"So anyway, we dug up our old time machine and listened to a tape we'd recorded of us back then," Kate continued quickly. "We heard what we'd said back then - he said on the tape that he knew we'd still be together when we grew up because twenty years after we buried it we'd be married and have nine kids." She smiled, remembering how she'd responded.

James raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"And then…for a minute…all the years in between just sort of…went away," she spoke more slowly now. "For a second, I wasn't a fugitive, and he wasn't married, and it was just us…and…what we'd had…came back. Our love…came back."

"Did you…you know…" He gestured with his hand. She understood.

"No," she said, "no, we just kissed."

Just. He didn't say it out loud.

"And then we went to the hospital, so I could see my mom," Kate went on. "I did see her, and I got to say what I needed to. But…"

"She called for help," James finished. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah," Kate said. "I mean, she tried. Her voice was so hoarse from her medication and…whatever else. At first, all she could do was whisper it. But she kept trying, and each time she said it her voice got stronger…until finally, she was screaming…but…" Kate shook her head. Goosebumps rose on her arms as she remembered. "It wasn't a human sound. It sounded like…it sounded like a chorus of the damned…like a scream from someone trapped in hell. I…that sound still haunts me." She suppressed a shudder.

James didn't say that he hoped that her mom had been in as much pain as she would have been in hell, too.

"I ran," Kate continued, "but not quite fast enough. There were always cops keeping an eye on her, in case I tried to see her. The one at the hospital recognized me, so I had to hit him and really run. I didn't have a car, so I got in Tom's, and…he got in with me."

James was still silent, this time with sympathy. He could guess what had happened.

"Tom tried to stop me," Kate said, a tear finally leaking out of her eye as she remembered. "He tried to tell me to just get out of the car and talk my way out of it, but…"

"But runnin' is what you do," James finished. He had figured that out about her long ago.

"I tried to tell him to get out," Kate said, starting to cry. "I waited…I didn't want him to…" She broke off and tried to get ahold of herself. After a minute, she was able to speak.

"I waited too long," she said, her voice as flat as she could make it as she tried to detach herself. "There was another cop outside, aiming a gun at us…I waited until I heard the shot." She took another breath. "I floored the gas pedal, got out as fast as I could. I didn't get far. Out on the street, I got maybe a couple hundred yards before I crashed into oncoming traffic. The car spun off the road and flipped a couple times before landing in a sort of alley that was beside the road, about eight feet below. We…I landed right side up, but the car was finished." She balled her fists as she tried to finish, but she couldn't hold back her tears. "I looked over…" Her voice cracked. "…And Tom was dead!" She looked up at James, tears finally streaming from her eyes. "He died and it was my fault!"

"Wasn't your fault, Freckles," James tried to reassure her.

"Yes it was!" she exclaimed through her tears. "The bullet - he was dead before we crashed! That bullet had been meant for me, not him!"

"You tried to tell him to get out," James said. "He wouldn't listen."

"Don't you dare tell me it was his fault!" Kate shouted, lashing out again.

"That cop shot him, not you," James replied, raising his voice. "You just wanted him to get out of your mess. You didn't want him to throw his family and his life away for you, and he didn't want you to run no more. Freckles, he stayed 'cause he cared." James stepped back toward her. "He did exactly what I'd've done. He couldn't leave you. I ain't sayin' it was his fault, but I am sayin' it wasn't yours."

Kate closed her eyes. "I had to leave him there," she said. "I had to get out and run away on foot, 'cause I could hear the sirens."

"Ain't nothin' you could've done, Freckles," James said softly. "He was already gone."

Yeah, she knew that, but it didn't help.

After a pause, in which Kate's pain was almost tangible, James said, "That toy airplane that was in the marshal's case that you wanted so bad…it was Tom's, wasn't it?"

"Yes," she whispered. "It…he put it in our time machine. It was in back when…" She broke off.

"When you crashed," James finished.

"Yeah," Kate said. "I…I wanted to take it but…I left it behind and ran…"

"That how the marshal got it?" James asked.

Kate smiled a humorless smile. "No," she said, "but that's how he knew about it. I mean, he had it, but I stole it from him."

"How'd you manage that?" James asked, curious.

"Armed robbery…of a safety deposit box in a bank," Kate answered. "Figuring out where the marshal had it, getting the key, getting the box number…" She laughed, still humorless. "That was a real pain," she said. "…But it was worth it."

"Armed robbery?" James repeated. Seriously? Kate?

"Yeah," Kate smiled again, still without humor. "That part was easy. I just seduced some idiot and then asked him to help me rob the bank, so he got two of his friends and we did it."

"Seduced?" James repeated even more incredulously. "You tellin' me you're a casanova con woman?"

Kate laughed, and this time it was with humor. "I was," she answered.

"Didn't know there was such a thing," James said, shaking his head. She never ceased to amaze him.

"We got the bank director to take us to where the money was, 'cause that's what they were after," Kate continued. "I told them, 'No one gets hurt', but I didn't really expect them to go along with it…and they didn't. The idiot I used was about to shoot the bank director…so I shot him and his friends." She smiled. "He never even knew my name."

