I only wanted to be with you
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
I only wanted to be with you
He sat unmoving at her bedside, feeling the swirl of overwhelming emotions inside and trying not to let them escape. He'd never meant for this to be how it all ended and she'd never understood. He regretted so much and she'd never known that, never would have the chance.
All the horrendous things Manticore had made him do and still, years later, this was still the one he loathed the most.
He bit his lip, leant in closer and whispered, "I'm sorry, Rachel." He blinked back unfamiliar tears, wondering why people allowed themselves to get attached when attachments caused such pain, why Max pushed for the transgenics to form normal relationships.
"I didn't know, Rachel, I swear I didn't know what it would be like. I never wanted you to be hurt . . . I tried to do the right thing." He picked up her hand, aware of its fragility, the light flicker of her pulse in her wrist, so faint and weak. "I never got the chance to explain. I didn't know, Rachel, I didn't know how wrong what they wanted me to do was."
He dashed his free hand across his face. "Shit!" his voice was choked. "I wish I could change it all, wish they'd never sent me on that mission. You would never have understood what my life was like . . . I didn't know any different . . . You – you were the first person to ever look at me, the first person to ever make me think that I could be something other than a soldier. I'm not human, Rachel, I'm not real . . . I'm a genetic toy, a fucked-up soldier, but . . . you showed me there was something else."
"Rachel, I wanted to be with you . . . that was true I promise. I wanted to save you, not . . . not this, never this."
He leant closer, resting his head on their entwined fingers, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have her hand resting on his cheek, her fingers threading through his hair. "The only thing I've ever wanted just for me was to be with you."
He heard a noise behind him, knew it was Mr Berrisford. He wondered for an instant if he died what would happen next. Turning slowly, he let Rachel's hand slip back to the bed and turned to face her father, hoping.