The darkness is spinning, churning, preparing for its next victim. Regina's trapped, ready to be consumed, to be eaten alive.
She watches Robin, watches him try to get to her, only to be flung back and fall hard on his back. She hates it, hates that she caused this man a lick of pain. He's been through enough thanks to her.
But then there's Emma. She takes the dagger, and she shouldn't – she can't – it's not right…
But she does.
The darkness leaves Regina feeling empty, guilty, and just a bit slighted. Death, it seems, will once again evade her.
Billows of black smoke flow through Emma, Emma, with words of hope and faith, telling her to save her, and it's all too much, the weight she feels on her shoulders at that moment.
She owes her everything.
But in a gust of smoke, Emma disappears into the night, leaving only the dagger to clink behind her.
From afar, everyone appears frozen in time – the Charmings are in tears, Hook looks stunned, that infuriating, slack jawed expression on his face as he attempts to process what had just happened, and Robin is holding onto her tightly, murmuring about the multiple times he had lost her since he met her.
Yet, the instant the dagger hit the pavement, Regina breaks this embrace and runs to the dagger with all the determination of a calculating predator. Her face was devoid of fear or mourning, just the look of a driven woman with a plan. And a plan is what she had, already. She was almost a little proud of herself. Now was a time for action, and she was going to coordinate all efforts to save Emma.
Rumpelstiltskin had been the Dark One for Regina's entire life. She never knew the man before he took on the role, of course, but there were tales that said he was a simple man, without any darkness, who only wanted the ability to protect his son.
His thirst for power was created by his transformation into the Dark One, and as much as anyone would hate to admit it, the same could happen to Emma.
Regina knows the dagger isn't safe with just anyone. She needs to keep it safe while they sort out how to fix this and bring Emma back. And they were fixing this. She wasn't going to let Emma be a martyr on her behalf. The very idea was intolerable. Her mind was going a mile a minute with potential plans to attack this new problem, when she focused on the first, and most obvious part of her plan first.
"I'm taking this for now. Emma will not be free to act under her own desires as the dark one. It isn't safe. I can handle it." Regina says cooly, holding up the dagger for her audience. "In the meantime…"
She turns to her audience and saw them slack jawed and frozen in fear.
"Regina, what are you going to do to her?" Snow screams through tears, interrupting Regina before she even explained her plan.
Regina furrows her brow in surprise, because surely, after everything she went through these past two years, surely no one thought she intended to do evil with this dagger. But as she looked at the faces around her she saw nothing but fear and anger.
She turned to Robin last. He looked confused and worried.
"Regina…what is going on?" He asks lightly, as if he was scared to trigger her into violence, or anger, or…did he think she would hurt him? The thought was almost too much to bear.
Regina realized the mask of the Evil Queen would never quite leave her. The emotions were overwhelming, but she had dealt with overwhelming emotions her whole life. Ignore them for now, handle the task at hand.
"Someone needs to keep this, to protect this, and to NOT give it to Emma," Regina curtly replies. "Trust me, she will ask for it. She will try to trick you into giving it to her. She will pull every trick Rumple played. It's not Emma's heart anymore doing this, it's the Dark One."
"Not Emma," David assures, "not my daughter. She will do the right thing. If we keep this from her, she will know we won't trust her. We've been down this road before. It ends badly. We're giving her the dagger. We're proving to her that we trust her."
"Like Belle trusted Gold." Regina points out defiantly. "Because that worked so well."
"Regina, Emma is not Rumpelstiltskin, she has the lightest magic of anyone. She would never harm anyone. Why are we even having this argument? She just sacrificed herself for you, didn't that prove anything to you?" Snow looked angry, and it was frustrating and painful at the same time to see how little she was trusted.
"Snow, did you know Rumpelstiltskin before he was the dark one?" Regina hates to use the Socratic Method, to ask questions she already knows the answer to, but sometimes, with Snow, this approach seems best.
"You know I didn't, what does it matter?"
"Ask Killian. He was just a man who loved his wife and loved his child. He was a cowardly imbecile, from what I heard. The Darkness changed him completely. God knows what it will do to Emma."
"Regina we won't know what Emma is like until we see her. We can't just start off like she's turned into evil. She's still our daughter." Charming squeezes the shoulders of his wife before approaching Regina.
Regina shakes her head. "I will decide as to whether she can handle holding the dagger or not. I know dark magic better than anyone. And I know what it can do, and I know what it looks like."
