Public Phone Booth
Sequel to International Call
こしゆでんわ
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Takehito Koyasu ©, Murakami Maki ©, Walt Disney © Spiderman to Stan Lee ©, and Squaresoft Ltd., Japan ©. The fanfiction belongs to me!
Warning: Yaoi! If that's not your type of thing, please leave immediately! Horrible chibi deaths alert, and oh, twisted weird stuff!
Plot Cockroach: This is the third installment in the Telephone/Denwa series. In Japanese they all have that same word, although in English, they seem to differ slightly. I'm sorry! But anyway, here's the summary – Ken is abducted by chibi black-colored aliens, and so is Nagi, therefore Ran, Schuldig and Farfarello have to act fast to save them! Meanwhile, Omi bumps into a rock star and seemingly goes ape over him. Yohji and Crawford have to team up and win their Bombay back!
Pairing (If that's all you're here for): Ran x Ken, Yohji x Omi x Crawford, Farfarello x Nagi x Schuldig, Yuki x Shuichi, Tatsuha x Ryuichi
Note: The characters look like that from the manga!
_________________
It was a beautiful summer morning. Already the sun was sailing into the sky, and the white clouds floated by, scarce as they were in the blue heavens above. Birds sang, and Ken smiled. The flowers were blooming well. Everything was perfect, and he was blissfully alone with his redheaded sweetheart, at least for a few pleasant hours before Omi came back, or Yohji awoke from his drunken slumber.
Aya was in the greenhouse, checking on the red carnations that were beginning to flower. He knew that summer would soon be over, but the greenhouse was enough to keep things blooming throughout the cold weather to come. There was also a trough full of pink, white, yellow and orange African Daisies, all nodding their heads at the redhead; their pretty lime green leaves spread out to receive sunlight.
Toiling to maintain a flower shop wasn't easy, but the rewards were always satisfying at the end of the day. Besides, this was their home, where they belonged. This was their family.
Aya never saw his conscience, Sephiroth, anymore, and that, he supposed, was because the silver-haired General was probably trying to tempt another poor being to dominate the world. It might just work out, and Aya might also cash in and ask Sephiroth to influence that person to make Takatori's life hell, or worse.
Ken, on the other hand, had his good conscience, Shuichi, by his side, and he was happy with that fact. As Ken's bad conscience was dead, Ken never acted naughty. To complete the circle, Aya was bestowed the evil conscience called Yuki. Now, Yuki was really a very good conscience to have, because he was really high strung on the S word, and he said so many catty and degrading things about society that Aya just had to like him.
It takes one to know one, after all.
Besides, Yuki's instigation also led to Aya and Ken getting involved intimately more often, and that was a good thing too. Well, at least for them, if not, for Yuki and Shuichi. Hey, consciences need some time-off too, you know!
And then there was Ayaka, his new good conscience. Make that his ex-good conscience. She lasted fifty minutes after her first appearance to Aya. It took ten minutes for her to make Yuki annoyed, five minutes for him to contemplate killing her, thirty-four minutes to kill her, and one minute to flush her remains down the toilet.
How did he kill her? It was simple. Yuki was a smart conscience. He knew that corn would give people gas. So, he smiled charmingly at her and bade her to eat some corn, a whole lot of it. He waited for five minutes for the gas to form, and then he poked her with a fork. Ayaka exploded, and he and Aya picked up her remains with a pooper-scooper and flushed it down the toilet.
And that was the end of Ayaka, the one good conscience who gave Shuichi a backhand… and paid dearly for it.
The days wore on. It was already mid morning, nearing noon. Aya had gone to the back to check on some of their stock, leaving Ken in the front, tending the plants there. Business had been a little slow that day, and not a single customer was in sight.
Ken sighed a little as he took a seat by the counter. He peeked at Shuichi, who was eating some strawberry pocky.
"Ne, Shuichi, what pay do you get for being a conscience?" Ken asked. Shuichi grinned.