"You killed him?" James asked. That sounded surprisingly violent for Kate.

"I shot him in the leg," Kate clarified. "I killed his friends, because they were just greedy bastards, but I let the one guy live 'cause I kinda felt bad. But he thought my name was Maggie. I told him that that wasn't my name before I asked the bank director to take me to the safety deposit box. Then I took the plane and I left."

"All that, and you didn't take any money?" James was completely surprised by this entire story.

"Nope," Kate answered. "I didn't want the money. I just…" She broke off as tears welled in her eyes again. "I just wanted…something to remember him by. His thing." She smiled as she remembered. "He thought it was so cool."

"Well you're just full of surprises, ain't you?" James commented. Seriously? Armed robbery? Con woman? Kate?

"Yeah," Kate said for lack of a better response; she was still sort of lost in the memory.

Then something occurred to her.

"How did you know that plane was Tom's?" she asked.

James smiled his evil smile.

"I'd seen you, you know," he said. "I'd seen the look on your face as you played with it. I knew it meant somethin' to you."

Kate smiled as she remembered her similar words when she'd told him she knew he was a human being because of his letter.

"You said you'd been married, right?" James added. "Was that Tom, or-?"

"It was another con," she said abruptly, the pain of the fact that it hadn't been Tom making her somewhat harsh. "He…he didn't know my name either. He thought it was Monica. He was a cop. His name was Kevin. And…he kind of looked like Tom."

James furrowed his brow. "Did you love him? Was he just a stand-in for Tom, or were you tryin' to…do somethin' else?"

"I don't know," Kate sighed. "I guess…I guess after Tom died, I…I just wanted to know what it was like." She didn't tell him about how she'd had regular conversations with the court marshal after Tom had died. He didn't need to know that. She also didn't tell him about the necklace. "Eventually…I had to run again, so…I told him the truth while I waited for the drugs I'd slipped him to kick in…and then I ran. Again."

"You drugged him?" James asked, surprised yet again.

"I…I didn't want there to be any doubt that he hadn't known who I was," Kate explained. "I mean…I cared about him, and…I didn't want him to get in trouble."

James had no response.

There was silence again. It was getting dark, but there were lights on nearby, and they weren't finished, somehow. After a while, Kate remembered how the whole conversation had started.

"How did you know about Clementine?" she asked James.

"Huh?" James had all but forgotten about Cassidy and his daughter.

"You told me to take care of Clementine," Kate said. "You even knew where they lived. How did you know? Cassidy told me that she was pregnant, but…"

"She pressed charges," James answered. "I went to jail. While I was in, she came and told me."

"She did?" Kate asked, surprised.

"Why does that surprise you?" James asked. "You knew her, right?"

"Yeah, and when I knew her she told me she couldn't press charges against you," Kate said. "She told me that because I asked her for your name so I could hunt you down and make you pay, but she wouldn't tell me because she still loved you."

James broke into hysterical laughter. He couldn't help it. There were just so many things wrong with what Kate had said.

Kate looked at him, confused. "Are you okay?" she asked slowly. Laughter wasn't a normal response for James. Not to anything.

At least, it hadn't been.

"I'm sorry," he said as he tried to get ahold of himself. "I'm sorry. It's just-" He broke into laughter again.

After a moment, he took a breath and steadied himself.

"It's just…there are three things wrong with what you just said," he finally managed.

Kate looked at him, her face a question mark.

"First of all, she did press charges," James explained. "Second of all, I thought I'd gotten her to hate me by connin' her. And, last but not even close to least…" He paused as laughter threatened to overwhelm him again.

"What?" Kate asked.

"I…you…" He shook his head, then laughed as he said, "Do you have any idea how ironic it is that you almost ended up using your time and energy to hunt a con man named Sawyer?"

"Oh…" she said. Then, "Oh!" as she understood. She laughed too. "I almost turned into you!" she exclaimed, laughing.

"Yup," James replied, and for a minute, they just stood there, laughing.

Eventually, Kate got ahold of herself enough to say, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" James asked, still chuckling.

"I…uh…" Her smile turned into an embarrassed and sheepish one. "I think…the fact that she pressed charges may have been my fault. I mean, I told her to…"

"Don't worry 'bout it, Freckles," James reassured her. "I didn't stay in long."

"No?"

"Nope." His evil smile returned. "Freckles, I was one of the best con men there ever was. I conned my way into jail…and I conned my way out."

"You conned your way out of jail?" Kate asked, laughing with disbelief.

"Yes I did," James told her, a bit of the cockiness that was James Ford finally making its way into his voice and body language.

"How'd you manage that?" Kate asked, still smiling.

"I, uh…" He made a vague hand gesture. "Well…there was this guy doin' time with me…sort of. He'd stolen ten million dollars from the government. They knew he'd done it, but they didn't know where he was keepin' the money. So…" He smiled. "They…offered me a deal: I use my, ah, skills, to find out where the money was, and in return, I get out early…and get to decide what happened to the money."

"They gave you freedom and ten million dollars?" Kate asked. Wow. He really had been a great con man if he'd managed to get them to do that.

