Bonnie felt desperate. How did Annalise always manage to do it? To just turn a case around when everything came crashing down on her? When the odds were stacked against her, she'd win yet Bonnie would lose. It didn't matter if the jury had hated Annalise or her client from the moment a case was presented, she would always win. Annalise knew know how to change their mind before a verdict was reached. The Keating lawyer had even won cases where the judge had blatantly disagreed with her. Annalise's ability to defend in court knew no bounds. It helped that she also always had the L1s on her side. Even when they'd believed a client was guilty or unworthy of a defence they had helped her to win. There was none of that loyalty with Bonnie, and especially not with the K5. They thought she was a joke.
The K5 were supposed to be helping Bonnie but they refused. They thought she was weak and hadn't seemed to trust in her from the beginning. Perhaps it had been Annalise's constant put downs or maybe they just never believed the demure blonde was capable of holding her own in open court. However, she couldn't really blame them, she didn't really believe it herself. Regardless, they agreed with the prosecution and that was nail enough in her coffin. The K5 believed her client had done it but Bonnie couldn't. She simply couldn't represent a rapist, it went against everything she stood for. This woman was innocent; she had to be. Now Bonnie just needed to prove it. Unfortunately it looked liked she'd be proving it alone. She simply did not possess the fire Annalise had to force them back into ranks. They all believed she was weak.
Bonnie knew full well the K5 would never dare talk back to Annalise like they had talked back to her. It was infuriating, insulting even. She wondered why they doubted her? The slip up in court had been rather public but she felt they had doubted her before that. Did everyone really see through the cracks in her façade? Bonnie prayed they didn't, she hoped they thought she was weak because of Annalise. That would be far better than the truth.
Then again, the truth was that Bonnie was losing and it burned. Bonnie was supposed to be Annalise's right hand woman, yet here she was, unable to win a single case on her own. Just what kind of defence attorney was she? Bonnie wanted to cry but it was fruitless. What she needed was results, not another emotional meltdown.
She had to think like Annalise- no, she had to be Annalise. But that was impossible for someone like her. She didn't have the strength or resolve. Bonnie was tenacious but she wasn't powerful, she just didn't have the same raw intensity that Annalise managed to portray so easily. "Argh!" Bonnie yelled, slamming her fists onto her desk surface. The action was futile. What she needed was something potent to tackle her current frame of mind.
That's when it hit her. To become Annalise, she had to act like Annalise. Vodka was the answer she sought. If nothing else it would numb her senses enough to get through the night. Then after her defeat in court tomorrow she could continue the cycle, drink until she forgot. Drink until the case and her failures mattered no longer. A ragged smile crept onto her lips as she pushed herself up from her seat. Bonnie knew where Annalise kept her best vodka. It was in the bottom draw of the desk in her office. She knew the Keating kept her trademark crystal glasses there too. Might as well go the whole 9 yards if she truly was to imitate the woman.
Bonnie's hands trembled as she poured the first glass. This didn't feel like her. It felt wrong, it felt like a mistake. The moment she'd poured a generous measure she slammed the bottle back onto her desk. Bonnie picked up the glass hesitantly, glancing around the darkened room as if to search for intruders. What if Annalise were to walk in on her? Bonnie couldn't deny the slight thrill she felt at the idea of being caught. If Annalise caught her acting out she would be certain to turn this whole mess around.
Bonnie waited for a moment before picking up her glass and draining the measure with a wince. Christ, that was strong, She coughed, the rough spirit burning her throat. Bonnie had never been much of a vodka drinker and now that she tasted it again she remembered why. It tasted like damn paint stripper. The blonde found herself wondering where Annalise saw the appeal.
Bonnie's third glass still made her grimace. Yet she drained the volatile liquid from the expensive cyrstalware nonetheless. This time Ms Winterbottom placed her glass down atop her desk roughly, her actions made heavy as the alcohol settled in her veins.
She glanced behind herself, at the door to Annalise's private study. Bonnie had intended to imitate her boss but she hadn't been so stupid as to take her desk. The temptation had been there but she would never have lived taking Annalise's throne down had she been caught. Bonnie had wondered how it felt for Annalise, to be so in control, so respected and revered.
Footsteps broke her silence. "The boss ok with you dipping into her bar?" A deep, alluring voice enquired.
Bonnie glanced up, her eyes carrying the loathing she usually reserved for herself. Of course it was Frank. He'd been the one to find her yesterday in tears as she picked broken glass off the floor. Glass she'd dropped after hearing about Sam's death on the news. How apt that Frank would find her in meltdown again. He always knew more than he let on. Bonnie knew that much, even after a few glasses of the famous Keating vodka. What irked her is that his presence meant Annalise was right, Bonnie always needed someone to fix her.