"Sora gives us what we dearly want in our hearts," he said easily. "I get paid with pocky, sometimes ice cream, cakes, candy, meat buns, mochi, bunny biscuits and lots more!"
"What's Sora really like?" Ken questioned further. "I've only seen part of Omi's game… who does he like?"
"Sora is like… Sora. He's him, nobody knows how to describe him," Shuichi said, chewing thoughtfully. "A lot of consciences like him, he's kind, but he can be evil at times. I don't rightly know who he likes… maybe Riku. But I heard that Sephiroth is vying with Riku and he's doing quite well in sweeping Sora off his sneakers."
"He sure is lucky," Ken said, munching on a tiny stick of pocky. Then he stopped dead. "W…What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That…" Ken pointed to a dark figure by a crack in the wall. It looked like an ant, with antennae. But it wasn't an ant! It could stand upright. "Oh my goodness!"
"Aliens!" Shuichi exclaimed. "A lot of them!"
And he was right. There were millions of tiny black-colored aliens surrounding them. They looked like a sea of ants, but they had glowing golden eyes. Cute, it might seem, but Shuichi and Ken were less than amused. They inched in closer…
"AAAAAAAH! YUKI! AYA!"
Aya and Yuki jerked around. "Hang on, we're coming!"
They rushed out, intent to protect their partners. But when they reached the counter, there was no one in sight! All that was left was a little blue note on the counter. Aya snapped it up and he and Yuki read it together.
'Ken and Shuichi are prisoners in the Dark Side now. MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA!
PS: I'll be sending more of these notes later. Keep a lookout for them! Byes! ~D. W.'
"What? Who's this D. W. guy? And what does he want with Ken and Shuichi?" Aya demanded at nobody in particular. Yuki scowled.
"Whoever he or she is, they're gonna pay…"
___________________
"Nagi?"
"Hmm?" the youth looked up from the blinking screen to gaze at Schuldig. Or so he thought. That wasn't the German's voice, nor was it the redheaded Irishman's. He gasped as his eyes met the blue ones of a stranger. "Who are you?"
"Who am I? I'm Spiderman," the other person replied sarcastically. "It doesn't matter. You're going to help me achieve my dream, Nagi. I can give you everything else you want in this world…"
"No!" Nagi stood up violently. He attempted to use his telekinetic powers to lift the stranger and perhaps hurl him into a wall, but he was unable to. The stranger grinned evilly.
"This is my world, Nagi. I'm the one in charge here… this is where my power is at its peak."
"… You…" Nagi inched back.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Schuldig and Farfarello jerked their gaze to the ceiling. "Nagi!"
"Chibi!"
"Hang on, we're coming!" they yelled simultaneously, scampering upstairs. The door burst open, and there they stood, meeting eye to eye with a stranger, fortified by an army of black creatures with golden eyes. They were small and looked like ants, though larger; the size of a human palm, and the stranger was the height of a teenager. He grinned at them mischievously.
"Ah, ah…" he said in a singsong tone. "One more step and he gets it!"
"Nagi!"
"Chibi!"
"Don't call me chibi!" Nagi protested angrily. He struggled a little, but to no avail. "Let go, brute!"
"I will, in time, Nagi," the stranger laughed. "Say bye-bye to School-pig and Fart-farello!"
"What did you call me?" Schuldig started forward before the 'ants' tackled him down. Farfarello just stared at the disappearing figure.
"MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA…!"
"Calling people names hurts god," Farfarello reasoned. "But I'm going to find Nagi and nail this -beep-!"
"So will I!" the blond German got up. The 'ants' warped away into thin air, leaving the two Schwarz members in the otherwise empty room.
___________________
"Oh, no, I'm going to be late for my shift!"
Omi hurried down the sidewalk and skidded past the shops. He had only five minutes left before his shift started. And Omi was hardly ever late, if he could help it.