"Well, yeah," James said. "I mean, the money was sort of…I don't know…dead to the world, or somethin'? It didn't really belong anywhere no more, so…I got to decide what happened to it."

"How is it you were still a con man when I met you?" she asked. "Wasn't that money enough to retire with?"

"Well, yeah, it would've been, but there were just two little problems with that idea," James said. "First of all, I still had to find Sawyer, and second of all…well, my old rule was, 'Kids don't get hurt'."

"Kids?" Kate asked, not understanding.

"Yeah," James said, "kids. Like my daughter."

"Oh," Kate said, not knowing what else to say.

"I had the money put in a bank account in a bank in the town where Cass said she was livin'," he told Kate. "I don't know what bank. I told 'em it didn't matter. I had it put under the name 'Clementine Phillips'. I also added a request that there'd be no way she could ever find out where the money came from."

"Why?" Kate asked. "I mean, why didn't you want her to know?"

"'Cause I didn't want Cass to know that I actually cared," he answered. "When she came and told me…well, I was a jackass about it. Told her I didn't have no daughter. Did my best to make her believe that I didn't give a damn."

"But why?" Kate pressed. "She would have wanted to know-"

"Exactly!" James interjected. "She wanted to believe that maybe I wasn't all bad! I didn't want her thinkin' that, 'cause she needed to move on with her life, and I didn't want her to love me no more!"

Kate didn't respond to that, but she understood. She had learned the way James's mind worked long ago, and understood his logic.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" she asked instead. "Cassidy wasn't impressed when I gave her my own money. If I'd known, I'd've been able to tell her that you'd left her something, and it would've been your money."

"Yeah, but then she would've started thinkin' that maybe I wasn't the bastard she believed I was," James said. "And if she started thinkin' that, maybe she'd've started thinkin' that maybe I hadn't jumped 'cause I was scared of…you know…us. And the only reason I told you 'bout her was 'cause…well, you know why."

"Yeah." Again, James Ford logic. She got it.

He sighed. "You know, I'm kinda glad that she hadn't been able to make me feel secure about me and her," he said thoughtfully. "I mean, if she had, I wouldn't've been huntin' Sawyer no more…well, I wouldn't've been in quite the position to get conned into killin' an innocent man in Australia," he corrected himself. "And if that wouldn't've happened, I never would've been on that plane, and I'd've never crashed with y'all on that Island, and then…well, I never would've met you."

His last words filled her with emotion, but something he'd said nagged her.

"You were conned into killing someone?" she asked.

"Oh," James said sheepishly; he hadn't exactly meant to tell her about that. "Yeah. A…an ex-partner of mine from a con that…" He paused. "Well, let's just say it didn't go so well, and it was his fault. Anyway, he came to me, said he wanted to make up for the…ah…mess. Told me he'd found the man who killed my mama and daddy. Told me he was livin' in Australia, workin' a food stand. He gave me a picture, and it kinda looked like the man I was lookin' for…Guess my memory wasn't so good after twenty-seven years. Anyhow, I went down to kill the guy, and…I shot him with a hollow-point…but I did it so that he'd live long enough to hear me read my letter to him." James sighed with remorse. "I didn't get past 'Dear Mr. Sawyer' before he said, 'Who?' Turns out, he was just a guy who'd taken too long to repay my ex-partner for somethin' or other. I don't know exactly what, and I don't care." He sighed again. "Couple weeks ago, I found my ex-partner and gave him an earful for trickin' me. Thing is, he didn't know 'bout my letter. He thought I'd just kill the guy. Then I'd think I'd killed the man I'd been huntin', and the guy'd've been whacked for not payin' him back, and we'd all be happy." James shook his head and laughed a humorless laugh. "Little did he know I'd bought a one-way ticket."

"Why does that-" She stopped as understanding flooded through her. "You were going to kill yourself?" she asked faintly.

"Freckles, after all I'd done, huntin' Sawyer had gone from bein' my reason for livin' to bein' my excuse for livin'. I was a bad man, and you know I hated myself for what I'd done. I felt like…like I didn't have the right to live. Like the world was better off without me. And…I didn't want to live with myself no more. I only put up with myself 'cause I had to find and kill Sawyer."

"James…" Soft. Sad. Pitying.

…Understanding.

There was silence again.

"You still gonna try and find him?" Kate asked after a minute.

James smiled as the rest of the irony came back to him. "Nope," he answered.

"No?"

"Don't need to," he said, turning back toward her. "The Island did that for me."

"You found him on the Island?" she asked, shocked.

James smiled again. "Yeah. Don't know how he got there. He thought he was in hell. Apparently, he'd been in a car crash, then woke up on the Island somehow."

"Did you kill him?" she asked.

James's face fell as he remembered. "Yeah," he said, "I did." What was that in his voice? Regret? Remorse? Sadness? Something unhappy, that was for sure.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He looked at her and told the story.

