Disclaimer: don't own Harry Potter... yes, the truth can hurt...
Oh - 'Heir of Gryffindor' obsessives might want to tread carefully...
Harry Learns the Truth
(Alternative ending to book 4)
by Norbert for President and JestaAriadne
Voldemort turned his scarlet eyes upon Harry, laughing a high, cold, mirthless laugh: 'Muahahahaha!'
Wormtail's robes were shining with blood now; he had wrapped the stump of his arm in them, 'My Lord' he choked, 'my Lord you promised you did promise'
'Go away' said Voldemort lazily.
'But- my arm!'
'Yes, it is indeed your arm.' He waved a hand dismissively.
'But!'
'Look I mean thank you for helping me get my body back and everything, but to be honest I don't really appreciate you stalking me. Go away! Can't you see I'm trying to talk to Harry?'
'But'
Voldemort waved his wand and Wormtail disappeared. 'Finally! Honestly, I don't need two idiots to cope with! Now.. Harry Potter'
Harry strained against the ropes binding him. 'You're going to torture me, aren't you?' he asked in a voice straight out of Star Wars.
'Ah in a manner of speaking You see, there are many ways. Sometimes, the simple truth can be the most painful of all.'
Harry tried to stand tall, encountering the small difficulty that he could not stand up. 'The truth can't hurt me! I'm not scared of you!' he announced, and started to sing: 'By Gryffindor, the bravest were prized far beyond the rest.'
'Shut up, Harry, I'm getting a migraine.' Voldemort rubbed his temples.
'Well, sorry'
'You want me to tell you you're the Heir of Gryffindor, don't you?' said Voldemort leaning towards him, a look of sadistic glee on his face.
'I don't need you to tell me that!' shouted Harry, 'I already know!'
'Oh do you?' asked Voldemort, smiling coldly, 'Well, I've Got News For You! You're NOT the Heir of Gryffindor - you're THE HEIR OF HUFFLEPUFF!!!!!! Muahahahahahaha!!!! Muahahahaha!!!'
'No, no, I can't be the Heir of Hufflepuff, I mean, I'm Harry, jus just Harry!'
'What? Where did that come from?' asked Voldemort, looking slightly thrown for a second.
Harry also looked a little confused. 'Um' he said, 'That is I can't be the Heir of Hufflepuff I'm in Gryffindor!'
'Oh are you?' asked Voldemort, smiling icily, 'Well, I've Got More News For You! THE SORTING HAT WAS A FAKE!! Dumbledore thought it wouldn't look good if the boy who- ' he sniffed disdainfully, 'KILLED me' he sniffed again, 'was known to be Heir of Hufflepuff, the papers really wouldn't like it'
'Oh a fake Sorting Hat?' asked Harry, 'So that's why Hermione was put in Gryffindor not Ravenclaw!'
'Erm no, Harry, I seem to have lost you there.'
'But but if it was a fake, then wasn't everyone put in the wrong house?' Harry's attitude was very much of clutching for straws, or sticks, or anything.
'No, no, just you,' replied Voldemort calmly.
'But' started Harry again, looking as if he was thinking very hard; it looked very painful. 'But the Sorting Hat first tried to put me in Slytherin! It wouldn't have done that if it was a fake!'
'Oh, but it did!' Voldemort gave a maniacal snigger, 'Dumbledore realised the value of such a identity crisis to the Story! Honestly, not everyone is as intellectually challenged as you, Harry.'
'I am not interintel inside' began Harry, then in a small voice: "Wh-what does that mean?'
'It means, Harry, that the lights are on, but nobody's home.'
'What does THAT mean?' asked Harry pathetically.
'A simple metaphor, Harry, I wouldn't expect you to understand. Honestly, you tire me Harry, just go away.'
Harry then noted the rather obvious problem that he was tied to the gravestone. 'Um' he said.
