"You're scared!" Tidus half-gloated, half-teased; he always remembered Auron as the guy who had watched over him since he was young. The guy who had protected him from any harm. Yet there he was, sat outside the Farplane, avoiding the place. In another sense, it also worried the blond-boy; the oldest and wisest of their entourage, scared to see visions of the dead. The others were eager to see their loved ones again, even if it were only in image.
Auron sighed, though he appeared neither angry nor irritated. On the contrary; he seemed forlorn. "Searching the past to find the future…That is all that is there. I need it not." He always answered ambiguously, trying to hide something which his expression gave clues of. Though what he was concealing was anybody's guess; the grief etched upon his face was hardly a meaningful hint. "You'd better be going," Auron mumbled, wanting to end the conversation promptly.
The young Al-Bhed girl caught up with Tidus and Auron; obviously her curiosity had gotten the better of her along the way. "You're not really going to see the dead, more like your memories of them." She spoke as if trying to comfort a young child, though not as patronising. "People think of their relatives and the pyreflies react to them," Rikku explained, trying to console the older man. Seeing Tidus' bewilderment, she continued; "They take the form of the dead person—an illusion, nothing else."
"Hmm…" Tidus understood, though there was still some mystery as to why the pyreflies only showed visions of those who were dead. Many things in Spira still perplexed Tidus, but he was slowly beginning to understand some aspects of this strange world.
Rikku gave a shaky smile. "Well, have fun!" She lifted her arm high in her usual half-salute, half-wave.
The boy was taken back. "What, you're not going either, Rikku?" He was surprised at how she had tried to convince Auron and himself to go to the Farplane, yet she couldn't even prompt herself to.
Turning away, Rikku sounded as joyless as Auron when she spoke, not facing either of them. "I keep my memories inside." A confused sound came from Tidus, still wanting to know what kept her here. "Memories are nice, but that's all they are." Even Rikku wasn't sure if she believed that, she just didn't want to resurface any old memories to feel the hurt they caused her again. She figured that going to the Farplane was like looking for reasons to be sad; that, she didn't want or need. Rikku waited until she heard Tidus' footsteps ascending up the stairs before sitting on the ledge opposite Sir Auron, her back facing him.
Rikku looked over the edge, staring into nothingness, trying to forget memories that had momentarily started to resurface at the mere mention of the Farplane. When she found out they were going there, old faces from the past lurched forward, fresh in her mind, taunting. She would give anything to forget, to have no memories of those she had lost; the pain was an everlasting one.
"You're hiding something." The deep, calm voice shocked Rikku until she remembered that Auron was sat behind her. Turning slightly, she could see that he was not looking at her; Auron's head was turned to look over the ledge nearest to him. Though he was not facing her, Rikku still felt an awkward sense of being watched; it was as if he could see her thoughts and feelings, which made being there even more uncomfortable. Maybe she should have gone to the Farplane after all... "It's easy to tell; you're masking truths with riddles."
Looking down into the void again, Rikku became slightly agitated at his observation. "How would you know?" she asked exasperatedly, leaning on a raised-knee.
Auron chuckled to himself. Rikku, however, didn't find anything funny. "You're too young to be able to hide things well. When you've lived a life as challenging as mine, it comes naturally."
His voice seemed distant to Rikku, as if she were drifting off into her thoughts once again; free-falling reluctantly. The reason she was sat there was to avoid going to the Farplane and remembering those memories. Suddenly, she absorbed what Auron had just said and her head shot up to look directly at him. "You're hiding something…?" It was as much a question as it was a conclusion; Rikku obviously couldn't read people as well as Sir Auron. He shuffled slightly where he was sat; feeling foolish for hinting that he was keeping something a secret. He continued to look away from the young girl, afraid that his expression would betray his secret. To his surprise, Rikku chuckled slightly and turned away from him again. "It wouldn't matter anyway. We all have something we want to keep hidden," she continued softly, shaking her head slightly so her golden hair moved delicately. "Someone told me that it's better to…to tell friends what troubles you. That way, the problem is halved-"
"Who said that these secrets are problems?" Auron interrupted her in his calm voice. Rikku turned once again, annoyed that she had been cut-off, yet interested in what he had to say. "Secrets aren't always problems. Sometimes, they are our refuge; somewhere that we can take comfort in knowing that it is a part of us no one will ever understand."
Rikku frowned and sighed, confused. "I thought we were talking about memories and secrets that were hidden, not places."
Auron chuckled again, looking towards her; he was glad that the conversation had taken a turn away from his personal life, but also noticed how she had mentioned memories, noting that it could be what Rikku was suppressing. "Memories and secrets are hidden places, if you think about it; our own little place that no one knows of, where we can dwell upon what is there until we are satisfied. If someone discovers this secret place, you feel exposed. But, there can also be relief."
