Touched By an Angel
Chapter 1
"Buffy!"
Willow called, doing a mad dash down the corridor of the Dorm rooms where she and her best friend shared a room at Sunnydale University.
Buffy turned gave Willow a halfhearted attempt at a smile and continued walking towards their room.
"So..? How did it go? I mean...was it awful?" Willow's eyes were full of pity that for some reason irked Buffy. I mean, why did she always get that look when it came to all things Angel? Like it wasn't hard enough just seeing him…
"What is this? Some new torment you cooked up just for me?"
"No, I didn't want to torment you-"
"I can see you but you can't see me? What are we playing here?"
"We're not. We're not playing anything. I wrestled with this decision."
"Which you made without me."
"I tried to do what I thought was right."
"You didn't even feel that I was important enough to tell me you were there."
"I'm trying to explain, It's because I felt you were important that I didn't tell you."
"I'm sorry.. If I handled it wrong. I mean- What else was I 'sposed to do?"
"I dunno. I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not. I feel you. Inside. And it throws me."
"Throws me too."
"Buffy?..Buffy? Are you okay?" Willow's calling to her snapped Buffy out of her daydream, she furrowed her brows and snapped a terse "I'm fine Will..just..It took all night to get back here and..I really don't need the third degree from you."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted saying them, especially as she could see the hurt on her friend's face as she quickly masked it.
"Oh..sure..I get it..we'll talk later okay?"
"No Will..wait.." Buffy called as she hurried on past her down the hall.
Buffy let her hand drop to her side and sighed; softly saying "I'm just confused."
Meanwhile across in LA…
Angel sat at his desk, the curtains were closed and he stared down at his desk, holding the clock in his hands, it read 9:01am.
One day ago..
He thought, leaning his head back against the leather chair; One day ago I had everything in the world I wanted…and I had to give it back..Angel placed the clock back on the table and pushed back his chair, sliding open the draw in his desk, he took out a small black box. Inside was a bunch of papers, tied together with string, he pulled out a photo and held it up, a smile flickering across his dark features.
It was a picture of Buffy, taken a few weeks before Graduation; she was laughing at the camera and looked beautiful and carefree.
Angel ran his thumb over it and reminded himself for the thousandth time that he'd done what was right. What was expected.
You're all she can see of tomorrow…There are going to be hard choices ahead..If she can't make them, you're going to have to. I know you care about her…I just hope you care enough…
Angel's mind swam with the memories, God; he could still smell her here. Buffy…
Chapter 2
One Week Later…
"Yo..It's the Buffster.. Hey ya Buffy..how goes it?"
Xander smiled across at her as Buffy came into Giles' living room, it was a meeting of the Scooby's to find out how things went in LA. Well, technically, it was to check out what was up in the undead sector of Sunnydale, but Buffy knew that Giles really just wanted to find out how things went with Angel.
She shrugged and slid onto the couch, she felt oddly despondent and out of sorts, the feeling had been with her all week, since she got back from LA.
"I'm of the good I guess..how bout you Xander? How's life at home treating you?"
Xander smiled and gestured "Oh, just peachy..last night mom decided I needed some guidance..so she thought she'd have a nice talk to me about the possibilities that await me."
Buffy smiled and raised her brows, taking a cookie off the plate Giles offered her.
"And this was bad because..?"
Xander chuckled "Oh did I say it was bad? Just because she thought that guidance means telling me I'm a loser and will never amount to anything…"
Anya chimed in from the kitchen "He's been very sad. I had to have sex with him many times to make him happy."
Xander laughed embarrassed. "Ha ha..yes..and that was not supposed to be retold..Anya!"
Anya shrugged nonchetly "Why? they don't care..they have no lives apart from killing the dead."
Buffy looked amused and glanced at Giles, who simply sighed and removed his glasses, wiping the lenses with a handkerchief.
"Yes, well as thrilling as I'm sure Xander's eh.. personal life is..I think we should get to the point of this meeting."
Buffy sat up, suddenly feeling tense.
"Buffy..I take it you..eh.. Resolved things with Angel last week."
Buffy looked down and then made an effort to disguise the sudden pain in her stomach at the mention of Angel.
"Well..if by resolved you mean we yelled at each other and then I left..yeah, I'd say we pretty much did."
Xander gave her a reassuring touch on the shoulder.
She gave him a look and smiled a little, putting on her usual brave face.
"I'm okay..really, I just need to go.. pummel some vamps."
She stood and made her way to the door, ignoring Giles' anguished "But we haven't discussed the-" His last words cut off as Xander said something to him.
Probably saying something about cutting me some slack and letting me work my emotional angst off..
Buffy thought bitterly.Gah! what was wrong with her? These were her friends, who were just concerned about her.
***********
"I'm worried about him Doyle, he's never been this down after a Buffy visit. Well..as apposed to some of the things I remember." Cordelia sighed and glanced over her shoulder at Doyle, who was busy picking his teeth with a toothpick, Cordy made a face and exclaimed "Doyle! Hello? Are you even listening to me?"
Doyle blinked and chewed on the toothpick "Hey, I'm listenin' Cordy but as you said..He's just had a visit from Buffy..and..well, from wha' he told me..it was pretty intense."
"Duh!! It always is intense..but that's no reason for him to sit in there all week and be Mr Brooding Guy…"
Cordy stood and began pacing, Doyle glanced at her long legs appreciatively, God he loved her legs..well, he loved everything about her really…
He struggled to draw his thoughts away from the rather interesting images that he had of him and Cordelia..alone…with a large amount of whipped cream… Lord! Stop it man..she'll never want you like that..remember who's the demon in this situation…
"What we need.." He heard her saying as he flicked the toothpick at the trashcan "Is some sort of distraction..Doyle..Get a vision."