Frank had attempted to comfort her, more snap her out of her sorrow yesterday so that she didn't get fired again by Annalise for being pathetic. Bonnie wasn't even sure if she had really been crying for Sam. She had been so upset to learn Annalise hadn't trusted her enough to inform her of his death, that she'd felt like an outsider in what she considered to be her home for the past decade. Bonnie was desperate to earn Annalise's trust back but all she seemed capable of was screwing this case up.
Sometimes Bonnie thought Frank had it easy. He wasn't a lawyer, Annalise didn't expect him to carry the firm in her absence. He could dip in and out of the legal proceedings as he pleased. Yet even in her drunken haze, Bonnie recognised that train of thought was unfair. She was merely jealous. Frank had it just as hard as she did. They both skated on thin ice where Annalise and their work was concerned. They always had.
"Works for her." Bonnie retorted, pouring herself another glass defiantly. If Annalise would drink to the grave, so would she. Even if it was damned vodka. Bonnie suppressed the urge to vomit as she glanced the clear liquid. Maybe she'd drink it in a moment, give her stomach a chance to recover its lining.
"Just go talk to her." Frank said with a frown, inviting himself to sit down opposite her. He knew Bonnie needed him right now, and after their last encounter it was the least he owed her.
"And say what?" She asked, looking into the crystal glass disdainfully as if it held the answer to her question. "I have no idea how to win in this case. Please Mommy give me the answer?" Bonnie took a swig of her drink, not caring if she threw up anymore. Everything hurt. What did it matter?
"Maybe not in those words." Frank offered, a little uncomfortable. What Bonnie said was true. Annalise was their Mommy in every sick sense of the word.
"If I go up there, she'll give me that look and I'll start to cry and I'll have to quit. Tell me that's not true." Frank remained silent and Bonnie had her answer. No one believed in her anymore. She poured herself a fresh glass, not wishing to meet Frank's pity filled gaze.
But really he wasn't sure how to process what she said. Frank cared about Bonnie. They'd known each other for the best part of a decade now. Strife had forged a bond between them that one simple case couldn't fracture. At least he didn't think one case could. This was just a phase, he told himself. Annalise would recover and they'd be back to their old tricks in no time. Frank hoped that's how everything would turn out.
"Why'd you lie to me about Sam? I asked you to your face what happened and you said you didn't know." If no one believed in her, caution didn't matter anymore. Screw it. She needed to know this. Why was everyone lying to her and then having the nerve to not believe or trust in her? Bonnie's eyes bored into Frank, willing him to answer. She'd expected mroe of him. She had expected him to tell her the truth.
"I'm not doing this while you're wasted." Frank replied, standing up and turning to leave. There was no getting through to Bonnie when she was like this. That woman was one of the only people in that house that was more self-destructive than he was. She was gunning for a fight and he wasn't interested in catching the bait. Bonnie had enough on her plate without losing her only ally in here.
"She told you not to tell me right?" Bonnie continued, reluctant to let him go without her answer. Her question caused Frank to pause and he turned back around to face her. A moment passed before he decided how to reply. "You blame her?" He asked, shrugging his arms out to the side. The answer was a sidestep. They both knew that.
"No." Bonnie replied softly. "But it's why I can't go up there."
Frank averted his gaze, lowering it awkwardly. He'd excepted some resistance to his question but this was Bonnie. Where Annalise was concerned she always felt like a failure. It was a sentiment the two had in common. Annalise had a way of getting beneath your skin and stirring up emotions of inadequacy in you. She always pushed and pulled at your ability, trying to mould and twist you into a creature of her own creation; a creature that depended on her approval.
Bonnie took another sip, finishing her drink slowly. Frank heard her place the glass back down on her desk, glancing back up at her as she did. The woman before him looked defeated. Gone was the strong woman that helped him whip the students into shape, the woman he drank with, laughed with. He hated seeing her like this. "Come on Bon, let's get you a coffee." He offered, standing somewhat awkwardly by the doorway to the hall.
"Why do we do this Frank?" Bonnie blurted out
"Because she saved us an' we owe her." He replied, his voice sounding weak, lacking his usual resolve.
The alcohol blurred her inhibitions and Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Do we really still believe that after all these years? After all we've seen her do with the other students? People are so throwaway with her, we're expend-"
Frank stepped forward towards her desk suddenly, cutting her off. "Shut up," he growled guilt washing over him the moment he noticed the look of trepidation on Bonnie's face. "Look, let's get a coffee, you're not thinking straight after half a bottle of that shit. And you don't even drink vodka so come on. Coffee. Now."