Every bit of text in italic is a memory. Gabi has been gone for about six months now and they have lived as a happy little family ever since.

Will's POV

"I need to think, Sonny."

His brown eyes seem to darken with sadness, and the way he bites his lip tells me enough. My eyes soften when I continue:

"I'll be back in about 45 minutes… I just need to think about this for a bit."

He nods now, still chewing his lip. He rubs his hands together as he does when he is nervous. I smile a little smile and then I am out of the door. I have no destiny in mind, so I just wander around to let my mind go free.

He bought a house. A proper house with a garden, three bedrooms, and two bathrooms. He just showed me the paperwork and a number of pictures of every corner of the property. He already knows which room is for Arianna, and which one is for us. And then he showed a picture of a little room saying: "And this one is for whomever comes along." The way he looked at me told me he wasn't talking about his or my brothers visiting. He talked about a swing set for in the garden, and a little name plate next to the front door. And when he showed me the last picture his eyes sparkled when he said: "and it has a white picket fence". I didn't say anything for a while, and he was too enthusiastic to notice my silence. He just planned and planned out loud, while he looked through the pictures again. Until suddenly he said: "You haven't said anything… what do you think." And that is when I said I needed to think. That is where I put my coat on and reached for the door while trying to smile. And now here I am wandering the streets of Salem trying to wrap my mind around this. Am I ready for this next step? Is this what I really want? I sigh slightly impatiently with myself, realising that my old fear of commitment will never completely go away. That with every new step it comes rushing back as a wave rolling onto the shore. I lean against the wall and realise I am staring at the exact spot where he kissed me for the very first time.

"Will no, no it didn't…"

"Excuse me?"

I laugh nervously, trying to keep my brain together even though he is slowly but surely moving into my space. His brown eyes confuse me and I try to respond to the things he says.

"I know, I know the reason why you backed out of tonight, it's because of what my mum said."

"Oh, no, I don't…"

Making a straight sentence is suddenly too difficult, but I do try:

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you are talking about."

He softly tells me that I must have overheard his mum talking about me to his dad and the sweetness in his eyes make me look away. I decide not to deny what he said, but I do try to brush it off in another way:

"Yeah, well, it's not like, uhm, I mean, it's not like I haven't heard that several times before… so…"

I try to smile, but I realise it probably cannot cover up the insecurities that are taking a hold of me. I feel like I am naked in front of him. That he can see straight into my soul, that he must see how I feel about him by just looking into my eyes.

"Listen man, she…"

Now he smiles, and despite my nervousness I would swear he is just as nervous as I am. He lets out a deep breath and says:

"She doesn't know you… the way that I do."

The soft curve in his eyebrow seem to underline his words and I feel butterflies in my stomach when I look at him being so close in front of me.

"She has no right to say those things about you… none at all"

I cannot believe he is saying these things to me. It is everything I wanted to hear, hoped to hear, but was sure I would never actually hear him say. My eyes never let go of his face and I have to start off with a whisper to make sure my voice won't break:

"Yes she does... I mean she is right… I am not good enough for you."

I nod as if I want him to know that I would understand if he would turn around and walk away. I try to smile but isn't really a smile but rather an expression of sadness and regret. But instead of moving away, he moves closer towards me and I would swear my heart is nearly pounding out of my chest when he says:

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that…"

I don't move when he leans in. I sort of just wait to catch him. And when his lips touch mine my world seems to fall into place. Our first kiss is quick but feels like an eternity all at once. And without hesitation my hand moves up to grab the back of his neck. My fingertips touch his hair and when he breaks the kiss I just smile a goofy smile.

"Not pushing me away?"

I shake my head and pull him back against me. Never will I push him away again. Right now my life has started and I have never felt more alive than I do right now. While he is leaning against me I can feel his heart pounding just like mine and I decide that for the rest of my life I want his heart to beat for me.

I smile remembering that first kiss. I am sure it must have been slightly clumsy, but Sonny always agreed when I said it was perfect. One night we were cuddling in bed and softly talking as we didn't want to go to sleep yet. He told me that, for the first time in his life, he allowed someone to touch his hair because he actually liked it. And by now touching his hair is like second nature, something I have to do several times a day, so that when he is not with me I can easily imagine the soft, silky feeling of it against my skin.

