Ok here we go, this is my vision my thoughts and also some thoughts a friend shared with me, we were interested to see how Shonda will get Cristina to keep the baby if that's how the storyline goes,
I don't mean Cristina to come across as cold in this, because I think she is a strong women who has rightly chosen not to have children and I know people who have openly made that choice and are living full happy lives,
The ending may seem a bit flat but this is because I believe she will choose not to abort this baby for one reason she cant clearly choose because of her love for Owen.
I don't believe she's gonna suddenly love or be happy about her baby it will take time maybe even not untill its born and I want to explore that.
Ofourse you can disagree but try to be respectful and be honest and tbh id like your input into how u think she will choose to keep this baby.
thanks for reading their will be more chapters,
I don't have a bet if anyone wants the job please let me know grammer and spelling i suck at :)
And of course I do not own the characters in this story they belong to Ms Shonda Rhimes and ABC
She never expected to be lying on Meredith's sofa, which was not at all comfortable, the day had been long, and she wanted her bed, her pillow, she wanted Owen's worn out harvard tee-shirt that smelled just a little like him, she wanted to snuggle up to him as he slept, she wanted to hear his gentle snoring which she teased him about and now she found it hard to drop off without that snoring, she missed the way he constantly shuffled in bed, he missed him, she never thought he would ask her to leave, she thought he would understand, apparently not, how had they got here, and where do they go now ?
Her head hurt, she was exhausted from all the talking and thinking, but a niggling feeling was surfacing, was he right to be angry ? did she really think it through ? maybe a day wasn't long enough?, it was easier to think in the still quiet of the night, to focus on what he was asking her to do, to wait to not rush into a decision which is exactly what she had done and the reason he had gotten so angry.
Her last thought before she succumbed to sleep was;
"I love this man, I love him, I can't no I won't have his baby, but I will find a way to fight for him.
Cristina was awakened far to early by noise and babys crying, her head hurt, and now she felt sick too, she had arranged the day off for her termination but she had to get up out of this mad house she, grabbed her bag, and exited via the front door the fresh air making her feel fresher already, she was stopped by Meredith's hand on her arm,
"Were are you going?" the skinny blond looked exhausted herself having been kept up all night by a crying Zola and worry over her own marriage,
"I'm going home to find my husband and make him understand why I am doing this and then im going to attend my appointment and given you r curent situation I can't ask you to attend It wouldn't be fair. but I'll ask you to drive me home if you can,"
She smiled at her person, feeling awkward, her "sister" wanted a baby and yet couldn't and here she was throwing her's way , she suppressed that though, thinking like that would never get her through this day.
Meredith smiled sadly back "I get it I do, but for what its worth I think you could do this and you could do it well, but i love you no matter what because i'm the person who helps you drag the body along the floor remember?".
Cristina looked up at the firehouse, her home, she in all honesty didn't care were they lived and that wasent' even the PTSD talking, it was just her, she doesn't care, about housework, cooking, cleaning , decorating any of it.
To her a house is a place she is forced to be when they make her leave the hospital, when she has a day of here and there.
But then theirs Owen to him a house is a home, it's his sanctuary, he built it from scratch, spent hours sanding, painting, hammering getting excited over some million year old table or whatever, stocking his kitchen with food so she didn't starve, and other things men like to do, while she sat back and enjoyed the view, occasionally bringing him a beer, and trying to sound a little interested when he asked her what she wanted this colour to be etc, but in all honesty it wasn't until the fire house was finished she realised she had grown to love this place as much as Owen, she actually looked forward to coming home to this place she was happy just her and Owen and their fire house.
Now she wasn't sure, they were at a crossroads, it seemed they wanted different things, it was time he knew exactly her feelings on this pregnancy before it was too late, maybe he would understand and they would get through this ,she hoped so because the alternative was terrifying she need their to be "a her and Owen," she needed it as much as breathing.
She held her breath as she walked up the stairs, not scared of Owen but scared it was too late, and he would not listen not be interested but she knew deep down he would this is Owen, hes a good guy.
Owen stood up when he saw her enter the main room, his anger had evaporated somewhat from the night but seeing her again, he felt him self jump to the defensive,
Cristina spoke first she took a deep breath and began, "Im ready to talk now, maybe I was hasty last night, but this situation threw me, it scared me, it sadden me and frankly I felt you went listening to me before you get angry and throw me out just listen, "
Owen nodded and sat down at the bar stool, ready to listen.
