Disclaimer: I don't own Passions or any of the characters.
Author's notes: I found this in my diary and decided to post it. It takes place before Theresa was engaged to Ethan, back when every time they'd kiss he'd say he was only trying to comfort her about something. (rolls eyes) Anyway, I don't like Theresa or Ethan, they annoy me, so I'm going to mercilessly ridicule them. I don't like Gwen either, so she won't be in this story. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows with.
Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald walked happily down the streets of Harmony. After all, why shouldn't she be happy, she had a new tube of pink lipgloss, her outfit was even more blinding than usual and her bizarre hair-do was still in place. Suddenly she stubbed her toe on the curb, chipping her nail polish.
"Oh no! How could Fate be so cruel to me!" She began to cry, scrunching up her face in a way no human should be able to. "My new pedicure!", she began to gasp for air, "Why (gasp) is Fate (gasp) punishing me?"
Ethan Crane just happened to be walking down the street when he saw Theresa crying. He immediately ran over to her.
"Theresa, Oh my God what happened?! Why are you crying?"
"I (gasp) stubbed my (gasp) toe and (gasp) now my (gasp) nail polish is (gasp) chipped!"
Ethan immediately decided that the best thing to do would be to make out with her in the middle of the street. So he did.
"Oh, Ethan" she sighed, pulling back slightly. "I knew you loved me."
"No, I don't. I was just trying to comfort you because that horrible curb has ruined your perfect day."
"Ethan," she wailed, "Why won't you just accept that we are meant to be together."
"Theresa, I love Gwen."
"But if I can't convince you that Fate brought us together, then I've been following you around for nothing!" She began to cry and hyperventilate all over again.
"Please don't cry, I'll be forced to kiss you again."
Of course, we all know Theresa can't stand to go for five minutes without flooding the town with tears; so she didn't stop. Ethan realized that kissing her wasn't going to help anything so he began racking his tiny brain for the answer.
"I've got it! I know how to make you feel better! Let's go back to my room and..." He whispered the rest in her ear.
"Ethan, I can't do that. I promised myself I'd wait until I'm married."
"It's the only way you'll be able to stop crying."
"All right Ethan, I trust you because I know you'd never take advantage of my innocence."
"Uhhh... yeah, that's right. Besides it's Fate, remember?"
"Yes, it's Fate." Theresa declared with a demented look on her face.
So, they went to the Crane mansion and up to his room. (I'm not going to go into details about what happened.) A few hours later as Theresa was getting dressed to go home so Pilar wouldn't know what had happened and declare that she saw only tragedy because of this; Ethan said,
"You can't tell Gwen about this, otherwise she won't marry me."
"But you love me!"
"Theresa, I love Gwen. We're meant to be together, it's Fate."
"No," she stamped her foot and scrunched up her face again, "It's only Fate when things go my way" She hit her fist on her open palm for emphasis.
"Look," Ethan said, becoming annoyed. "You don't own Fate."
"Wanna bet? Look at this," she held out a shirt with the words 'I own Fate' printed on it in hot pink.
"That's just a shirt."
"No, it's more than that, Fate arranged for me to find this shirt in the trash."
"You looked in the trash for that shirt? That's gross!"
"Fate made me do it. I woke up one morning and a voice in my head told me to walk down the street looking in the trashcans, I knew it had to be the voice of Fate, so I obeyed it."
"You listen to voices in your head?"
"I listen to the voice of Fate." She began to giggle insanely.
"Okay, you're crazy!"
"It's Fate, Ethan! It's Fate!"
Ethan quickly called the men in white coats to take Theresa away. Unfortunately, by time they got there, Ethan was unconscious at the bottom of the stairs. Don't worry, he was still alive. Theresa was dancing around him; chanting,
"It's Fate! It's Fate! It's Fate! It's Fate! It's F..."
The men in the white coats finally managed to drag her out the door and into the van. She was taken to the Mental Ward of Harmony Hospital. Years later, interns were warned to slide her food under the door of her padded cell, instead of opening it because the sight of her was too traumatizing. When people walked down the hall, she could be heard yelling about Fate.
As for Ethan, he made a full recovery but has been known to run screaming at the sight of any dark-haired girl in pink lipgloss.
More Author's notes: I know this was a dumb story, but it amused me when I first wrote it.