"We were in the Black Rock," he told her. "I didn't have no knife, and the gun I had wasn't loaded, but there were chains where we were. We were locked up in a room in there together, and we eventually started talkin'. Somehow, I don't even remember how, we…I had a feelin' that maybe…maybe it was him. He'd mentioned bein' a con man, and I…" He shook his head. "Somehow, I just knew. I asked him what his name was. He started listin' names, and one of them was Tom Sawyer." Kate's eyes widened. "I asked him if he'd ever been to my hometown. Told him my mama's name, where we'd lived…and he remembered it. So I gave him my letter." James paused, pain and anger welling inside him at the memory. "He started readin' it out loud. He got to…well, he got to the same point you got to when you wanted to stop. You know, just after the part where it said how my mama and daddy died? Then he looked up at me, looked me in the eye…and he smiled."

Kate gasped.

James was getting lost in the memory. "He said, 'Oh, is this supposed to be you? You wrote this?' And then…he laughed. Told me my mama had begged him to take her money and drive her off into the sunset. Said that if my daddy overreacted, that wasn't his fault." James's face was hard with anger, but his voice became filled with the disbelief and confusion he had felt at the time. "I didn't get it. How could he laugh? What kind of man laughs at that? Readin' it to myself, pretenin' it was written to me, so I never got comfortable with what I'd become…It was like a knife in my heart. How could the son of a bitch not care? What was he?"

Kate didn't know what to say. She didn't understand either.

"I didn't know what to do," James went on, disbelief still prevalent in his voice. "I…my brain just…stopped workin'. I'd counted on that letter makin' him feel guilty. I'd wanted it to hurt, but…he just laughed. So I…I told him to finish it. I didn't know what else to do. He wouldn't, at first. At first he told me there was no point. But I insisted, until finally, he said, 'Okay.'" Rage filled him as he finished. "Then…the bastard looked me in the eye…smiled…and without even lookin' back down…he ripped it up."

Kate's jaw dropped, and she shared in James's fury.

"He just ripped it up into little pieces and threw 'em aside." James's voice was becoming a snarl as he talked now. "And then, as if that weren't enough, he just kept lookin' me in the eye…and he started laughin' again." James's teeth clenched. "So I snapped. I grabbed some chains nearby, wrapped 'em around his throat…and I strangled the son of a bitch." His expression changed as he gestured with his head and finished, "Then I went outside and threw up."

"Why did you throw up?" Kate asked, the anger she shared with him showing in her face and voice. "The son of a bitch deserved it!"

"You ever strangle a man, Freckles?" James asked her, his own face and voice becoming grave as he looked her in the eye. "You ever hold a man as he struggled against you, fightin' for his life, for several minutes, as you felt him slowly and painfully die in your hands, knowin' every moment that you could stop, that you were choosin' to slowly choke the life out of him? You have any idea what that's like?"

"No," Kate whispered, beginning to see the horror of what James had done.

"Well, you're lucky," James told her.

Kate closed her eyes.

"When was this?" she finally asked. "When did this happen?"

"Right before ol' Johnny Locke gave me that tape," James answered.

"That's why you were acting so strangely!" she realized out loud.

"Yeah," James said. "It was 'cause…for the longest time, killin' Sawyer had been my reason, my excuse, for livin'. I'd always planned on killin' myself after it was done. It'd been…everythin' that mattered…for so long. It'd been…my only reason to go on. And then it was gone. It was gone, and…" He shook his head. "I felt…empty, you know? That'd been my life for so long, and without it, I…I felt…I don't know…stunned. Shell-shocked. Sort of…like I was…" He smiled at her. "Like I was sleepwalkin'." She smiled too, remembering her own words. "And the weirdest thing was…I didn't wanna die no more. I wanted to live. I had…somethin' else to live for…somethin' that I actually wanted to live for…and I wasn't used to it."

"Something…" Kate repeated, her voice implying so much more.

"Yeah," James said, understanding. "You."

Another tear leaked out of Kate's eye. It was dark, so James could hardly see it, but he knew.

He took a step toward her as he made his final point.

"You know what Johnny Locke had to do with the son of a bitch?" he asked her.

She looked up at him.

"Mr. Sawyer…was Johnny Locke's daddy," he said.

She gasped. "What?" she exclaimed.

"That's right, Freckles," James said. "The great Johnny Locke, the Chosen One of the Island, was the son of a monster." He took another step closer to her, so that they were just inches apart, and looked her in the eye as he added, "A monster…at least as bad as your daddy, if not worse."

"Definitely worse," Kate breathed.

"So tell me again," James said, an edge creeping into his voice. "In what way ain't you perfect?"

Kate just looked back at him, unable to speak. Maybe…Just maybe…

NO! her conscience yelled at her. It doesn't matter! You're flawed! You will always be flawed! Don't you dare fall for this! You know what you are!

But maybe…

She couldn't banish her doubt anymore. James had gotten through to her, and even though it was dark and he could barely see her, he could sense it.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me," he told her quietly. "I'd've never become the man I am today…the man I always could've been…if I hadn't met you…if I hadn't loved you…if you hadn't loved me. You saved me. I'd still be less than nothin' if it wasn't for you. Freckles, I owe you my life. I owe you my soul." He sighed. "And I love you. I'll love you forever. 'Cause you're the most amazing person I've ever known, and you're the only one who gets me. You're the only one who ever could've made me see the light."

