Anya pulled off her hat and goggles as she made her way into the lodge. She paused a moment in the doorway, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the indoor light. She wanted to make sure the path was clear to the stairwell. The newest rider in the circuit, Anya had no desire to socialize with any of the other riders.
"Hey, Little Red! Awesome jumps out there!"
Anya cringed. Especially that one. She had heard rumors of a possibly psychotic member of the team, but she hadn't believed it until she'd laid eyes on Psymon. Still, she smiled and waved in his general direction. Just because she didn't want friends didn't mean she needed to alienate everyone.
She had shaken all the snow out of her hair, silently cursing the damp red curls in their unruly fuzzy state. She had almost made it to the stairs when she saw Elise stalking in her direction. Great. She hadn't wanted to deal with anyone, and in the space of two minutes she'd run into two veterans.
"In case you're wondering, Princess," the blonde Amazon began as she stopped in front of her, "If Sketchy thinks your jumps were cool, then it means you took far too many risks out there. Watch yourself, kid, or there'll be a new definition to "become one with the mountain."
The tall blonde didn't wait for a reply and walked off. Not that Anya would have been able to think of a good comeback. Well, maybe sometime tomorrow after it didn't matter anymore. She sighed and started up the stairs.
"Don't let them bother you."
Anya looked around to see who had spoken to her this time. The only person she saw was the blond surfer, lounging by the fireplace reading. She didn't even think he had noticed her, then he spoke again.
"They're not so bad once you get to know them."
"If you say so."
"You're welcome to sit by the fire and warm up."
Anya looked at the fire…it did look good. But, no….
"Thanks, but I don't want to disturb…"
"I'm just reading, babe. No worries."
That fire DID look good…and it didn't hurt that there was some eye candy sitting in front of the fire. She had chilled herself to the bone…
Against her better judgement, she found herself walking towards the fireplace. As she rounded the couch, the tall blonde swung his legs of and onto the floor. She sat down cautiously on the far end of the couch and folded her arms around herself. He laughed and she looked up sharply, but the laughter was kind and warm, not mocking.
"I don't bite, hon. Well, not under most circumstances."
She smirked at the old joke. "It's not that. Just didn't realize how cold I was until I got close to the fire."
He nodded and put out his hand. "Brodi Ford."
"Yeah, I recognized you. You're good…saw most of your runs last season. Oh, I'm Anya Burgess." She reached out to shake his hand, but he turned his wrist slightly and kissed her hand.
"Very pleased to meet you, Anya Burgess."
He released her hand when she stiffened. Embarrassed by her reaction, she tried to cover the slight with random conversation.
"So, uhm…what are you reading?"
He smiled and looked down at the forgotten book in his hand. "Thich Nhat Hanh."
Anya blinked. "The Vietnamese monk?"
"You've read him?"
"No. I did meet him once. Well, not exactly meet him. Rather, sat in a lecture hall with hundreds of other students and heard him speak."
"Cool."
He did, indeed, look impressed. And impressive, too, she thought. It was his eyes that got to her. So blue, so kind, so…Anya cursed herself as she became aware of the awkward silence Damn it, why didn't she just go on up to her room?
"It was nice. Uhm, are you in the race tomorrow?"
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she shouldn't have spoken. She smacked herself in the head. "God, I'm sorry! I forgot you were hurt a few weeks ago."
He smiled warmly. If he had taken any offense, it certainly didn't show in his face. "It's OK. Yeah, I haven't been given the go-ahead yet, but I'm building up to it."
He rested a hand on her shoulder and she froze.
"I need to go to my room and get a shower in." She stood up abruptly. "Thanks for the convo."
"Anya, it's OK. Really."
"No, I'm tired. Shower and bed for me—early start tomorrow."
The look in his eyes – oh, those eyes – told her he didn't believe her. Still, he didn't try to stop her.
"Just promise me one thing."
She stopped, but didn't turn around. She couldn't look at those eyes again—not without melting and reaching out to him for help. Still, she stopped. "Yes?"
"Promise me I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sure"
"No. Promise me."
Damn it. He knew. How did he knew?
"OK. I promise you will see me tomorrow. I'll come find you."
Anya ran up the stairs before he could say anything else. If she started to cry, he'd never let her leave. Word was the boy had a bit of a white knight in him.
Brodi watched the pretty redhead run up the stairs to her room and fought the urge to go after her. He didn't want to frighten her. There was a pain resonating at her core. He hated seeing someone in pain and not being able to do anything about it.
He hoped she would keep her promise. He thought she would. Still, he was concerned. Elise had told him of her actions on the slopes.
"It's like watching Psymon board, " Elise had said, "Only we KNOW Psymon is unhinged. You'd think she was trying to hurt herself."
Brodi didn't think it was jealousy. Elise had sounded concerned. At least, as concerned as she ever let herself sound.
"It's called fire, man. Helps keep us warm, useful for cooking…"
Brodi looked up at the usual blinding 70's nightmare ensemble. "Oh, hi, Eddie. How are ya?"
Eddie plopped himself down on the couch and leaned back. "How are YOU, dude? You've been staring at that fire for, like, ever. You feelin' alright?"
"I'm fine, dude. Just thinking."
"Uh-huh. You crushin' on that new girl? I saw you chattin' her up."
Brodi glared. "I was not "chatting her up"." He turned back to the fire. "She needs a friend."
Eddie let out a low whistle.
"What?"
"Are you a baggage magnet, dude, or what?"
Brodi sighed. "Eddie, everyone's got baggage and things they need to work on. Me, for instance? Right now I'm reminding myself of my adherence to nonviolence."
Eddie threw his hands up. "OK, OK. I give." Eddie stood up to go, and he rested a hand on Brodi's shoulder as he rounded the back of the couch. "Just do me a favor, my man, and remember one thing."