Voldemort sighed heavily. He waved a hand wearily and the ropes fell away. 'There you go. I suppose it would be too much to ask of you to find Hogwarts by yourself? Shall I call a taxi for you?'
'No!' shouted Harry, still retaining the stupid pride typical of him. Then for added dramatic effect as he strode off, cloak billowing, he yelled back, 'Anything ELSE you want to tell me? Any MORE painful secrets you've forgotten about?'
'Hmm' said Voldemort, 'Let me thinkWell, there's nothing really. I mean, unless you count the fact that I am your grandfather and Draco Malfoy is your step brother and Peeves is your REAL brother. No.'
Harry took this excellent opportunity to die of shock and collapsed on the grass.
Voldemort sighed even more heavily and walked over to him. 'Typical Hufflepuff,' he murmured as he Apparated away.
THE END
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special extra!!!!!
The Greatest Hero of Them All
by Norbert & Jesta
Harry Potter awoke refreshed. The sun was shining, the sky was reassuringly blue, the birds were singing, and most of all, he was safe in the knowledge that he was Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived, The Heir of Gryffindor and undoubtedly the most powerful sorcerer ever to grace Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
With a simple wave of his arm, he magically pulled back the curtains of his four poster bed. He had long ago given up the use of a clumsy common wand.
He skipped to his wardrobe and donned the red and gold cape that had belonged to his forebear, the great Godric Gryffindor. It had been assumed lost in the ancestral family home, and was supposed to be too highly magical to be moved, but Harry had had no trouble in calling it to him last year with a highly complex summoning charm. After all, he wasn't the Heir of Gryffindor and the most powerful wizard the country had ever known for nothing!
First class was Transfiguration. On the way down the stairs, Harry kindly paused to recognize his loyal following of house-elves who had started the fan club.
Once in Professor McGonagall's classroom, Harry noted with approval that she was wearing an Official HP Supporter Badge. He winked happily at his own smiling face. Minerva McGonagall wiped away a tear, happy to be noticed by the great Harry Potter.
As Harry walked into the classroom, there was a chorus of 'SIT HERE!!! SIT HERE!!!!' Harry, who graciously sat at a different desk each lesson to give everyone a fair share of his illustrious presence, chose Draco Malfoy (who had transferred to Gryffindor for this purpose) to sit by today. Draco was so overcome with joy that he fainted. Harry at once performed the reviving charm and Draco blinked up adoringly into his deep green eyes. 'You- you saved my life Harry!' and under his breath he murmured, 'In more than one way!'
'It was nothing. Anything for my fans,' said Harry modestly.
Suddenly, his Magical Mobile rang out the Harry Potter theme tune. 'Sorry, Min,' he said, holding up a hand, 'got to take a call.'
'That's alright, Harry. After all, you don't even need this class.' McGonagall giggled and blushed girlishly, 'You know more than me!'
Harry stepped outside and answered his phone. 'Salutations,' he said, 'You've reached the Harry Potter fanline. Press 1 to listen to our audio catalogue of HP merchandise. Press 2 to record a message to Harry. Press 3 to make a donation to Harry's Fifth Statue Fund. Press 4 for booking information for Harry's upcoming fan convention. Press 5 to talk directly to Harry. Calls will be charged at £5 per minute.'
Harry recognized the sound of '5' being pressed.
'Hello, dear fan,' he said, 'I would just like to tell you that I love you too.'
He was surprised when the person on the other end didn't hang up. That line usually did the trick.
When the voice finally came, it was accompanied by a strange change in the atmosphere. He suddenly felt his magical powers draining away and the world began to spin
Wake up, Harry
Harry Potter awoke tired. The sun was stuck behind the clouds, the sky was grey, the birds were squawking.
Hermione Granger was leaning over his bed with a suspicious grin on her face, and an even more suspicious wand pointed at his head. 'Have a nice dream, Harry?' she asked.
THE END
PS. Go Hermione!!!