I decide to continue my wander around town and soon I am standing at Horton Town Square. While my eyes screen the area I realise I have so many memories on this square. The white couch is where we did our homework together even though I was planning on making out. The little corner booth is where he came to see me when everyone was on my back because I worked for EJ. I still remember the sparkle I felt when he touched my knee, and how nice it felt to touch his. And on the other side we talked about coming out, me crying, him as always listening and giving advice. The next memory makes me smile and I can almost feel the warmth from his body as I did then.

"Hey."

"Hi…"

I cannot stop the smile that paint my face when I see him. He looks good today in a blue shirt, and his hair is as perfect as ever. He reaches out to touch my shoulder, returning my smile with one of his million watt ones.

"Thinking about what you are going to ask Santa for Christmas this year?"

"No, I already got it."

My eyes find his and I don't ever care that that must have sounded cheesy. I just need him to know how happy he makes me. His eyes hold mine for a while and then he looks down while starting to apologise. I don't want to hear it and I don't want to think about Gabi and the baby, so I brush it away telling him he has nothing to apologise for. He takes another step so his body is very lightly brushing against mine. I can hear the sweet concern in his voice:

"Look at you, you're shivering…"

I am not sure whether the shivers are from the cold or from the fact that he is so close to me, but I smile it away:

"Well not really… but it is freezing."

"Well, it's December…"

While he talks he takes of his blue scarf and tucks it around my neck. I laugh to hide my emotions, suddenly feeling a lot warmer as he seems to move even closer to me and I can feel the warmth from his body.

"It looks better on you anyway…"

The way he looked at me that day made me feel like a million bucks. He once told me that what he really wanted to do was to take me home and make love to me as he thought I looked to handsome and cute. I wish he would have. I mean, the coffee to warm up was great, but his original idea would have been better. Even though we have been together years, making love to him is still as special now as it was then. When I am that close to him it still feels like I have found my safest place. And the scarf… I still wear it every day during the winter. A while ago he wanted to throw it away but I was just in time to rescue it. I remember his raised eyebrows: "you still want to keep it?", and the way I just leaned in to kiss him after which I said: "I will always keep this." And his smile was all soft and mushy as if I just picked him some stars. I sigh deeply while leaving the square, and soon I am ordering a coffee at the club from Ben.

"You OK Will?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Ben."

I chose a table in the corner. I stare at the poster that says 'caffinated', and wish this club was still a coffee house. I miss the red furniture, and the homely atmosphere that was so characteristic of the coffee house. It felt like it was a place I could come home to, a place to hang out on the couch (preferably with Sonny), and sit at the little table next to the counter. That coffee house might even hold more memories than the square does. At the coffee house we held hands for the first time. We had our second kiss there after a date, of which we are still not sure whether it really was a date. And of course, it is the place where I came out to him. Where we sat on the couch and talked about the family Christmas photo and family acceptance of who we are. It is where we made up after a fight, and then I asked him to spend Christmas together. It is where I held him in my arms for the first time when I wanted my coffee-for-life card. The best times were after closing time, when it was just me and him. Sometimes we talked endlessly, and sometimes he worked and I studied. But it was always perfect and safe.

I look around the club. Even though it is not the coffee house I do like it though. In its short existence we have already made memories here. And not in the least on New Year's Eve. I remember everyone counting down with T as the director on the bar. All I wanted to do was find Sonny and kiss the life out of him. So that is exactly what I did. I smile at the memory, how we left quite soon after to curl up in our bed and put our new year's resolutions in Sonny's tin. Mine was to develop myself as a writer so I could provide for my family. And that is when my eyes find the table in the middle and I remember how proud he was of me.

"Gabi and I are going to handle everything, unless you don't trust us…"

He walks around me to sit down on the chair next to me. He moves a big black bag away and I answer:

"I, I trust you, it's just that we made this awesome pumpkin costume for Ari and if she keeps her hat on it is going to be the best thing ever."

"Gabi and I are going to make tons of pictures, we are going to video chat and I am not bringing this shirt back to the store."

He lifts the bag up again to hand it to me and the smug smile on his face tells me he is quite proud of himself.

"What?"

"Yes, my boyfriend will not be outdone by some tweet wearing literary types."

My boyfriend. I still enjoy the sound of that.

"I don't even own tweet…"

My hands find a soft present and I pull it out of the bag.

"Exactly."