"I believe their are people in this world who don't want children, and I am one of these people, I make no excuses for it and I make no apologies for it, I choose not to have children, that's it i'm not really sure why, maybe its because I lost my father ,or because of my mother and I never had much of a relationship with mother, maybe its because my career means I work long hours and simply have no energy for a child on top off all that, or maybe its because I simply just do not want them !
You know about burke you know how that ended, you know I made a similar choice then and I make no apologies I was an intern, I hated what happened to me but loosing the baby was a relief frankly,
If this makes me a bad person and makes my life empty then i'm sorry, because i simply dont see that.
I love you, i love my career, I tolerate my friends mostly and I love the life me and you have created together and thats enough for me its enough and I need you to know Owen Hunt , no ,I want you to know I need you in my life and there has to be a way round this,"
Owen took a deep breath, that was a lot of information to take in, he had wanted her to talk to him and now she was, but what she was saying was brutal it scared him the different views on their futre, she saw her life full without children and he saw it full with children, no not children, her children.
He stepped forward he felt awkward after last nights events, but they had needed space, and her honesty is what he wanted, he hated the way she shouted "I am saying no" last night as if he had no right to care or have an input and of course it was everything to know she needed him in her life, because he need her too.
He took her hands, and pulled her close, his eyes met her's "I see my life with you in it, I want you in it, I want you to be the surgen you dream of being and I believe you can have that life with or without children and yes I know people choose not to have children, but my augment is I could of lived without children, I was happy with our life too, but now its changed we have a baby and I want it so much."
She pulled away "More then me, ? more then our life, our marriage ?Owen you need to be clear because I'm doing this with or without you but I want so badly to do it with you"
Owen sighed a deep sigh, "I need time, can you give me it ? I will come with you because I love you, but Im going to need time to accept it, all I ask is don't do it today please please wait. can you do that?"
"Yes ok" she whispered.
"Thank you" he pulled in to a hug and they held each other desperately trying to hold on to what was slowly falling apart.
4 days later she was lying on Alex's bed, she hadn't moved back in yet, Owen was determined to suport her, but he wasn't ready yet, every day since the canceled appointment she found her self dialing that number but hanging up when the receptionist at the clinic answered and she frankly had no idea why, her resolve was weakening her love for Owen was blinding her,the more she thought about it, she knew she was terminating a part of Owen, and she wasnet even sure he would be able to handel this, that he would grow to resent her, and hate her for aborting his baby, and that scared her so bad, she didn't care what people thought, "call me a robot, a surgical junkie, insensitive, mean, unkind, cold, even selfish," but to think Owen could one day think all those things about her, near broke her heart.
But if she had the baby and he followed through and took leave or even gave up work, would he not eventually resent her working long hours while he was as home with a baby all day ? would she resent the baby,? would it grow up and resent her working so much ? would the baby feel neglected and unloved ? nno because owen wouldn't let that happen, she knew he wouldn't because he is a good guy and he will be wonderful father, he would love them both so much and do everything and anything for them and she knew he would never complain. And he would work again eventually, anyway she would never let him give up his career.
She sat up suddenly no she was weakening, she diled the clinic, and made her appointment for tomorrow then she rang owen.
Owen had been in surgery so she had left a message on his answer machine, she waited in the clinic ,hoping he came, she was nervous sat in the gown they gave her, sat on the table waiting, she really needed owen, he promised he promised,
They asked if she was ready, she wasn't her mind was full of doubt, her head wasn't clear, she needed him here to make her think clearly, she was about to answer when he came, silent he sat next to her, he took her hand, and she knew then, he was that man, the man who came to ur termination because he loved you, even though it was killing him, he was the guy who wouldn't let you exchange him for surgery, he was always there, she had pushed him away so many more times then she could count and he was always there, because he loved her.
She never wanted a baby or to be a mother that she was deadly sure about so this should be simple yet suddenly it wasent at all .
"I'm sorry" she said to the Doctor I'm not doing this,
she took hold of Owen "I cannot believe I'm doing this but I am not sure enough to go through with this, I can't do it,"
TBC.