It's that time again! Happy birthday, Valentine's Ninja! I know, I know… I should avoid the multichaps, but I swear I'll finish this one before I lose complete interest in the fandom/pairing! I do have three of the six planned chapters complete, so we'll see how long it takes me XD The rating may drop, depending on how I feel like writing, but for now we'll keep it at an M.

This fic was written by request of the birthday girl, given the prompt of using the Evanescence song, Swimming Home. I'm actually quite pleased with what I came up with, and I hope you are, too!

Everyone, please enjoy and don't forget to review!

Dissidia Final Fantasy and Evanescence are copyrights of their prospective owners. I own nothing but this interpretation of the lyrics.

Underneath This Skin
Chapter One: Way Down

...

Starlit darkness. It's all I've known for the past eternity. The timeless space has been my home for so long, I can't even remember. Since I was thrown from my own mind. There's nothing here. Just endless cosmos. A sunlit galaxy forms out in the distance, but no matter how much I try to swim towards it, it never gets closer.

I don't know how long I've been here. Insanity must feel something like this. Just empty swimming through vast space. No food or drink is needed. I survive on my own in this place. Doing nothing and needing nothing.

Except…

I want to go home.

I want to go back to my life. This shouldn't have happened. I was supposed to be at home, living my life with him…

Kain.

Only the slightest fragments of our life together remain. Everything else has been lost to this insanity around me. I remember his face and his smile. I remember when we first met after high school. I was working as a waitress in the town's hotspot bar and grill. He had come in once with friends, then returned every day after until I accepted his offer to go out with him.

I remember bits of the day we moved in together. Blurred images of our wedding cling to my mind, too. I remember being scared out of my mind, and my sister trying to calm me down. My sister… I can't even remember her name. Her face is clear, but her name… Why can't I remember?

Then was… I remember the smiling face of our infant son. He was so adorable. Kain said he looked more like me than him. He had my eyes, I know.

Floating in the emptiness, I curl into the fetal position, trying to stop the impending tears. I don't want to cry and feel helpless. I want to go home. Return to my husband and son. I don't want to be here, trapped in my own darkness.

I want to be free to live my life.

"Lightning…"

What? My head snaps up to look for the voice. There, straight up… There's a hand reaching out to me. I don't know whose voice that is, but I don't care. If it can help me get home…

I shift, moving to swim up to the hand. There's only as much as the person's forearm visible. The rest of them is cloaked in the shadows of this hell. But I don't care. If I can get out of here…

I grab the hand, taking a tight grip. Take me home, please…

"Thank you, Lightning."

I'm swimming home. I'm getting out of here.

…

"Lightning! Wake up!"

My eyes open and meet with violet eyes and blond hair. "Kain?"

A chuckle sounds, throaty and humored. "Light, were you lost on the before again?"

My eyes snap open, the purple before me fading to brown and the blond reverting to silver. "What? What are you…?" I shake my head. "Who are you?"

The guy laughs, shaking his head. "Seriously, Light. Get up. The others are waiting on you."

I jump to sit up and reach out to grab his arm. "Who the hell are you?"

"Light, this joke only goes so far."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Do I look like I'm joking?"

He cocks his head, studying me. "What happened to you?"

"I'd like to know the same. Last I remember…" I was trapped in nothingness.

"I'm sorry, Firion. Forget I said anything." Wait, that was my voice and my mouth saying that, but that wasn't me! I don't know any Firion! I don't know where I am! What the hell is happening?

The guy, Firion, watches me curiously. "Are you sure you're all right, Light?"

"Of course. Can I get dressed now?" That still wasn't me. There's something using my voice!

He nods and turns to walk out the door of the rundown room. Where am I?

"I woke you up because I thought you wouldn't be a problem. Continue to interfere, and I'll put you back where you were without a thought."

What…? "What are you talking about? Who are you?"

"Don't make a bigger fool of yourself than necessary. I can hear your thoughts."