"Give me the dagger, or I will stop at nothing until I have it." David was angry, passionate, and ready for a fight. Regina saw this argument was going nowhere, and sighed deeply. They were wasting precious time.
"I can't. I need to trust you, to not cave into emotion or any manipulation Emma may throw as the Dark One, to not surrender this to her. And I'm not going to waste time arguing."
Regina shot a look at Robin. His eyes were pleading at her, and what did that look mean? She walked towards him and he took a slight, cautious step away from her, arms raised slightly, almost in surrender.
Pain rips through her at the realization that he is scared of her, that he thinks she's going to do something evil, and she could go down the rabbit hole of hurt and pain and lamenting the loss of another good man who was too good to be with her…but no, these were emotions that she didn't have time to process. Instead she turned around and focused on her step-daughter, who was giving her a cautious, suspicious eye.
Upon feeling Regina's glare, Snow raises her eyebrows hopefully. She is about to speak, but Regina waved her hand to interrupt.
"Snow, I need you to take care of Henry. Make sure he knows how much I love him and that I'm going to miss him."
And with that, Regina disappeared into a cloud of purple smoke.
.::.
Regina didn't transport herself too far. In fact, she wasn't far down Main Street, in front of the Coventry where Mother Superior was currently headed, on her walk back from Granny's. Mother Superior, she thinks, such a good alias for the Blue fairy. All the judgmental, mock sense of propriety contained in one beautiful title.
"Blue." Regina calls, her voice cold and steady.
She succeeds in startling Blue. Of course, the fairy still harbored a lot of fear and hate of Regina - which she knew. But perhaps that fear of darkness, that hatred of things that were dark magic, would play to their advantage.
"Blue, I need you to hold onto something for me." Regina puts her emotions away, focusing on the task at hand. But the fairy shifts back at her voice. Perhaps she could hear the lack of emotion. Perhaps it reminded her of the Evil Queen. But no time for that now. Regina has much to do. So she ignores the deer-in-headlights look of the uppity nun and hands Blue the dagger, wrapped in a small piece of cloth.
"I'm not taking it until you explain what is going on," Blue looks at package with some suspicion until Regina removed the cloth surrounding the dagger to reveal the name "Emma Swan." Blue gasps.
"How? Did Rumple do this?" Blue asks.
"Emma did it to herself." Regina pauses, with a look of pain on her face. "She sacrificed herself for me. The Darkness flowed out of Rumple and became free, unattached to a person. It was going to suck everything out of me, and then Emma…Emma…she used the dagger to attach it to herself."
Blue listens intently, almost sympathetically.
"You and I both know what the magic of the Dark One can do. She did this for me, and I owe her a great debt. The town would never trust me with this, and when Emma goes looking for this, I need it in a safe place with someone I know won't use the dagger for evil. Please, keep it safe. You don't even have to tell anyone I gave it to you. Just….look out for Emma. Keep her safe. Protect her from others and protect her from herself. "
Regina pauses as her features soften, and she feels herself let her guard down just a little. "I…I owe her my life. And if I have to give my life for her, I will. I won't stop until I fix this, I swear it."
Blue stands in silence, looking at the dagger in Regina's hands while contemplating the very different sounding Evil Queen in front of her. It was a lot to process. She looked into Regina's eyes, filled with unshed tears with a look of pure anguish on her face.
Could she change?
"If what you say is true you should keep the dagger," Blue says with a thin smile, "If you mean Emma no harm, why give this away?"
Regina sighs, fights the instinct to roll her eyes. "Tonight I learned the Evil Queen lives in everyone's memory, the town will be terrified if I keep this. More terrified of me than they already are."
Regina folds the dagger back up in the cloth and pushed the object into Blue's hands, who reluctantly took it. She reminded herself again that the dagger would be safe with Blue and the rest of the fairies. Emma would not expect Regina to hand the dagger to the fairies, given her complicated past with Blue. Yet she trusted the fairies to protect magic. That was, in essence, one of their strong suits despite their inability to use dark magic. Yes, this was a good decision.
And there was Blue, looking at her very differently than she had all her life. There was something in there – not quite sympathy – not quite understanding…maybe it was respect. Or Trust. Whatever it was, that simple kind look Blue gave her was nearly tearing her apart.
"Thank you, Blue." Blue lifts an eyebrow in surprise. It was still unusual to hear the queen give thanks for anything, especially in such a solemn and sincere way.