Doyle's brows rose and he gestured helplessly under her intense look. "Well, it's not like I can just ask for one Cordy..and they are rather painful to boot ya' know.."
"I'll buy a lifetime supply of painkillers?" Doyle could see that behind her nonchalant teasing she was truly worried about their friend, heck he was too, but how could they help?
After all, if anyone could commiserate about love that couldn't be, it was him, Doyle thought, casting a longing glance at Cordelia as she sat down at her desk and answered the phone.
Chapter 3
Five Weeks Later…
Buffy came out of the toilet stall and held her stomach, looking down at it apprehensively and with concern.
It had been troubling her for over a week and she'd just spent a large amount of the morning in the toilet throwing up her breakfast.
Willow was waiting for her as she came out, ashen faced, and her blond hair tied back in a bun. Willow looked alarmed and reached out a hand.
"Buffy…are you okay? You look..Awful."
Buffy managed a weak grin "Gee, thanks Will, and here I was hoping it could be a new look for me."
Willow frowned. "Maybe you should go see the doctor- I mean" she stuttered, off Buffy's surprised look "in case it's like a flu or something."
"But..I'm the Slayer..I don't get sick..well, not very often anyway."
Willow smiled indulgently and looped her arm through her best friend's. "I hate to say it Buff, but even super heroes aren't immune to the evil powers of the flu."
"Well, it's not fair..I should get to be immune like a bonus for saving the world so much." she grumbled, looking at her watch. "Well, I can't go today anyway, Giles wants me to patrol tonight."
"Oh, I could cover if you want, I'll call Xander and-"
Buffy interrupted "Willow..I'm sure I'll be fine..it's just a bug or something."
At 5 pm Buffy was feeling so sick she had to call Giles and ask if she could skip the patrolling tonight.
He was immediately concerned, asking her if she believed she'd been poisoned or if it was anything of the vampiric sort.
Surprised herself she replied in the negative, Giles told her to get some rest and to call him first thing if she still felt sick, she agreed and hung up, sitting on the edge of her single bed and staring at the phone for a minute, she tossed the idea around and then picked up the receiver, dialled the Sunnydale Doctor's office and made an appointment for the next day.
Lying down with a sigh she rolled onto her side and promised herself she'd feel great in the morning… Yeah, right..
Buffy nervously tapped her foot against the chair as she sat in the Doctor's office, awaiting him to return with her blood test results.
She'd actually come down this morning, and after a quick summation of her symptoms, he'd suggested a blood test to make sure she wasn't really sick.
"It'll take about a week for the results to come back."
Buffy had almost shrieked "A week?!..Can't you rush it..I really need to know what's wrong with me..today!.."
The doctor had argued that it was impossible till Buffy had snapped one of his stethoscopes. He'd been much more reasonable after that and hurried out of the room, leaving Buffy as she was now, waiting impatiently.
The door opened and Buffy glanced up to see the doctor coming back in, he had a funny expression on his face which Buffy didn't like one bit and sat there silently.
"Ms Summers…well..due to the circumstances..I suppose I can overlook your burst of destructive anger earlier as simply hormonal.." He smiled and clasped his hands together on the desk.
Buffy frowned "Hormonal? Think you could tell me in plain english?"
The doctor gave her an indulgent smile and nodded, clearing his throat and saying in a fatherly-like tone "Ms Summers..your pregnant."
Chapter 4
He went on to say something else but Buffy's mind had stopped just after he said that. Pregnant? Was he insane? It was impossible..well not impossible..but it was! How could I be..I haven't had sex since me and Parker.. Oh God! What if it was..? Nonono.. It couldn't be, we were protected and it was only that once…besides, that was ages ago..at least…
Buffy snapped back to attention and interrupted the doctor's spiel about responsibility and motherhood, saying in a pleading tone "Your wrong. You have to be wrong. I can't be..I mean, no offence but I think-I know your wrong..I haven't had ..done..it -in a long time." She finished lamely; feeling like her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth.
The Doctor didn't seem overly outraged at her accusation, he simply handed over the test results and waited while she read them, tears began to make Buffy's vision blur.
"It's not possible.." she croaked, resisting the urge to break down and sob like a 5 year old.
"Ms Summers-Buffy..I get the strong feeling that this was not a planned pregnancy and if this is the case, please let me remind you that there are services available..if you feel you aren't capable of having this child..I presume the father will want-"
"The father?..I..don't think he will.." she faltered, images of Parker's dark features swimming in her mind.
"I need..to go..think.." she mumbled, rising from her chair and picking up her coat.
The doctor stood and as she reached the door, she turned, looking at him, her blue eyes moist. "I don't suppose there's any way you can tell me how long I've been..?" she still couldn't seem to say it. That word.
He nodded, flicking over a sheet of paper "It says here.. five weeks..very early stage..the fetus is only about the size of my thumb right now but-"
Buffy almost ran out the door before she could hear anymore.
"Oh Buffy.. are you sure?..I mean..maybe he was mistaken..I've heard that sometimes the tests get switched..maybe they switched you with another woman's.. cause..you know.. pregnant?!" Willow babbled shocked, as she and Buffy sat in their dorm room, Buffy was holding a pillow in her arms, looking dejected and depressed.
"I know Will..I mean..I just keep thinking.. how is this possible? I mean.. it can't be Parker's..because we only had sex once, and we were protected..and that was over 2 months ago."