Kate closed her eyes. Then she opened them and looked back at him. Half of his face was in shadow, but the light from her house illuminated the other side, so she could look him in the eye. Into those blue eyes that could glint with mischief or lust, burn with anger or passion, occasionally twinkle with amusement, and that, at that moment, glowed with sincerity.

"Maybe…" she heard herself say softly. "Maybe we could-"

"No," he said abruptly, taking a step away from her. He didn't want to. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to taste her again, feel her body against his again, hold her close and let all the pain be driven away by everything she was, again.

But he couldn't.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not understanding.

He sighed with so much regret and wistfulness that she almost thought he'd start crying.

"Because, Kate," he said sorrowfully, "it wouldn't be right. Juliet and the Doc…they gave their lives for us. I mean, not us us, but…Juliet died for me, and Jack died for you, and they did it 'cause they loved us. And…well, if there can be a magic island that can move through space and time, cure the incurable, and have a magical light and a damn black smoke monster…well, who's to say there's no afterlife? Who's to say…that we won't see 'em again?" He shook his head. "They're waitin' for us, Freckles. We owe 'em our lives. We can't just…move on. It wouldn't be fair to them, after what they did for us." He looked her in the eye, and she saw the sadness in his face. "I'm sorry, Freckles. I want to. I…I've missed you so much." His voice shook, tears welled in his eyes, and his lower lip quivered like it always did when he was on the edge of tears. "But I can't," he whispered painfully. "We can't. It…" He shook his head again, trying to hold back the tears. "We just can't," he said finally.

There was nothing more to say. They just stood there in the half-light, pain and sorrow filling them both to the point where neither of them could hardly stand it.

The grief in the air was almost tangible as the longest pause in their conversation passed. Finally, however, James sniffed and got ahold of himself.

"There is one thing I want to do with you, though," he said. "Somethin' I think we should go do right now."

"What?" she asked, her voice equally steady.

He sighed, but this time, there was anger in that breath.

"I want to talk to your mama," he said.

"James, no," she said. "My mom is dying."

"Which is why we better go do it right now," James replied.

"James…" Kate shook her head. "I don't want you to vent on her. She's in too much pain. She's too sick."

"Much as I'd like to give the bitch a piece of my mind, that ain't why I want us to go talk to her," James said.

"Why, then?" Kate asked.

He paused for effect.

"She lied to you," he said.

What?

"About what?" Kate asked.

"'Bout Wayne," James answered.

"What about him?" Kate didn't understand.

"Your daddy…Sam…he lied to you 'cause he was ashamed," James said, "and I get the feelin' that that's what she did too, when she said she just loved him 'cause she couldn't help it." His face hardened. "I want her to tell you the truth. I want to know why she said the words that doomed our relationship to fail. 'Cause that's it, right? That's why you kept tryin' to walk away from me. You were afraid of endin' up like her. You didn't want to make her mistake and pass up a hero for a bastard. Right?"

Kate had closed her eyes, but she nodded.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," James said bitingly. "I want to know why she had to tell you a lie that damn near ruined both our lives. I want to know what was just so goddamn embarrassing that she put that idea in you head. 'Cause Freckles, I can tell you this: she lied."

"You don't know her," Kate said softly.

"I know how folks think," he said. "I know what words people use when they're tryin' to hide somethin'. I know what kinds of things people say when they want to pretend somethin' ain't true. I know how people word things…when they're tryin' to forget their mistakes."

Of course he did. He had done it himself.

"…Okay," Kate said finally. "I'll drive."

"Let's go," James said, and he followed her to her car.

~o~

Diane Austen was confined to a hospital bed. She'd long outlived her doctors' predictions, but her condition had worsened to the point where she had to be hooked up to machines and needed constant care to survive.

When Kate and James walked in, she was alone; the nurses and doctors were letting her rest. But when the sliding door opened and closed, the sound was enough to wake her up.

She slowly opened her eyes…and saw her daughter's face come into focus.

"Katherine?" she croaked.

Kate smiled sadly. "Hi, mom," she said, coming to her mother's left side and taking her hand.

"Mrs. Austen," James said as he went over to her right side.

"Who're you?" Mrs. Austen asked, her voice weak. "Wait…I know you…You were on the plane with my daughter…You were on T.V…You're…"

"James Ford," he said. "Yeah, that's me." His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You know what else I am?" he asked her, an edge in his voice.

"James!" Kate hissed at him.

He glared at her, then turned his gaze back to her mother. "I'm the man who loves you daughter," he said, his tone still dangerous.

"Oh…" Mrs. Austen wasn't able to think of something to say.

"Yeah, I am," James went on, still letting a hint of malice underly his voice. "But guess what? She and I can never be together. And that's 'cause of you."

"Me…?" she asked faintly.

"James!" Kate hissed again.

He just glared at her again. No way was he going to be nice to the bitch who had ruined her life.

"You're gonna die soon, huh?" he said, turning back on the dying woman between them.

"Yeah…" Her voice was faint, but he knew she fully understood what was being said.

"Then now'd be the perfect time to tell the truth," he said to her.