Fine. Who are you? Where am I?

"I am Odin, the owner of this flesh. You'll answer to me, understand, girl?"

No. You're not… I'm Lightning! I'm the one who lived this life! I'm married! I have a son!

"Not any longer, you don't. Lest you forget, you've been locked away for six years. This flesh has been mine since."

Six… Six years…? I was trapped in that world for six years? How… What happened to Kain? And Dullan?

"How would I know? I haven't seen them in almost as long as you."

You… You fucking bastard! What the hell did you do to my life?

"I made good use of it. You were simply frolicking in the mindless gaps of despair. You were reaching out for adventure. You fought with me at first, so I had little choice but to seal you away. Now, if you'll continue with the folly of thinking you'll oppose me, then I'll have little choice but to seal you away again."

I'm still pissed with this... whatever, but I have to stay calm. Fine. Can you at least tell me where I am now?

"We are in the home of those also bonded with beings like myself. The one you met before, Firion, has bonded with Ifrit."

How many are there?

"Several. You'll meet them."

I have one more question.

He sighs in exasperation. "And that is?"

Why me?

"I told you. You called out for help, so I came."

No, I didn't. I was happy with my life. I was happy in my marriage. Yes, times were tough, but I loved my family! What right did you have to take my body from me and do what you wanted with it?

"Every right. You were not reaching your utmost potential. Someone had to help you get there."

Why… Why did this happen to me…?

I'm sorry, Kain.

I'm so sorry.

"Now, we'd best be moving. The others will become suspicious if we're not out there soon."

Don't they stop to talk to their hosts now and then?

"Yes, but they have an easier time of it."

Why? Did they seal their host away until they were obedient, too?

Silence.

Hey, Odin! Answer me!

"We'd best hurry."

Fine. You go. You can control my body, can't you?

"Indeed."

God, it's a foreign feeling when your body starts moving without you telling it to. I'm not trying to walk anywhere, but my body is still going towards that door. This is so weird… It's like a déjà vu, or a phantom feeling. I can't explain it.

Then my hand reaches out and pushes the door open. Several people look up, including one lavender-haired girl who snorts a short, "'Bout time."

My chin nods and my voice says, "Morning, Prishe. How long was I out?"

A presence moves up behind me, and I have no clue how I knew that. Hands grip my wrists, clenching with strength beyond human. "What?" I mutter, speaking with my own voice out of surprise.

A masculine voice sounds, coming from the person holding me down, "Tell me, Lightning, why so late?"

Odin, is this group always so harsh about sleeping in?

…Odin?

The same voice speaks, "I've sealed him. Now, I want you to tell me without his influence. Why are you so late?"

The grip on my wrists tightens and I fight back a yelp of pain. "I was… Odin and I were talking."

A brunette girl stands from a beaten and worn couch and walks in front of me. "While you slept?"

"N-no… I…" For god's sake… "Do you have to hold me so tight? That fucking hurts!"

"Apologies, Lightning." The hands let go and I turn to see who was holding me while rubbing my wrists. The guy has long, silver hair, falling into a messy mane around his shoulders. He wears a black coat that settles loosely around his apparently muscular figure and settles his hand on his hip before prompting, "Well?"

"I…" My eyes look over the room, taking in all the eyes watching me. There has to be at least fifteen people here, all curious to see what I'll say. "I have no idea."

All eyebrows go up and the silver-haired guy who grabbed me says, "Explain?"

"I have no idea where I am, or who any of you are. The last thing I remember is being back in my home with my husb-"

He raises his hand to cut me off. "We don't discuss the before. All we have is what's now. Tell me," he says, locking his eyes onto mine. "Where were you yesterday?"

It feels like he's physically reaching inside me and searching for the answer. A form of resistance that I can only assume is Odin starts pushing against the back of my mind, fighting for control again. The guy's found what he wants, and pulls it out in the form of my voice. "I was lost in my own mind, trapped in empty space."