Willow nodded. "But..maybe you know..it broke..or something."
Buffy sighed and rubbed her eyes "That's what I thought at first..but Will..think about this for a minute.. the timing is off..if it was Parker's..i'd be further along than I am..I'm only five weeks and apparently it looks like my thumb." she said, looking at her hand.
Willow smiled and hugged her best friend.
"Wow. I mean…there's like a little Buffy, inside you.It's so weird..but kinda exciting too."
Buffy nodded, running her hands over her flat belly.
"Tell me about it. Willow..if the baby isn't Parker's, who's is it?" she asked quietly.
Willow glanced at Buffy, then looked away quickly, but Buffy had seen that look before.
"Will..what is it? tell me what your thinking."
"It's just.. it's been five weeks since you came back from LA. So I thought maybe.."
Buffy literally stopped breathing for a moment. Her thoughts began to race wildly as she thought about what Willow had just said.
Oh My God..She's right..but how could..? I mean we didn't even touch each other little own have sex.. and even if we did.. Angel can't…
Willow waited as Buffy thought about what she'd said.
"Your right..but nothing happened between me and Angel..I'd remember. I don't think I could ever forget something that happened between us." She said, hiding her pain at an old wound, which would never close.
Willow touched Buffy's hand.
"I know it makes no sense Buffy..but…I just feel like..this is connected with Angel."
Buffy looked around the room, then down at her hands. "I wish I could say I didn't."
Willow watched her. "What are you gonna do?"
Buffy stood up suddenly, pulling her T shirt down. "I guess I'm going back to LA."
Willow stood up too, her red hair falling into her eyes.
"What should I tell Giles and everyone..?"
Buffy shrugged, her bottom lip quivering, and she gave in at last to the tears that had been threatening to fall all day, two trickled down her cheeks as her face contorted with emotion.
"Oh my God..I'm so scared Will..I'm so fucking scared."
Willow took her in her arms and they held each other in the darkened room.
Chapter 5
Angel opened the cage and stepped out of the elevator that connected his home with the office, he was wearing a loose black cotton shirt and dark pants, he walked into the office and poured a cup of week old coffee, he turned and nodded at Cordelia, sipping the coffee and making a face.
"It's the cheap brand." Cordy said, reading his expression.
"Well, let's not buy the cheap brand from now on..let's go all out and buy one that tastes like actual coffee. Doyle in yet?"
"Yeah, he went to check out some vision he had."
Angel blinked and said quietly. "He had a vision? when? why didn't you tell me?"
Cordelia stood up, her cheeks reddening "Well, in case you didn't notice…you haven't exactly been around lately..so I figured I'd wait and let you rejoin society before telling you. Besides.." She added, remembering that Angel was in charge of her paycheck; "He only just had it a few minutes ago..said something about a bar downtown and a girl in trouble with a mob."
Angel pulled on his overcoat and nodded, placing the barely touched coffee on the table.
"I'm on it.."
"Well.." She said to herself as Angel left; "At least he's getting out of the house."
Buffy parked her car a block from Angel Investigations and got out, pushing her long blond hair from her eyes and squinting up at the sky.
It was a sunny LA day and she was regretting putting on her jeans and sweater, thinking longingly how much she'd prefer to have a dress on right now.
Getting her thoughts in order she began walking up the street, memories invading her head she remembered coming here after she'd killed Angel, how'd she'd tried so hard to pretend she wasn't the one, the Slayer. And for a while, it had worked, but then, as it inevitably always did, trouble came looking for her.
"But, but that's who you are and stuff, right? I mean, you help people…"
So she'd helped Lily, and in turn, helped herself get back to who she was, Buffy, The Vampire Slayer..chosen to fight evil and live in a constant state of readiness..and Oh God she'd been around Giles to long…
Turning the corner, she walked towards Angel's building and began her mental chant she'd been doing all the way from Sunnydale. You can do this..you can do this..
She pulled open the door and jogged up the stairs, stopping as she reached the outer doors to his office.
She stepped back and placed her hands to her face. God! What was she thinking? This was insane..she couldn't just run to Angel whenever things got rough…
But this time..things involve him.. somehow..Angel's involved in this..
A nagging voice in her head said.Buffy hesitated and pulled open the door, walking into the office, Cordelia was seated at the desk, talking excitedly on the phone to someone, when she saw Buffy come in, her eyes widened and she hung up quickly, standing up.
"Buffy!..hi..what are you doing back here..? Not that it's not great to see you but.."
Buffy smiled a little and looked towards Angel's office.
"Hi.. Cordy..is he here?"
Cordelia followed her eyes to Angel's office. "Well..he's sort of out on a mission with Doyle right now..see Doyle gets this vision-ey things , a present from The Powers That Be and then he tells Angel and we go-"
"Do you know when he'll be back?"
Buffy interrupted her, the ill feeling creeping through her body making her aggravated, she shut her eyes for a minute. "It's just.. really important that I speak to him..something has happened and I don't-"
"Know how to deal with it..right." Cordy finished for her, a glimmer of anger shining in her dark eyes.
"Look..no offence Buffy..I know you and Angel have this whole tortured past dealio going on, but it's taken me this long to get him to come out from his little Batcave since your last visit."
Buffy blinked, wondering where this attack was coming from.
"I thought you said he was out.."
"He is..but that's not the point!"
Buffy was beginning to get pissed now "Oh there's a point? That would be a change."
Cordelia sighed and came around the desk.
"I'm just trying to tell you that whenever you come here..me and Doyle are left to pick up the vampire pieces."
"Whatever okay..you don't know anything about my relationship with Angel..I'm going to wait in his office."