"The truth…?"

"The truth 'bout Wayne."

Mrs. Austen's eyes couldn't widen far, but her sharp intake of breath was enough to show that she understood.

"Tell Kate the truth," James whispered angrily to her. "Tell her the real reason why you called the cops on her after she killed him. Tell her the real story behind you and him." His smile was twisted and angry. "You'll feel better. Take it from someone who knows."

Mrs. Austen's eyes turned to her daughter.

"Mom?" Kate said gently.

Mrs. Austen sighed.

"It's too late now," she breathed. "You won't understand…"

"Try her," James snapped, though still keeping his voice down.

"Katherine…" Mrs. Austen took another deep, rasping breath. "Your father…"

"I know Wayne was my father, mom," Kate said.

Mrs. Austen took a moment to let her surprise wear off.

"How long've you known?" she finally managed.

"I found out a few days before I killed him," Kate said.

"But you killed him anyway…"

"Mom," Kate said, slightly tightening her grip on her mother's hand, "I killed him because he was my father."

"What…?" Mrs. Austen rasped.

"She didn't want to look at the monster that was part of her day in and day out," James said, his tone still sharp. "She didn't want to be constantly reminded of what she came from."

"Oh, Katherine…" Mrs. Austen sighed.

"You wanna tell her the real story?" James asked angrily. "You wanna tell her the truth, the one that could've saved him?"

Kate's head snapped up to look at him, her eyes wide and questioning.

"Katherine…"

"Mom?" Kate breathed, turning back to her.

"Tell her 'bout how she was born," James pressed Mrs. Austen. "Tell her the truth."

"Mom, what…what's he talking about?" Kate asked quietly, shock starting to build up inside of her.

Mrs. Austen sighed again.

"Katherine…I'm so…sorry," she rasped slowly. "I should've…told you…but I…"

"You were ashamed," James said.

"Yes," she breathed. "Yes I was. I made…a mistake…" Her head shook slightly. "My mistake will always haunt me…"

"Let it out," James told her. "Set it free. That's all it wants."

Mrs. Austen took two more deep, rasping breaths before she began.

"Katherine…" she finally said, "when I met your father…Wayne…I…we…" She sighed again. "We were in love," she went on. "He…he wasn't a drunk then. We were…so happy together…" She sighed yet again, but this time it was a remorseful sigh. "I loved him…and he loved me…He wasn't mean to me then. He was…so kind…so sweet…and I loved him so much…" She took another breath. "We conceived you…and…we were so happy…that we were gonna have a baby…" She trailed off as the pain of her memory started to return.

Kate and James waited patiently, even though both of them wanted to scream for her to continue.

"I was six months pregnant…" she continued. "Wayne took me out…to a bar…We had a few drinks…sat in a booth in the far corner…and then he went out…said he had a surprise for me…" Tears welled in her eyes. "And that's when Sam…came in. He…" She broke off to battle a wave of sorrow. "He saw me…he was just back from the war…and…he came right over to me…and told me that I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. I…I tried to tell him that I had a boyfriend, but…he didn't care. He didn't care…that I was pregnant with another man's child. None of it…mattered to him…" She sighed sadly. "It wasn't long…before I started to get…taken in. He was…a hero…and he wanted me…" She closed her eyes, her voice filled with regret. "I left with him…I forgot 'bout Wayne…Sam took me away…not sure how I missed Wayne…but I didn't look for him. All I saw…was Sam…and…I got in his car…and we drove away…"

Kate's eyes were wide as her mother tried to swallow past the painful lump in her throat.

"We were married...before you were born…so…you were his…" She trailed off painfully. "And we were happy…for years…"

"Until I was five," Kate said softly.

Tears were leaking down her mother's face as she nodded. "We went out…one night…to that same bar…for our anniversary…" She swallowed again. "Sam wanted…to go there…'cause he…said it was…where miracles happened…and I thought that was so sweet…" Her fragile voice cracked. "He went to the bar…while I looked for a table…and that's when…I saw…him…"

She started to cry. Kate's eyes filled with tears, too.

"Wayne was there…in that same booth in the corner…where he'd left me…so long ago…" She took a shuddering breath through her tears. "He was drinkin'…and I saw him…and I remembered…" She swallowed again. "I went to…talk to him…I felt bad…because…I hadn't even said goodbye…" Her voice cracked again. "And he…was so drunk…he didn't even recognize me."

"Mom…" Kate breathed.

Mrs. Austen opened her eyes and turned her head to look at her daughter.

"He was so drunk…he couldn't even understand what I was sayin'…any better than I could understand him…" Her lip trembled as more tears fell from her eyes. "It took us…half an hour…but finally…I managed to learn…what'd happened. He'd come back…and saw I was gone…and asked some people nearby…where I was. They told him…about the soldier…I'd left with…and he…was hurt…so bad…" She braced herself against the wave of pain that washed through her. "He started drinkin'…that night. Said he wanted to…forget how…he'd lost…his girl…to a war hero. He sold…everythin'…his house…his clothes…all his things…He basically lived there…in that bar. The bartender…made sure…he didn't drink himself to death. But he…had nothing left…but the clothes on his back…and the surprise he'd gotten me…that he kept…in his back pocket…" She looked back at Kate, and something inside of her broke. "Katherine…it was…a ring…" Tears streamed down her face. "He was gonna…propose to me…that night…when I left him…Oh, god, I'm sorry!" she wailed.

