Disclaimer: Alan of Trebond and the world he lives in are creations of Tamora Pierce.
Lord Alan loves his children, but he prefers not to remember what it is like to be a child.
He keeps his memories at a distance—like he does his children, like he does his dreams; he dedicates his life to reality, to the analysis of concrete facts, because he learned earlier and harder than most how easily dreams can turn into delusions—that stories about the power of magic are only stories.
Recollections of his own childhood are filled with memories of his mother: a charismatic, intelligent woman educated at the Royal University. Her two passions were healing and retelling historical accounts of the immortals—she had a powerful Gift and a natural talent for spinning tales.
When he was five, his father, originally a younger son from the house of Nond, was killed by raiders; soon after that, his mother began to lose her grip on reality, although initially he was too young to notice.
One day when he was seven she took him by the hand and told him they were going swimming—they were undines—and he smiled and followed because he loved to play pretend. But then she began to sink without trying to come back up since she believed she could breathe underwater.
Still holding her hand, he had tried to pull her to the surface, but she was twice his weight even without adding the wet velvet gown she was wearing…so he had let her go, because while he knew she couldn't breathe underwater, the reality was neither could he.
By the time he left for Corus to become a page, she had become a local legend. Children in the surrounding villages told ghost stories about the Lady of the Lake.
Years later, when he met Marinie of Tasride, Alan thought—Falling in love is like drowning in dreams, but he no longer cared. Even now, a widower, he does not regret it (he could never regret loving her), and yet, the most vivid memory he has of his wife is also the last: clinging onto her hand as she died and their twins were born—as his dreams of love died and magic once again failed.
He hopes eventually his children will let go of their dreams, as he was forced to—and he thinks they will be better off, safer and saner, after they do. Alan knows this better than anyone: death by drowning is painful and excruciatingly slow.