He is definitely proud of himself. I hold the shirt up, moved by his sweet gesture. He is just sitting there looking at my face. His million watt smile is radiating my way and for the umpteenth time I count myself lucky with the man beside me.

"I love it… thank you."

I lean in so I can thank him properly, the way that boyfriends thank each other. Our kiss is firm and as we have grown used to, we kiss twice. My hand goes through his hair as it has done since the first kiss.

"I am so proud of you… and your essay was amazing…"

I remember my short lived panic when I heard that. But when I saw the pride and the earnest love in his eyes I realised it was OK for him to know absolutely everything about me. When he suddenly became insecure and wondered whether he could live up to that I grabbed his hand. The intimacy in that moment is what I will never forget and I remember my whispering reassurance: "You already have". And I had never meant anything as much as I meant that. In that moment, while I softly stroked his hand, I realised that everything I had become was because of him, because of his support, and his never ending believe in who I am.

Suddenly I am on my feet and rushing out of the club. I hear Ben shout a goodbye while I continue my run home. I don't stop and when I am finally in front of our apartment door I have to lean over to catch my breath. When it has returned to a slightly more normal pattern I open the door and walk in. He stands up from the couch immediately and the red around his eyes tell me that he has been crying. I suddenly feel guilty and am not sure what to do or say. He clears his throat and then he says softly:

"You're back…"

I nod, just staring at the man I have been thinking about for the past hour. The man who kissed me in front of the café, who gave me his scarf when I was cold, who listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, who gave me a shirt because he was proud of me, who cuddled with me on the couch in the middle of the town square, who kissed me at midnight and then took me home because he wanted to be together, the man who features prominently in all my dearest memories. When he speaks again I realise I have been quiet for a while and it must not be very encouraging for him that I am just standing here staring at him.

"So… where did you go?"

His eyes avoid mine and seem unable to go higher than my chest. It takes me less than a second to walk towards him and pull him in my arms. The way I walk into his body makes him take a few steps back. The bedroom door is closed and I push him against it, hiding my hands in his hair and kissing him passionately. He is taken off guard, but kisses me back with the same enthusiasm. But then I feel how he breaks the kiss. I am too excited and just whisper with my lips against his:

"Sonny…."

"No, Will…"

When I open my eyes I find his brown ones swimming in tears. They are not falling yet, but they are definitely ready to roll down his cheeks. I suddenly feel ashamed for walking out on him and then returning and just kissing him without saying anything. I let go and turn around. He steps away from the door and takes a deep breath:

"We need to talk first, Will."

I nod. Then my eyes find the pictures of the property, still laid out as they were when I left. I walk over to them and soon I pick one up. I look up and find Sonny standing against the kitchen counter, wiping one tear away that eventually did fall down.

"Sonny…"

Again I walk towards him, but this time I just stand in front of him holding a picture. I hold it so he can see it and whisper softly:

"I hope that who-ever comes along to live in this little room, has beautiful brown eyes, and perfect black hair…."

Now I do take him in my arms because he looks like he could do with a hug.

"Will…"

That is all he whispers and his soft sobs against neck make me rub comforting circles on his back.

"Sonny, I love you… I just… you know… commitment is something that scares me sometimes… and you bought a house… for me and our daughter… and then you mentioned another little person for us to look after… and I was just… overwhelmed…"

The way he holds on to me tells me that this past hour has been one of the worst of his life. He is clinging to me as if he will never let me go again. Slowly he calms down and without moving I hear his muffled voice against my chest:

"I thought I scared you away…"

I just squeeze him against me and shake my head:

"No chance, baby."

He breathes out, slowly and deeply, as if the weight of the world is lifted from his shoulders. He leans up and softly brushes my lips with his:

"So where did you go…"

I smile and shrug:

"Everywhere… I guess."

His brown eyes don't let mine go and I pull him back in so I can whisper in his ear:

"I went back to the place where my life started… at the café where you kissed me. I went to the Town Square where we sat down together so many times… and I went to the club where I remembered all the beautiful moments we had both at the club and the coffee house. And I realised something…"

"What…"

Now he is stroking my back as if to calm me down, and just like during our first kiss I feel my heart pound in my chest. But I don't hesitate, and without a doubt I let him see straight into my soul, when I answer softly:

"I am nothing without you…"

Dear everyone reading and commenting. Thanks for all your support, it means a lot to me. This is another one shot and as always I hope you like it! Let me know what you think as that is always the best part of my day!