James was leaning over her now, his left hand on her pillow, his right hand holding hers, because he knew how painful it was to relive your greatest regret.

"Keep goin'," he urged her gently. "You're doin' good, keep goin'."

"It took me…fifteen…minutes…to tell him…that I was…his girl," she sobbed. "That I was…his Diane…the one…who'd left him…but…he didn't think I was real!" She sobbed harder now. "He thought…he was…seein' things…'cause he was…so drunk…and he…thought…since I…wasn't real…that he could…do it…just 'cause…he wanted to say it…!" She broke off and just cried for a minute.

Kate squeezed her mother's hand. "Mom," she said softly, tears welling in her own eyes.

"He got down…on one knee…took out the ring…and said…'Diane Johnson…will you marry me?'" She cried again. "I said…my name…was Diane…Austen…but that…yes…I'd marry him…So I…took off…my wedding ring…and put on…his ring…and then…I helped…him up…and left…with him. I told Sam…I was leavin'…and not…to go back…to the house…'cause Wayne…was gonna…stay with me..." She shook her head and looked back at Kate. "I felt so bad, Katherine," she said sorrowfully. "I'd left the man I'd loved, and who'd loved me, for a war hero I didn't even know…!" She choked off and cried. "And I broke his heart, and he turned into a drunk 'cause of me…!"

Kate and James were both silent, letting her take her time because she needed it.

"Wayne still didn't think it was real when we got home," she went on, her voice growing stronger now as her emotions overwhelmed her medications. "He even thought he was hallucinatin' when he saw you."

"I remember," Kate said, on the verge of tears herself. "I remember when I first saw him. He looked at me and said, 'I guess I thought it was a girl.'" Kate shook her head. "I didn't understand…I didn't even think about it…"

Mrs. Austen nodded. "I took care of him while I went through the divorce. Then we started gettin' ready for the wedding." She shook her head. "Eventually, he got sober enough to realize that it was real, that I was really with him again, that he was really gonna marry me…" She squeezed her eyes shut. "He was happy for a minute. But then…"

"He got mad," James said it for her. "He got mad 'cause you'd left him, then came back like you could just do whatever the hell you wanted. Who did you think you were, that you could do that to him, then come crawlin' back all down in the mouth and tell him you were sorry and that you'd take him back?"

Mrs. Austen smiled through her tears. "Yes," she said. "That's what happened." She looked back at Kate. "That's why he beat me up all the time. He wanted to hurt me, just like I'd hurt him. He wanted to make me pay for destroyin' him like that."

"Mom…" Kate's voice was less than a whisper, and her eyes were filled with tears.

"When you killed him…I felt like I had to do somethin'…'cause I hadn't been able to finish payin' him back." She closed her eyes again, and more tears leaked out. "That's why I called the cops on you, Katie." She shook her head. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, mom," Kate said quietly. "I forgive you…'cause I'd've done the same thing."

"I think…you actually…did him a favor," Mrs. Austen breathed. "He was…so miserable…'Cause in spite of everythin'…he still loved me…and he didn't like hurtin' me…even though he wanted to. That's why he kept drinkin'; so he wouldn't have to be fully aware of what he was doin'."

"I'm so sorry, mom," Kate said, sobbing. "I'm so sorry…"

"You were too ashamed to tell her this all those years ago," James said, "and I understand. I've done things I ain't proud of, too; things I feel like I need to be punished for. Things I have punished myself for." He leaned closer to her. "But you didn't know, when you lied to her, that she was gonna end up in a pretty similar position."

Mrs. Austen's eyes flew open, and she looked at James questioningly.

"When we crashed on the Island…well, there was me…not exactly the nicest guy on the beach…top of everybody's Most Hated List…actin' like a jackass day in, day out…but she knew, somehow, who I really was inside…and she loved me." James shook his head. "Then there was Jack. A doctor, like her childhood sweetheart…a hero, sort of, 'cause he's the one who took charge and got us all to stand together…and he loved her." James leaned closer, so that he was almost nose-to-nose with the dying woman. "Kate loved me, but she didn't want to, 'cause she didn't want to end up like you. She wanted to love Jack. He was so damn perfect, everythin' she'd ever dreamt of and more, and she wanted to prove that you were wrong, that you could help who you loved. So she kept bouncin' between me and him, torn between our love and her fears and desires. And now…now we ain't never gonna be together, 'cause we…well, we can't now. It's over." He gave a humorless laugh. "She was tryin' so hard not to end up like you that she made your exact same mistake."

"I'm sorry…" Mrs. Austen whispered.

There was silence for a moment.

"Where do I know you from?" Mrs. Austen suddenly asked James.

"Huh?"

"I know you from somewhere." She shifted, trying to get a better look at him. "Not the news, somewhere else. I…I've met you before."