His perfect eyebrows narrow under his bushy bangs and he snarls, "Odin…!"

Several of the others stand, watching to see what their apparent leader will do. I lean away from him, not entirely sure what's going on. "I don't understand…"

That same brunette that spoke earlier says, "It's taboo for an Eidolon to force the human host out of their body. It's a form of spiritual mutilation that we don't stand for."

The leader turns away, touching his hand to his brow and starts muttering under his breath. I assume he's conversing with his monster in his head. He looks like he's insane, waving his hand in detached thought and mumbling to himself while his eyes stay in contact with the floor.

Finally, he turns around and locks his eyes onto mine. "Bahamut and I have reached an agreement. Odin will be allowed to remain with you, but he'll be removed temporarily to allow for reconditioning. As Yuna said, to entrap the host is a highly forbidden taboo. It's not something we take kindly."

I nod slowly. "I still don't understand most of what's happening. All I remember is massive headaches, then whispers, then nothing but empty space."

The leader nods. "I understand. Odin has crossed a severe line in forcing you to become his host. While he is away for his repairs, we will do our best to make sure you're settled."

…Repairs? What are these things, machines? "Uh, thanks."

"First, Bahamut and I will remove him and send him away. At your ready."

Uh, sure? I nod. "I guess. Whenever."

He leaps forward in a sudden pounce and presses his hand to my chest, just over my heart. Then his fingers curl, digging into my skin and ripping at my flesh. God, this hurts… What the hell? Finally, he pulls away, tearing away with a wide sweep of his arm. His fingers are soaked in blood, the droplets dripping to the old wood floor in a steady rhythm. I glance down, looking at the old t-shirt with a hole torn into it and blood staining the area.

He nods, one of the guys on the couch taking a cue and tossing a blanket to me to cover myself until I can get a new shirt. "Odin has been removed. He will be sent off for his reconditioning. For now, introductions. I am the leader of this group. Bahamut is my Eidolon, bonded to me since a young age. If you need anything, just address us as Bahamut. You'll get both of our attention."

I pull the blanket around me to cover the bloody hole in my shirt. "I guess you all know me, but I feel better introducing myself. I'm Lightning."

The brunette girl slides forward. "I'm Yuna, and my Eidolon is Shiva."

The guy who tossed me the blanket, a guy with blond hair and bright blue eyes, says, "I'm Tidus. Leviathan's my Eidolon."

The guy next to him sat with his legs crossed and his head bowed, mostly ignoring everyone else, murmurs, "Squall and the Demon Wall."

They go around the room, offering their introductions. They're all nice people, but I want… I want to see Kain again. They said they don't talk about the 'before'… I wonder what they mean by that? Were they all taken from other lives? Did they have families and friends before bonding and then just walk away when they met their Eidolons?

What does all of this mean?

…

Three days later, I've been settling in with my 'family.' Apparently, all of the bonded ones in this dump think of each other as family. I'm stuck in this life, whether I like it or not. I'm sitting in the kitchen with my new friend, Tifa, also known as Asura, her Eidolon. She's a nice enough girl, and, apparently, my roommate. She's been helping me with learning what's going on and how to cope.

I noticed my wedding ring is missing, and I don't like that one bit. My memories have been returning bit by bit. I remember more. I remember more of the times I spent with Kain. More of our dates before marriage, the day he proposed, the day I found out I was pregnant… I hate being stuck here.

A hand settles on my arm and I turn to see Tifa standing there with a light smile. "Hey, Lightning, I know it's hard, but don't fight it. We don't talk about the before because there's nothing we can do about it. Almost all of us here have faked our deaths or left our loved ones in less-than-honorable ways, but we have to go on. We can't sit here, stuck in the past forever."