Buffy strode past her and shut the door, Cordelia watched her, mouth open. I swear, if she wasn't ten times stronger than me..I'd hurt her.
Chapter 6
Buffy sat in Angel's office, her chin resting on her knees, brooding much like Angel usually did in the same chair.
Cordelia's bitchy remarks had really hurt her as much as she'd like to pretend they hadn't. What right did she, of all people have to attack her ?
She sighed and was just about to go ask if Angel would mind her crashing in the office when she heard footsteps and low voices outside, she also heard a female voice, Cordy no doubt, informing them of her presence, then almost at the same time as she stood up, the door opened and Angel stood there, watching her with his dark eyes.
"Buffy."
"Angel."
The way he said her name always sent shivers down her spine, she held her hands behind her to hide her trembling as he shut the door, both of them awkwardly standing there.
Part of her, the naive part, wanted so much to run into his strong embrace and have him sooth her fears, but the other half, the part that knew exactly where that would lead, just stood there, watching him. Waiting for him to say something, anything.
She was here, in his office.
As she stood there, reading his mind with her beautiful eyes he had to literally squeeze the back of his chair to prevent himself taking her in his arms.
Of course, considering only he knew that little under a month ago she had been here..in his arms..and they had…
Angel swallowed and watched her more closely, she was upset. He had always been able to read her emotions; her face was always the best way to tell what she was feeling. His Buffy, his heart's love.
"Uh..your back..what's wrong..I mean..I assume you're here because something's wrong." he said, sitting on the edge of his desk, picking up a pen and playing with it while he spoke. Hell, he needed something to keep his hands off her.
She nodded, looking at him then down at her hands, she pondered just bursting out with "Hey so guess what I'm pregnant and I think it's yours." but thinking that maybe wasn't the wisest way to go she said softly "Yeah, there is something..wrong..well, that is..it's not a bad kind of wrong..but um..I just…I don't know what I'm supposed to do..about it..this thing that's bad."
She was babbling and she knew it, but if she quit talking she'd cry and she wasn't prepared to let him see her cry, not yet anyway…
Chapter 7
Angel frowned, he knew something was up, and it was serious, she was trying not to cry, he knew it from the moistness of her eyes, he ached to hold her to make it all better but he knew that would lead to something else entirely…
"What is it? What's wrong? Buffy..you can tell me." he said softly, his brown eyes full of concern for her.
She bit her lower lip, her chin wobbling as she said in a broken voice "Angel..I'm pregnant."
A tear escaped from her eye and made a silvery trail down one flushed cheek as she continued on; "And I-I don't know how it can be.. because I haven't..with anyone..at least not recently..and I just-I don't know what to do.."
Angel's lips parted in silent shock as he watched her pouring out her grief, he sat there, looking like he'd been smacked in the face, his eyes widened as he struggled to comprehend what was happening.
Buffy sniffed and wiped her nose on her arm, looking at Angel curiously. 'What?..what's the matter?"
Angel stood up, backing up a step and touching his head "I don't..I mean..it's impossible..they said they erased it..so how could this happen..?"
Buffy frowned, confused at his behaviour "They erased what? Angel..what are you talking about?"
"Buffy.." he stepped forwards, allowing himself to touch her face for a minute, her cheek wet from crying, he brushed away a tear with his thumb.
"I think I know what's happening, I don't understand how it could have happened but your pregnancy.. The Powers That Be are responsible."
Buffy shut her eyes as he touched her, her body responding to his touch the way it always did, instant submission, she struggled to comprehend what he said, looking at him like he'd grown a second head.
"Your saying the Powers That Be got me pregnant? You know how wack that sounds?"
Angel shook his head, trying hard to hold himself together. He'd have to tell her about the day. The one they took back, something had gone wrong and now she was with child..his child.. Angel almost smiled at the thought of Buffy having his baby but as he looked at her now, so lost, so scared, his heart almost ripped in two as he realised what he had to tell her.
"Buffy..when you were here before..when that demon attacked us and I killed it..the reason that I knew how to destroy it was because I'd faced it before..here.."
Buffy shrugged, not seeming to grasp the relation to what was happening now.
"So..this relates how..?"
Angel sighed and spoke slowly, not wanting to let her suffer more than was necessary but needing her to understand.
"It relates because I'd done it before. The same day..we..had done it before.." As the realisation dawned in Buffy's eyes he quickly continued before she could speak; "we hunted him down, and then when we separated I fought him and his blood turned me human..we..were together..for the day..but then I realised how futile and weak I was human..and I also knew..that I couldn't protect you..or anyone else..like I was..so they gave us the day back..and you only remember what we did the second time around."
Angel waited in agonised silence as Buffy took this all in, she stared at him in horror, her eyes expressing the hurt she felt, then, just as suddenly she punched him, sending him reeling back against the desk in surprise.
"You bastard!.." she cried out, new tears appearing in her eyes as she said in a pained voice "All..this time..you knew. You knew what had happened..and you never told me..you just thought it was okay to keep that from me..and now I'm pregnant..because of it..and you-you didn't tell me..Angel, how could you? We were together..after everything..and you just said 'No thanks' and gave it back?!"
Angel was crying by this time now, he reached out to hold her and she pushed him away.
"Don't you come near me.. I can't believe..Oh God.." She sobbed, and opened the door, colliding with Cordy and Doyle, who both fell backwards onto the floor, they jumped up, Cordy straightening her dress.
"We were just.. uh.. Cleaning the door."
Buffy ignored them, to distressed to say anything, she just kept going towards the door, Angel came out after her, his lip bleeding.
