This will be a series of Star Wars sketches based heavily on the Robot Chicken Portrayals
"So your telling ME the guy who single handedly killed most of the Jedi Order couldn't beat a guy old Banana saber Dooku knocked out in five seconds!" Vader stutters, "Well Master the Jedi had the high ground-" Palpatine continues. "No the high ground is bullshit! How come Max or whatever the fuck that red dude is called I trained couldn't defeat the Jedi with the high ground!"
Palpatine wipes the sweat off his forehead. "You know what Darth Matt! When your crying over Pandabear tonight I'll be out on the town using some of that good ole Palpatine charm...Oh wait I can't because somebody just stood there as my face became a melted candle and now the ladies will treat me like I'm riddled with every STD in the book before they find out about the syphilis!"
"Master I'm very sorry!" Palpatine shakes his head, "You know what little Orphan Ani! Maybe if you had less mommy issues and stopped having sex with the Panda-Ewok creature you'd be a fine Sith Lord but now you've gone and just took a piss on it all because you couldn't beat a mediocre Jedi and the fucking HIGH GROUND!"
Vader starts crying hysterically as Palpatine rolls his eyes, "What did I hurt your feelings now? I thought the fire burned all your Hayden Christensen off you but once a bitch always a bitch right Matt?"
"I MISS MOMMY!" Palpatine scoffs, "Grow up! I killed my Mother when I was your age."
"Um Lord Vader I-" Vader spins around and raises his hand, "DIE!" The Officer is shocked before he sees the Emperor waving his hands in a manor basically telling him to play dead. The imperial commander raises his hands to his throat before pretending to gasp for air as he falls to the ground.
"Killing the help eh? Whatever makes you feel more powerful Matt and while your at it go ahead and order me a Pizza with Calamari and if they tell you that they're people go down there and kill them with your lightsaber."
"My Master wouldn't it be more proficient if I kill them by choking them with the force?" Palpatine quickly pieces together a fib, "Uh...It builds your dark side energy...yeah something like that just get me the God damn Pizza."
Vader jumps up with steely determination screams, "I SHALL NOT FAIL YOU AGAIN MY MASTER!" Vader runs from the room, only to collide with a trip line that causes a bucket of water to spill on his head as Tarkin laughs at him, "Shut up Tarkin!" He tries to force choke the Grand Moff, only for it to have no affect before realizing that he'd been humiliated and shamefully continuing his task.
"Maybe Mace Windex would have been a better choice, after all Nick Fury seems like the type of guy I could use right now."
The Emperor looks to the giggling Tarkin, "You know you broke the most important rule for dealing with Vader right?" All of a sudden Tarkin sees a glowing red blade sticking through his chest before falling to his knees dead. "Killing Tarkin is one thing but failing to provide myself with food and wine is another thing Vader!"
Vader sniffles, "You didn't mention wine before! And when I ordered the guy on the phone said I sounded like a constipated air vent trying to shit out a brick."
"Seems accurate...did you at least slash his head off?"
"I force choked him Master! It was so funny to hear him gasp for air but get hit with another fit of breathlessness."
"Excellent work Vader!"
Vader gasps in excitement, "OH BOY DOES THAT MEAN YOUR GETTING ME THE NEW GLOW IN THE DARK HELMET FOR CHRISTMAS!"
Palpatine raises and eyebrow, "Da fuck you going on about? Like honestly you remind me of a five year old on helium right now," he sighs. "For your loyal service I'll get you that weird sex toy for you and whoever the fuck Christmas is."
Vader jumps but freezes in mid-air, "MASTER WHAT'S GOING ON!" Palpatine jumps from his chair, "Vader I wonder if you can find a joke not ripped out of Seth MacFarlane's asshole from modern Family guy none the less."
"Luke we gotta talk!" Leia yells to the blonde haired Skywalker with a deadly edge to her voice, "You knew I was your sister but you still made out with me?"
Luke twiddles his thumbs, "Well we weren't raised together so I guess we aren't siblings...from a certain point of view." Leia slaps her hand to her forehead, "Luke I don't know about the Tatooine school system considering they have to lower standards so the Sand People can get an education, but I'm SURE they told you why you don't mate with someone of your own FAMILY YOU RED NECK FUCK!"
"First off your generalizing and entire RACE of people which is bad enough, and secondly they had school on Tatooine?"
"Yeah, I'm out!" Leia screams as she walks away, and behind Luke a blue figure appears, "Luke use the force." Luke rolls his eyes, "Ben I knew you were a bit of a pervert when I found all that porn in your house, also EWWWWWW," He recalls his trip to Ben's old house before continuing, "but this stretches things too far."
Ben cries, "Wouldn't you experiment if you haven't had sex EVER at the age of 50?"
"Fuck off Ben."
Boba Fett looks at his helmet, "I can't believe I THE BOBA FETT cannot kill Nick Mother Fucking Fury to avenge you dad!"
He looks at the repainted helmet that once his Father used to gain Notoriety amongst the best of the bounty hunters in the galaxy, only for his dead father to ignore him entirely.
Boba pours himself a drink before passing out with one thought on his mind, "I want you daddy!"
"Wake up Boba! And stop sounding like a sexual deviant." Boba rises to see his Dad on his bed, "What are we doing today Dad!"
"We are gonna play the great game of baseball!"
The two run out side into a sunny baseball field where Jango takes the pitching mound and a familiar face steps up to the plate.
"UP FIRST IS MACE WINDU!"
The crowd cheers as Mace gets prepared to bat and Jango winds up and deals the first pitch which is an easy strike as the Jedi swings and misses.
"STRIKE ONE!" The Emperor yells from behind home base, as obviously he plays the role of the umpire.
Jango throws a second strike right down the middle, leaving a severely missed off Mace Windu at home and he quickly develops a dastardly plan to ruin this game.
Jango looks to Boba, "I'm proud of you son now look alive!" Boba smiles and throws what looks to be strike three but all of a sudden the lightsaber bat is launched towards Jango's throat as the world goes into slow motion as the bat manipulated by Mace beheads Jango and the ball is propelled by the force out of the stadium.
The Emperor walks up to Jango's corpse, "Yep he's dead just like my flaccid old man penis! I'm gonna have to say Mace Windu and the Jedi Council win by default!"
All the members of the Jedi Council burst onto the field as "We are the Champions!" by Queen plays and Mace stops by Boba who plays third base, "Awwwww did I kill your daddy in your dream sequence again you egocentric fuck!"
Boba wakes up all of a sudden before realizing the cruel joke fate played on him before he downs a bottle of Vodka before crying for Jango.
Hello guys, I've always enjoyed Robot Chicken sketches and I decided to make this as a sample to see how people like this format for Star Wars. I made the stories here different with one long one, one short one, and one medium sized story.
The more reviews this receives with actual feedback the more my desire to think of comedic situations will grow.