Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or anything associated with it.
Warning: Mature Content
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Elena's POV
I stand in the doorway, watching him as he looks over his fireplace, tossing a brick back into it.
"So Jer's applying to art school." He says, turning around to face me. "Might want to compel him a decent portfolio because he ain't that great."
I can't help but smile. I can't exactly argue with him but I still want the best for Jeremy. Out of all the screwed up things in his life, he needs to do something normal. Even if it means I won't get to see him very often.
"Don't be mean. He needs to move on with his life." I say as he playfully laughs at the notion. I suppose the idea of moving on is ridiculous given everything that's happened but he should still get a chance to try and I think about how much I want that for myself.
"So do I." I see the look on his face and I can tell what he's thinking.
"Not sure I'm a fan of that transition."
"Look, I've… I've made some huge mistakes in my life. Being with you wasn't one of them. And yes, I had Alaric compel away my love for you. And yes, I did love Stefan once." I admit, slowly walking towards him.
I can tell he's not sure where I'm going with this but if things are going to change, I need to be honest with him and honest with myself. I already know he thinks that if I were human, we wouldn't have been together and even though I can't remember it, I know that what I'm feeling is real, regardless of the hole in my memory.
"The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him… and yet, I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn't matter if I have memories or not. It doesn't matter if I'm a vampire or not." I say as we both inch closer to each other. If only I knew what he was thinking now.
"You're just saying that because you can't change what you are." I see the hurt and disappointment in his face. He doesn't believe that I could possibly have loved him any other way.
"No Damon, I don't care what human me would've done because she's not here. I am. And if the past is a place without you and me together then… Then stop living in it."
I stare into his eyes trying to show him how absolutely, serious I am. I don't want this any other way and deep down I know that this is exactly how it's supposed to be. Even if it terrifies me, we both need this.
"Yeah." He breathes, filling the gap in between us. His lip press gently to mine and I welcome him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
We had kissed earlier but now there's nothing to interrupt us. His lips come to mine again and again as his hand slides under my sweater. I let it fall and rest around my arms.
Before I know it he pushes me against the bed and I fall back willingly. He repositions himself over me and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, stronger than it ever has before. I'm not scared. I know what this means and despite what anyone else has said or what I have done, I know that I'm ready to trust him.
I stare at his beautiful, blue eyes remembering how they were the first thing that captivated me about him. Even after all the awful things I've done to him, he still trusts me and once the realization hits that we both feel the same way, his lips come crashing back to mine. I let myself go, choosing to feel nothing but him.
I wrap my arms around him, taking in all of his physical features from the muscles in his back to the well-defined edge of his jawline. The taste of his lips against mine is amazing and I can imagine myself having once been addicted to it. I explore his mouth with my tongue, trying to take it all in at once.
Suddenly, his hand slides up under dress, his rough palm perfectly caressing the smooth surface of my skin and it feels so good. It's like he knew where I wanted to be touched. That's when I realize he probably already knows everything about me. What I like and what I don't. I feel like I'm at a disadvantage but I don't mind letting him have control.
He pushes his waist into mine and my body responds to his in a way I never thought possible. Somehow, my body remembers him even though my mind doesn't and I let out a groan in frustration.
His kisses move down my neck and I feel my heart beating faster. My hands subconsciously pull at his shirt and I realize there is an insatiable need to have more of him. It slides off easily like we've done this a thousand times before and he does the same to me, slipping my dress off along with my sweater. Without struggling, he unclasps my bra and I can't help but shiver as he throws it off to the side.
In the back of my mind I know that I've done this before but I start to feel nervous. Not about him touching me but I'm worried that I will disappoint him or that I will mess up. How silly is it that I feel this way? I've always been confident in these situations but... his touch has me so hypnotized that I feel like this is my first time.
A groan escapes his throat as he pushes against me again with more force. I can't help but admire that sound and find beauty in it. His weight is pushing me down onto the bed while he places kiss after kiss around my chest. He is being so gentle… has it always been like this? There's a part of me that feels like there is supposed to be more.
I find myself calling out his name but rather than encouraging him he stops to look up at me.
"You ok?" He asks. Not exactly what I was expecting but I guess he just wants to make sure I'm ok with this.
"Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Wow, that was a stupid question. I know why he asked. Am I messing this up?
"Just making sure." He says with a smile.
"Good, now keep going." I say, not caring about anything but him.
"Yes ma'am." He jokes, as his kisses turn into playful nips.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say my name like that." He says, sliding his hand down the side of my body, tugging at my leggings. It's like he knows every part of my body that's begging to be touched.
Immediately, I feel my skin flush as he whispers my name against my skin, his lips traveling down my stomach. He says it as if it's the only word he knows and he has perfected its sound over the years. I never thought my own name could sound so beautiful. Something tells me that by the end of the night, I will know a lot more about myself than I ever have.
He slides my leggings off and the cool air touches my boiling skin, giving me a second of relief from the heat. His lips come back to mine as one hand slides up the inside of my thigh, touching me and teasing me relentlessly.
"Damon." I say again, even more frustrated than before but this time he doesn't stop. I hear the sound of my underwear being ripped away from my body. I have no time to think about it before his finger slides down my slit and I feel the sweet pressure of him inside me. Who knew this would feel so good?
I fight back a moan as he adds another finger, putting pressure on all the right places, but he knows me better than I know myself at this point.
"Don't hold it in." He begs in my ear and I let out a sound resembling a half growl, half scream. I grab his head and pull it to mine, desperately touching as much of him as I can to find my release but he doesn't let me and pulls out. He sits up and startles me, his full weight and the fabric of his jeans creating a maddening friction against my skin.