I nod slowly, standing in the surprisingly nice kitchen for the dump that's become my home. It's an abandoned, marked for demolition private office building. I don't know who or how long ago, but one of my new friends 'convinced' the government to leave the building up. I guess one of them has magic powers to press new ideas into others and they saved this building for our home. There are seventeen of us in all, and two per room with Bahamut in his own. Each room combo has to cook dinner once a week, with one getting a week off periodically and, of course, Bahamut never having to.

Supposedly, our leader has more important things to do. I still have no clue as to what, but I've gathered that the others all look up to him out of a combination of respect and fear. I think, but I'm not certain, that he's the only one that can draw out an Eidolon like he did to me.

Back when this building was a business, the kitchen was the break room. It's been upgraded, so we have decent appliances and, well, a stove that probably wasn't in the break room. Otherwise, I've only been in the main room and my bedroom. The place isn't grand, but it's not all bad. Today, it's mine and Tifa's turn to cook.

She smiles at me from where she's slapping hamburger patties into round shapes. "I know your coming here was little different than the rest of ours, but I'm sure you'll settle in soon enough."

I nod again, absently chopping vegetables for the biggest salad I've ever made. "I can't help but wonder about 'the before.' I was pulled from mine without a choice. How did Odin take me from the ones I cared about? Do they hate me? Are they okay?"

"I don't-"

"I'll take it from here, Tifa."

I look up to find the leader, Bahamut, I guess, standing in the doorway. He nods and holds his hand out towards me, beckoning me to come closer. I walk over, but don't take the gesture. He offers a slight smile, then glances back towards Tifa. "I'll ask Cloud and Laguna to come and help you. It's their week off, but I hope they won't mind too much."

She nods with a smile. "Thanks, Bahamut."

His chin dips in affirmation. "Lightning? If you will?" he says, gesturing down the hall.

I walk out, then turn and wait for him to lead the way. He heads out towards the main room and stops just in the doorway, saying, "Cloud, Laguna, Titan, Atomos? Would you be so kind as to assist Tifa with dinner tonight? Lightning wanted to talk to me for a bit."

The two men nod and stand, the older man—well into his forties, I figure—doing so with a lot more jubilance. The other is about Tifa's age of twenty-three. I think she said Cloud was a year older than her, putting him at twenty-four. According to Prishe, who's been in the group for quite awhile, I was under Odin's control for six years. That would make me twenty-nine now.

From what I can tell, Prishe is the oldest besides Laguna and Jecht. She's married to Bartz, who bonded to Syldra and joined about three years after Prishe. I'd guess they're both about my age, give or take. Firion, Vaan, Terra, Luneth, Zidane, and Yuna look like they're still teens. Tidus, Squall, and Cecil all look like early twenties. Tidus looks like he's a teen, but he told me he's twenty. Jecht is his father, apparently, and like an uncle to Yuna. Tidus and Yuna are involved with each other, and I'm pretty sure both Vaan and Luneth have crushes on Terra.

So cute.

As for our fearless leader, I figure he's about my age, too. I sigh and turn to follow after him as he walks back towards the back of the building where his room is. I think his room was the executive office, so he has something of a meeting room that everyone's been in, then a room behind that where he sleeps. He keeps his hands in the pockets of his long coat, only taking one out to open the door and let me in first. Such the gentleman.

I walk in and sit down in one of the plush chairs on the other side of his desk. I have no idea where these guys got all this furniture and whether or not they paid for it. As far as I can tell, they don't do jobs or anything. I've heard talk of 'night missions,' but I haven't gotten the details on that.

He walks around the mahogany desk and sits in the chair behind it. "You want to talk, right?"

I shake my head. "No. I need to talk. Everyone here is all, 'don't dwell on the before!' But I can't do that. I didn't choose to come here. I was forced. I need to know where my family is."

He nods once and says, "If you tell me their names, I can track them and tell you where they are now. I can't let you go speak with them, but I can tell you if they're well."

"I'd appreciate that. My husband's name is Kain Highwind, and our son is Dullan Highwind."

He stands and walks back around his desk, stopping right in front of me and raises his hands over my head. His eyes close and his head leans back slightly as he focuses. A minute passes in silence and, finally, his hands drop back to his sides and find their way back to his pockets. "I've seen them. Your husband, Kain, is a tall man of long blond hair, yes? And your son has his coloring, except for your eyes?"

I nod. "Yeah. How… How are they?"

"They are well. The image I saw placed them at an ice cream parlor. Your husband was wearing a suit. It looked as though he just got off from work. Then…" He looks away, turning to stare out the boarded over window. "I don't know how you'll handle this."

I suck in a breath. "Just tell me."

"As you wish," he says with a nod. "A woman joined them, and greeted your husband with a kiss. Your son looked happy to see her, and I can only assume they know each other well."

"I see." What do I think of this? Kain… Kain moved on. Dullan has a new mother. Six years have passed while I was trapped in my own mind, lost in a dark realm of complete emptiness. I… "Do you know how Odin separated me from my family?"

He leans back against the desk, shifting to cross his arms in front of him. "How do you mean?"

"Do you know if he just up and left them, or faked my death, or…?"

He shakes his head. "I am sorry. I do not know."

"Will Odin still know when he comes back?"

His head shakes again. "No. His memories will be removed."

"I see. Then… Then I guess I'll be glad." I take a deep breath, fighting the tears pricking at my eyes. "Glad that Kain can be happy, and Dullan has a mother figure in his life."

He nods. "Did you wish to discuss this further? Though I don't like for anyone here to live in the before, I am sure you'll take time to mend your wounds. If you wish to talk, I would rather it was to me and not to an outsider. I hope you'll trust me enough to tell me what's on your mind."

I nod and stand. "Thanks, but I think I'm okay for now. 'Scuse me. I… I need to be alone for a bit."

"Take your time."

I move for the door, biting back the tears. Kain… Kain's happy. That's what matters, right? It's been six years. I can't expect him to still be waiting, especially since he's had to raise Dullan all alone. He deserves someone who'll treat them both well, not a crazy woman who lives in her own mind and has voices of a magical being passing through her head.

He deserves better.

…

Prishe watched as Lightning left Bahamut's office and slowly crossed the hall before knocking. A murmured sound of acknowledgement sounded, giving her all the cue she needed to enter. She walked inside and dropped down to one of the chairs in the room, presumably the one Lightning had just left, given that the leader was staring blankly at it.

She sighed and leaned back. "Don't bother explaining. I heard the whole thing," she mumbled, tapping one of her large ears with one finger. "Did you really see that?"

He gave a slight snort and pushed himself off from where he leaned on the heavy wooden desk before moving around to sit in the chair behind it. "Of course not. It's just a fantasy to play into her mind to make her let go of the past. If she knows her family is well, she won't feel as pressed to see them again."

She nodded and said, "I know. But was the mention of the girlfriend necessary?"

He shook his head. "Not entirely, no, but it will offer her the peace that he's moved on, and leave her with the knowledge that she needs to stay here."

Prishe leaned back comfortably, folding her hands in front of her and shooting him a skeptical look. "And the decision to add this non-existent woman wasn't fueled at all by jealousy, was it?"

He sighed and dropped down to lay on his folded arms. His muffled voice sounded from where he lay, saying, "Does anyone else know?"

"Look, Bahmy, it may not have been the real Lightning here with us, but she's been here for the past six years and you, my friend, have been awfully engrossed with her."

He sat up again and leaned back. "I can't help it. Even knowing that the Lightning we knew was false, and now meeting her true personality… I'm falling in love with her all over again."

She grinned. "Play it cool, tiger. She's still recovering from her relationship in the before."

"I know, Prishe. But… You know I can't… I'm not…"

There we have chapter one! Let me know what you think!

Please review!

-Valk