But that morning had been an exceptional one. A rock group - one of his favorites - was to perform that week, and he had been excited at the setting up of the stage, hopefully trying to get a glimpse of their lead singer. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found at the site, and thus, Omi, who had been waiting for ages, was late.
The brunet sighed. Just his luck to be late and disappointed. He turned round the corner… and crashed into another person!
"Aah, I'm sorry!" he apologized almost immediately.
"That's okay," a cheerful voice informed him. He took a ring-studded hand offered to help him up… and stared. Swallowing hard, Omi dared himself to lift his eyes off the hand and slowly looked up…
Into the shining eyes of his rock god Sakuma Ryuichi.
"T-Thanks…" he breathed, wide-eyed. OH MY GAWD! I HELD SAKUMA-SAMA'S HAND!
"You're welcome, na no da!" the man grinned. "Kumagoro says that you should be more careful next time!"
"T-Thanks…"
"Hey, are you okay?" Ryuichi leaned in closer to look at the hyperventilating boy. "You look pale, na no da…"
Omi fainted.
____________________
"So what do we do?"
Berserker and Mastermind were both now in the Koneko. Sephiroth had reappeared to the two Schwarz members and led them to the flower shop for 'setting up a strategy'. And, as if by cue, Zell appeared by Farfarello's side with Garnet, but since 'all good consciences make god happy', Farfarello has crushed her head with a pair of tweezers the moment she appeared.
"We got notes from this D. W. guy," Yuki explained. "…Who might just be the guy you saw running off with Nagi."
"And?" Schuldig perked up.
"He's sending more messages, it seems. Or so he said. He wanted us to look out for it."
"But he hasn't sent a single one in two hours," Aya finally said, a little agitated. "Why would he want Ken, Shuichi and Nagi? Why them?"
"Beats me," Schuldig shrugged sadly.
"Kidnapping hurts god," Farfarello explained. "He wanted something too. Ransom, maybe."
"Or maybe he's a stereotypical evil dude who's out for uke slaves," the spiky-haired blond conscience widened his eyes. "You know, he's from the dark side. Maybe…"
"He's too short to be seme," Schuldig cut him off. "And I doubt he'd want anything to do with a conscience that's probably ten times smaller than he is. And besides, I think I may have seen him somewhere before…"
"Perhaps he's got a conscience too," Farfarello spoke up. "Kidnapping consciences hurt god."
"MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA!"
Everyone jumped. They turned to face the counter, and lo! There on the polished surface was a blue note with small printed writing. Aya scrambled forward and snatched it up. His quick violet eyes darted to the words, and even as he read the note, he turned ashen-faced. The others stared at him, holding their breaths.
"If you want to make sure that we don't do more than touch these little pigs' hair, get your sad behinds over to the 'Reiji Era', room 69, at four in the evening.
~ D. W. and S. A"
With the note was attached three different locks of hair, one pink, one dark chocolate and one a light auburn.
Aya clenched his fist. "Let's go. We have only an hour left."
____________________
"Are you feeling better already, na no da?"
"Yes, thanks," Omi smiled gratefully. The rock singer smiled back easily.
"You shouldn't exert yourself like that, no da," Ryuichi-kun said simply. "Kumagoro doesn't like it. He says that bishounen must always be in the pink of health."
"I can see the logic in that," Omi replied. It had taken him some time to completely get over his shock of meeting Sakuma Ryuichi. Aya had also conveniently called him up and told him that the shop was 'closing extra early today', because 'something happened that he had to investigate', and to 'take your time, Tsukiyono'. Omi half-smiled in reverie. He continued to chat gaily with Ryuichi-kun, not noticing two people approaching them from behind.
"Huh?" Yohji looked puzzled. Surely that wasn't Omi… with some other guy! He narrowed his emerald tinted eyes and gasped in shock. Not only was Omi hanging out with a guy, but that guy also happened to be none other than Sakuma Ryuichi, the lead singer of Nittle Grasper!
