Pretending
He was so pissed off. His blood was boiling and all he could see was red. He was fuming with rage. He just got thrown out of prom for knocking the lights out of St Jackass. He was kissing her nick and she was giggling. He just snapped. He doesn't know what came over him but he wanted to kick the crap out of that guy and wipe his smug smirks off his face. They were standing in the parking lot, the very same spot the jackass egged Rachel with his entire team, leaving her humiliated and isolated. He clenched his jaw and looked his way and the guy breathed out heavily, playing his hand on his knees. She seemed happy with him and maybe that's why he flipped, he couldn't stand the thought of anyone else making her happy. He was so tired of pretending, Pretending he didn't love her. Pretending he didn't ache for her. Pretending he didn't miss her every second of the day. He wants her back now.
It's not cos he saw her fawning over another or dancing with someone else who took her from him before. He just needs her back so badly before he breaks apart again. She's his girl.
Jesse spies on the pavement and glares his way.
'You idiot.'
His tone is menacing and it makes his skin crawl.
He would close the distance between them and connect his fist to his face, it's itching to punch his arrogant face once more time but he thinks he'd had enough drama for tonight.
He doesn't get it. Why did the jerk come back? He left her all heartbroken and numb, so he had to pick of the pieces and fix her all summer. She barely talked for those 10 weeks, just curling up in his arms and melding in the comfort of his love. And she opened her arms to him like an old friend, as if everything he'd done to her, shattering herself was forgotten.
Unbelievable. What did she see in the guy anyway? He was a creep, sneaking up on her in a music store then the auditorium and trying to cop a feel at their prom. Rachel was meant to be his. He should be the one slow dancing with her and making her laugh as he nuzzles her neck.
He coughs out, the dust of the parking lot hitting his airwaves. Standing straight, he makes his way back to the car, storming into the seat and driving off. He can't handle this anymore. He needs to hit something, knock something over cos this night was so unbearable.
As soon as he's home he storms into the dark hallway and makes his way to his room, kicking over a chair and throwing out the contents of his desk over the floor in anger. She was going to give herself to him, all those months ago. That asshole was going to touch her tiny body and ravish her while he regretfully lost his v-card to the nastiest slutty cheerleader.
He knows it. He just knows it. It's crystal clear to him now. She feels for him hard. She feel for him, she was in love with him that's why it hurt opening up to her months in their reunion as he held her every night crying to sleep. Sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead.
He sat on the floor, leaning his lean lanky frame against his cupboard, rubbing his face with his hands after jerking the stupid penguin jacket off of him. He felt like an idiot. It all made sense, the insecurity about him leaving her, cheating on her, being so unstable. He left her broken and now he came back for fix the mess he made. He wasn't going to let him crawl back into her life and win her over. He doesn't deserve her. Nobody deserves Rachel. Rachel is too much, too kind, too short, too forgiving and he wants too much cos it's always enough. She's always enough for him.
He closes his eyes trying to erase the image of a giggly girl clad in a pink fluttery dress and winglets in her hair dancing away carefree with that guy kissing her neck. She was heartbroken all summer; she was reeling over that guy. Suddenly he feels like the crappy rebound. You forgive your first love anything. Was Jesse her first love?
He's so sick of this. This game of cat and mouse they play, chasing after the other then pulling back to find someone better. For him he could never find anyone better than her, she's a diamond in the rough, so precious and pretty. He tried to move on with Quinn but he could never forge a relationship was never real in the first place. He couldn't get her out his head.
He gets up and grabs a pen and notepad. They say it feels better if you write what you feel down on paper and he's going to test that theory. After about a thousand attempts, scribbling over every word he wrote, he finally made it to two pages of lyrics for her.
This was their song and she was going to hear him sing knowing exactly how he feels. He wants her back and he's going to get back for real this time. No more game playing, no more denials, no more pretending.
Face to face
Heart to heart
We're so closer yet so far apart
I close my eyes, I look away
Cos I'm not okay
I hold on, stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
Will we ever say the words we're feeling?
Reach out underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or we'll we wait forever only be pretending
We'll we always be pretending
How long do I fantasise
Make believe it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
We can choose the ones we love
I hold on, stay strong
Wondering if we still belong
We'll we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach underneath tear down all the walls
Will we ever have a happy ending?
Or we'll we wait forever
Only be pretending
Keeping secrets safe
Every move we make seems like no one's letting go
It's such a shame cos if you feel the same
How am I supposed to know?
We'll we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach underneath tear down all the walls
We'll we forever be pretending
Pretending