"Buffy! wait..where are you going?"
She stopped, gripping her jacket in her fingers so tight her knuckles turned white.
"I'm going to deal with this..on my own.."
Angel stepped forwards, also seeming to forget Cordelia and Doyle's presence for a minute.
"You can't deal with something like this by yourself. Dammit..Buffy..let's just go to the Oracles and-"
"What for!" Buffy said, turning around enraged. She was so incredibly angry right now. Angry with Angel for not telling her, angry at the Powers for taking it away from her, Angry at the whole fucking situation. "So you can ask them to take back this as well!?"
Her comment stung and Angel felt it right down to his soul, walking towards her, he stopped a few inches away, looking down at her, his eyes betraying his emotional state.
"So we can find out how it happened..and..what to do...Buffy.." He added, and she nodded, shutting her eyes as fresh tears sprung from the corners, she leaned forwards and Angel took her into his arms, pulling her close, inhaling the familiar smell of her hair, he shut his eyes, feeling her small body racking with sobs.
"It's okay..I'm here…I won't let you go through this alone..I swear..Shh.."
Chapter 8
You are the light that is leading me to the place where I find peace again,
You are the strength that keeps me walking, You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul, you are my purpose, you are everything…
Angel watched Buffy sleeping in his bed and was struck by how familiar it seemed to him. Not only because she had, in fact slept there with him but also because she was what he saw every night in his dreams.
He came to the realisation that she truly was a part of himself, he smiled wearily and stood watching her for a moment longer, tracing the contours of her small body with his eyes, memorising her peaceful expression, he turned after another minute and walked out, knowing he would have to go talk to Cordy and Doyle, who were undoubtedly confused as all hell.
Utter perfection…
That was how Buffy felt…Okay, you could get rid of the whole pregnancy angle and Angel being a vampire part, but aside from that, she felt pretty good being tucked in his bed.
She didn't even have to open her eyes to know that he was standing there, watching her sleep..he used to do that when she fell asleep at his old place in Sunnydale and oddly, it was reassuring to her to just feel him, in that sixth sense kind of way.
A peaceful smile curved her lips and as she let her eyes drift open, she could just make out Angel's figure receding into the darkness, she ought to have wondered where he was going, but his bed was so soft and smelt reassuringly like him…
"So..let me get this straight..you knocked Buffy up 5 weeks ago on a day when you became human which the Powers That Be took back because you asked them too and somehow Buffy still got pregnant."
Doyle looked at Cordelia and pointed at Angel, who was leaning against a wall in the office above his house where Buffy was sleeping.
"The man just said that didn' he?"
Cordy tilted her head at Doyle and raised a brow "Hey, I was just making sure I got everything…and another thing..how come noone told me about this missing day?"
She gave Doyle a pointed look as she said "noone".
Doyle looked trapped and spluttered indignantly "Well- I.. he wouldn't let me..I swear.."
"Noone was supposed to know Cordy, that was the whole point." Angel said from the shadows, his mind firmly focused on Buffy's situation.
"Well..that one worked out well.. gotta love those Powers That Be."
Doyle looked up at Angel, his green eyes illuminated by the light falling across him from the lamp.
"What do you want to do Angel?"
Angel chewed on his lower lip a moment, looking back at Doyle, his gaze flickering to Cordy for a minute.
"I think we should go see The Powers That Be.. I have a gut feeling they know about this.."
"Right.. okay…" Cordy said, standing as Angel and Doyle made their way towards the door, Angel held out a hand, touching Cordy on the arm.
"Cordy..I need you to stay here..look after Buffy." Angel's eyes pleaded with her to simply cooperate, she nodded slowly.
"Sure..no problem.."
Chapter 9
"This is not a matter for the oracles to debate Angelus..we did as you bidded us too. What has occurred with the Slayer is not possible."
"But it has occurred, and I think you guys know something about this..how could Buffy be pregnant if you reversed everything-" Angel was interrupted by the female Oracle, her blue skin glowing faintly in the light from the doorway which illuminated both she and the male Oracle.
"We didn't reverse anything, we simply stopped the day from happening. If what you tell us is true then it is not of our causing."
Angel frowned and looked at them in undisguised confusion. "Your saying something else did this..why?"
The Oracle male smiled at his female counterpart and clasped his hands in front of his scaley blue skin. "Your asking the wrong questions, Angelus…while we assure you we had nothing to do with the Slayer's situation..it may well prove to be a good thing. After all, you both play an integral part in the war raging as we speak, what would ensure ever lasting safety more than the culmination of both of your talents..A child born of the Slayer and the vampire with a soul."
Angel shook his head and said slowly "There must be another way..something..how can she protect herself and a child..how can I be there for her if I need to be here?"
The Oracles began to move towards the doorway which flooded the small room with brilliant light.
"That is not our concern, we have helped as much as we can."
Buffy stood under the warm water of Angel's shower savouring the feel of the beads of water on her skin.
She had woken up just before dawn and for a brief moment had wondered where she was, about to ask Willow before she recollected the past few weeks with a heavy heart.
She stepped out and wrapped a fluffy white towel around her glowing skin, rubbing her wet hair with her hand, she went to open the door but it was opened for her, a shirtless Angel appearing in the doorway, she blinked and felt her cheeks flushing as her eyes took in the delectible image of him, he appeared to be just as embarressed and they stood there for what seemed like ages before he said "Oh..I didn't realise..sorry…" he went to back out as Buffy went to leave, saying "No..it's my bad, your shower..I'll just.." they ended up pressed together in the doorway, the close proximety making Buffy gulp and suck in her breath.