After a slight pause, she grew out of her shock and muttered a You're quite welcome. Regina nodded in response, feeling a ting of something behind her eyes...tears? Was she really breaking now, in front of mother fucking superior? No, this would not do.
And in a flash, she poofs away, avoiding the close call entirely.
.::.
As soon as Regina disappears from in front of them in the street, Snow screams her daughter's name. Hook put a hand gingerly on her shoulder as she collapsed into tears.
"Not sure my opinion is worth much, especially these days, but I don't think Regina would ever hurt Emma." Hook says quietly.
"The power of holding the dagger, though, who knows what impact it will have on Regina." Charming looked angrily in the distance. "We have to prepare for the worst."
Snow nods "He's right, and if we don't have the dagger, and Emma believes we don't trust her…she could react…"
"She could react like Regina did just then, when none of us trusted her." He reminds them, pointedly. "As someone with my own dark past, I can understand where she's coming from. Regina just saved us all, and not but a few hours later we're accusing her of going dark again? Did you hear her try to stop Emma from using the dagger? She didn't want Emma to do this to her."
Snow fidgets a bit, her eyes darting downward. "Did you see her eyes light up when she saw that dagger? Did you see how fast she ran to get it? I don't like the idea of Regina holding a device that will control my daughter. She could use Emma as a weapon against her enemies…and let's face it, she still has quite a few enemies. I may trust Regina more than I did in the past but I do NOT trust her enough to have that sort of power."
"None of us do." Charming says quietly.
"But who else can be trusted?" Robin asks. "Rumple gave his dagger to Belle. Regina gave Rumple's dagger to Belle before, remember? A lot of good that did both times. In the hands of loved ones, the dagger isn't safe. Regina was right. Emma could con that dagger right out of my hands with a bat of an eye."
Snow pauses to consider the impact Emma's pleading would have on her, or all of them. "Why didn't either of you say this while she was still here?" Snow asks, eyes still focused on the pavement.
Hook shrugs. "Hadn't really thought of it at the time, I was still processing everything and worrying about your daughter. Who loves me, if you didn't hear it. Or…loved me. Not sure what will happen now…The point is, Regina and I might not get along but I understand her. And, well, Regina thinks fast. Even in times of extreme crisis. But she's never much liked explaining herself. If she had given us a few minutes…."
"I still don't want her with that type of power over Emma." Charming adds.
"I hate to break up this party but I can't help but wonder where Henry is?" Robin said, interrupting the spiral of worry the Charmings seemed to be sending themselves into. "And how we're exactly going to tell all of this to him?"
Snow shoots a terrified look at David. "God, he's with Ruby at Granny's, he has no idea what just happened. What are we going to tell him?"
"I hope you don't plan to tell him that you don't trust his own mother. Regina may be able to stand a lot of pain but if you turn her son against her…" It scared him, how in one foul swoop all the trust and love he had earned from Regina seemed to be disappearing. He had not rushed to protect her. He was paralyzed by conflicting emotions and had just stood there while she was accused of evil intentions yet again. And now, he would suffer for it.
Snow shakes her head "We won't do that. We will tell him Emma saved Regina and Regina is trying to return the favor."
David looked at Snow and nods his head. "Do we all truly believe that?" he finally asks looking around at everyone. Did they?
Snow speaks up at once. "I've seen Regina change. I can't believe she would ever do anything to hurt Emma."
David shook his head "She won't hurt Emma - that would just hurt Henry. But if she used Emma to hurt Zelena? To hurt Rumple? To hurt Isaac? Or Maleficent? Who knows how many other enemies she has Emma won't be able to forgive herself if she's used to kill someone – even if it's against her will."
Snow is silent for a moment, then looks determined. "It's scary, but we have to trust her. We have to have faith. And we need to make sure Henry keeps that faith."
Robin hangs back as the rest of the crowd moves towards Granny's. "I need to find her. I need to talk to her, I can't get that look she gave me out of my mind, she was so disappointed, she was so hurt….I can't imagine what she's going through."
Snow, Robin realizes, is all too aware of how Regina reacts when she's been hurt, and she does not underestimate the situation. "Regina is very good at keeping people out when she doesn't want to be found." she offers matter-of-factly, "but I can't believe she will want to keep you out for long. Good luck, we'll tell Henry you're out looking for his mom."
.::.
