She was tired, all of it. She was tired of the lying, the sneaking around, coming home at late hours, of how her life had become nothing more than a lie after the death of her Aunt Marie. Thinking back, she knew her aunt was smarter, stronger, easily able to lock away her feelings without feeling nearly as guilty as Nikki was feeling. She had to admit, at first, Nikki was fine with the lying, of never telling her partner, Hank where and how she was able to find all these new leads or finding out who the suspect is without any real evidence that can explain a Zeigvolt had kidnapped all those women with the help of her trusty pal, the Blutbad. She had to brace herself, holding a tight and painful grip on her bathroom sink as she bent over it, her tears falling like two waterfalls as she thought about Jared.
Her boyfriend for the last three years, she had felt so hurt and betrayed when she found out he was cheating on her with a dancer she met while on a case, after that she immediately dumped the slime bag and found herself a nice apartment. It was in a nice area between the precinct and Monroe's place should she need him for anything. Once it was rumored around the department what and who Jared had did, she had requested to take some personal days, which her Captain was more than happy to give her. Hank tried to call her, so did some other guys she worked with but she ignored them all, opting for self-isolation to the looks of pity and sounds of sympathy coming from their voices. Now, she stood over her sink, contemplating what she should've considered long ago, whether she was really a coward like she thinks she is and wonders how many pills she'd have to take, or, if she really is as strong as she's been told and can make it through the one case without killing anyone, or herself?
She scoffed as she stared back at her reflection. Her normally pale face looked almost sunken, her eyes dead and full of un-trust, she had become thin from not eating as much, but she had her decent muscles that she had carefully crafted for the job. Her hair was long and a little course since she hadn't washed it in a few days, purple bruises under her eyes showed how little sleep she ever gets anymore. Nikki looked back to her bottle of pills, she bit her bottom lip, a small flicker of life passing in her eyes before it died again as she reached for the bottle. She had the bottle open with a few small blue pills when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket, she jumped, the pills falling out of her hand and down the drain as the bottle clattered to the floor, along with three small pills. Nikki paused, reaching into her pocket she saw the caller I.D. her heart skipped a beat, Monroe.
Nikki sniffled as she knew it was now or never, but…an image of his face appeared in her mind, mixed in anger, sadness, depression and guilt, knowing he couldn't have done anything for her, tears spilled down her cheeks as she moved to her tub, curling inside the deepest corner as possible. She sobbed a little as she tried to calm her nerves, the phone had stopped buzzing, but a minute later it picked up again and, faking a tired voice picked up,
"Nikki? God, finally you pick up, I thought you said to meet up for dinner at my place at six? It's already seven" she could hear the annoyance in his voice, and she could imagine him, standing at his stove, cooking meticulously as he could as he prepared a five star meal even if it was originally supposed to be a casual dinner between two friends. Monroe loved the fancier things in life,
"Oh, is it time already? I'm sorry man, I just woke up actually" she faked a yawn, which sounded pretty convincing to her,
"I'll be over in a few, let me get cleaned up first" she told him, she heard him snort as she heard the sound of an engine,
"Too bad, I'm coming over, so you better hurry seeing as how I have a key and everything" he told her, her eyes widened and she smiled, the first real smile in a long time, taking a deep breath she smiled warmly into the phone,
"Thank you Monroe," she told him, there was a pause,
"For what?" he finally asked,
"For everything, and for just being you" after they hung up she leaned back on her shower wall, slowly uncurling her legs as she smiled slightly, standing she froze in seeing her reflection. Nikki had life in her, not enough to make her look normal, but enough to know just a phone call from Monroe made her look slightly better, as if she actually had been sleeping. Smiling, she saw her reflection, life flickering in and out of her eyes as she washed her face and hair and changing her clothes, when Monroe finally came to her apartment, she grinned cheekily as she had on a pair of tight jeans, her skater shoes, and a tight spaghetti strapped top, he glared at her,
"You hate me don't you?" he demanded, she took the food from him and placed it on the table and turned to him, unable to resist she pulled him into a tight hug, burying her face in his chest,
"No, just the opposite Monroe, I love you, thank you for finding me" all she received was his arms tightening around her waist and a kiss to the top of her head,
"I'm not sure what your aiming at, but, I'll always find you" he told her gently, and for once, Nikki felt she was as brave as she was made out to be, that she was strong, even if not like her aunt, but strong enough, only, if Monroe is always the one to find her when Nikki finds herself lost and alone.