This is my first crossover fan fic as well as TV script so hopefully it
will raise a few laughs. As a show this part of the script would
probably take up the first ten minutes so let me know if you like it
via a review as I'm working on the rest of it.
What if Sam Beckett leaped into Frasier Crane
A Leap In Seattle
Frasier Crane lies in the bath, wearing a green mud pack face mask and
eye mask. Suddenly he is enveloped in a shimmering blue field and Sam
Beckett has taken his place.
Sam pulls the mask from his eyes and looks around him. He studies the
bath and sniffs the scents in the steam and recoils slightly. A shaving
mirror sits next to the tub and he picks it up and recoils again as he
sees a green face looking back at him.
SAM; Oh boy!
Frasier Crane opens his eyes and looks around him, he is in the Imaging
Chamber. Somewhat understandably confused he turns a full circle to
take in his surroundings. He looks at himself and sees the white body
suit.
He recoils for a second and then looks again.
He touches his firmer stomach and broader shoulders and smiles in that
patented self congratulatory way.
FRASIER (sounding very happy); Oooh boy!
TITLES; THE FRASIER TITLE CARD ENVELOPED IN THE 'LEAPING' ELECTRIC HALO
MARTIN is in his usual spot reading a football magazine and DAPHNE is
trying to sort some photos on the glass dining table.
FRASIER/SAM comes from the bathroom in his bathrobe and studies the
balcony area as if for the first time, taking in the view and also
trying to discover where and when he is.
As he gazes out of the window Daphne looks up and frowns, Dr Crane is
gazing out at Seattle with his hair sopping wet and only wearing his
robe.
DAPHNE; Did you enjoy your bath Dr Crane?
SAM is lost for a second until he realises there are people in the room.
SAM; Er... yes.
Sam cinches his robe and Martin looks up from his magazine.
MARTIN; Your hair's still wet. Well, what you have
left, is still wet.
Sam reaches up and smiles guiltily
SAM; Yeah...
EDDIE wanders in from the kitchen and up to Martins chair. He looks at
Frasier / Sam and sits down, his head turns to one side and then the
other. He approaches Sam and makes eye contact.
SAM; Hey there, how ya doin...(Sam takes a
second to make sure) boy
Sam kneels down and Eddie rolls over to let Sam rub his stomach. Sam
enjoys a few moments playing with Eddie whilst Martin nearly has a
coronary and Daphne's brow creases even further. She shares a concerned
look with Martin.
MARTIN; You okay Frase?
SAM; Sure. Why?
MARTIN; No reason. I just thought that since
Eddie ate your precious liverwurst you weren't speaking to him
DAPHNE; As I recall you said you were
going to have him stuffed, mounted and put on the top of the Space
Needle. For starters.
SAM; What? Just cause he ate some
pate?
Sam frowns... how did he know it was pate as opposed to liverwurst as
Martin had said
MARTIN; And that was before you found his little
gift in the bathroom
The Chamber Door slides open and AL walks through dressed in a three
piece suit and holding his requisite cigar.
SAM; Well...I guess I did over react
a little
He stands up but Eddie won't leave him alone and jumps up excitedly
wanting to play more.
SAM; I guess I better go get dressed
Sam looks at Al and so does Eddie, who is overjoyed to see another new
playmate and scampers over to AL and starts jumping up at him.
Martin and Daphne see Eddie jumping up at nothing
DAPHNE; Oh no he's seeing things again
MARTIN; What do you mean again?
DAPHNE; He does this. Last week I took him down to the park and he
started jumping up at that man with the cart. It was really strange,
it was if he was seeing things that weren't there. It took me all my
strength to pull him away!
MARTIN (affronted); He wasn't seeing things Manny, usually
gives him free hot dogs.
DAPHNE; Oh! I wondered why he kept
throwing sausages at us.
Sam takes a second to consider the interplay and walks back to 'his'
bedroom. Eddie follows him happily.
FRASIERS BEDROOM
AL is already there and admiring the king size bed
Sam enters closely followed by Eddie who leaps up on the bed and stares
at Sam.
AL (leeringly); Hey Sam, are these sheets real silk?
SAM; Who am I, Al?
AL: Apart from a dogs best friend?
Al points to Sam's new pal
AL; You are...(studies handlink)
Doctor Frasier Crane. A radio psychologist living in Seattle.
SAM; Radio?!?
AL; Yep, you've got your own show.
Five days a week.
SAM; I can't do a radio show!
(pause) Which days a week?
AL (slaps handlink); Monday to Friday
SAM: What day is this?
AL; Monday
SAM: Oh boy!
Sam walks to the wardrobe and opens it. Nothing but suits can be seen.
SAM: So why am I here?
AL; Well, as far as Ziggy can tell
...(hits handlink and it produces a mewling sound)... she can't tell.
SAM; What!
AL: Give her a break Sam, we're
pretty close to being in the present here. Historical records are just
that Sam. We're dealing with recent data here it'll take a fraction
longer to pin point your mission
Eddie is following Sam around the room and looking back at Al as he
speaks. He sits down and stares at Al.
SAM; How much longer?