The party is dying down at Granny's diner, but there are still many people there celebrating quite enthusiastically. The music is loud, a few people were drunk enough to sing along to the catchy refrain of a familiar song, and, hell, Leroy was laughing and making up lyrics. The noise of Granny's has somewhat insulated the town from what was going on outside. Many town people are still celebrating.
Snow, Charming and Hook reached the little restaurant looking like they had just been through a battle. It was Granny who first took notice of them. She groans as if to say Here we go again.
"What in the hell happened to you all?" Granny calls out.
"What happened to Rumple?" Ruby asks more out of curiosity than concern.
"He's alive, but not conscious," Charming assures. "Sucking all that darkness out of his heart was difficult. He has to learn how to survive without being the dark one. And it's going to be hard. As Belle looked down worriedly he touched her shoulder. "I hope it's not too late for him" he says to her.
Snow grabs an unsuspecting Henry by the arm, and pulls him towards the door of Granny's. "Henry sweetie we need to talk to you." Snow shuffles Henry out the door, ignoring his protests.
"Where's my mom….and my other mom?" Henry's voice is worried and startled, as he's undoubtedly picked up on the somber mood. "Did…did they get hurt? Is it ok?"
"Henry, honey…" Snow starts
"No, they aren't dead." Henry's eyes widen, he looks in shock. And of course he'd think the worst has happened, why wouldn't he?
"No, no, sweetie, they are both alive."
Snow quickly told Henry about the dark one, how the magic had become lose and attacked Regina, and how Emma had saved her by becoming the dark one. All the while, Snow, David and Hook waited for Henry to scream out, or cry. He was listening, fists clenched, but not interrupting.
"Where did Emma go?" he asks, "after she…turned?"
David sighs "She disappeared. We have no idea where she went. Maybe you can help us with that."
"And the dagger?" Henry asks.
"Regina took it." Snow said. "But she only took it —"
"She took it to keep Emma safe. Of course. Where is she? I want to help her. I know her, she won't let herself sleep until she pays back my mom She doesn't like owing people favors."
It's an obnoxious thing, when a preteen boy is smarter than you are. Killian, Snow and David trade guilty looks.
"Henry, you are a smart boy…smarter than us…" Snow starts.
Henry looks puzzled "What did you do to her? What did you say to her?"
David interjects "It was mostly me. When I saw her run for the dagger, I became worried she was going to — "
Henry looks at him, almost disgusted. "But you didn't tell her you thought she was going to be evil again? You didn't let her know you didn't trust her?"
Everyone was silent. They had exercised poorer judgment than that of a 13 year old boy who was quickly making them feel foolish and idiotic.
"Now I don't have either mom, because of you!" Henry clenches his hands into fists, his brow furrows into a scowl, teeth baring as he says through clenched teeth. "Where's Robin?"
Henry's words particularly impacted Snow. This was not going well for Henry. "He went to find Regina, Henry he wanted you to know that Regina…"
"I don't need to know anything from him, I know who my mom is! You don't!" Henry pauses thinking of his mom being accused of wrongdoing by all of his loved ones, and then his thoughts fell to Robin. "…Did he at least defend her?"
David sighs. "Things happened so fast, Henry, it was….too fast."
Henry looks at his grandparents with anger. "I lost my mom," he repeats, "maybe forever. Because of you. And if Regina can't save Emma because her heart is so broken I lost both moms because of you!"
Henry starts to walk away. David grabbed his shoulder "Henry, please…"
Henry broke into a run "Leave me alone!" he screamed before escaping into the moonlight.
David shot a glance at Snow and Hook "I'll go after him."
Hook shakes his head "Leave the boy a little time. He's not a child anymore. He needs his time to grieve as much as anyone else. Just a little while. Besides, we need to tell everyone else and I'd rather him not there for that."
David and Snow nod, and they all entered Granny's, bracing for the worst.
Granny's is still a sea of celebration. It was a reminder to Snow how blissful it was to live in the moment, to know everything would be alright because they were in the hands of good leaders. They were truly happy without having to worry about the constant threats to the town. Snow felt a soft twinge of jealousy. After all she had been through, she would never be as carefree and happy as they were. She turns to David and hook, their expressions a stark contrast to the smiling faces around them.
These are my people, and this is where I belong thought Snow, as she smiles weakly at David. She belonged a step away from the blissful, ignorant happiness of some, into happiness earned from overcoming adversity. But with those wonderful, happy moments came equally dark and miserable times. And that was the life of a hero. With that, her jealousy at the townspeople left her body. She would not have chosen it any other way. Determined, Snow began to break the news to the town.
