Author's Notes: First trip into this fandom. Obviously don't own Merlin. This is just a one shot on Author's thoughts post last episode of season one. Hope you enjoy.
Fear Nothing
The wound has finally stopped aching. Gaius still states that I need to rest, to recovery, but I find I cannot, my head and heart too full to even begin to consider further bed rest. What fills me, is you.
Other things do as well, the well fair of the country, how my father has come through my illness. There is a strangeness in him now, far worse than before. I've always seen the strain in him, the fragile grip sanity sometimes has. But I have never seen it so frail as I have in these past few days.
And he is not the only one suffering from such weak holds to the mind. Morgana has only recently recovered, and still, there are little times when there is a wild, dangerous look in her dark eyes, something that cannot be contained. It is as if something wretched lurked there, far worse than my Father's insanity.
But she will not let me in to help her, and so all I can do is watch as she bears it alone.
Not even Gwen will give me reason, or aid in this. She is much the same as she has been. Always dear, always sweet, and yet far from fearful of the truth. Closest to Morgana, and thus far from willing to bear any secrets that I may wish to know.
But as I said, what fills me most, is you.
You have changed the most in these days. I feel it has something to do with me, I know it has something to do with me. My recovery was nothing short of miraculous.
I know you're full of miracles.
I know your secret, I've known a long time, since before we were friends.
What else would change eyes from normal to golden in a flicker? What would trip me, a renowned fighter up? What else could, but magic.
I never believed when that friend of yours said he was the sorcerer. I knew far better than that, but I went with it, because you didn't want to tell me.
Unlike my father, I have sense enough to know evil magic from good. I was never threatened by yours. Perhaps because it always seemed natural, something you did, something you were.
And really, what threat could a bumbling manservant be? You can barely polish my boots right, let alone be dangerous to my kingdom.
Or so I once thought.
But now, now I'm not so sure. You've changed….
I don't know how to explain it. There are moments when I just have to turn, and I see those eyes, those burning, brilliant eyes, that draw me in and enchant me.
Not that you would ever put a spell upon your future King.
At least I hope not.
But no. Now there is something almost unrestrained in you, something that feels as if I could just reach my hand out, and brush against it before I ever touch your skin. I could almost swear, sometimes….
It's almost as if you were glowing. Becoming less real, and yet far more real than I shall ever be.
I wonder at the price you paid to save me.
I know there was a price, there had to be. One doesn't survive death without someone else putting something down to stay that cold hand.
What did you pay?
I wish I could ask, but I fear the answer.
To think, Arthur Pendragon, who fears nothing, fears that, from a supposed lowly servant. But I suppose you are more than that now. You are my friend, my protector. Perhaps even more than that.
Yet, I fear you may have sold your humanity and I am watching it fade.
Helpless, in the fact that it was for my life.