Angel stared down at her, his lips parting as he watched her so close to him, without even a second thought he lowered his head, Buffy leaning up at the same time, their lips inches apart, before Angel stopped himself.
Buffy hesitated, reading his stopping as a rejection she put her hands to her face and smiled.
"I should go…put clothes on." Angel merely nodded.
"So..I'm gonna go do that..the clothes, and you can..in here.." she said, gesturing at the shower, and then at Angel.
He moved into the bathroom, then, as Buffy walked towards his bedroom, he called "Buffy.."
She spun, as though waiting for his call "Yes?"
He smiled a little, walking towards her. "My towel.."
Buffy looked down, as though just realising she had it on herself. she smiled "Oh!..sorry..I'd give it to you now but the whole naked thing might be-" she faltered, reading in his eyes that he knew exactly that she was naked underneath.
"..Bad." She finished in a barely audible whisper.
"Buffy.. " Angel breathed softly, his husky voice making her knees buckle, she fell forwards and Angel grabbed her upper arms to hold her steady, the towel which she had haphazardly tucked under her arms fell down, and for the breifest moment she was utterly exposed.
Angel's eyes never left hers as his grip on her arms slowly loosened and he let his fingers trail down her skin, causing a rush of heat down her body, deep down into her belly, where all the muscles contracted, her most intimate part, that part of her which was utterly feminine felt his touch like a thousand knifes touching her skin.
She stood frozen, her lips parted as she let out a pent up breath, Angel's hands reluctantly fell from her arms, and for just a moment his gaze dipped lower, tracing the contours of her small body with his eyes.
She felt the blood thudding in her temples as she allowed him to look at her, only once had he seen her so totally naked and that had been the night of her birthday, when he had taken her to wild extremes of pleasure, the likes of which she had never even dreamt of.
He had been so tender that night that she had felt liable to combust from the sensations he had created in her body.
As Angel's gaze dipped even lower, resting on her small stomach, he noticed a small bump there, barely nothing, but still..it was the sign that life was beginning inside her. Life that he had helped create.
"You need to go get dressed." He choked out, barely suppressing the urge to pull her onto him and fulfil the desire that was building inside him, her warmth so enticing that he had to turn and walk away, he was disgusted with himself. Here she was, trusting him to take care of her because of what he'd caused to happen, and all he wanted was to make crazy love to her, to make her scream his name as he drove into her body.. Oh God!
Angel turned the water on as cold as it would go and jumped in, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes, letting the tempid water ease his body's longing. Nothing would cure it entirely however, nothing ever had. Only once had he experienced what it truly was to be at one with another and the cost had been his soul.
He couldn't afford to give in again… not now. Not ever.
Chapter 10
When Angel finally came out of the bathroom after a somewhat prolonged cold shower he felt better, more in control of himself, although he couldn't help the way his body acted when he got to close to Buffy, he did have control over his mind and he was doggedly determined not to get involved.
That was, of course, until he walked into his bedroom and noticed a vase of daisies had been put there while he was in the bathroom.
I was a very female thing to do and he knew that Buffy must have placed them there, he walked over and stood over them, staring down at the delicate flowers as though they were some strange creature.
He clenched his jaw and ran a hand along his neck. How was he supposed to hold true to his resolve when she did things like this?
Sighing, he realised with a start that Buffy wasn't there. He couldn't sense her anywhere, fighting down his instinctive reaction to call out her name and run through the apartment, he instead went through each room carefully, then walked to the elavator and rode it up, fighting to keep cool.
She's a big girl.. so what if she's gone out.. it's not like she's going to run off..not with the baby..
Despite his internal fretting, his face remained impassive as he walked into the office and found her there, sitting chatting to Cordelia and Doyle.
She was smiling at something Doyle was saying, shaking her head, then he noticed Angel and nodded at him, Buffy turned, a slight flush staining her cheeks as she regarded him cooly.
"Hey Angel..I didn't know how long you'd be so I.. came up here..Doyle's been keeping me entertained with stories of what you guys do.. how come you never told me you can sing?"
Angel turned, fighting the urge to return the infectious grin on her lips.
"I dunno.. I guess I never thought it was important. Listen, Buffy I spoke to the Oracles..they don't know who did this to you..but we need to find out what intervined and made you pregnant."
Buffy's smile faded as she realised Angel was pretending nothing had almost happened downstairs. He had gone into business mode, a sure sign he was effected as much as she was by being so close together.
Buffy stood up and pulled down her T shirt, Angel noticed that her stomach looked more swollen now than it had previously, he wondered how that was possible in such a short period of time.
"I think-I mean I was thinking… Angel, we need help with this, I'm going to call Giles."
Angel nodded slowly. "You might be right, we could do with his expertise, ask him to look up anything regarding prophercies regarding a child born from a vampire and a slayer."
Buffy nodded and moved towards the phone, she suddenly gasped and grabbed at her stomach, Angel was at her side in an instant, Doyle and Cordy exchaging worried looks as they stood.
"Buffy what is it?" Angel asked, holding her upright.
Buffy shut her eyes, her hands running over her stomach. "I felt.. the baby.. something's not right..-Angel.." she whispered, looking up at him for an instant before she fainted, Angel's grip tightened as he gently picked her up, Cordelia looked at Angel.
"What's going on Angel?"
Angel shook his head, distress clearly written on his face, he looked down at Buffy and held her tight, moving towards the elavator.
"Call Giles.. tell him we need him up here.. now."
Chapter 11
Giles had never felt less in control then he did right now.