Frowning hard, the brunet took rapid strides towards the two, setting his jaw firmly.
"What the…" Crawford stopped in his tracks as he saw his object of adoration sitting in a relaxed pose next to an attractive young man, laughing and chatting gaily… and playing with a stuffed rabbit? How dare that man buy and woo his Bombay over with a toy?
He was just about to tap the young man's shoulder when he heard it.
"Why do you keep calling me Ryuichi-kun? That's so formal, na no da! Just call me Ryu-chan, like everyone does!"
"Okay, Ryu-chan!"
"And Kuma-chan, not Kumagoro-kun."
"Kuma-chan!"
"Thanks, no da!" the young man bounced happily. "And we'll call you Omi-chan!"
What? All he got was Oracle-kun and he called Bombay Omi at times, but Omi-chan? Ryu-chan? KUMA-CHAN?
"WHY YOU LITTLE…"
Omi gasped and spun around, as did Ryu-chan. And in time, too.
"Oracle-kun! Yohji-kun! What are you doing here?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing, chibi!" Yohji-kun growled. "Who's this? Sakuma Ryuichi, nearly twice your age and shamelessly pursuing you?"
Ryu-chan looked blankly at them. "Huh?"
Omi looked perplexed. "He's not --"
"Aye! And why are you here, you lanky retard?" Oracle-kun snarled at Yohji-kun.
"I'm here to defend my chibi, you penguin colored stupid gaijin!"
"What? How dare you, you --"
"KUMAGORO CANNON!"
It caught them by surprise. In a thrice, even Oracle-kun couldn't predict it, he and Yohji-kun were hit by a pink blur and knocked over. A very fierce Ryu-chan towered over them. "Nobody says nasty bad stuff in front of innocent bishounen, na no da!"
"Ryu-chan…"
"If you want to win a bishounen and his heart, you should never fight!" hands on his hips now, the rock singer glared at the two men. "Only he can choose! So spar evenly, na no da!"
"Ugh…" Yohji-kun got up. Oracle-kun had already stood too. They stared evenly at Ryu-chan.
"Duel of wits," Oracle-kun narrowed his eyes.
"Deal," Yohji-kun too, narrowed his at Ryu-chan. Together, they both circled the singer, crouching to attack. Then, they leapt up and --
Whap! Whap!
Flop! Flop!
"Nobody tries to attack my honey and gets away with it!" a jet-haired youth stepped up, holding a bent carton of milk. "Hey, Ryu-chan! Are you okay?"
"Yeah! Thanks a lot!" he bounded over to the young man. "Ne, Omi-chan!"
"Uh…?" Omi blinked as he looked up from the two men on the ground of the park.
"Pick wisely," Ryu-chan smiled. He handed Omi two tickets to his concert. "It starts at eight tonight. Bring along whomever you choose. Have fun!"
They waved goodbye to each other and Ryu-chan walked away with Tatsuha-kun. Omi sighed as he regarded the unconscious Oracle-kun and Yohji-kun.
Who will he pick?
____________________
"Just as I thought! It's empty!"
They were two minutes earlier, having taken a cab. Aya surveyed the room with a sinking heart. Who knew what these D. W. and S. A. guys were up to? What would happen to Ken?
"MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA!"
"It's him!" Schuldig yelled, whipping around to face the large stained glass window. A young man had appeared, clad in a large T-shirt and shorts. He grinned, his blue eyes gleaming evilly.
"Omi?"
"Omi, your -beep-!" he retorted angrily. "I'll Omi you! Gosh, you're just as bad as Chris!"
"Who are you?" Aya demanded.
"Who am I? I'm --"
"Spiderman," Farfarello cackled. The youth glared at him.
"Hey! What'd you do that for?"
"Interrupting people hurts god," he replied. Schuldig stepped up with a curse.
"I know this guy! No wonder he seemed so familiar all this while!"
