Title: Three Words
Author: Angel Eyes
Rating: Angst or something. Plain feelings.
Summary: John and Monica were together for a while, but grown apart. Very
apart. How do they get back to where they were?
Spoilers: Everything...or nothing.
Author's note: I do *NOT* own these two peeps, just experimenting with them
a little. Poor guys! =)
He reached for another file, another case to open. He'd been sitting' there for hours. Reading sentence after sentence. Only to wait for her to arrive. She didn't know. He needed her badly. It had gone one year now. One year since they took the first step. The first step out in the open. First step to the reality they both had dreamed of. But, they had moved so slowly. So slow that they'd grown apart. They didn't speak. Didn't look. Didn't think.
Whatever she might say about him. Think about him. Feel about him. He knew that somehow she needed him as badly as he needed her. He hadn't been thinking'. Not thinking' about them. Not about her. At all. But, time had changed and he'd realized that he longed for her. Nothing' more than that. He couldn't live like this. Live without feelings. Live without love. Live without her. Live without life.
She walked into the office and met his eyes. His ice blue eyes.
"Monica..." He looked up at her. She turned her face towards her own desk and gave him a sense of anger ness. She didn't want him. Or his life. Or his dreams.
"Monica..." He said again. She turned around and looked in his eyes. But not in that way she used to do. He felt a shivering on his neck. This was what coldness was like. He never felt it before. Never.
"What?" Her voice clearly said. What? What? What? This wasn't real. Wasn't true. Wasn't at all.
"How are you, Monica?" He felt his stupidity echo in the room.
She thought for a while. Or did she? He tried to read her mind by looking for emotions in her face. He failed.
"I'm good. How are you?" This wasn't her. The words came out with no meaning. No deepness. He nodded. Good. He was good. Or at least okay.
"Look, Monica..." She turned once again at him and faced him with her dark brown eyes.
"What is it?" He felt her words cut through him like knifes. What was it? He didn't really know.
"I've been thinking'. About us. About this." Once again he felt his stupidity.
"What about us?" Her eyes started to clear up. Clear up from anger. From sadness. From despite. From loneliness.
So, she had thought about them. About their situation.
"This isn't working', Monica. You know it. I feel terrible." He met her nodding eyes.
"I know..." She turned around to sit down at her desk. She knew. She knew exactly what he meant. She had stop counting' all those lonely nights. All those crying moments of her life that she needed to share with someone else.
"We have to figure things out, Monica."
"Yeah..."
"Do you want this?"
"No."
"What do you want?" He had to ask. He knew what he wanted. He wanted it to work out between them. Things needed to be fixed. Needed to be built up again. Like his heart.
She didn't answer. No answer.
"Monica..." His voice had that sense of deepness that made him seem so masculine. So extremely strong. So unable to love.
"I want things back..." Her eyes shifted back to its normal deepness.
Back. Back. Back. Like they were before? Or even before that?
"I want us to...start over..." Her eyes were now filled up with deep tears. Tears. He'd seen her cry before. But that was long ago. Long before they ever knew that this moment was coming. He nodded.
"But, I don't know how, John."
"Me neither. But..."
"But what?" She had started to come back to him. Her voice had grown over to a more friendly tone. Friendly. Friends. No, he wanted more.
"But, I need you."
"You never needed me."
He was shocked. Startled. Worried. Never? Was this his fault?
"I've always needed you."
She met his eyes again. Those ice blue eyes. But, ice blue? No, they were bluer when she thought about it. Blue like a good summer day sky. Blue like water. Safe water.
"I need you." Her voice replied in his mind. Need. Need. Need. He walked up and over to her. She stood behind her desk with her right hand on her chair. He reached out and took her hand in his.
"Then, let's fix this."
She nodded. But, fix was a simple word with a lot of meaning. A lot of content. A lot of trouble. She looked in his eyes. Deeply. His eyes showed more emotions than she'd ever seen before. Emotions for her to share. To read. To know. To speak.
"How?"
How...the question that always came up. How?
"We'll find out." He drew his hand through her hair. Her brown hair. Somehow she made him feel weak. She was so beautiful. So Intelligent. So Amazing. He couldn't think of another woman that was like her.
She held his hand harder. With the sense of comfort. Or relief. He didn't know. Somehow he felt like knowing what time it was. How long they had been standing there. Quiet. It started to get dark outside.
"Can I drive you home?"
She nodded. Of course he could. Why not? He pulled her closer to him and hugged her gently. He felt her tears on the side of his neck.
"It's going to be okay..." Yeah. He was sure. Of course he was sure. More sure than ever. He felt her nod. Good sign.
Once out in the car he turned to her. She was quiet. But, quiet in a way that seemed to fit him. She looked at him. Her dark brown eyes searched for answers in him. He had none.
He started the engine and drove her carefully home. Her street was always so quiet. He liked it here. The quietness made him able to think. Once outside of her house he stopped the car.
"Thanks."
"No prob."
She took his hand gently. He looked at her. She had come back to him. She smiled. He loved that. Not only the smile on her lips, but also the smile in her eyes. He knew now. Knew that he wasn't going to let her go. He bended over and kissed gently her lips. She responded quickly. With both relief and passion. Passion. He'd never felt her passion before. Never. The kiss ended.
"Wanna come up for a beer?"
He nodded. What else could he do? He felt so much for her right now. So much feelings that he didn't know that he had. She opened her door and got out. He followed her up the stairs to her door, but stopped her before she took up her keys.
He wanted so much, but not too fast. He didn't want to lose her again. Not again. He pulled her once again closer to him and held her tightly. And gently. With comfort. Relief. Pain. Happiness. Sadness. Care ness.
"Welcome back." His words made her smile.
"You too..."
They smiled and she opened the door. He walked in close to her. Close. Close. Close. He sat down in her big sofa. Waited for her to come. To arrive. She sat down and gave him one can of beer. He smiled. He liked her way of doing things. Like drinking beer. He'd never met a woman who preferred beer before wine. Never. He met her eyes.
"I'm sorry..." She said. This time her voice had the sense of meaning in it. He felt as she told him so much with just one word. Sorry. He was too. He was so sorry, she had no idea.
"Me too." His words came out with the same deepness. She felt it. It made her close her eyes. He saw the tears run down her cheeks.
"Oh, Monica..." He moved closer to her and took her beer and put it on the table. Along with his.
"Monica...I never meant to hurt you..." He met her eyes and felt the sadness cut through him. Pain. He'd never wanted to put her in pain. Never. She moved closer to lay her head in comfort on his chest. He put his arms around her, for her to understand his comfort.
"Me neither..." Her voice quietly whispered. He closed his eyes and felt her slowly fall asleep in his arms. He had brought her back. This time he was not going to lose her again. For sure.
Whatever that had happened to them in the past, this was a good start. They still had things to work out, but that had to come with time. He felt her warmness as she moved in his arms. She looked up at him and smiled a little. Smile. Long time ago she used to smile very often. He hoped that he still was able to make her do that.
She moved back in the sofa, so she could look at him. He'd been there for almost one hour. Just holding her while she rested in his arms. She smiled once again, even her eyes. He loved that.
"Wanna catch a movie?" He smiled back at her.
"Yeah...you pick one, I'll go get some more beer and something to eat. Okay?" He nodded. He loved this. He knew that they couldn't just jump back to a straight away romance. They had to build it up again. He picked a comedy. Good start.
She cuddled up next to him. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders and her hand was resting in his other hand. As soon as the movie had started she felt so secured. He was so strong. So masculine. But, yet he had so many feelings. So much she wanted to share with him. He bended down and kissed gently her forehead. As soon as he had bent back she leaned up against him and touched his lips with hers. This time with as much passion as she had. At first he was a bit shocked. But after a few seconds he got in to the kiss and pressed her up against him with his arms tightly wrapped around her. He could feel his heartbeat rise. So fast. She let go of his lips and he kissed her down her neck. She breathe hard against him and looked into his eyes. No, they were ice blue. She was positive. Absolutely sure. She sat down next to him again and just looked at him. And he at her. They were back. Started over. Begun. Begun. Begun. All over. Back. Back. Back.
He reached for another file, another case to open. He'd been sitting' there for hours. Reading sentence after sentence. Only to wait for her to arrive. She didn't know. He needed her badly. It had gone one year now. One year since they took the first step. The first step out in the open. First step to the reality they both had dreamed of. But, they had moved so slowly. So slow that they'd grown apart. They didn't speak. Didn't look. Didn't think.
Whatever she might say about him. Think about him. Feel about him. He knew that somehow she needed him as badly as he needed her. He hadn't been thinking'. Not thinking' about them. Not about her. At all. But, time had changed and he'd realized that he longed for her. Nothing' more than that. He couldn't live like this. Live without feelings. Live without love. Live without her. Live without life.
She walked into the office and met his eyes. His ice blue eyes.
"Monica..." He looked up at her. She turned her face towards her own desk and gave him a sense of anger ness. She didn't want him. Or his life. Or his dreams.
"Monica..." He said again. She turned around and looked in his eyes. But not in that way she used to do. He felt a shivering on his neck. This was what coldness was like. He never felt it before. Never.
"What?" Her voice clearly said. What? What? What? This wasn't real. Wasn't true. Wasn't at all.
"How are you, Monica?" He felt his stupidity echo in the room.
She thought for a while. Or did she? He tried to read her mind by looking for emotions in her face. He failed.
"I'm good. How are you?" This wasn't her. The words came out with no meaning. No deepness. He nodded. Good. He was good. Or at least okay.
"Look, Monica..." She turned once again at him and faced him with her dark brown eyes.
"What is it?" He felt her words cut through him like knifes. What was it? He didn't really know.
"I've been thinking'. About us. About this." Once again he felt his stupidity.
"What about us?" Her eyes started to clear up. Clear up from anger. From sadness. From despite. From loneliness.
So, she had thought about them. About their situation.
"This isn't working', Monica. You know it. I feel terrible." He met her nodding eyes.
"I know..." She turned around to sit down at her desk. She knew. She knew exactly what he meant. She had stop counting' all those lonely nights. All those crying moments of her life that she needed to share with someone else.
"We have to figure things out, Monica."
"Yeah..."
"Do you want this?"
"No."
"What do you want?" He had to ask. He knew what he wanted. He wanted it to work out between them. Things needed to be fixed. Needed to be built up again. Like his heart.
She didn't answer. No answer.
"Monica..." His voice had that sense of deepness that made him seem so masculine. So extremely strong. So unable to love.
"I want things back..." Her eyes shifted back to its normal deepness.
Back. Back. Back. Like they were before? Or even before that?
"I want us to...start over..." Her eyes were now filled up with deep tears. Tears. He'd seen her cry before. But that was long ago. Long before they ever knew that this moment was coming. He nodded.
"But, I don't know how, John."
"Me neither. But..."
"But what?" She had started to come back to him. Her voice had grown over to a more friendly tone. Friendly. Friends. No, he wanted more.
"But, I need you."
"You never needed me."
He was shocked. Startled. Worried. Never? Was this his fault?
"I've always needed you."
She met his eyes again. Those ice blue eyes. But, ice blue? No, they were bluer when she thought about it. Blue like a good summer day sky. Blue like water. Safe water.
"I need you." Her voice replied in his mind. Need. Need. Need. He walked up and over to her. She stood behind her desk with her right hand on her chair. He reached out and took her hand in his.
"Then, let's fix this."
She nodded. But, fix was a simple word with a lot of meaning. A lot of content. A lot of trouble. She looked in his eyes. Deeply. His eyes showed more emotions than she'd ever seen before. Emotions for her to share. To read. To know. To speak.
"How?"
How...the question that always came up. How?
"We'll find out." He drew his hand through her hair. Her brown hair. Somehow she made him feel weak. She was so beautiful. So Intelligent. So Amazing. He couldn't think of another woman that was like her.
She held his hand harder. With the sense of comfort. Or relief. He didn't know. Somehow he felt like knowing what time it was. How long they had been standing there. Quiet. It started to get dark outside.
"Can I drive you home?"
She nodded. Of course he could. Why not? He pulled her closer to him and hugged her gently. He felt her tears on the side of his neck.
"It's going to be okay..." Yeah. He was sure. Of course he was sure. More sure than ever. He felt her nod. Good sign.
Once out in the car he turned to her. She was quiet. But, quiet in a way that seemed to fit him. She looked at him. Her dark brown eyes searched for answers in him. He had none.
He started the engine and drove her carefully home. Her street was always so quiet. He liked it here. The quietness made him able to think. Once outside of her house he stopped the car.
"Thanks."
"No prob."
She took his hand gently. He looked at her. She had come back to him. She smiled. He loved that. Not only the smile on her lips, but also the smile in her eyes. He knew now. Knew that he wasn't going to let her go. He bended over and kissed gently her lips. She responded quickly. With both relief and passion. Passion. He'd never felt her passion before. Never. The kiss ended.
"Wanna come up for a beer?"
He nodded. What else could he do? He felt so much for her right now. So much feelings that he didn't know that he had. She opened her door and got out. He followed her up the stairs to her door, but stopped her before she took up her keys.
He wanted so much, but not too fast. He didn't want to lose her again. Not again. He pulled her once again closer to him and held her tightly. And gently. With comfort. Relief. Pain. Happiness. Sadness. Care ness.
"Welcome back." His words made her smile.
"You too..."
They smiled and she opened the door. He walked in close to her. Close. Close. Close. He sat down in her big sofa. Waited for her to come. To arrive. She sat down and gave him one can of beer. He smiled. He liked her way of doing things. Like drinking beer. He'd never met a woman who preferred beer before wine. Never. He met her eyes.
"I'm sorry..." She said. This time her voice had the sense of meaning in it. He felt as she told him so much with just one word. Sorry. He was too. He was so sorry, she had no idea.
"Me too." His words came out with the same deepness. She felt it. It made her close her eyes. He saw the tears run down her cheeks.
"Oh, Monica..." He moved closer to her and took her beer and put it on the table. Along with his.
"Monica...I never meant to hurt you..." He met her eyes and felt the sadness cut through him. Pain. He'd never wanted to put her in pain. Never. She moved closer to lay her head in comfort on his chest. He put his arms around her, for her to understand his comfort.
"Me neither..." Her voice quietly whispered. He closed his eyes and felt her slowly fall asleep in his arms. He had brought her back. This time he was not going to lose her again. For sure.
Whatever that had happened to them in the past, this was a good start. They still had things to work out, but that had to come with time. He felt her warmness as she moved in his arms. She looked up at him and smiled a little. Smile. Long time ago she used to smile very often. He hoped that he still was able to make her do that.
She moved back in the sofa, so she could look at him. He'd been there for almost one hour. Just holding her while she rested in his arms. She smiled once again, even her eyes. He loved that.
"Wanna catch a movie?" He smiled back at her.
"Yeah...you pick one, I'll go get some more beer and something to eat. Okay?" He nodded. He loved this. He knew that they couldn't just jump back to a straight away romance. They had to build it up again. He picked a comedy. Good start.
She cuddled up next to him. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders and her hand was resting in his other hand. As soon as the movie had started she felt so secured. He was so strong. So masculine. But, yet he had so many feelings. So much she wanted to share with him. He bended down and kissed gently her forehead. As soon as he had bent back she leaned up against him and touched his lips with hers. This time with as much passion as she had. At first he was a bit shocked. But after a few seconds he got in to the kiss and pressed her up against him with his arms tightly wrapped around her. He could feel his heartbeat rise. So fast. She let go of his lips and he kissed her down her neck. She breathe hard against him and looked into his eyes. No, they were ice blue. She was positive. Absolutely sure. She sat down next to him again and just looked at him. And he at her. They were back. Started over. Begun. Begun. Begun. All over. Back. Back. Back.