Rikku gave a short sarcastic laugh. "Relief? I could never feel like that if someone knew the feelings I were hiding." She swung her legs and turned back to the bottomless void below them.
"So you're hiding feelings, are you?" Rikku gave a start and blushed slightly; embarrassed she had let that slip. She turned to look at Auron who was observing her, like the Al-Bhed would observe new Machina. Thankfully, he seemed to ignore the discovery and continue. "We can feel relief sometimes if a friend or someone we love knows about our secrets; it allows us to have company within these hide-aways, somewhere we can share our deepest…feelings," he added with a smile.
The young girl thought on this for a minute before addressing Auron again. "Is that why people tell others their secrets? To feel relief?" Rikku looked back towards the nothingness, beginning to fall deep into thought again. "I thought that only worked with problems." Her voice was barely audible, even in the stillness of where they were, but Auron heard her.
"That's when secrets are problems. When you feel relief, it means that what you were hiding was an obstacle which needed removing."
"But," Rikku had turned completely now to face him. "How do you know when it is a problem?"
"Simple," Auron murmured, looking dead ahead. "Is it bothering you?" Rikku seemed to think or she preferred not to answer, sitting on the ledge as she continued to face Auron though she was looking at the floor. "That is something you must figure out for yourself. If it is, you can either continue to repress it or do something to absolve the problem." He smirked, though it was almost impossible to realise. "The latter is usually more helpful."
Rikku took out a fruit (from which she had taken from the food Seymour had prepared for them) and turned away once more, allowing her legs to dangle over the ledge. "I still don't quite understand," she frowned.
"You will," Auron reassured her calmly.
After a minute of absolute silence, she spoke up again. "So what are you hiding?" Curiosity thick in her voice, her eyebrow rose though unseen by Auron. Leaning on her raised knee, she tossed the fruit upwards and caught it gently.
The man grimaced, feeling as though the conversation had taken an awkward turn; something he always wished to avoid. "I will tell you if it is a problem." It wasn't a dilemma, well not at that moment anyway, and Auron thought the time wasn't quite right to reveal his secret. Not yet.
Silence ensued. It wasn't an uncomfortable quiescence, per se, but rather a stillness that suggested neither Rikku nor Auron had anything else to add to the previous discussion. Both seemed deep in thought, away from the reality of where they were.
"Wakka will find out that you are Al-Bhed sooner or later." Auron seemed to say this as if they were already discussing the matter.
Rikku turned her head to look at him, watching as he sat on the stairs, looking over the ledge once more. It made Rikku wonder if what Auron were hiding would be discovered as their journey continued, though there was still little clue of what that could be. From what Rikku could tell, he seemed stoic; it was as if he were trying too hard to be the emotionally devoid one of the group. "I know," she acknowledged, closing her eyes. "I don't want him to find out, at least not yet anyway. It'd make him mad, you know? I could tell he was a Yevonite as soon as I met him; they don't like us Al-Bhed."
"You think waiting will help?" His voice suggested amusement, which annoyed Rikku once again; he didn't realise what it was like for her or other Al-Bhed.
"What do you know?" she asked, voice filled with irritation. Her brow furrowed with aggravation, she turned sharply away from him to be alone with her thoughts.
"More than you," Auron stated calmly, aware that he had hit a nerve. "You have much to learn, but you have plenty of time to do so."
The girl sighed, obviously with a hint of disagreement. "It's not always the younger ones who learn, you know? Older people can learn from us too."
Though Auron disliked being proved wrong, he could make sense of the argument she presented and agreed in some cases. Laughing slightly, he replied; "So I am an 'older person', am I?"
Rikku smiled. "Older than me," she shrugged light-heartedly. Her thoughts seemed to linger on her heritage because she continued to explain, more to herself than Auron. "Does it really matter what we believe or where we come from? Shouldn't we all just be able to get along? That's what really matters."
"Most people prefer to notice the minor differences rather than the big picture," Auron agreed, nodding solemnly.
"Do you?"
Auron smirked, still looking away from her. "Would I be sat here talking to you if I did?"
Rikku shrugged, her legs swinging over the ledge again. "You don't have much of a choice."
"I could simply ignore you, and we could sit here in complete silence."
The girl gave a jokingly disgusted noise. "That's just mean, you know?"
"I know." Auron chuckled and turned his head out to see nothingness again. He could tell Rikku was full of life, no doubt about that, but something was bothering her. He felt wary of striking-up another conversation because he was worried of hitting another nerve; upsetting the youngest guardian was not something he particularly wanted. Somehow, Auron knew he would never truly know what prevented her from going to the Farplane. Yet, she would find out about him in due time.
Just as he was about to say something more, he heard descending footsteps and, without turning, knew they were to set off once again.
"Thanks for waiting!" Yuna's timid voice declared. "I'll go give my answer to Maester Seymour."