"What are you doing?" I ask, slightly upset that the stimulation had stopped.
"Just relax. Put your hands above your head." He commands in a calm voice. I do what he asks, giving him a curious look.
He puts his hands on my abdomen and slowly slides them up my body, up my arms, and all the way to my fingertips, lighting every never ending on fire. His fingers intertwine with mine, holding me still as his tongue slides against my neck and around my collar. I try to ignore the persistent throbbing between my legs and I desperately want to reach down and touch him but I'm guessing that's why he's holding me down.
"Damon, please." I beg, wanting him to let me have my way.
"Not yet." He breathes as our lips meet, his tongue sliding against mine in the most glorious way. My hips involuntarily rise to meet his and it feels insane how every part of his body seems to be touching mine. Well, almost.
He lets up his grip on me and I take the first chance I get to roll us over. To my surprise, he is not surprised at all and I get the feeling that he was waiting for me to do that.
"I'm not some fragile thing you know?" I tease, getting to the reason behind his gentle, torturous behavior.
"Trust me, I know." He says with a smirk. My face flushes and I try to hide it but there is no use.
I am hit with the realization that there is probably nothing I can do to him that will catch him off guard but at the very least I am determined to make this good. I take this chance to explore his body with my lips, learning every curve of every muscle. His skin tastes so good and I can't help running my tongue across him to get as much as I can.
I glance up at him only to find him watching me with chilled amusement. How is he so calm while my heart is beating out of my chest? I put my focus lower on his body, kissing him until I reach the top of his jeans. I pause for half a second before I undo his belt and pull his pants off along with his underwear. Wow, I never imagined…
"You've been on top long enough." He says interrupting my thoughts as we flip over. Before I can react, he positions my hips to his and pushes inside me. I let out a loud moan as my body tries to adjust to him. It seems cliché but I notice how well our body fit together, like they're a perfect match. And to think, a few weeks ago, I thought I hated this man and now I feel everything but that.
He groans as he says my name, pulling out and pushing into me slowly, each time setting himself deeper. Just when I think he can't go any further, he does and I grab his head needing the touch for support.
The muscles in both our bodies are becoming so tense and I know I can't hold on much longer nor do I want to. I hold my lips to his, keeping him as close as I possibly can.
"Faster," I beg and he mumbles something I can't quite make out. He does as I ask and he grabs my hands again, lacing our fingers together. Why does he keep holding me from touching him? With that, I lose all coherent thought as my body contacts around him over and over, my hand gripping his as he pushes further. He comes during my wave of pleasure, sending me overboard. My head sinks into the pillow as my back arches into him.
He collapses on top of me, both of us exhausted. I love his weight on me, knowing we couldn't possibly be any closer. I don't even have the words to describe what I just felt. Absolute euphoria that I never knew existed. Well, maybe I did at one point but right now is all I have and I welcome it.
He starts to move off of me, but I don't let him, keeping his body pressed to mine for as long as he will let me. He sets himself up on his elbows, looking at me face to face.
"What?" He asks with the most beautiful smile ever.
"Nothing. Just… Don't move yet." I reply, reflecting his smile on my own face. I run my fingers through his hair, admiring its soft quality even though it is damp with his sweat.
He allows me to watch him for a minute before giving me a kiss and slipping off to the side, our bodies never losing contact. He maneuvers the covers on the bed and we climb under, settling in. He puts his arm around me, holding me close.
He has this kind of smile on his face that I can't quite place but something about it seems… familiar.
"What's that face?" I ask, looking at him curiously, I can't tell what he's thinking but he has the sexiest grin I've ever seen.
"What face?" He asks, shifting his eyes to stare into mine.
"That face." I point out, trying to figure him out. He shakes his head slightly, biting his lip to hide his grin.
"I'm happy." He says, kissing me again.
"Me too." I reply, nodding my head. He roles onto his back, his eyelids starting to droop with sleep as he stares up at the ceiling.
"You know, the first time we did this was one of the best nights of my life. Not just because of the sex but knowing you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I can't even describe what that felt like. I had loved you for so long and I just…" He says, his thoughts trailing off. I know I told him to let go of the past but I find myself wanting to know more about us.
"When was it?" I ask trying to fill in these gaps in my memory. These little details I don't mind hearing about so much.
"It was the night of the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant. The night after you broke up with Stefan." He says, his words starting to fade out.
I immediately judge myself. I was so in love with this man that I slept with him the night after I split up with his brother. I never would have guessed that our affections ran so deep. Just when I think he's going to fall asleep, he softly continues his story… Our story.
"There was so much going on and you had been so upset because no one seemed to be accepting your transition. But… No one saw what I saw. How strong and beautiful you had become. Of course I had always seen you that way but becoming a vampire helped you embrace that about yourself and I wanted so badly for you to see yourself the way I saw you." He finishes, closing his eyes.
"Thank you." I say, watching him as he drifts off.
Even though I can't remember that love we shared, I have everything I feel now and I can't imagine that it's far off from anything I felt before he died, before I had the memories compelled away. And as I look at his beautiful form sleeping peacefully next to me, all I can think about is how ready I am to be his again.I brush his arm, reassuring myself with one touch.
I lift his arm and snuggle into him, laying my head on his chest. He subconsciously holds me and I feel so comfortable, lying here in his arms. I feel like this is where I belong. And no matter how small of a glimmer it may be, I know this feeling and I refuse to doubt it for a second. I know this is love.