Bedroom Talk
Warnings: Some shota, but is more cute than it is squicky, honest. XD a curse here or there, and implied naughtiness. ItaKaka
Author's Note: My attempt at humor. ^_^' No, the Talk is not original, but I like to think I added a little twist. :3
When you start using small children
In inventive ways not included in sex,
You have way too much time on your hands.
"Why?" The young prodigy asked, looking about as disgusted as his expressionless face could get.
"Well, you see Itachi, when two people love each other very much, they want to show each other by doing something physical." The Third Hokage explained, going pinker around the ears.
"But that's just silly. Why can't you just tell them?" Itachi asked, his little forehead wrinkling in confusion. The Sandaime cursed the person who had put the idea into the boy's head - for they had done it on purpose, Sarutobi was sure.
For all that he was a world-class killer, the boy was entirely to impressionable. One offhand comment about fucking from an older, mischievous ANBU member (namely, one Hatake Kakashi), and the boy had had to ask. Straight out.
"Well… Have you ever tried to tell someone something like that, Itachi?" Asked Sarutobi, raising an eyebrow. He'd heard they started young, and this was as good a time as ever to test that theory…
Itachi promptly went pink around the ears, and looked at his feet. Well. That solved that question.
"That's why." Sarutobi said, deciding that he would need to have a long talk with the boy's parents. They should have to endure this, not the poor old Hokage.
"But do you have to do it that way?" Itachi asked, looking like he was about to go 'ew!' any moment. Sarutobi didn't know if he felt more amused or disturbed, at this point. (Itachi was still covered in blood from his last mission, after all.)
"Well, no. There's kissing, and holding hands, and giving presents…" Sarutobi listed, looking pensive.
"I see. Thank you, Hokage-sama." Itachi cut in, bowing formally. Sarutobi sighed, nodding and dismissing him. Maybe he wouldn't badger Kakashi so much about taking it easy…
He sure did have inventive ways of getting revenge.
The next day, Kakashi was being a very good boy. (Well, okay, not really - the book he was reading wasn't very good-boy material, but, eh.)
At least he was minding his own business. But no, fate just had to screw with him, in the form of a small white hand peeling down his mask, and a small pink mouth planting a very decisive kiss on his slightly open mouth. That little hand proceeded to grasp his, and Kakashi was too busy gaping to pull away.
"Why did you do that, Itachi?" Kakashi asked slowly, after a long pause.
"I do not want sexual intercourse." Itachi informed him. Ah, so he did his homework - and that did not sound right coming out of such a young mouth.
Well, atleast he couldn't argue with the kid's logic.
"What kind of present would you want?" Ah, hell.