"Listen up everyone, we have a big problem." Snow stands on a chair to silence the commotion around her. Music stopped and audible moaning was heard from people, tired of the constant rollercoasters they had underwent.
"The Dark One escaped from Rumple. It went free, but then it….it tied itself to Emma. She's now, she's the Dark one."
Snow waits for the ruckus of worried, hushed voices whisper around her.
"Well what does that mean? Ruby asks "I mean it's Emma, she can't be dark. Shouldn't she just be…fine?"
"I would hope, but we can't find her now, sadly, to figure that out." Hook's voice broke just a little as he tried to keep everyone calm, including himself.
"Who has the dagger?" Leroy asked. Which one of you have it? Can you keep it from her until we know what we're dealing with? Because I don't trust old hook-for-a-hand to keep a secret from Emma let alone a dagger."
"Regina has the dagger." Snow answers apprehensively, waiting for a storm.
Instead there was just silence for several seconds, and then the familiar sound of many hushed voices.
"That's probably for the best" Belle muses after what seemed like minutes. "If anyone can protect the dagger it's her."
"As long as she doesn't use it, and let the power go to her head again, I guess…." One of the fairies trailed off in a concerned way, unsure of who to feel.
"Oh and we all know she's never let power go to her head before." Leroy taunts, spirited on by other dwarves who agreed with him. "Come on, we have to figure out how to handle Regina AND the new Dark One now."
"No" David insists, "Regina's been our biggest ally for years now. We have to trust her. She may have done horrible things but she has made great sacrifices for us. And my daughter just made a huge sacrifice to save Regina's life and her happiness. I don't want that to be in vain."
"I trust the girl quite a bit. I'm not sure I can trust her with that dagger." Granny quips skeptically.
Blue enters the diner then, drifts in unnoticed amongst the worried, terrified faces. She locks eyes Tinkerbelle, and motions her to follow her out the door and onto the patio of the charming little diner. Moments later, Tinkerbelle appears through the front door as Blue slips in through the back door, taking a seat next to the fairies with a calm, confident smile.
"Listen everyone! No one has to worry about what Regina will do with the dagger." Tink is drowned out by the numerous fights breaking out amongst the townspeople. Tink sighs, and then stood on the bar top and whistles loudly, quieting the crowd. "No one has to worry because Regina doesn't have the dagger!"
The diner became dead quiet until Granny broke the silence "Okay, who has it now?"
"Did someone steal it from her?" Archie asks, his face cringing slightly.
"Don't tell me Rumple gained consciousness already." Will groans.
"She gave it to Robin, didn't she?" Ruby looks to Tinkerbelle for an answer.
"Did you manage to steal it from her?" one of the dwarves asked Tinkerbelle, almost impressed.
Tink has always been uneasy with negative emotions, but she's prepared herself for this attention, and nodded in her direction. Tinkerbelle took a deep breath.
"I can't tell you who has the dagger, or where it is. Not right now. But I can say Regina voluntarily gave it up, to keep it safe, to keep Emma safe. And Regina is working on a way to help. Please don't be frightened of her after all this. We know when people are suspicious of her it throws her off the edge. That's all I can say or will say. We're just going to have to work on fixing Emma now."
With that, Tinkerbelle walked through the crowd to a booth with the rest of the fairies, ignoring questions and comments from the crowd. Blue shot her an approving glance and squeezed her hand. "Sorry, I know that was rough" she whispers.
Tinkerbelle shrugs as if to say What are you going to do?. The crowd eventually shifts and separates, as people splinter off and go home. Snow assures everyone that they are fine, and calls a town hall meeting for the next evening.
.::.
Regina's vault is a mess. Nearly every book in her possession lies on the floor beneath her, all in search of any trace of Merlin. She itches to clean up, afterall, she has every intention of this vault being her home until she could find a way to save Emma. There was a tiny washroom and a bedroom behind the mirror. It is all she needs. She could deal with the outside world later. Now she just needs to focus.
But Robin is Robin, so she's not surprised to hear him on the other side of the vault, interrupting her solitude. Of course he'd run to the vault. This wasn't quite a hiding place, now was it? It was the most obvious place she'd go in this situation. Her safe place.
"Regina!" he shouts, banging on the door, "Please, let me in, I need to talk to you."
"If you're looking for the dagger, it's not here. It's been put somewhere safe. Happy hunting, thief." Regina responds dryly.
