Disclaimer: I do not own many of the things in this story including (few) quotes, (many) characters, (most of) the setting, ETC.

Chapter 1: Clock Man

"LILY MY SUNSHINE!" James called from the first story of the Heads' Common room. "COME DOWN AND REST YOUR HEAD IN MY CROTCH!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Lily screamed as she ran into the room. "REST MY HEAD ONTO YOUR CROTCH?! I'D RATHER REST MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS!"

James grinned. "So you want to see me with my pants off?"

"AUGH! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Lily screamed as she ran down carrying her books.

It has been only a week since 7th year started and Lily was already getting a headache from staying in the Heads' Tower. Almost every morning James greeted her with some odd phrase.

"Wait a minute," Lily said before they walked out the door. "Didn't you bring Sirius in here last night so you both could see whether you could fit in the clock?"

"Yes," James smiled at the thought.

"And when you two found out you couldn't fit you began to eat the insides of the clock…"

"Mind you, we were drunk," James said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Well… around what time was that?"

"I'd say 8-ish…"

Lily looked at the clock that read 8:15 and then out at the empty halls. "WE'RE LATE FOR CLASS!"

It was only a week since 7th year started and James was already enjoying himself with all his Head Boy privileges. But his favorite thing to do was wake Lily up every morning with an awesome pickup phrase. With the pickup phrases he was using, Lily was in the BAG!

"Mr. Evans and Ms. Potter!" Professor Grey, their potions master yelled. "Wait, switch that around… MR. POTTER AND MS. EVANS! WHY ARE YOU LATE?"

"Our clock wasn't working this morning," Lily said in a small voice.

"YOU DO REALIZE THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKED UP TO BY THE STUDENTS! NOW WHAT ARE THEY TO THINK IF YOU ARRIVE TO CLASS LATE EVERY DAY!"

"They'd think I'd finally got Lily to put out," James said naturally. Most people would be joking around if they said something like that but he looked dead serious.

"MR. POTTER! THAT IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE IN THIS CLASSROOM! TAKE A SEAT, THE BOTH OF YOU, AND TONIGHT I EXPECT A REPORT EXPLAINING WHY YOU WERE LATE!!!" She took a breath to calm down.

James went and sat down next to Sirius. They gave one another a low five so Professor Grey wouldn't see it. Lily went to sit next to Eve Lopez, her best friend who immediately slid her a note. Lily took the note and carefully opened it so it didn't make a noise.

Don't worry. You won't be gossip for today. NO ONE will think you put out because they saw Sirius strolling down the halls screaming about how he murdered Clock Man.

Lily smiled and gave Eve a small thumbs up. She slid the note into her notebook just as Professor Kettleburn walked in. "Professor Grey," he said pulling out a roll of parchment. "We need your signature as soon as possible on this document."

She pulled out a quill to sign the document just as the bell rang.

"We were irresponsible and are very regretful of our behavior," Lily said out loud for James to copy down. They were working on the essay do to Professor Grey. "How does that sound."

"Perfect! Let's just add a little so the end is: 'We are sure mistakes like this will never happen again.'"

"Okay," Lily sighed and plopped down on the seat next to him. "It has to be at least 11 by now! Let's get the paper to her right now!"

They sighed and got up. "Come on. If we're lucky she's still in her office."

"Did you hear about what Sirius was screaming last night?" Lily asked.

"I heard he was running into things as he tried to get back to the Gryffindor Tower. No one told us what he was saying."

"Eve told me he was screaming that he killed Clock Man," Lily said. Within a second, the 2 were leaning on the walls for support because they were laughing so hard.

Eventually they made it to Professor Grey's office. "Is she there?" James asked.

Lily put her ear up against the door. "I hear her voice," she said as she pulled away from the door to knock. No one answered Lily's 3 knocks, so James opened the door. Even though all the lights were off the 2 walked in carelessly. It took until they were both fully inside to realize that the only light was candles surrounded by 2 adult figures on the ground.

"OH! Wait, wait, wait! Switch that AROUND!" Professor Grey screamed on the ground unaware of the two students staring at her, both paralyzed from horror.

"PULL OUT MY QUILL SO I CAN SIGN YOUR DOCUMENT!" The other person screamed. It was Professor Kettleburn.

James and Lily carefully put their report on the closest desk and walked out of the room as quietly as possible.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, they ran to the Heads' Tower as fast as possible.

=End Chapter=