He had received a cryptic phone call from Cordelia telling him to in her own words to "get his english behind out to L.A".
"Cordelia.. what is the matter? Why on earth-?"
"It's Buffy."
Now here he was trying frantically to control his urge to make the Taxi go faster.. he swore Americans drove worse than the English, he really did.
He had left instructions with Willow not to tell the others anything until he had contacted her, after the phone call from Cordelia, Willow had spilt her secret, that Buffy had gone to see Angel after discovering she was pregnant.
Giles felt conflicting emotions raging within. On the one hand, he felt protective towards her as he always had, he loved her deeply, she had always been to him as he hoped a daughter would have and he was anxious to reach her side immediantly.
"…you have a father's love for the child and that is useless to the cause."
On the other hand, he was still her Watcher, and he knew that this seriously jepodised her ability to fight the vampires, especially with an infant.
What could she have been thinking? I doubt she was thinking…at least not with her head at any rate…
Angel gently placed a cool washer on Buffy's forehead, she was burning up, and her breathing came in soft gasps.
She had yet to wake from her fainting spell for more than a moment, and now she had lapsed into a fever-like state.
Angel gently pressed the wet material against her hot skin and then stopped, his brown eyes full of sorrow at seeing her this way.
She should be at home, fighting the vampires and living her life…instead she's stuck here, carrying my child and suffering..again…
"I'm sorry Buffy.. I'm so sorry." He whispered hoarsely, bending over to place a kiss to her warm forehead.
She whimpered softly, her body moving fitfully as she fought against something he couldn't kill, couldn't reason with…and he hated it. Oh how he wished he could just reach in and pull her back..he couldn't lose her…not again.
Angel woke up suddenly, he had fallen asleep in the chair beside his bed, his head had fallen forwards onto the bed, resting by Buffy's limp arm.
He looked up and found Buffy regarding him silently, her hand had been stroking through his hair as he slept, their eyes connected and it took a moment for him to realise she was awake.
"Buffy?..How long have you been awake?"
She lifted her shoulders slightly and he realised her forehead was beaded with sweat, she was still feverish.
He grabbed the bowl of water and squeesed the sponge out, he sat down next to her and placed it against her forehead gently.
"Angel..I feel so sick…but I need to get up..I have to get up..I need to patrol." She muttered quietly, leaning her cheek against his cool hand.
He sighed and nodded, she was talking nonsense of course, but it brought back memories for Angel and he felt her warm skin against his, he tried to lift his hand, but Buffy reached upwards with her hand.
"Angel…hold me..please."
He hesitated only a moment, he gently shifted her over a bit and lay down beside her, putting his arm around her slender body and inhaling the unforgettable fragrance of her hair.
"Buffy..I'm going to find out what's going on here..I promise, Giles is coming too..so your not going to be alone."
"Mmm.." She muttered, and lay her head on the pillow, Angel's arm was trapped around her neck, so he had to lean down to gently pull it out from underneath her, as he leant down, Buffy's arm came up around his neck and she pulled him down towards her, placing her lips against his in a soft embrace.
Angel felt himself falling into that black chasm which was Buffy, he responded to her kiss as he always had, with helpless abandonment.
Buffy sighed against his lips, her breath escaping against his and Angel shut his eyes, slowly pulling back and regarding her laying beneath him.
She had fallen into her fitful sleep again, her kisses had been ones mixed in with her fevered state, but he had felt that same chemistry explode between them as always, he rolled onto his side and lay beside her, one hand stroking through her damp hair, he leant forwards and placed a kiss to her forehead.
"I love you.." He whispered, his brown eyes moist as he regarded his beloved suffering so beside him.
"'Love you..Angel.." Buffy murmered, her head dropping down as she dropped off once more.
Cordy grabbed a page coming through the copier as the door to the office opened and Giles walked through, looking uncharacteristically out of sorts.
"Where is she?"
Doyle sat up, lifting the heavy tomb of a book off his chest and blinking.
"How should I know? I swear people always assume that jus' cause I have a thing for Co-"
He stopped as he realised it wasn't Angel peering down at him over the top of wire-rimmed glasses.
"Doyle, Giles. Giles..this is Doyle..he's Irish." Cordy explained apoligetically, sending Doyle a death glare, to which he looked back at sheepishly and silently prased the God's he hadn't mentioned Cordy's name.
Idiot..
He told himself silently, standing and extending a hand towards Giles, who regarded him absently and looked back to Cordelia."Yes, right O, nice to meet you Doyle, I've heard about you from Cordelia here. Where is Buffy? And is she-?"
"She's fine."
Angel spoke from the doorway, his tall form having silently watched the conversation, waiting for a moment, so he could collect himself enough to address Giles. He had always held a deep respect for the Watcher, especially since he had tortured him as Angelus and Giles didn't seem to hold it against him, at least, not visably.
Giles studied Angel for a moment, a mixture of emotions shining in his dark eyes, he dropped his bag on the couch.
"Take me to her. I need to speak to her."
Angel glanced down, standing upright from the door frame, he studied his hands a moment, then looked up as he replied softly.
"She's resting. She fainted this afternoon after Cordelia phoned you. She's in some sort of delirious state."
Giles walked up towards Angel. He voice was steady as a rock, never wavering, and his body conveyed that of a coiled spring, ready to attack if given the motive.
"I hold you responsible for this. You should have known better. To put her in such danger, not only for herself, but for those she knows..for the demons she has to fight. It was irrasponsible and stupid."
Angel stared right back at Giles, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he replied in the same, solid voice.
"I know. I accept full responsiblity for everything. Buffy isn't at fault here."
