JIGSAW PIECES
When I came back from Stamford, Pam was still sad. From what, I couldn't tell. Calling off the wedding? Loosing Roy? Loosing me? The fact that I loved her? I wasn't sure. Maybe all of the above. But I could see the sadness that had replaced the spark in her eyes and the faint purple shadows that hung beneath her eyes. Her skin seemed paler, she seemed thinner everyday, her steps seemed slower and her voice seemed just the slightest bit fainter. It broke my heart to see her like this. I felt responsible. I felt terrible. It was possibly the worst feeling I've ever felt. And every time she sighed, I echoed her.
I watched her eat her mixed berry yoghurt everyday. She ate alone, still at 'our' table. It seemed like centuries ago that we'd been eating our lunches there, together, laughing so much that our laughs seemed to entwine in the air until you couldn't tell whose was whose. She always made me laugh. I always made her laugh. Whenever one of us fell over a thought we didn't see, the other was there to catch them. It was different now. She ate alone, studying her spoon so as not to make eye contact with anyone else. I came to work everyday, determined to sit beside her, offer her half a ham and cheese sandwich, crack a joke and tease a giggle from her. And everyday I lost any courage I'd come to work with.
It was a good month or two after I'd returned to Scranton that I'd heard her on the phone. I came back to what I'd expected to be an empty office to collect some papers I'd forgotten but instead I found Pam on the phone, leaning against her desk. She didn't see me at the door and I didn't move. She sighed.
"I don't know….No. I don't know." Even from the door, I could see her lower lip tremble, a sign she would cry. She bit her lip and listened to whoever was on the other end of the line.
"No, no, no. I'm glad he's back; so glad. It's just so…yeah. Yeah, I did."
I assumed she was talking about me. Maybe I should've have left then but I didn't. She was silent for a long time; whoever she was talking to was clearly giving her a good pep talk. She rested her head in her hand and sighed.
"You're right. Jim is great. He's my best friend. But….its weird. I'm just so confused. Its different now, Penny." Penny. Her sister.
"Okay. Thanks Pen." She sniffed once or twice. The sound broke my heart. "I will. Love you too. Bye." She hung up and slid slowly to the floor. She dropped her face into her arms and pulled her legs up to her chest. It was quiet but I could tell from the way her shoulders shook that she was crying. We were both silent. The clock ticked in rhythm. A car honked its horn on the street. The glow of her computer screen seemed eerie in the dark room. I stared at the girl I loved crouched over on the floor silently sobbing. She was broken. I was broken. We were a jigsaw with some pieces missing, all muddled up. It took 58 ticks and 59 tocks from the clock until I realized tears were streaming down my own face. I left.
Today, I wake up with the sun streaming through the window like pins of warmth pricking my neck. Today is different. Today's the day I bottle up my courage so that it won't leave me. I march into the office 100% determined. Determined to eat half my ham and cheese sandwich. Determined to make Pam Beesly laugh. Determined to capture our friendship just in time before it manages to fly away.
I find her exactly where she always is this time of day. The break room is empty aside from her and her small carton of yoghurt. I take a deep breath and before I can lose my nerve I slip into the chair beside her.
"Hey Beesly." I'm pleased that my voice is so controlled.
"Hey Jim." It's shocking, like a bucket of icy water tipped over me to hear her voice. So natural, so easygoing. Like nothing ever happened. The smile behind my lips slips out before I can stop it. Pam looks up at me for the first time in so long. I'm beaming all over when I see her smile reach all the way to her eyes, lighting the tiniest of sparks. It's a start. I grin and point to her yoghurt.
"Mixed berry." I observe. "Oh Pam, you haven't changed a bit." I tease and enjoy her reaction as she smirks at me.
"Ham and cheese." She mimics. "Oh Jim, you haven't changed a bit." We both laugh. Oh my gosh. Her laugh. Its lighter then air. It's like a little song; I haven't heard it in so long. Man, I've missed Pam's laugh. Without asking I gently push one half of my sandwich over to her and she smiles at it for a moment, as though she's remembering something, before taking it.
It's not all back to normal. But were friends again. She's smiling again. I'm a little less broken, a little less empty. She's a bit louder, and bit warmer, a bit faster. We've found some of the pieces to our jigsaw. And it's a start.
Hey guys. Please review, I wrote this in about 10 minutes so I know it's a bit rough. But please let me know what you thought of it! Thanks for reading!