AL: You'd have to ask Ziggy. Hey
there pooch. Hey Sam, who's your friend?
Al speaks to Eddie and encourages him to jump up at him, only to fall
right through him. Both think this is a great game.
SAM: Erm... I think his names Teddie.
Who are those people out there?
AL (consulting handlink); Martin Crane, your father and
Daphne Moon his physiotherapist. Your brother is infatuated with her
and will use any excuse to drop in to see you to see her, if you get
what I mean.
SAM: My brother? What's his name?
AL; Niles Crane. He's a
psycho ...(SLAP)... chologist. He's a psychologist too.
SAM: So why aren't they together
if he's so interested in her?
AL: He's still married to Maris...
(Als eyes widen as he studies the screen on the link)
SAM: What?
AL: I've never seen this much data
on one person. She's got more credit cards than Visa. (The handlink
makes a weary noise) And her medical records have their own database.
SAM: Is she ill?
AL (leans closer to the link); I don't see how, she's had every
treatment available to woman... and some to men as well!
SAM: So. What am I here for?
AL (still studying records): My God, I thought they only did
that to animals!
SAM: Al!
AL: Huh? Oh, right. I'll have to
get back to you on that. (Chamber door opens)Enjoy your show.
SAM: Show!?
AL; Yeah, you're on in an hour
SAM; Oh.. (Chamber door drowns out
the rest)
IMAGING CHAMBER
Frasier is admiring his new body and strutting around the chamber. He
stops to look at his nails, frowns and polishes them against the body
-suit as Al enters the room.
FRASIER(haughtily); And you are?
AL: Hi, I'm Al, I'll be your
waiter for this evening
FRASIER; Very droll, but this isn't
any restaurant I'd frequent. Too minimalist. I know who you are.
AL: Yeah?
FRASIER; Oh yes. Here I am, relaxing
in a bath, rosemary and cinnamon permeating my sinuses..
AL: What is doing what?
FRASIER; .. and suddenly I'm talking
to a man in an empty room whilst I'm clothed in white and posses a
younger, firmer (pauses self consciously)...er, slightly heavier body.
AL: Only under different gravity!
Frasier shuffles away awkwardly
FRASIER; You, sir, are my subconscious.
I've fallen asleep and now I've entered the calm place of my mind.
The epicentre of my restful state. An analytical library where I can
focus on nothing or everything. Isn't that so?
AL (bluntly); No... yes...no...I'm sorry, you
lost me somewhere after the centre business
Frasier glares at Al
FRASIER; Some Freudian guide you turned
out to be
AL: Whatever. I'll try to help you
through this, but it's only because I like your dog
FRASIER; MY dog? What are you talking
about?
AL: Teddie
FRASIER; Ted?...EDDIE! That scavenging
little cur? My dog? What kind of psyche do I have? I'd sooner bring
one of Dad's VCR 'classics' in here with me than that insane flea circus!
AL (quietly notes and punches into handlink): Not his dog...
FRASIER; What are you doing?
Frasier approaches Al as he drops the handlink down to his side.
FRASIER; Are you making notes about me?
Are you taking down everything I say? GOD!
Al isn't quite sure what to make of Frasier as he stalks away to a
corner
FRASIER; I must be more complex than
even I thought!
Al screws his face up in disbelief and leaves.
KACL-780 STUDIOS
Sam wanders past the studio windows one way and then the other.
ROZ watches him as he does this and finally opens the door to Frasier's
booth as Sam makes a second pass
.
ROZ; Frasier! We're on in two minutes where
have you been!
SAM ( smiling awkwardly and clutching a briefcase); Oh, hi. Yeah, got
kinda lost. Couldn't seem to find the studio
ROZ (cautiously) You haven't taken too many flu
drugs again have you? Are you feeling okay?
SAM: No, I'm fine. Honestly
ROZ: Then why are you wearing that
tie?
Sam flips the tie and frowns.
ROZ: You said you couldn't think of
anything ever tailored that would go with that tie.
SAM: Well I changed my mind. I kinda
like it now
Roz smiles and touches Sam's arm.
ROZ: I knew you'd see sense one day.
Thanks Frase, that's cheered me up
SAM: Why?
ROZ: Cause I gave it to you numbskull.
SAM (quickly covering); No, why does it make you happier
today?
ROZ; Oh, you know...
Roz shrugs and dashes to her post. She points at Sam and the chair
and slips on her headphones.
SAM (gingerly slips on his own headphones and studies the equipment
infront of him. Roz gives him a countdown from three and suddenly he
is on air)
SAM; Erm, hello Seattle, this is...
Roz is frantically waving and signalling at him. Sam is lost.
Roz mimes pushing a button and Sam's finger hovers over one as he looks
at Roz. She nods and Sam stabs it. Immediately howling feedback fills
the studio and Roz and Sam's headphones.
SAM; AH!
ROZ; AH!
The feedback dies as Sam stabs another button and a caller is
unceremoniously brought onto the air
CALLER; Am I on? Hello? Is this thing
on?
SAM: Yes, hello, I'm here. How can
I help you?
CALLER; Who is this?
SAM; