Author's Note – Hey guys. So I've been going through a bit of a bad patch and have been suffering from writer's block hence why I haven't updated my other stories in a while. That being said this little two/three part story was what has helped me out of it. It came into my head and I just had to write it. I tend to write totally AU fics so to write something that follows the show a little more (though I have put twists in!) is new to me. It starts after the infamous proposal in LA in 5.05 and spans on from there. I hope you like it.

Where I Stood

Letting go. Letting go of someone you hold to so closely and dearly can be the hardest part of all. Moving on can seem so completely impossible. Even though logic and reason and everything you know dictates that you have to; the love remains fiercely in your heart and passion courses its way through your veins and tells you and screams at you to stay and fight. That no matter what the odds may be, the love you feel and know to be true is worth the sacrifice and the pain no matter what the cost.

Lucas Scott lay on the bed in the hotel room with a dull ache in his heart as he continued to watch her sleep. He hadn't been able to shut his busy mind off from the decisions he knew now had to be made. He had memorised her every line and every curve so very long ago, he knew every inch of her and yet right now as he stared at her sleeping form he feared that this was all about to end. That he would never see her again. That the memory of her perfect face would fade and finally erase itself from his conscious leaving him without even a notion of her and of what they had once been to one another. That thought terrified him more than anything. Even more than what he knew he was about to do.

Lucas pulled his weary body up from the mattress and crossed over to the French windows. With a tug he pulled them aside and stepped out into the day. He stared out at the early morning's sky, at the bold pink and orange shades that burst through the once blank canvass of white clouds.

The young man let a knowing smile of regret and sorrow pass across his lips. His hands gripped the cool metal railing of the balcony, bracing himself upright. Unsure that under the weight of his decisions his legs would hold him. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in his mind that he loved this girl. He loved Peyton. He would always love Peyton. They had been through so much to be together. They had gone through so much in their relationship. Never in his most vivid nightmares did he imagine that this would be their end. They were meant to be forever. A timeless and unbreakable love story.

They wanted different things, at least for now. Lucas knew that. They were both still barely out of High School and were only just beginning to forge their way through life. He thought now as he gathered up his possessions and tossed them carelessly into his overnight bag that coming to LA and surprising her was maybe too much too soon as he replayed the scene from the night before over once again in his head. She hadn't said "no" to his proposal but she hadn't said "yes" either. Now with the words said they couldn't take it back no matter how much they both may have wanted to. They had crossed the line as they continued to chase different dreams that for now at least didn't seem to be able to coexist. All they could do now was hope to move on.

Peyton remained curled up tightly amongst the pillows almost as if even though lost to sleep she was still clinging on to the shards of a life and a love that she didn't want to lose. That she couldn't be without. She lay on her front, her tousled hair spilling in careless locks behind her as she continued to sleep. Her gentle breaths tickled at the tip of his nose as he kissed her goodbye.

With one final look at the life that he was about to leave behind Lucas felt a sharp stab of regret before he pushed himself out of the door. He told himself that for right now this was the best thing for both of them. That maybe if their love was strong enough then they would one day find their ways back to one another with dreams fulfilled and hearts reunited and settled on only one goal. He let his hand graze the ring box in his pocket and blinked back the tears.

The click of the door closing jerked Peyton awake. Her eyes snapped open and she took in the barrenness of the room. She knew even before she saw the "mix" lying beside her that he was gone. An agonising emptiness took her over like a tumbling wave as she lay back down and buried her face into his pillow to muffle her heart wrenching sobs.

He'd left her.

It was too painful. Last night she had begged him to see that she wanted him, that she believed in him and in them. That she was sure that their love could survive another year of being miles apart because he would always be held so close in her heart.

She remembered Lucas's beautiful chiselled face with only hurt and rejection reflecting back at her as she fumbled on with her explanation of her answer to his proposal. The echoes of their exchange of words passed through her mind and ignited her fears.

Peyton lay so very still for hours unable to move and exhausted from fitful intermittent bursts of crying. Her mind tried idly to process what had happened to bring them to this point. Not even twenty four hours before she had been a girl with dreams and a bright future. She had been a girl who was completely and hopelessly in love with the boy that she had wished forever with.

Now she lay broken. She didn't know what to do. She guessed she should try to pick herself up and carry on with her life in LA. But right now she couldn't bring herself to leave the hotel room. To leave the one last piece of their lives together and the place where dreams and forever had been so carelessly and so unconsciously shattered.

--x--x--x--

Time. Time flickers past our very eyes fuelled by the burning flames of eternity. Time is the one true constant in our lives. Time alters us. Time heals us.

She is back in the hotel room. Sitting on the chair as her fingers idly brush over the smoothness of the precious little black box and she watches her beautiful boy sleep soundly across the room from her. She contemplates their lives together; there is no doubt in her mind that she wants to be with him. She loves him so much that it hurts sometimes. She sometimes doesn't even know who she is without him.

He soon wakes; a little smile of uncertainty passes his lips as he makes his way slowly over to her. He gets down on bended knee as their hands meet and their eyes interlock. He speaks softly sensing she is maybe a little hesitant. He is the one constant in a sea of adolescent confusions and her own long imprinted fears of loss and abandonment.

As he opens the box and speaks the question that has been burning on his lips she only sees forever shining in the eyes of the boy she has loved since she was sixteen.

She has never been surer of anything in her life as she tells him her answer. Her eyes sparkle with tears, they match his own. He slips the ring onto her finger before gathering her up into his arms. She lets her lips touch his, kissing fervently.

"I love you Lucas Scott."

Peyton's eyes fluttered open slowly as she stared up at the ceiling in the darkened room. Tears stung her tired orbs and threatened to fall onto her already tear stained face. She'd dreamt once again of correcting her ill fated mistake back in the hotel room. She had dreamt the very same dream every night for the past week.

It was now almost six weeks since Lucas's visit to LA and their breakup. She had tried to fill the void with work, sleep and friends. She had gone straight back to work after leaving the hotel room in an effort to distract her from the pain and the numbness in her heart. The endless hours slowly blended together into a string of endless days. She knew time would heal her broken heart as it always did. Just not in the way she knew he could.

She rolled over onto her side hugging a pale blue sweater of his that he'd left behind. Well that she "stole" on his last visit to her apartment three months before. She smiled sadly as she remembered how they'd remained locked away in her small living space. She had relished every single moment of the time alone with him.

There were moments when living without Lucas didn't seem so impossible and unbearable. There were moments when she would get so caught up in her hectic routine and she'd sometimes find herself believing things might one day be ok again. But she also found that the tiniest and simplest of things would trigger the memory of his face or moments they'd shared together and she would find herself crying. She would sink back into a darkened place of depression that she so desperately wanted to escape from.

She wanted to just be mad at him. Sometimes she was just mad at him. She couldn't fathom why he had seemingly given up on them so easily, why he hadn't fought harder for the love he had wanted to celebrate with marriage and the promise of a lifetime together.

Peyton wiped back the tears and sat up in the bed. The reality that she had never felt so afraid and alone hit her full force. She needed to talk to someone. Without another moment's hesitation Peyton dialled Brooke's number. She cradled the phone to her ear listening to the ringing before Brooke picked up.

"Hello?" Brooke's sleepy and familiar voice rasped from the other end of the line.

"Brooke, it's me," she uttered quietly.

"Peyton?" the concern in her best friend's voice was obvious. "Honey, is everything ok? Are you alright?"

"No. Not really. I'm sorry to call. I know it's early there. And I know we haven't talked in a while. That we've both been really busy..." her voice trailed off as she felt guilty for having lost contact with Brooke after High School. "I just.... I really needed to talk to you."

"P Sawyer," the brunette said gently. "You are my best friend and you always will be. I know it's been a while but the phone works both ways. I've been pretty busy too. I'm here for you."

Peyton closed her eyes tightly shut and bit back the sob at her friend's kind words of reassurance.

"I know about you and Lucas," Brooke then went on to state cautiously. "That you broke up."

"Oh," Peyton's brow furrowed in mild surprise that Lucas had told Brooke. Peyton hadn't been able to tell any of her friends from Tree Hill. It was as if uttering those words would make it even more real and painful than it already was. But then she reasoned that Brooke and Lucas had always been so close.

"He was in New York," Brooke explained sensing the girl's apprehensive silence. "He came to New York for the book and we met up. He told me you guys had broken up."

"He's getting published?" Peyton asked with a smile and felt a sudden sensation of pride rush through her. He was finally able to live his dream and she was happy for him. She had always known he would be a success. The sudden surge of being proud of him was soon replaced by the sour notion that he hadn't shared the news with her. She was supposed to be at his side when he achieved that goal.

"Yeah he is," Brooke replied.

"Did he tell you why we broke up?" Peyton asked sadly.

"Yes he did honey," Brooke remembered the hurt and confusion that Lucas was clearly feeling that night he'd met her in New York and how it was now mirrored in her friend's distant voice. "He loves you. I know he does. And I know this all seems really hard and really confusing right now. But Luke is going to work really hard to be the best writer and the best man he can be for you. He will come back to you....."

"I'm pregnant Brooke," Peyton blurted out as she couldn't take any more of her friend's assurances even though there was no doubt in her mind that they came from Brooke's heart of gold.

With the words finally spoken Peyton closed her eyes and took a deep cleansing breath. She'd pushed herself too hard and hadn't noticed her body trying to tell her something was different. She had put the sudden onset of sickness upon smelling coffee on the endless latte runs down to tiredness and heartache. She had brushed off the spells of dizziness as a product of her rushing around the city on errands. It wasn't until she collapsed in the copy room and a colleague took her to the ER that she had discovered she was pregnant.

As soon as Peyton had been discharged from the hospital she'd taken out her cell phone and dialled Lucas's number unconsciously. She was just so used to him being the one person who was a constant in her life; the one person she could always turn to and trust. Not to mention that he was the father of her child. A stab of conflicted confusion had stopped her from trying to contact him and she'd hung up before the first ring.

He was the one person she would always run to; but now he was also the one person she had truly counted on and who had abandoned her.

"Peyton, you're pregnant?" Brooke spoke quietly to clarify the startling revelation.

"I only just found out last week and I don't know what to do. I'm just so lost without him....."

"Ok," Brooke's mind whirled into action. She spoke with an abrupt decisiveness. "I'm coming out to LA. I have a couple of things to take care of but then I'll be on the next plane out. You're not alone Peyton," she added before she hung up.

--x--x--x--

The following day Peyton met Brooke at the airport. The brunette sashayed her way confidently through the crowds with the clack of her stylish heels and an air of self importance. For such a young age she was already making a name for herself in the fashion world. Her pretty face broke into a warm smile as she found Peyton in the sea of people.

"It's good to see you B Davis," Peyton said pulling the fashionably dressed brunette in for a hug.

"You too P Sawyer," Brooke answered with a squeeze her friend's shoulder. "It's all going to be ok. Let's get you home."

Peyton lay on the couch in her apartment an hour later with her hand resting lightly on her stomach. The news of her condition had begun to sink in properly now with the arrival and support of Brooke. She stroked the taut warm skin of her belly; her once flat stomach now had a slight but noticeable bump. What with working long hours to replace the dull aching loss that Lucas had left she hadn't realised her body had been slowly changing.

She was pregnant. She was pregnant with baby of her first and only love. Tears stung at her eyes. The fleeting joy she felt in the knowledge she was carrying this new and cherished life was replaced by the harsh stinging reality that the man who had fathered her child and had wanted to marry her just weeks before was now back on the other side of the country. They hadn't spoken once since that ill fated night and she had no idea what he would be thinking and feeling now. And she had no idea how she felt now about him either. She knew she still loved him but she'd spent the past few weeks drowning in a sea of anguished betrayal, confusion and abandonment.

The tears fell as her mind swelled up with unanswered questions and the fearful pangs of responsibility of being a single mother.

"Peyton?" Brooke had entered back into the lounge without her even realising. Brooke set the glass of water down on the coffee table before sinking back onto the couch and took her friend tenderly into her arms. The blonde rested her head on Brooke's shoulder as her emotions overtook her. "Oh honey, it's ok."

"What am I going to do Brooke?" Peyton said with a sniff as they broke apart.

"Do you want the baby?" the brunette asked gently.

Peyton stroked her stomach again as her weeping subsided and offered a weak smile. She nodded her head; there had never been any doubt in her mind that she wanted this baby. "It's the only part I have left of him. Of us."

"Ok," Brooke's dark brown eyes met with Peyton's green ones. She uttered the next statement carefully. "Then you need to go see him. You need to talk to him." Both girls knew Lucas well enough to know that he would want to be a part of his child's life having been abandoned by his own father.

"I know." Peyton knew Lucas had a right to know though the task filled her with a panicked uncertainty.

"Do you want him back?"

"I...." Peyton felt a lump form in her throat as she let go of her pride and allowed herself to be truly honest as to her feelings. "Of course I do. I want him back more than anything. I want us back." In spite of the hurt Lucas had caused there was still no doubt in her head or her heart that she wanted him back. She didn't believe she would ever stop wanting to be with him. "But what if he doesn't want me?" Peyton allowed her fears to filter out into the room. She wanted him back more than anything in the world. "What if he only wants to be there for the baby?"