Regina marvels at how cool and detached she sounds. For the past hour, she had been struggling to control her emotions. She had intended to sit and read everything she could on lightening a dark heart, and read everything she could on the stories of Merlin, the man the apprentice urged them to find to fix this…but not even Regina could keep her emotions at bay permanently. Not even in her….condition. The look Robin gave her when he saw her pick up the dagger was what she saw every time she closed her eyes. That fear. That disappointment. That distrust. From the person she loved most.
"Regina," Robin sounds impatient and angry, and no, he has no right to either emotion. She is the one hurting. She is the one who gave him that look of pure terror before she left. She is the one vulnerable and sad now, and he should give her space, let her heal before he bombards her. Still he apparently can't stop himself from pressing further, "I will break down this door if I have to."
Regina laughs, a guttural, sad laugh. "Don't bother, I put up a protection spell, and you won't be able to get in even if you do break down the door. I would have put a blood lock on it, but, of course, for some reason my evil sister is around and we know they don't work against her."
.::.
Robin winces at the reminder of Zelena. Regina had come to terms with that entire situation quite easily, or perhaps she had never really dealt with it at all. Perhaps she had kept her emotions in check to spare his feelings. Once again he thought he should leave, it would be the gentleman-y thing to do. Once again, he found himself betraying his better judgment. "Regina, I need to talk to you."
"If you're so worried about me just guard the entrance and ask me questions every ten minutes." He hears pure venom in her voice when she adds, "I can promise you I won't leave this vault to do whatever evil you think I'll do."
Robin shook his head from outside the vault, in disbelief over how badly this conversation was going how terribly she must have thought of him in one second.
"Regina I don't think you would do anything of the sort! How could I? I knew you'd be here working on Emma. Working to save her. You knew that everyone would find you here – of course we'd look here first. But you didn't care, you went here because you want to help Emma." Robin pushes against the doors again, pleading with the hinges to give and break. "Regina, you know how I feel about you. You know how it felt to not be able to talk to me for months? I will feel that every day, every minute, until I get to see you."
There is silence for a little while and then Robin let out his last negotiation piece, "And Roland will suffer if you won't let me in, because I won't leave this spot. I will starve out here before I leave you again. Regina, please."
.::.
Regina catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her makeup is running, her face is rough and ragged, eyes bleary from the emotional exhaustion of a very long day. This isn't how she wants to be seen – not by anyone. And so, for the first time in so long (since the year that was missing to them for so long) she decides to use magic to hide ask her pain from Robin. She would have never have done this to Robin before – concealed her feelings or pain from him. But now, she realized Robin didn't trust her. And she, in turn, did not want to expose anymore of herself to Robin. She did not want him to know how much she felt for him or how much he hurt her. So she magics away the puffiness of the eyes, the redness of her eyes, the running splotches of her makeup, and paints herself a new face – a pristine, clean face free of the emotion of the day.
"Alright, I'll let you in to spare Roland pain," she gives, "but leave all your weapons."
.::.
Robin's heart stings at Regina's words, realizing a part of her must think he'd want to hurt her. The true impact of how much of their relationship had been undone in a few seconds was hitting him. Or maybe it had been undone in the months apart. Maybe it was undone more than she said when she saw a pregnant Zelena. He removes his sword, his bow, and his arrows. And when the last weapon was removed, the door opens Regina had been watching him out there, he realized. Probably through a mirror.
Robin rushes in and immediately folds Regina into his arms. Thinking of how much she must have hurt, and how little she believed in him – believed in them – was too much for him. He acted on pure emotion, barely able to contain his tears. But he held her tight, tighter than he ever had before, despite the fact Regina refused to respond. She was stiff and cold and emotionless. It pained Robin, but he couldn't let her go.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I couldn't think as fast as you…you were right, we all know that now. Regina, please you have to know how I feel."
.::.
It's a very little known secret about Regina: she likes being held. Perhaps it is because she so rarely had that type of affection from anyone (kissing, and touching and groping, and guiding and leaning on her, she's used to that, but holding, hugging, never that). She shouldn't like this as much as she does, not from someone who doesn't truly believe in her, doesn't truly accept her. But still, she likes being held. So she allows herself to stay in his arms just a bit longer. Regina allowed herself to be held just a bit longer. She inhaled his scent and tried to believe his words. But too much had happened between them. She couldn't believe him.
