Warning: This is will be AU, OOC and all that other good junk! Note, I shall not be held responsible for what I write when comedy deprived and really bored out of my mind while taking care of little brother. Okay?
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or MTV's Parental Control -- which by the way is strangely better than Date My Mom, scary.
-" . . ."- Denotes thought.
Parental Control: Special Edition
Narrator: On today's Special Edition of Parental Control you'll meet Preventers Milliardo Peacecraft and Lucrezia Noin -- the two newlyweds don't like Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian's current boyfriend and have taken it upon themselves to go in search for someone much more suitable in their opinion for the young politician. After the dates are over Relena has the choice to either stay with her current boyfriend or pick from the other two young men. Which will she choose? Will she stay with her boyfriend of two years or ditch him and run off with one of the bachelors her brother and sister-in-law have picked out for her? Stay tuned and find out . . .
Noin: It's not that I don't like Heero --
Milliardo: -frowns- I don't like him at all. Relena can do better.
Noin: -glares at Milliardo and then returns to face camera- Like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, -Milliardo snorts and smirks- Heero isn't a bad guy. Deep down inside I know he cares deeply for Relena, but I also know for a fact that Relena wants more than their current relationship and I just don't think Heero's ready yet to give her what she wants.
Milliardo: -crosses arms- I respect and acknowledge the kid. I just don't want him near my little sister. He's no good for her, she needs and deserves someone better and by staying with him she's only limiting her opportunities.
Noin: Geez, you make it sound like he's one huge mistake.
Milliardo: -blinks- He is. I thought we both agreed on that. Isn't that why we came on this show?
Noin: -smacks Milliardo on the head- No! It's not!
Milliardo: Huh? Then why did we --?
Narrator: Anyways, now that we know their reasons behind this let's see what Relena has to say about her older brother and sister-in-law making this kind of decision for her. Roll the clip!
Relena: The only reason I am going through with this is so that Milliardo will finally get off of my back about Heero not being good enough for me. Hopefully, once I'm through both of the dates he'll realize I love Heero with all of my heart and that there's nothing he can do to change that.
-Aw! How sweet!-
Narrator: Now, what does this ex-bodyguard and now boyfriend of young politician Relena Darlian have to say about all of this?
Heero: -scowls- Hn, damn Zechs.
Narrator: . . . And there you have it, folks. Words to live by. Alright, now let's move on to the search for those two lucky young men!
Interview #1:
Noin: -looks guy over and thinks, "Hmm, I can already tell this guy isn't Relena's type."- So, I can see you really like piercings.
Guy #1: Yeah. They're cool.
Milliardo: -frowns- How many do you have?
Guy #1: -shrugs carelessly- I dunno know. A lot, I guess.
Noin: -sighs, "This is definately going to take a while."-
Interview #2:
Guy #2: I like a woman with a lot of junk in the trunk, you know? Not so much of a chester, but she do need to have a nice rack, you know? That's about all I look in for a woman, you know?
Milliardo: No, we don't know and we don't care to find out either.
Noin: Next!
Interview #3:
Milliardo: T-Trowa Barton? What the hell are you doing here?
Trowa: -shrugs- I had nothing better to do, the circus is taking a break.
Noin: -"Well, that's just great."- Do you even like Relena?
Trowa: She is beautiful.
Milliardo: -plays with his long hair- Hmm, alright . . . We'll think it over.
Trowa: -nods and leaves-
Noin: -smiles saccharinely- Um, honey? -Milliardo turns and Noin wacks him on the head, a bump grows- Weren't we supposed to ask him questions?
Milliardo: -rubs head in pain- Huh?
Interview #4:
Noin: Quatre? No offense, but what're you doing here?
Quatre: -smiles sincerely- I've always admired Miss Relena.
Noin: -blinks- But weren't you dating Dorothy? What happened?
Quatre: -pales- Uh, she doesn't know I'm here.
Milliardo: Well, she will soon enough.
Quatre: -panicks- Why? Are you going to tell her I was here?
Milliardo: This is all being taped. For TV.
Quatre: WHAT? OH, NO! -runs off-
-silence-
Noin: We'll just mark him down as a "maybe."
Interview #5:
Noin: Well, this is a surprise. I thought you were dating Hilde.
Milliardo: Yeah, weren't the two of you crazy about each other?
Duo: -winks- This is all part of the plan.
Milliardo: -scrunches up nose- What plan?
Duo: -leans back in chair- To see if Heero really loves princess. I know you two don't think so, but I know for a fact he does and I'll be more than willing to prove it to you guys.
Noin: -crosses arms- Is Hilde aware of your plan?
Duo: -snorts- Is she aware? We have a bet on whether or not Heero gets jealous enough about me dating princess that he'll actually come after me during the date. Hilde doesn't think so 'cause she thinks he's gay, but I think he'll get crazy jealous -- I can guarantee it.
Milliardo: -grins- I'll be holding you to that.
Noin: Wait, but what if Heero does come after you?
Duo: Hmph, I'll run and hide from that suicidal maniac.
Narrator: Now that they've met and interviewed the young men it's time to make their final choice. Who will they pick? -dramatic music plays in background-
Noin: Well, my pick is Quatre . . . But is he even around anymore?
Milliardo: I think Dorothy's in outer space so he probably is.