"Who is he?" Aya asked, his hair whipping against his face. Yuki and Zell turned their attention to him. The wind blew hard, and it was cold, smelling faintly of… vanilla essence?
"You don't know? He's the evilest of the Heartless since Ansem and he's also one of the gods of our world… Windy McDohl!"
"MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA! XD"
"You mean to say that I've just interrupted a god and hurt his feelings? Cool!" Farfarello cheered.
"WHAT? If you interrupt me anymore, Fart-farello, I'm going to pair Nagi up with School-Pig!" he threatened.
"Give us back our friends!" Aya said.
"Not until you give me what I want!" Windy replied. "And call me Darth Windy!"
"So that was what D. W. stood for," Zell mused. "Who's the other?"
"Ha, ha, ha! Here I am, Chicken Wuss!"
"SEIFER!" Zell looked wide eyed at the other conscience. "Seifer Almasy!"
What do you want, Windy?" Aya asked. Windy pouted.
"Mou! You're always so mean to me, Ran!" he whined. "Anyway, I want… TAKEHITO-SAMA IN A THONG OR DIE!"
"What?"
Windy was conversing quietly with the small Seifer, then he turned to them and grinned. "AND SQUALL IN A THONG TOO!"
"I don't know… how can we…?" Aya started to get desperate. "Where's Ken?"
"Right here," and Ken, Shuichi and Nagi warped into sight, encased in crystal. "Look! Isn't that pretty?"
"Encasing people in crystal hurts god," Farfarello exclaimed appreciatively.
"Thanks!" Windy smirked. Seifer pulled his hair.
"Get to business!"
"Hey, okay, okay!" Windy looked at them. "Well? Where are they?"
"We don't know how to get them!" Yuki pointed out coldly.
"Aww, that's too bad then," Windy said. "I guess I can just type here… and Shuichi, Ken and Nagi suffo--"
"STOP!"
Everything halted at once. The wind stopped blowing in and Windy and Seifer looked at the source of the voice with eyes as wide as dinner plates. "Grand Conscience Sora?"
"Grand Conscience Sora?" Aya and Schuldig echoed.
"Sora!" Yuki and Zell looked relieved. Sephiroth smirked.
"How'd you know about this?" Seifer demanded.
"Simple," Sephiroth explained calmly, "I called him through a public payphone and gave him a few juicy details before I came here. You didn't mention anything about ratting on you."
"Ah, nuts…" Windy muttered.
"You've been listening too much to Seifer, haven't you?" Sora said. "And here I thought you held me highest in regard."
"Hey, it's not my fault I haven't been seeing you for like, a long time now!"
"Besides, Red-Jumper-Donning-Jock, FFVIII came BEFORE Kingdom Hearts, and therefore, I, Seifer Almasy, am of higher authority than you!" the blond conscience smirked, pointing his Hyperion arrogantly at Sora.
"Why would Windy McDohl listen to you?" Aya asked Sora, despite himself.
Sora sighed. "I used to be Windy's good conscience… until a little while ago when I was conned into becoming Grand Conscience by Seifer and simply had no more time to advise Windy… thus making him eviler than before."
Windy snickered evilly.
"I regret it now," Sora bit his lip thoughtfully.
"Takehito Koyasu in a thong or they die!" Windy demanded, not at all listening. "And Squall in a thong too! NOW!"
"Windy not listening hurt Sora's feelings and that makes god cry!"
"So, you're saying that if we get rid of Seifer, Windy will be good again and hand our… friends back to us?" Schuldig asked. "Will that really happen?"
"MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA!"
"It may or may not work," Sora replied. "But it's a good try."
"Evil laughter makes god shed a million tears!"
"So, what's the plan?" Aya questioned edgily. Sora looked at him with a bright smile.
"Seifer! Come fight me if you're a man!" he taunted. "Or are you afraid?"
"Me, afraid? NEVER!"