"I saw the way you looked at me." Her voice starts off steady, but then goes shaky and cracks. Damnit. She didn't want to get weak and sad on him, but the emotional wall was crumbling, even when she had focused all her efforts at preventing this. Things could get dangerous if she didn't get it together. Regina didn't know how to hide her sadness without replacing it with anger. And she could not unleash that much anger out into the world, not now, not with Emma in so much need of help.
"No, it wasn't that at all." He breathes the words against her neck and holds her tighter.
"I saw it." Regina repeats, and all at once Regina let down her guard just a little, as she felt her eyes well up. "I thought you knew me better." She finally pushes him away, and turns to the little bedroom in the vault, briefly remembering the last time she had used that little room Robin had also been here, though it was in a much different capacity. "But I should have known better. I see how everyone looks at me, and you try but…you can't see me differently."
Robin instinctively sat on her bed next to her, cupping her face in his hands. She resisted slightly, but did not push him away. She felt Robin's thumb rub her cheek as he had done months ago, and almost felt as if they were being taken back to that time, to that time when there was no Zelena, and no ice curse. When it was just the two of them, falling in love.
"It's been a long day." Robin offers after looking seeing her face soften, almost feeling her guard drop just a little. "It seems as if you've forgotten some truths. You will never be anything else but a hero to me. And nothing short as amazing. Regina, nearly two seconds after Emma disappeared, you had a plan. I wasn't there yet. I was still trying to process the fact I almost lost the love of my life. It was too much, I needed a second. And then you jumped so quickly…it felt like…surreal. I was scared, I was terrified, I had almost lost you. And I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know if the darkness hurt you. I didn't know if something happened. I had to take a second to work past everything. But you…" he brushes some of the hair away from her face and tilted her head up to him, so they could look each other in the eyes. "Right away, you knew what to do. How do you do that? We were all so…frozen. And you…sometimes you are so logical in a crisis it scares us."
Regina took in all he said, and tried to understand his position. "It's hard to explain," she responds, looking down. "It's an instinct. You just put all your fear, all your worries aside. Almost all emotions, period. Except the drive, the desire to defeat whatever's in your way. You become…"
"Almost robotic?" Robin ventures.
Regina nodded. "Very logical. You focus on what needs to be done, not what you feel, and not what everyone else must feel. It's a way certain people react in a crisis. Very few people. Emma, she has it too. And…."
Robin prodded "And?"
Regina shrugs still unable to look him in the eyes. "I feel it in Henry sometimes" she whispers.
"Lucky boy, then." Robin responds almost as a question.
Regina shook her head and laughed bitterly "No, not a lucky boy. If you hadn't noticed, reacting this way doesn't exactly inspire confidence from others. It has served me well, but it's very lonely."
Robin traced his fingers down Regina's hair, onto her shoulder and over her heart. She tried to pull away, but as soon as he touched, he knew.
"Your heart's gone." Robin points out worriedly. "What are you planning on doing to yourself?"
Regina smiles weakly. "It was distracting me. It's been distracting me for a while. Right now, I need to think. I need to save Emma. I can't let my feelings lead me down a whirlwind path like they have in the past."
"How long has it been out of you?" He asks softly. And he knew, he had to know, it wasn't just tonight. But there was no point in telling him she had to take it out of her when they got back from New York, after she made that mistake with the author and almost cursed Zelena out of existence. That was the result of her actions being led by her heartbreak, and she couldn't risk it happening again when so much was at stake. She wasn't going to answer him. Instead she just looked down.
Robin wasn't going to press her on specifics. She clearly didn't want to go into it, and he didn't want to hear the extent of the pain he had caused her. Instead he just shook his head "This isn't a long-term solution, eventually you're going to have face what you feel, Regina, this could make things worse."
Regina shakes her head. "I know. I've done this before – I know what I'm doing. As soon as I figure out how to find Merlin – or at least how to get to Camelot – I'll tell you what we need to do. And then I'll deal with my…" Regina grimaces, "my, feelings. But I need to do that alone. Where I can't hurt anyone." Regina shudders as memories of the past haunted her thoughts – times when her emotions had caused her to do horrible, unspeakable things.
The thought of Regina dealing with everything that had been bothering her alone – a large portion of them being things Robin himself was responsible for or contributed to - was simply unacceptable. He caused this, he would end it. "I won't leave you." Robin says, decidedly. "I won't leave you to suffer through all that without me."