Brodi closed his eyes and waited for the comment he knew was coming.
"What's that, Eddie?"
"You can't save everyone, dude. And Elise, Zoe, and I don't like picking up the pieces when you try."
Eddie left before Brodi could answer. Brodi just sat back and fingered his mala beads, trying to calm his mind.
Anya looked at her prescription bottle of sleeping pills and sighed. Why did she go and promise? And why did promises matter so much to her anyway? And how in the hell did he knew?
"Girl, you have officially lost it."
The surfer boy was just being nice. He was nice to everyone. It was his nature. Still, she had promised him she would come find him. She would make it through this night, go find him tomorrow as promised. The bottles would still be waiting here tomorrow night when she embarrassed herself to find out for sure that he was just being nice.
Anya turned the shower on—just the hot—and sank under it sobbing. Once she had cried out every last ounce of energy, she scrubbed herself with the bath brush until her skin was raw. Finally, when the water started losing its heat, she turned off the water and got out.
Drying herself off, she dressed in her favorite flannel PJ's and grabbed a diet coke from the mini fridge. She looked at her prescriptions lined up on the dresser. Zoloft, Ativan, Ambien..
"Pathetic." She thought as she grabbed the bottle of Ambien. She would only take one…it was a safety when she got like this. She would take just the one, and would sleep through the night and hopefully see things differently in the morning light.
Not that she'd been able to sleep without it for the last three years anyway. Ever since IT had happened. She couldn't fall asleep, and then when she did it was like living it all over again in her nightmares.
So, she swallowed her salvation, set her alarm clock, and checked the door lock about fifteen times before she settled in. The beauty of Ambien—if you lay down and close your eyes, you were waking up before you knew it.
Brodi paused at the top of the stairs and frowned at himself. Getting winded walking up 20 steps was not something that happened to him. Well, at least BEFORE.
"To suffer is to grow" he told himself. Yeah right, he thought back. How much growing did he have to do?
"Accept it, Brodi. Embrace it."
He knew he should consider himself lucky. He'd never really had a serious injury until a few weeks ago, and even then he didn't die when he knew he could have. The entire experience had been a lesson in humility. For at least a week after he woke up, he had to rely on others to feed him, bathe him; he could do almost nothing by himself. He had been attached to a chest tube, an IV line, and oxygen, so his own movements were extremely limited. His mind was left foggy by the drugs he was being fed, and then he had to fight off the depression they'd brought on. That is, when he had been awake enough to know what he was feeling.
And, here he was, weeks later, still getting winded from simple walks. Of course, it probably hadn't helped that he'd come down with pneumonia two weeks ago.
"Come on, Brodi, get yourself together," he chided himself and started making his way towards his room.
He found himself slowing in front of Anya's room. Was she OK? He silently said a prayer and decided he was going to take her to breakfast. No, maybe not. He remembered the way she had stiffened when he touched her shoulder. He needed to let her come to him. No need to force his company on her and frighten her. If he was going to be her friend, it had to be her choice.
Eeddie's words came to mind. You can't save everyone. True enough. But this wasn't about saving anyone. This was about being a friend to someone in need.
Wasn't it?
Brodi went inside his room and lit some incense before hopping in the shower. He turned the entire shower into a meditation, but it did little good. Where his body was still weak from his injuries and illness, his mind was restless. His hand absently found the healingscar on his side, still angry, red, and sore. His arms still bore the scars of the IV he had been attached to as well as enough puncture sites from countless blood tests to make him look like a junkie.
"Breathe, Brodi. Just breathe."
A few more minutes of that was about all he could stand, so he shut off the water and dried himself off. Slipping into a pair of sweatpants, he headed out to his bedroom expecting to collapse onto his bed and soothe himself into a sleep.
"Hmmm. Eddie was right. You do look like hell."
He was mildly startled to find Elise sitting on his bed thumbing through a copy of Shambala Sun.
"Elise! Don't think I'm not happy to see you—but what are you doing here, babe?"
Elise shrugged. "You never lock your door."
"And?"
"And you need to come over here and lay down before you fall over. When was the last time you ate? You weren't in the café for dinner, but I did see Eddie."
Ah, so that was it.
"When are you guys going to stop babysitting me?"
"When you stop looking like death warmed over. Now get your butt over here and lay down. I'm not here to jump your bones. I'm here to take care of you. Now here, on your stomach. Now."
Brodi sighed and stretched out on his bed. Elise poured some almond oil on his back and began gently rubbing it in.
"Let me know if I hurt you. I'll stay away from your ribs and your incision."
"Mmm-hmmm."
She finished his back and started working on his right arm. She worked all the way down to his hand, then kissed his hand before moving to the other side.
Brodi opened his eyes. "Any more of that and I'm not exactly going to be going to sleep."
Elise grinned mischeviously. "Fair enough. I told you I'm not here for that, so it's not really fair of me."
Brodi smiled. "It's OK. Whatever happens, happens."
Elise returned her attention to his left arm. "I don't know that you're quite ready for that yet, honey."
Brodi opened his eyes again as she fell silent.
"What are you thinking, hon?"
When she didn't answer, he rolled partially onto his side, letting her keep her grip on his arm. Her thumb was gently circling a particularly bruised area.
"Elise?"
"Hmmm?"
Brodi sighed and caught hold of her hand. "Sweetie, I thought the idea was for me to go to sleep."
"Oh. Sorry, babe."
"You OK?"
"Me? Fine. I'm just glad you're still here."
He feel onto his back and put a hand out to her. "Me too, babe. Me too."
Elise leaned over him to switch off the bedside lamp. As he felt the weight of her head settle onto his shoulder, he finally felt calm enough to drift off.