Noin: -arches eyebrow- How do you know that?
Milliardo: I have that girl on watch. I don't feel safe not knowing where she is.
Noin: . . . Okaay. Anyways, who'd you pick?
Milliardo: -smirks- You'll see.
Noin: -sweats, "I have a bad feeling about this. Please forgive us for what we are about to do, Relena . . . eh, Heero, too I guess."-
Narrator: The choices have now finally been made and everyone is in the newlywed's living room waiting for Noin's first pick to arrive, even the stoic boyfriend seems to be a little nervous and anxious. A first from the emotionless young man we first met. Now, let's see what happens . . .
-dead silence-
Noin: -"Ugh! I can't stand this!"- So . . . Are you worried, Heero? -slaps forehead, "Oh, no. Why the hell did I say that?"-
Heero: -shrugs- Should I be?
Milliardo: -grins- I would be if I were you.
Heero: -glares- Hn. Whatever.
Milliardo: Pretty confident aren't we, Heero?
Heero: -furrows eyebrows- I don't see the need to worry over some guys you two picked out. Relena probably won't even like them much less fall in love with them like the two of you have already predicted.
Milliardo: We'll see now won't we?
Relena: -enters living room- Milliardo, please don't put any awful ideas into Heero's head.
-room goes silent at Relena's very attractive outfit-
Heero: -frowns- What is that?
Relena: -blinks and sits down next to him- What? Is something wrong?
Heero: -growls and points at outfit- You never dress like that when we go out on dates.
Relena: -sighs and looks away- Well that's because we go out once in a great while and I'm always too tired to even dress up. This was planned for in advance and since it's going to be on TV I thought it'd be nice to look attractive for once . . . Is that bad?
Heero: -clenches fists- Yes. You're my girlfriend.
Relena: -frowns- What're you trying to say, Heero? That you're the only one who has the right to see me looking nice?
Heero: -finally snaps- Yes! That's exactly what I'm saying! Now go change into something less reveling, Relena!
Relena: -crosses arms- No, I refuse to. I like what I'm wearing, and it's not like I'm wearing anything indecent.
Noin: -while couple continues fighting whispers into Milliardo's ear- I'm surprised you're not screaming your head off at Heero for arguing with Relena like he is. Usually you start yelling at him if he even looks at her "strangely."
Milliardo: -smirks- I'm not butting in because this is a good arguement. This way she leaves on her date already angry at Yuy and then who knows what she might do just to spite him.
Noin: -shakes head- Relena isn't like that and you know it.
Milliardo: Still, one can hope.
Quatre: -clears throat loudly- Uh, excuse me.
-everyone stops and stares at Quatre who is standing by the door with a bouquet of red roses in his hands-
Narrator: Damn! We didn't get to give him a huge introduction! Uh, I mean . . . Would you look at that, Noin's choice is head of the Winner family -- Quatre Raberba Winner.
Relena: -blinks- Quatre?
Quatre: -smiles shyly and hands Relena the roses- It's nice to see you again, Relena -- you look as beautiful as ever. Here, these are for you.
Relena: -blushes and takes roses gingerly- Thank you, Quatre. They're lovely.
-silence as the two stare deeply into each other's eyes-
Noin: -wipes tear away, "That is so beautiful. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of this clichéd moment."-
-(flash)-
-everyone turns and stares at Milliardo who is holding a cell phone in his hand-
Milliardo: What? It was cute. Relena never has innocent and heart-warming moments like that with Yuy.
Heero: -scowls at Relena- Well, wouldn't you like to know the kind of moments --
Relena: -clamps Heero's mouth shut with her hands- Don't you dare finish that sentence if you still want to be with me.
Heero: -glares at her but nods and Relena lets go- You better not do something stupid if you want me to still be here when you return.
Relena: -smiles brightly- Don't worry, Heero. I love you and only you.
Heero: -grasps Relena's chin and whispers- Relena . . .
Noin: -slightly fidgets- Um, guys, Quatre's still waiting over here.
Relena: -breaks free of Heero's grasp and smiles at Quatre- I'm so sorry, Quatre. I know that's not the sort of thing you want to see or hear before going on a date with somebody.
Quatre: -smiles back- That's alright, Relena. Ready to go?
Milliardo: -clears throat- First, we have to go over some rules, like --
Noin: -pushes Relena and Quatre out the door- Go! Run and have fun! Don't look back!
-silence-
Heero: . . . That was a little bit over-dramatic, Noin.
Noin: -sighs- Would you rather have had to hear the long-winded speech about "proper date etiquette" again?
Heero: -shudders- Thanks, nice save.
Milliardo: Hmph. Let's just go and see what they're up to on their date.
Narrator: Now that their date is underway what will happen between the two? Will Relena Darlian like Quatre Raberba Winner more than her current boyfriend? And what will ensue between the newlywed's and stoic boyfriend? . . . Who knows. Anyways, tune in next time to find out!
A. N.: Uhhhhh, I don't know what I was on when I wrote this. Hopefully, it was somewhat funny to you people! I've never done funny before. So, yeah, review and tell me how much you hated and despised my poor little fic. THERE WILL BE MORE ON THE WAY, MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Run in fear little kiddies! -coughs- I think I need to take my medicine before I go totally crazy . . . R&R, please!