"That's not safe. You don't know how I react when I feel like this." She pauses for a moment and looked at him, as if remembering something. "Actually, you do. You've heard the stories and the stories of the Evil Queen are, unfortunately, very true." Regina sighed, walked off the bed and pretended to look at a spell book.
"I'm trapping myself in here. I'll seal it with dark magic, the seal that can only be broken by light magic. And I have light magic. Once I ride out the storm, I'll be able to use light magic to break myself out, and no one will be harmed."
Robin scoffs. "Except you. No, that's unacceptable." He got up from the bed and stroked her shoulders behind her. "I'll stay with you. Regina, I trust you with my life. I know you can't hurt me."
"I'm sorry, Robin, but I don't trust myself. You have to go now."
Robin rolled his eyes and frowns. "Not happening. So what is Plan B?"
"You have to go to Roland and make sure he's ok." Regina reminds him, "and make sure…make sure the town doesn't turn him against me. And for that matter…see Henry too. I need to know he is not scared of me. And I…. have to study all this…" Regina pointed to piles of books littering the vault. "And….I won't be able to concentrate with you right here." Those last words almost sound lighthearted, despite the fact she did not mean them as such. She'd get little work done with Robin here because even without her heart she still was broken up about everything, and the heartache and pain was worse when he was in front of her. She needed to get away from him.
Robin's face turns from defensive to pensive. "I will leave, but I will be back tomorrow. And you will let me back in, and you will put your heart back with me here. And we will handle this together. Those are my terms. If you don't agree, I won't leave. And you'll have to forcibly throw me out. And that would be very unbefitting of a lady such as yourself, don't you agree?"
Somehow, Robin seemed unfazed by the seriousness ahead and managed to continue to be flirtatious. Still, the lightened mood made Regina smile. "Go to Roland. I'll see you tomorrow."
Robin smiles and drew her into a hug. "Thank you." She was still stiff in his arms, but she's fighting with instincts, trying not to give him affection that he so clearly didn't deserve. But he was selfish, and desperately wanted some sign that this was all going to be alright, that they would get through it the way they got through everything else, so he clung to her tighter and whispered in her ear "I will make all of this up to you, I promise."
Sure enough, after he said those words, he felt her hugging him back, sinking into him. Just a bit, just enough to show him she heard him and at least wanted to believe him. He breathed out a relieved sigh, as he ran his fingers through her hair, tracing his other hand up and down her spine. She didn't melt under his touch, but she wasn't pushing him away, and he was glad he was getting to touch her. And it had been awhile since he touched her.
"God I've missed you so much," he breathes, a little throatier, a little more passionate, and Regina hated the way those words made her shiver. Because, to be fair, she had missed him touching her too.
She breathed in to avoid making a more…inappropriate sound.
It had been so long since they had been to bed together. They hadn't even spent much time alone with each other since she saw him in New York. And without her heart, her dulled fear and anger at Robin and the world was replaced by a more carnal lust. He smelled of earth and pine trees and bonfire smoke. He knew exactly where to touch to her to please her. And she hadn't had that in a long time.
Slowly, Robin moved her head up to his, Regina looked into his eyes. They were a bit darker, it was the lustful look he'd give her before he tore her clothes off, before he grabbed her and pulled her into some corner to kiss her and touch her for a few private moments.
It was that look all over again. She could just melt into the moment, and worry about Emma later.
But before she could even consider giving into lust, Regina found herself wondering how many times he had looked at her sister with the same dark, hungry eyes.
And that spoiled the mood.
Regina softly, ever so slightly turns away to avoid his kiss. She presses into Robin deeper, hoping he wasn't too hurt. She isn't ready for all this just yet. When she finally looks at him, he looks as if he had been punched in the stomach. "I'm sorry" Regina says "I'm just—"
"No need to apologize, it was my fault. I thought I sensed something…I had no right." The disappointment and rejection was evident in his eyes, and Regina felt a twinge of guilt.
She tries to think of what to say to put his mind at ease, but he filled the silence with a question – "Please say I can still see you tomorrow?"
'Yes, of course. You can see me." Regina quickly focuses her thoughts on Emma. She needed to get back to saving Emma, not working on a relationship. That could wait. "But now, I need to work."
Robin nods, and reached for her hand, his fingers intertwined with hers. He bends her hand up to kiss it, relieved to feel no resistance from her. "I will be back. Good luck, Regina."
With that, Robin ran out of the vault. Regina sealed the vault up again, and sat back down to study.