Temp-

Is there something I am missing, I often wonder. Do I just not see what is happening right in front of my eyes and appear to turn a blind eye to what I am unaware of?

Perhaps.

I only noticed recently, after all, when in reality I should have seen it.

The jerky movements, pained eyes, fake smiles and happiness. An absolute falsehood that surrounded my brother nearly every single day. He isolates himself with a barrier of lies and deceit on the outside, then wallows in pain internally.

I mean, Brother's blood is literally what ties me to the world of the living. So his blood is my blood. If he dies, I die. Simple as that. We were siblings and had a sort of collective security about our lives. When one was in trouble, the other went to help. I think we never would have made it as far as we did without each other to lean on. That's how it's always been, and I thought that was how it would stay.

But then, I noticed.

I saw the gut wrenching looks Brother would toss at me, just begging me to open my eyes and see his turmoil. How blind I had been to not realize! All along, he had been searching for someone to help him, pick him back up on his feet. He was leaning back on our silent treaty. Because Ed fell, he dropped so far that I was afraid it was too late.

That help had not arrived in time.

Perhaps, even now, I was right.

As per our usual failure considering the Stone, Brother was summoned to recite and deliver his report to Colonel Mustang. Naturally, he complained like every other time.

'That bastard! What point is there in us coming all the way back here to tell him what he already knows?'

'Brother… He just wants to help us. I imagine he worries about how we fare on missions. And if we didn't come in each time, he would never know.'

Edward's eyes grew hazy, glazed over with a dark flame, one that seemed to consume his very spark for life. It was the first time I noticed.

'Yeah right. You know he's just manipulating us for his own gain. We're nothing more than dogs to him. Dogs that he can replace upon a whim.'

'Maybe. But he cares what happens to us nonetheless.'

A laugh slipped past the tightly clenched muscles of his jaw. It sounded hollow. Worse than the echo my speech made from this metal body. Far worse. It was the laughing echo of a dead man.

'If he cared, he wouldn't let me rot.'

Despite my obvious stun from the poisonous words, I couldn't bring myself to ask Brother to repeat what he had said, to make sure I was not mistaken. Was the Colonel really that bad, I wondered. He appeared nice enough to us with each meeting. (Overlooking the baiting short jokes spewed at Ed.)

But our Mother used to say that appearances can be deceiving.

We entered the office just as we normally would have.

"Full Metal, I'd like to speak to you about the debt that you owe me," Mustang declared as his gaze shifted to me. He gestured his hand to the door. "Alone if you please."

I turned to Brother, fully expecting a rant of some sort. Something like, 'Al can damn well stay here you useless Colonel!'

But his gaze was pinned to the floor.

"Brother?"

My soft tone of voice that begged a pleading note, twanging a certain string buried deep beneath his heart.

He looked to me and I saw.

Fear: an absolute dread of the thought of my leaving him alone in that room.

Now, I'm usually lucky to get more than a thumbs-up or an enthusiastic grin from Ed, and I have to work to receive only that level of reassurance. Let's face it. My brother is not an emotional kind of person. He doesn't express himself any better than I can feel blades of grass beneath my metal feet. Granted, he is a male. But he was so much more guarded and protected.

So to see that shattered pained me more than anything.

Whether by pride of apprehension of the consequences, he never actually asked me to stay for life or death.

"I'll come back to the dorms when we're done." Brother told me with another fake smile I was learning to recognize.

I trusted him.

Later in the night I heard our door squeak as it was slowly opened. I sat in the corner by my brother's bed, waiting patiently for him to return like he promised.

But, I had not thought he would take so long.

I watched him come in and walk past me completely, likely not seeing me there due to the darkness of night. He hesitantly crawled into the blankets.

I assumed he was being wary of the many nightmares that plagued him.

Edward slept peacefully through the night however. And I would like to believe that it was because was holding his hand all night. When he started to struggle and moan, trying to stave off a horrible dream, I squeezed tighter, let him know that I was there, and that I was someone who would protect him.

My Brother is my blood; therefore, to protect me, I have to shield him too.

It took me until the next morning to begin to question.

"Al, why're you holding my hand?" Ed stared at me strangely, like I had grown a second menacing head.

"Well… you- weren't sleeping well last night, Brother. So I thought that if I held your hand it might help you."

He turned to face me fully then, grasping my large shoulders with his small hands, checking me this way and that.

"Are you alright, Al?"

I nodded and saw the pain return to his eyes. He gazed at me sadly.

"Automail can't feel, Al."

Brother had a mission to attend to that morning, and so we found ourselves at the train station.

"Don't forget that you still owe me, Full Metal." Mustang said as we boarded the train heading east. He ushered my brother in the door and followed.

Ed flicked his wrist to give the man a hint. "I remember, Colonel. Now get out of my way."

I thought it was nice of the Roy to come all this way just to see us off for a perfectly regular mission. But why was Brother acting so dramatic about it? It was as if he knew something I didn't.

I spoke no word of the gloved hand lingering on the small of Ed's back in some strange farewell. Although, I did see the grimace it left on my brother's face.

The pained eyes returned.

'Why does Brother always have to pay for our sins?' I wondered as the sunlight reflected in his shining automail arm from our window.

We were supposed to fall together. Equivalent exchange. What happened to him affected me as well, and vice versa.

Now, I realize that life is not equivalent.

And I think that Brother noticed that far before I had, possibly on the night he still says I was wiser about. As if I was being the mature one.

Ed may do stupid things that I don't understand, like leave out important information about his relationship with the military and his commander, but he will always be smarter than I.

He would have seen the pain instantly, were it on my real face.

AN: I wrote this a while ago, but was hesitant to post it. Depending on the reception, I may finish with the other two parts to this, in which Ed's side is told and Al discovers it.