Living in Max's Shadow-Chapter 1
By MyNameIsCAL
Disclaimer: As you know, the flock (Fang, Max, Iggy, Nudge, Angel, and Gazzy) all belong to James Patterson, along with all the other Maximum Ride characters (Dr. Martinez, Ella, etc.). I thank James Patterson very much for his wonderful series of books.
---Fang's POV---
Do you know what it's like? Waking up alone? Knowing that the only person that understood you had been swept away by death? Well, I guess I do. Unfortunately, I know. I've seen too much, I know too much, than any of you should know. If you went through the things that I did, you wouldn't survive, but at least you'd understand. I've searched for understanding, but I haven't found it. Most people say I'm crazy, and hell, maybe I am, but I get by. Yes, I get by without you Max.
Most of the time.
I'm living out of Iggy's apartment, which is soon to be mine. Good ol' Iggy is getting himself hitched. Well, I'll be nice. He and Ella have been going steady for years. It's about time they settle down. I'm set to be the best man and right now I look like crap. The wedding is in a week. I haven't gotten anything together. No speech, no bachelor party, and no present for the happy couple. Some best man I am, huh?
"Fang, get up!" I hear Iggy yell from the other side of my door.
I sit up and swing my legs to the side of the bed. It's almost noon. Damn. "Yeah, I'm up, Ig!"
After a moment, I stand up. I feel older than I am. Than I'm supposed to be. I stretch and walk to the door. It takes a lot of effort to get up every morning. I am not a motivated person, if you can't tell.
"Good morning," Ella smiles.
She's been too nice to me. I come home drunk half the time and she still lets me in. I'll never understand Ella. I mumble, "Good morning."
Iggy is sitting at the table. Ella moves to him and kisses him on the forehead. I look away and out the window. It's raining. Now I remember. It's Max's death anniversary, if that's what you want to call it. Morbid? Yes, I know.
--Arizona, Five Years Ago--
It's not supposed to rain in the desert, but it does anyway, just for today. Max is in a coffin. We haven't bothered with church. It'll be our private ceremony. Iggy, Ella, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel stand around. Dr. Martinez is here too. She tries to smile at me, but I pretend I don't see her. Iggy has Nudge, Gazzy has Angel, and Ella has her mom. That doesn't leave me anyone. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I stand alone, waiting for Max's coffin to be lowered.
"Fang, would you like to say a few things?" Dr. M asks.
I took a deep breath and began to speak. I had a feeling this was coming. "You know, Max, we all started out in cages. We were young and we were scared. But we had each other. We always had each other. And we went through so much together, but in the end, you risked your life for us. Max, you saved us all. You risked everything to save us. And I know we meant the world to you. This is our last goodbye, Max. And all I wanted to say was…"
"…I love you, Max." I mutter to myself. I still remember that speech.
"Pardon?" Ella questions.
Iggy shakes his head. It's not the first time I've said things like that, talking to myself. I guess he was the only one who ever looked after me once Max was gone. Up until her death, I never realized Max looked after me so much.
"Are you coming with me today?" I ask them.
"Coming where?" Ella is still confused.
I let out a sigh. "I'm going to the cemetery. Are you coming?"
It takes them a minute to process. And then Ella nods. Iggy agrees of course.
We pull up to the cemetery. Ella won't let me drive. She's afraid I've been drinking again, but I try to behave myself, for Max's sake. It's still raining. I clutch my roses and get out of the car, ignoring Ella's offer of an umbrella. She leaves me be and lets me go.
"Well, Max," I say, speaking to her tombstone. "Five years without you. Iggy's getting married now. I'd bet you'd love to see that. Nudge is going to college. Gazzy and Iggy have been involved in professional pyrotechnics."
The rain beings to pour harder and I kneel down. "But I miss you so much, Max. I think about you, all the time. I wish I had done more to try to save you. But I failed you, Max. I failed you."
I hear Ella and Iggy come out of the car. I have to stop talking to myself soon. "And I always told myself that I wanted to marry you, Max. I wasn't ever going to let you go, except you let go of yourself, and left me here, wondering how you slipped away so easily."
After I place the flowers on the ground, I rise up and step back, now silent. Ella puts her hand on my shoulder and tries to fit me under the umbrella with Fang.
"She loved you too," Ella says to me.
I sigh. "Yeah, I know."
Ella squeezes my shoulder and drops her hand. I feel that I've spent enough time here. "Can we go now?"
"Of course." Ella lets me lead us to the car and then we drive off.
PAGE BREAK!
I sit at a bar. Iggy sits on one side of me and Ella on the other. They shouldn't have to look after me like this, so I order something light, and start with a beer. Ella gets a soda and Iggy orders wine. We sit there, not talking for a while.
And then Iggy speaks. "I'm sorry, Fang."
"Why?" I don't understand.
Iggy shakes his head. "You're not the only one who still feels guilty, Fang. I still think about her too."
He takes a sip of his wine. I downed all my beer. "Let's go home."
I'm sitting on the couch, watching the news. Ella is asleep, curled up against Iggy. It looks like he's staring at the TV, but his eyes are unfocused. He can't see anyway, but still has the ability to pretend to look at things. Or maybe it wasn't that. Maybe it was just easier to look in the direction of the thing you were listening to.
"Do you still have those dreams, Fang? The ones about Max's death?" Iggy's eyes shift to me.
I nod and then remember he can't see. "Yes."
"Well, if you ever want to talk…" Iggy trails off. He's always telling me this.
"I know."