Authors Note: I Do Not Own Transformers...Though I Wish I Did -whines-. Anyways, Prepare Yourself... For Comedy Of Bubblicious Proportions!
That's Showbizz
Chapter 1: Commercial Deals
"Ok, Transformers, we are trying to teach kids safety." began the director as he talked into a cone so the people on stage could hear.
"Well, you better keep the Decepticons off stage, they'll teach kids to run with scissors" Optimus retorted.
"I resent that, Prime!" Megatron growled, folding his silver arms over his chassis "I mean whoever heard of a Decepticon using petty scissors?"
"See what I mean?" Optimus asked the director, gesturing to the stubborn Decepticon leader.
"Whatever, Prime. Just calm down, and read the words on the screen in front of you, and you'll be fine. And don't forget to do the actions" the Director instructed.
"Fine" Prime sighed and stood in his position, waiting for his cue.
"And...action!"
"Hey kids, it's me, Optimus Prime. Now I've been keeping you safe from Decepticons for 20 years. But now I'm here to tell you, how to keep yourself safe..." he began, walking over to a part of the stage where the crew set a small fire.
"Oh no, your house just caught fire! Now what do you do? Well first, you should get out of the house, go to a neighbors, and call 911..."
"That's bunk!" Megatron began, walking on stage and putting out the fire with his foot "just stomp your foot on it or something, it's easily taken care of"
"Megatron! Humans can't really do that" Optimus pointed out his enemies giant foot "they aren't 60 feet tall like we are"
"Well that's their problem isn't it?" Megatron laughed.
"Cut!" yelled the Director.
BEEP
"Ok, go to the neighbor scene!" called the director "action"
"Especially if your parents aren't home, and I don't know why they would even leave kids our viewers ages alone at home...but you should immediately leave your house and go to a nearby neighbors house to call 911" Optimus began and opened the fake house door.
Megatron stood in a pink dress and a blonde wig, looking disgruntled at his costume. Optimus tried to keep from laughing but keeled over and held his midsection.
"Oh, Sweet Vector Sigma!" he laughed harder and fell down the steps of the fake front house.
"Fuck you, Prime!" Megatron kicked the hysterical Autobot "I don't even know why a kid would want to go over to a cross-dressing mans house anyways, who knows what'll happen to the little boys that needed to use the phone!"
"CUT!"
BEEP BEEP
"Strangers scene, take 1"
"This is the Mighty Megatron, teaching you puny little weaklings how to take care of strangers!" Megatron growled as a random man walked up to him.
"Hey...want some cand..."
"BOW BEFORE ME, STRANGE MAN!" Megatron roared and powered up his fusion cannon.
"Oh shit!" the skit guy screamed and ran for his life but was blasted into the prop wall, making the whole scene crumble to the ground.
"and that kids, is why you should always carry a gun with you" Megatron nodded, patting his gun.
"Oh, geez...Cut!"
BEEP
"take 2"
"Why couldn't we use the first one?" Megatron asked.
There was a mumble from off stage.
"So what? I've seen you older humans use guns. Why can't kids have them?"
More mumbling.
"Bah, I still think it's good safety" he began but readied himself for the second take.
"And...action!"
"Hey kid, you want some candy?" the strange looking man asked.
"Er...no...but I'll have your transistors served to me on a silver platter...When I rip them from you!" Megatron roared and ran at the man.
"Ah!"
"Megatron! Quit chasing the intern! Sheesh..." the director slapped his forehead "Cut!"
BEEP
"Take 23"
The intern shakily walked up to Megatron, battered and bruised "Y-you want...want s-s-s-some candy?" he squeaked.
"No, you are a bad man, and evil and I shouldn't even be talking to you" Megatron smiled, knowing he got it right this time "...but for the record, your not as bad and evil as me" he let out a wicked laugh.
The director sighed "Cut, print, it's good enough"
BEEP BEEP
"Peer pressure, take 1"
Optimus didn't hear the marker as he leaned against a nice looking Corvette.
"Hey, haven't seen you around before. Do you wanna...go get some energon after shooting?..."
"Erm...Optimus?" called the Director.
Optimus turned around "What? Oh!...Oh slag!" he blushed and rubbed the back of his helmet "Sorry...wow that was embarrassing"
"Never knew you had it in you to try and pick up a Femme, Prime" Megatron snickered "After all, I think you'd squish her"
"Good one, lord Megatron!" Starscream screeched in laughter.
"Shut up you slagged Decepti-punks" Optimus growled, holding his fists up.
"Oh I'm so scared, of the Big Bad Prime. At least I don't have a problem getting ladies" he smirked.
"And unlike you Autobots, we wear briefs and not thongs, so we save our performance. I doubt you could even get your adapter up" Starscream laughed, Megatron joining in.
"Good one Starscream" he nodded.
"How Dare you! I WILL KICK YOUR SORRY AFTS!" Optimus roared and charged at the two.
"Oh slag! Let's get out of here!" Starscream yelled and transformed to jet away.
"Come back Starscream and fight like a..."
BAM!
CRASH!
BOOM!
"Insult my Machinehood will you? I'll make sure you don't have one when I'm finished" Optimus through punch after punch at the Decepticon leader.
The Director sighed and had everybody shut down the set "That's a wrap people..."
….
A Few Hours Later...
….
Megatron limped back into the Decepticon base to find Starscream sitting on his thrown.
"Oh...Megatron...There you are...I've-I've been looking all over for you..."
BAM!
Starscream was blasted in the face and sent flying back over the large chair. Megatron sat down in his thrown with a sour face.
"Fucking Slagger...That's the last time I have you sign me up for a commercial deal"