This is my absolute first time doing this. I am sure there are a lot for Grammar errors (Sorry I will work on that) please be kind I am really trying...

I do not own anything

Clary sat waiting. That seemed like all she knew how to do anymore, wait for the next phone call, the next text, the next sympathetic visit form a concerned Simon.

It had been a short three months since Jace's death by the lake. The Angle was unwilling to return him to Clary no matter how much she begged. She was lost at the moment and without Jace, and she knew she would never be able to be the same.

"Clary, Are you awake?" It was Isabelle she must have drawn the short stick to have to come check on the pyscho in ward one.

"I am you can come in" I was sitting in my bathrobe it had officially been three days since I had showered and my stench was more than rank, I was sure I had dark shadows under my eyes but let's face it I wasn't looking in a mirror anytime soon.

"Clary you look like shit! When was the last time you slept?"

"I really don't know, I can't sleep every time I try I see….. I see Jace his beautiful face and it just kills me too much. I can't even imagine what this looks like I know I seem crazy but I loved him so much more than anyone seems to understand. I am in physical pain being away from him."

Isabelle sat down next to me, wearing her concern deep in her eyes, she was officially afraid for me.

"I have something for you, Magnus made it. It will help you sleep with NO dreams. You need this Clary you need to shut your big green eyes and sleep. Jace is gone but you are still here and we need you, he still needs you in this fight and he would never believe you were sitting her mourning him instead of doing something about it!|"

Isabelle sat up her long hair falling around her shoulders; the scent of her shampoo filled the air of sweet peaches. As she walked to the door she turned and looked at me I was sure at first it was in disgust but then I saw the hurt in her eyes. She had after all lost a brother correction two brothers. The last thing she needed was to be playing nurse maid to me.

She took a deep breath about to say something when I interrupted her.

"You loved him didn't you? Not just brotherly sisterly love but actual love? The kind that hurts more when you can't have them then when you can?"

She hesitated before saying.

"Yes I loved him, he was my lover for years but the feelings I had were one sided. He meant the world to me and his happiness was always important. I knew I lost him that first night, in pandemonium the way he lusted after you so. That was the last time he ever touched me as a lover. That was the night I truly became his sister" her eyes had glossed over and she left me to my thoughts of lost love of pain and of sorrow….

Darkness…

Clary held the glass full of black liquid. Black come one Magnus why not white or pink nothing that was this dark of a liquid could possible taste good.

Licking her lips she could feel the dry chapped skin flake off, she pressed the cup to her lips and began to drink the surprising delicious liquid, it was a flavor she had never experienced in her life, but right away it made her feel light and groggy. Barley making it to her bed she sprawled out and waited for the darkness to take her….

She awoke in for the first time in weeks feeling refreshed. She reached for her phone on the bed side table 2:30 PM! She had slept an entire day away. She sat up and put her feet on the cold floor of her room, she had been staying at the institute since coming back to New York. Her mother didn't know how to deal with her mourning and Luke had suggested this living arrangement to Clarys relief.

Stretching Clary decided it was time to take a shower and maybe even brush her hair, the red curls were matted and she knew it would take a lot of conditioner to tame those tangles. Walking into the bathroom she avoided the mirror and went straight to the shower turning on the water to super hot. She needed to melt away all this filth. Steam began to fill the bathroom and she opened the shower door and stepped in.

Her skin more sensitive than usual looked like a bright red tomato but she didn't care she was enjoying the warmth the water was bringing to her. She lathered shampoo in her hair it was a familiar scent and it made her feel like she was Clary again. After rinsing out the shampoo and putting conditioner in twice she turned off the streaming water and reached for a towel….

"Damn." She had of course forgotten to grab one out of her closet. Opening the door that lead from the bathroom to her bedroom she was muttering to herself.

"The angle Clary you have to pull yourself together"

Dripping wet and completely naked she finally grabbed a towel and began to dry off. When she heard his voice.

"Looks like I missed out on all the fun."

Dropping her towel her heart beating like a humming birds she slowly turned around, she knew this couldn't be real it was a dream just a dream. But before she could convince herself anymore she felt lips pressing hard against hers. Her eyes were wide open in shock as he pulled his face away showing his world famous smirk.

"Miss me?"

It was Jace…..