A/N: I don't own Robin Hood. Here is my first ever Robin Hood fanfiction! I hope you enjoy it.
We were never really told that much about what Robin actually believed about the crusade. Here is what I think he would have though. This is set after Marian has died…
This fanfic is dedicated to Tara16rider, thank you for all your help.
"You chose war, you chose glory…"
Oh how her words tortured me in the weeks following my outlawing. I knew she was upset, annoyed, fed up and hurt but the accusation in her voice showed her true feelings. How she believed I had abandoned her for my own reasons, my own need for glory.
Of course, when I decided that I would help to reclaim the holy land from the Turk, it mainly wasn't about me.
It was my duty to the king to go. To my country as well but now I think about it I was selfish abandoning the woman I loved so that I could go to battle.
As soon as I had arrived in the holy land, it was anything but glorious. The sight of men younger than me dying quickly shattered any dreams of heroism the men around me felt! I knew that Much didn't believe my participation was down to my need for glory but I still felt for him as I had forced him to battle, even though I knew he would follow me anywhere.
And now- I had lost Marian and it was entirely down to me.
I may not have physically killed her. No…Gisbourne had viciously done that but if we had married she would never have been in that position.
We would have had children, a home and most importantly we would have been happy.
The thought of her alone compelled me to keep fighting when I returned, as the visions of the men who died kept flashing before my eyes as a reminder. It was my punishment. Just as every crusader has one.
Many of the men around me believed the Crusade would be over and we would return oh so victorious but it wasn't that simple. Those of us who did return were plagued with reminders and curses and it had changed most of us.
Looking back, Marian had become slightly annoyed at my flippant treatment of the sheriff but if I acted serious then I would invariably think back to the crusades and the people who had died, and those I had killed.
The holy land wasn't ours! It had never been of that I was certain. Whether my actions were driven from my desire for glory I don't know but one thing I do know is that I should never have been fighting to reclaim a place which had never been ours.
I once told Marian that I regretted fighting in the holy land but it is only now- after her death that I realise just how much.
A/N: Here it is. I think this will be a one shot but if people like it, I may try and extend it!