"Honey," Brooke smiled placing her hand lightly onto her friend's. She cast her mind back to when Lucas had visited her in New York and she had first learnt of her best friend's breakup. Lucas was so broken, so torn by hurt and a wounded ego but his actions however impulsive and misjudged still reflected a yearning want for the girl he still undoubtedly wanted. "Lucas is hurting. You both are. But he loves you. I know you two will work it out. You just need to go see him."

"Yeah," Peyton uttered in agreement.

--x--x--x--

Lucas walked barefoot on the wet sand at the water's edge. As the tides churned he squinted at the early morning sun. He then closed his eyes and allowed his breathes to regulate with gentle sighs of the waves. The beach was quiet at this time of day and he liked it that way. The horizon was strikingly beautiful, untouched and perfect. He felt calmness flow through him and he had time to reflect on his life that had quickly become so hectic.

Since leaving LA and securing his publishing deal Lucas had spent time flittering between college and New York. He focused on getting his book published, his school work and coaching the college basketball team. He did everything he could to continue to be the person he had always been in an attempt to rebuild his life without Peyton.

Some days were harder than others. He had Nathan, Haley and Jamie. The bustling family home was sometimes a great comfort and sometimes served as a reminder of what he had lost. He would see how happy they were and he knew that was what he still wanted.

Lucas told himself that Peyton was just another girl, that in time he could move past her. That the pain he felt so deep in his core would lessen and he would wake up one day to find it gone. In his heart though he didn't really believe that. Peyton was his soul mate. He'd loved her for as long as he could remember. She was an vital part of him. And now he was beginning to feel that he may have made a terrible mistake. He worried about her. He wanted to call her. He'd go home after a day at college or after a meeting with his editors having had the best day. Then behind closed doors reality and loneliness would hit and he would just want to hear her voice.

"Luke?" she called tentatively as she approached him.

Lucas turned at the sound of the all too familiar twang of her voice. He thought he must be imaging it until their eyes interlocked. His heart caught painfully in his chest. He was utterly speechless as he took in her pretty face, a face he had honestly believed he may never see again. He didn't really know what to say to her and that saddened him greatly. He'd imagined that seeing her again would make him feel a surge of either anger or resentment or maybe even guilt. Instead he felt an overwhelming sense of loss.

Peyton wrapped her arms around her body pulling her jacket tightly around herself as she shivered against the ocean's breeze and his impenetrable stare. "Hi, Nathan told me I'd find you here," she said by way of explanation. She braced herself for his reaction upon seeing her again. "I would have called but...I didn't know if you'd talk to me."

"What are you doing here Peyt?" His words came out a little more harshly than he would have liked. In his head he'd played so many scenarios of their reunion. He'd begun to realise that all the miles between them wouldn't ever truly mean that he was ready to let her go.

"I..." she stammered suddenly more afraid than she ever thought she would be. "I needed to see you."

"Why?" he uttered with recrimination. He missed her. He admitted that to himself finally as he felt the pain lessen in his heart as he watched her.

"I'm pregnant Luke," Peyton's voice was barely a whisper as she regarded him uncertainly.

Lucas's mouth dropped open as he really looked at her. He noticed her hand was lying protectively across her stomach. He swallowed hard as he absorbed what she was telling him. He was speechless and stood routed to his spot in the pale gold sands. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he felt. He had wanted to just be mad at her. Now as he looked into her wide innocent eyes all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright.

"I want you," she sobbed as all the careful planning of what she was going to say to him evaporated into the raw hurt she'd been carrying around since he'd left. "I want you and I want the baby. I made a mistake, I know that now."

Her tears fell heavily after the statement had passed her lips and it was all Lucas could do but move forward and pull her into his arms. He'd seen Peyton cry before, she'd allowed herself to be more open with him than most people in her life but seeing her this way almost broke him. She was overwhelmingly and emotionally shattered and he knew he was the one who had caused it. "Ssh, it's ok," he murmured as he cradled her protectively close to his chest. He ran his hand up and down her back as he tried to soothe her. Her getting so upset like this couldn't be good for her or the baby.

Peyton slowly felt that familiar sense of comfort he always gave her return and seep its way through all the hurt and the pain. She buried her face in his shirt. Her body stopped trembling as she felt the resonance of safety and wholeness. "I miss you," she sniffed breaking slightly from the embrace so she could look up at him. She was too tired and scared to be anything other than truly honest with herself and with him.

"Come sit down with me," he uttered gently taking her hand into his and leading her off the beach to a nearby bench. His eyes travelled down to the slightly visible curve of her stomach beneath the thin fabric of loosely fitted cotton shirt. He felt a smile twitch at his lips at the precious miracle of life their love had created.

To be continued.....