"Oh, really? Then come face me!" Sora flew off to a tabletop laden with take-out food. Seifer followed suit. Summoning his Keyblade, Sora grinned at Seifer. "Come on! What are you waiting for?"
"Hah!" Seifer charged at Sora, but that was his undoing. Still grinning, the brunet sidestepped Seifer's attack and extended his right foot, tripping Seifer headfirst into a bowl of half finished miso soup. As quick as lightning, he jumped on top of Seifer and dunked the blond conscience's head into the soup, holding it down. Seifer choked, spluttered, and wheezed. It seemed for an eternity before he ceased, but finally, he stopped moving completely.
Seifer Almasy had drowned in a bowl of miso soup.
Sora floated off the tabletop and seated himself on Windy's shoulder. "Now, who do you listen to, Windy?"
"ME!" Windy replied. He grabbed hold of Sora and stuffed him into a coffee mug. "MEOW HOO HOO HAA HA HA! Takehito Koyasu in a thong or he gets it!"
"Sora!" Sephiroth, Zell, and Yuki yelled.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
Everyone froze. Four figures stepped in. "YOU! How dare you torture our characters without permission?"
"Kill my characters, would you?" Amano and Walt Disney exclaimed.
"Torture and blackmail my characters, would you?" Takehito Koyasu exclaimed. "Demand for me in a thong, would you?"
"Kill and torture Ayaka, would you?" Murakami Maki exclaimed.
"Hey, she asked for it," Windy defended himself. "She was annoying!"
"You're saying that my character is annoying?"
"You'll pay for this!" Amano said. "Let's get him!"
"Eat artists' pen, fiend!" Takehito Koyasu stabbed Windy with his pen. "And another! And another! And yet another!"
Soon, all four of the mighty folks were stabbing Windy with knives, pens, table legs, and clothes hangers. A mob of fans had also appeared and aided them in the destruction of Windy McDohl by poking and scratching and stabbing him with said items too. There was also an umbrella included in the list of items mentioned, but let's not discuss it.
"Hmmph!" with their mission complete; the band of heroes stomped out of the room to celebrate their success with an extravagant dinner. Windy was left in a pool of sticky evil gooey blood. Schuldig walked up to him and poked him with the tip of his feet.
"Eww."
"Killing Windy makes god happy, but I don't care," Farfarello laughed. "Because not caring when somebody dies hurts god."
"Schuldig! Farfarello!"
"Aya!"
"Yuki!"
The group of heroes embraced their dudes in distress, grinning. Sora started to sit up, aided by Sephiroth and Zell. "Sorry for this mess, guys," Sora apologized.
"It's okay. At least we're okay," Ken replied kindly.
"I guess we won't be staring in anymore of this series," Schuldig noted. "That was freaky."
"Thank goodness too," Nagi said. "Let's go home. Crawford might get worried…"
And they exited the room.
___________________
"Isn't this fun?" Omi asked his companion smilingly. His friend nodded happily. "You know, Ryu-chan is really nice. He's such a good friend to have. I'm so glad I chose you too, to come with me to this concert!"
"Thank you," his companion said in a shrill voice. "I love you, Omi-kun!"
"I love you too, Kumakuma-kun!"
Omi sighed and leaned in to the purplish blue colored stuffed rabbit, as the music played on, and true notes fell from Ryu-chan's lips. This was bliss.
~*~*~ End ~*~*~
Note: Heh, now that was twisted… but unfortunately, it wasn't as funny as the last two of the series. At least I let Omi choose his koi, as I promised!
Anyway, Kumakuma-chan is my stuffed rabbit. He's plump and fluffy, and he's purplish-blue. Hey, I'll bet that since so many fans wanted to kill me, I'll let them live their dream here. I'll bet Takehito-sama and the rest of the creators/artists want to kill me too. Oh, well… XD
I hope that this concludes the Phone/Denwa series, but beware! It might not be the last! Thanks for reading!