So, yesterday I finished reading the last book, and I was utterly frustrated. And sad. And angry. And wanting to summon Bartimaeus and ask him why the hell didn't he stop Nathaniel and try something. I mean, Barty's such a lucky bastard; he would manage to make the both of them survive!

Although I do understand why Jonathan Stroud did it, because it makes sense - I can't see a clearer way of saying "This story is over forever" - it doesn't mean I have to like it and agree with it, right?

And this is where fanfiction comes in! :D

Disclaimer: (almost forgot) Well, actually, the fact that I don't own the books is also the reason why I'm writing this. Perfectly - or not - explained in those paragraphs up above.

Bartimaeus

Bartimaeus… The thought was very faint.

Yes?

You've been a good servant…

What do you say to something like this? I mean, with death bearing down and a 5,000 year career of incomparable accomplishment about to hit the fan? The appropriate response, frankly, is some sort of a rude gesture, followed up by the loudest of raspberries, but again I was stymied - being in his body made the logistics too cumbersome to bother with.(1) So, wearily, wishing we had some kind of maudlin sound track, I played along. Well, um, you've been just dandy too.

(1)Well, try giving yourself a rude gesture. It just doesn't work, does it?

I didn't say you were perfect…

What?

Far from it. Let's face it, you've generally managed to cock things up.

WHAT? The bloody cheek! Insults, at a time like this! With death bearing down, etc. I ask you. I rolled up my metaphorical sleeves. Well, since we're doing some straight talking, let me tell you buddy—

Which is why I'm dismissing you right now.

Eh? But I hadn't misheard. I knew I hadn't. I could read his mind.

Don't take it the wrong way… His thought was fragmented, fleeting, but his mouth was already murmuring the spell. It's just that… we've got to break the Staff at the right moment here. You're holding it in check. But I can't rely on you for something as important as this. You're bound to mess up somehow. Best thing is… best thing is to dismiss you. That'll trigger the Staff automatically. Then I KNOW it'll be done properly.

Nathaniel—

Say hello to Kitty for me.

Then Nouda was upon us. Mouths opened, tentacles slashed down.

Oh, no. No, I won't!

This had happened once in my brilliant and unparalleled career, and I, Bartimaeus of Uruk, N'Gorso the Mighty, would not let this insufferable kid die on me. Nu-uh. This time I was quicker! (2) I forced Nathaniel's mouth shut, and with it, his chances of finishing the Dismiss order. With the other hand I aimed for the top of the Glass Palace and opened a small hole with a light Detonation. Shards of glass and iron descended upon us (3), as we began to float from the ground, and directly towards Nouda's lovely mouths and teeth. (4) Let's say it wasn't dancing in bliss after ingesting those.

(2) Well, considering the miserable appearance of Nathaniel, which I will not take the time to describe, and even his inside, because, you know, I was there, it wasn't that much of a challenge. But enough of this, I am reaching a very important narrative climax!

(3) I had obviously put up a Shield on our back. What do you take me for? A human?

(4) No, I didn't count them, and yes, I was being sarcastic, couldn't you tell?

With a horrible, painful roar, that shook the entire place as if it was made of water, Nouda flinched back a bit. That gave me time to gain some more height and prepare to put my brilliant plan into action. (5) As I did, I took the silver disk that had still been lost on Nathaniel's pocket, and threw it at one of Nouda's closer tentacles, slicing it in two. It growled. Furious eyes locked with ours. In that moment, I was very grateful they weren't deadly.

(5) Really simple - it consisted on saving both of our put-together arses by fleeing at the right moment. Not that I had one… but oh, nevermind!

"Bartimaeus!" he roared. "You'll be my next meal!"

What the hell are you doing? Nathaniel demanded in that annoying thinking voice of his. It seems he still has energy to be his irritant self. You'll blow everything up!

I'm saving your sorry ass, so shut it. Then, I would gladly be off his body and far from that incessant turmoil of emotions, mental images of Kitty, imprisoning shape, and that voice!

Nouda leaped. I threw the Staff to his closest mouth and flew backwards as fast as Nathaniel's human condition let me. The Staff broke, right inside Nouda's body, and it began glowing white. I took that as a sign that it was perfectly fine to take our leave, if we still wanted to live to tell the tale.

At least, I do. Not my fault if the kid's got suicidal issues.

And so, spinning around, I forced Nathaniel's right foot on the top of the opening I had created moments ago, and whispered the command to activate the Seven-League Boots.

So, that's it. This story is perfectly fine as a one-shot, I think. But maybe I'll continue it, if I feel like it, and if my best friend doesn't make my head explode for not updating the other stories. Well, if he does, I'm sending Bartimaeus after him, you hear me? ;)

Right now I have other things to finish, so, if I DO continue, it will be a while.

Adieu! :D