"Yes, she is. Both of you knew the chances you took each time you were together. You temporarily being human changed nothing. What if what's inside her is dangerous? What if it is a tool of evil? Did you even consider-! No, no of course you didn't. Either of you. Too wrapped up in the lust of the moment to pause to consider the consequences of your actions-"
Angel inturrupted him, gesturing with a hand, his own anger flaring to life in responce to Giles'.
"Look, I know all this. You think I don't feel guilt? You think I don't wish every second that I could make this go away? She is everything to me. You know that. I left because of that. what happened was stupid, I know. But right now, we need to work together...for Buffy."
Cordelia and Doyle glanced from Giles to Angel, watching the play off in tense bewilderment, mostly on Doyle's part. He didn't have a clue why there was such tension between the two men, aside from scraps of info that Cordy had whispered to him during the moments they weren't helping Angel and Buffy.
Chapter 12
Buffy's eyelashes fluttered as she blinked a few times, her pupils dilating as she tried to focus in on the face peering down at her.
"..angel..?" She whispered hoarsely, pushing at the hair on her cheeks, as a hand gently but firmly pushed her back down.
"Rest. It's okay. Your fine." She knew the voice, it was one she knew very well, she loved that voice, in a different way to Angel, but she loved it.
"Giles.. "
Giles smiled wearily, pressing the cool washer against her burning forehead.
"Your okay Buffy. I've been researching what's going on. Your pregnancy. It was foretold, but there is something that I-"
"It's okay Giles. It's okay.." She murmured, coughing and placing a hand against her swollen stomach, which was expanding by the hour now.
"No, no.. Buffy.. there is something which you must know. The child..it will kill you."
Buffy opened her blue eyes at hearing this, regarding Giles with a confused air about her, her lips forming a line as she croaked out softly.
"What?"
Giles rubbed his forehead anxiously with his glasses in his hand, looking from Buffy to a tomb he had resting in his lap.
"The child..it was to be born at this time...and it was to be a warrior, born to defend the earth of the scurge that is to come. But the cost..the cost was to be the death of the mother, the Slayer."
"Your telling me my baby is going to kill me?" She asked, trying to comprehend what she'd just been told.
"Unless.. unless we preform a special chant and rid you of the child then you will be spared.. this will all be over and-"
"Your asking me to kill my baby! How can you ask me to do that?"
Giles looked pained and he reached out to comfortly touch her shoulder, but Buffy, sitting up now, brushed his hand away.
"I want to talk to Angel."
"Very well.. he's upstairs. I'll get him."
"Giles.." Buffy started, as he walked towards the door, he turned, looking at her silently. Anything she wanted to say was said for her in her countenance, and Giles smiled slightly and left.
Angel clasped Buffy tightly and pressed a kiss to her temple, as she leaned into his chest.
"Angel..Giles said…H-how can he think that we can.?"
Angel looked into her eyes, those eyes that so many times had confessed undying love for him and sighed, he couldn't ask her to give up their child. God how he wanted to hold their baby in his arms and know it was theirs. That Buffy gave him the greatest gift in the world. But he couldn't live without her in the world. He just couldn't. He wouldn't bear it.
"I-I know. Buffy.. "
She cut him off by pressing her lips against his. He opened his mouth and accepted her kisses. A groan was torn from his throat as he pressed her softness against his body. God how he wanted her. His hand ran its way down her side and he held it over her swollen stomach, holding it there, feeling the heartbeat of the baby inside her.
"Angel.. I can't kill this baby. Who-who knows if we could ever have any more children? It's ours.." Tears streaked their way down her cheeks and he felt his own prick with tears unshed.
"I know. But Buffy if we don't do this, you'll die. And I can't let that happen. Don't you see?"
"No! No I don't see! I'm having this baby..I know what the propechy says, and I don't care. Angel, promise me..if anything happens to me, you'll take care of our child. Promise me.."
Angel let out a anguished sob and pulled Buffy to his chest, rocking her back and forth, and there they sat, holding onto each other, long into the night. Giles sat in the next room, head buried in a pile of books.
Chapter 13
Look into my eyes and you will see
What you mean to me.
Search your heart, search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
Don't tell me it's not worth dying for
You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you..
Buffy went into labour 10 hours later. Giles, Cordy, Doyle and Angel were constantly at her side. Angel in particular seemed insistant on being present throughout the entire ordeal.
Buffy was coated in sweat and her breath was coming in great gulps. She kept her eyes focused on Angel, who gripped her hand just as tight as she did his.
"One more push Buffy..one more and it's over.." Angel said quietly, lifting her hand and kissing it gently, Giles was at her legs, ready to take possession of the child once born. The blood was endless and he was coated in sweat himself. He didn't need to tell Angel that it was serious. She was hemmoraging badly.
"She's out! Oh my God.. Buffy.. you have a daughter!" Cordelia said, lifting her up in her arms, Doyle beaming beside her.
Giles cut the cord and wrapped the squealing infant in a blanket, his own tears threatening to overcome him. Angel's were already streaming from his eyes as he took the tiny form of his daughter into his arms. His mouth opened, but he could say nothing as her tiny limbs wriggled in the blanket.
"Buffy.. it's our baby." He whispered, laying her beside the defeated and exhasted mother. Buffy had trouble even opening her eyes, her skin was pale and clammy, but she managed to smile and gently stroke her daughter's head. Then, she raised a hand to Angel's cheek and looked deep into his dark eyes.
"I-love you."
"I love you. Forever. Forever my darling."
"F-forever.."
And the Slayer's eyes closed for the last time.
The End.