Author's Notes: Occurs post this past season's finale.

Disclaimer: By now, we all know that none of this stuff belongs to me.

Dwight K Schrute is on Facebook

Dwight K. Schrute has arrived, and it's going to be better than the series finale of Lost. Mark my words.

Recent Activity:

Dwight and Michael Scott are friends.

Dwight K. Schrute likes this

Dwight and Rolf Urbaniak are friends.

Dwight and Kelly Kapoor are friends.

Dwight likes Battlestar Gallactica.

Dwight likes The Amazing Race.

Dwight K. Schrute Lost series finale was beautiful. That was one of television's greatest shows, and I and anyone else with a brain will miss it.

Rolf Urbaniak likes this

Recent Activity:

Dwight and Jim Halpert are friends.

Dwight and Toby Flenderson are friends.

Dwight likes Lost.

Dwight likes Harry Potter.

Dwight likes beet farming.

Jim Halpert Dwight. Finally decided to join us, I see.

Dwight K. Schrute Don't pollute my wall with your foulness, Jim.

Jim Halpert Tssk, tssk. What would Dumbledore say about that attitude?

Dwight K. Schrute Anything you say about HP is void because you've only seen the movies and haven't read the books.

Recent Activity:

Dwight and Kelly Erin Hannon are friends.

Dwight and Darryl Philben are friends.

Dwight likes Smallville.

Dwight likes Star Wars.

Rolf Urbaniak Epic day with Dwight K. Schrute ahead.

Recent Activity:

Dwight and Holly Flax are friends.

Dwight and David Wallace are friends.

Dwight likes Second Life.

Dwight joined the group, "Lackawanna Country Volunteer Sheriffs."

Jim Halpert Liar.

Dwight K. Schrute What are you spewing on about now, Jim? I know I told you to get off of my wall.

Jim Halpert I could make a comment about grammar right now, but I won't. The issue at hand right now is that you are NOT a volunteer sheriff anymore. I believe you resigned several years ago.

Dwight K. Schrute That's true,but with all of the experience I had, I can offer advice to the current volunteers. Idiot.

Dwight K. Schrute "Part of getting a second chance is taking responsibility for what you did wrong in the first place" – Jack Bauer

Rolf Urbaniak

In this album: Dwight K. Schrute

Paintball

Dwight K. Schrute Work tomorrow, which means being Michael Scott's second-in-comment and being constantly pestered by the inept Jim Halpert. But despite Jim, the paper industry is indeed a noble one.

Michael Scott You're such a weirdo.

Jim Halpert Paper industry is noble DESPITE Jim? What? What inaccuracies are you going viral with, Dwight?

Dwight K. Schrute Fact: I am better than you.

Michael Scott Oh, shut it, Dwight.

Dwight K. Schrute Watching The Amazing Race. Some contestants are promising, some not so much

Recent Activity:

Dwight and Pam Beesly Halpert are friends.

Dwight commented on Michael Scott's status.

Dwight likes The X-Files.

Holly Flax likes this.

Holly Flax I LOVED that show

Dwight K. Schrute I never pegged you as an X Phile.

Holly Flax Oh, yeah. Never missed an episode.

Dwight K. Schrute Neither did I. Total shame that it is no longer on the air. Favorite characters?

Holly Flax I pretty much liked everyone but that god-awful Fowley. I was always rooting for MSR. What about you?

Dwight K. Schrute Characters: Mulder, Scully, the gunmen. Ships: Teena Mulder/CSM.

Holly Flax Hated CSM

Dwight K. Schrute He was absolutely despicable but intriguing and complex.

Holly Flax Yeah, that's true.

Michael Scott OK Dwight. First impression – this guy is kinda weird. Like about you – loyalty. Dislike – you're an idiot.

Dwight K. Schrute likes this.

Dwight K. Schrute If you "like" my status I will tell you my first impression of you, what I like about you, and what I dislike about you. Bring it on, people.

Rolf Urbaniak and Jim Halpert like this.

Recent Activity:

Dwight wrote on Rolf Urbaniak's wall.

Dwight wrote on Jim Halpert's wall.

Dwight commented on Pam Beesly Halpert's status.

Pam Beesly Halpert First impression: This guy has really beady eyes. Like: I liked that you were so nice to me when you had a concussion. You probably don't remember this. Dislike: You're kind of obnoxious.

Jim Halpert The first thing you noticed where his eyes?

Pam Beesly Halpert He was staring at me.

Dwight K. Schrute Jim, the eyes are one of the most valuable parts of the body. Mine are superior than the average man's, which is probably why she noticed. Pam, thank you for the honest assessment…when did I have a concussion? I have no recollection of that.

Jim Halpert A few years ago when Michael burnt his foot on his foreman grill. You were going to pick him up and bring him to work and you crashed your car into a pole.

Dwight K. Schrute I asked Pam.

Jim Halpert This is me on Jim's account.

Dwight K. Schrute Fact: beets are such a superior food.

Dwight K. Schrute "Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself."

Rolf Urbaniak Oh brother

Dwight K. Schrute Do not "oh brother" the words of Albus Dumbledore!

Rolf Urbaniak I'm more of a death eater fan. But you knew that.

Dwight K. Schrute Yet we're friends despite that…

Rolf Urbaniak What a thought.

A/N:

Next FB fic will either be Andy or Pam.

The other day around 4 AM I started writing some bad!fic. Really bad bad!fic. Here, I'll quote:

"Michael is like Barrack Obama," Dwight told the camera, "and I am like Rahm Emanuel. Rahm Emanuel has Barrack Obama's back. I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

xxxxx

Phyllis leaned over, and whispered to Dwight, "I know why he's worried. Come to the break room and I'll give you answers."

"Before we begin, I have three wishes," she stated matter-of-factly.

"For Pete's sake, what do I look like, a genie?"

Phyllis gave him a piercing stare, "Three wishes, or you'll never know what's bothering Michael."

xxxxxx

"Holly and I had a lot of love for one another," Michael said, "She was the Jocasta to my Oedipus."

"No…no," moaned Oscar, "That is a terrible comparison."

...yeah. I'm debating whether to continue or not.

Oh! To channel Dwight, question: do you guys prefer when actual plot-like things occur in these (Michael and Holly's fight, Kelly and Darryl getting together), or do you prefer when it's just sort of random, like this one was?

One last thing, and then I'll stop before this becomes the longest A/N ever: review and give me a prompt, and I'll write you a Michael/Holly oneshot.