"You know, I've been thinkin' the same thing," James said thoughtfully, "but I can't quite place it."

"Hm." She settled back down…and relaxed for the first time in decades. She smiled, half asleep.

"Katherine Ann Ford…" she murmured. "I like that. You be good to her, darlin'…"

"Darlin'…" he repeated to himself.

Suddenly, it hit him.

"You were my waitress!" he exclaimed.

Her eyes flew open.

"That's right," she said softly, closing her eyes again, never to reopen them. "You ordered food…'n' two beers…'n' your friend came in, 'n' you told 'im that, if he wanted a beer, to ask me…'n' he said, 'Well as it just so happens I do want one.'…He ordered chicken salad…'n' said, '…and please, God, no celery, OK, sweetheart?'…'n' I said-"

"'That's how we make 'em here, darlin','" James finished.

"Yeah…" she breathed. "…'N' then you two…looked at each other…like that s'prised y'all…"

"Yeah," James said quietly, remembering.

"'N' by the time I got back…you'd left…"

"Yeah," James said again.

She smiled.

"You reminded me…of Wayne…" Her smile was so peaceful. "I liked you…I'm glad you're gonna be there…for my daughter…" Her voice faded slowly. "Take care of her…I love you, Katherine…"

"I love you, mom," Kate said tearfully.

Mrs. Austen's face relaxed, and she looked like she was falling into a peaceful sleep.

Then the monitors started beeping, and Kate's world stopped.

She didn't hear anything as the doctors and nurses came running in. She didn't resist when James pulled her out of the way. She felt like she was in a dream, and she just watched, not hearing anything, not really seeing anything, as they tried and failed to get her mother's heart beating again. She didn't register it when they declared time of death.

But it was real. Diane Austen was dead.

~o~

Kate didn't know how she got home. All she knew was that, when she came to, she was sitting on her couch next to James, and he was holding her consolingly.

Reality struck, and she started crying.

James held her closer as the tears came. "I'm sorry, baby," he said softly. "I'm sorry…"

She pressed her face against his chest and cried. She cried and cried, harder than she had ever cried before. She cried for her father, that she would never know him for who he had really been. She cried for her mother, with whom she would never be able to speak again, with whom she'd barely reconciled before she was gone. She cried for Jack, and for Tom, and for everyone she had lost because she hadn't known, hadn't known who her father had really been, hadn't been told because her mother was ashamed and he'd been drunk. She cried and cried for what seemed like forever.

All the while, James just held her close, whispering sweet things to make her feel better. She didn't really hear what he was saying. She just held on to him. It was all she could do.

Eventually, her wailing subsided into sobbing…then her sobs became hiccups…and finally, she just shook and breathed, breathed…

"I'm sorry," James said again.

"No," she breathed.

"What?" he asked, confused, pulling back slightly to look her in the eye.

She held him tighter so that he couldn't pull back.

"It's…it's okay…" she managed. "If you hadn't…done that…I would never've known the truth." She smiled through her tears against his shoulder. "You ended the pain from an old wound that we both carried…and thanks to you, she died in peace…"

"Maybe she just couldn't die 'til she told you," James said.

She smiled. But it wasn't a stupid suggestion. After all, they had seen much more unlikely things on a magic island that had been their home.

"How did you…remember that thing…when she was your waitress?" Kate asked.

James sighed and smiled. "'Cause that was when I met Gordy…and told him I couldn't take Cass's money."

"Small world," she said, smiling.

"Yeah," James said softly.

They were both silent, and just held each other as he tried to exchange his strength for her pain. She drew strength and comfort from him, but no matter how much pain he tried to take from her, he could always take more.

"Katherine Ann Ford?" he finally asked.

Kate smiled.

"That's what my full name would be…if we got married," she said.

He wasn't ready for the anguish that shot through him at her words.

"Freckles…we can't…"

She held him tighter.

"Juliet and Jack died so that we could live," she said. "They wanted us to be able to keep on living. They wanted us to have our lives."

Uncertainty lanced through him.

"They'd want us to be happy," Kate said. "They wouldn't want us to…hold back…because of them…"

"Freckles…" he breathed, unable to think of anything else to say.

And finally, she understood what that nickname really meant.

"I love you, too," she said.

He inhaled sharply.

"And…I don't want to hold back anymore."

They both pulled back and looked at each other.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Her. Kate. His angel. His god-sent gift. The one who had come for him when the darkness had all but buried him, who had come to his rescue in the nick of time. The woman he loved with all his heart and soul and every fiber of his being.

She finally knew the truth. She wasn't flawed because of her father. Her only mistake had been believing in the wrong things. But she saw clearly now. And he'd done that for her. James. The one who'd understood her from the start. The one she had loved from the moment she first saw him, no matter how hard she had tried not to.

She'd banished his darkness.

He'd banished her fears.

"If we see them again-"

"Then we'll repay our debts," she said. "Then."

"But for now…" He didn't need to finish.

They would live their lives. They would live for the ones they had lost. They would live for each other. And they would do it together.

Slowly, ever so slowly, they leaned into each other…they closed their eyes…and at last, at long last, their lips met.

And everything was perfect.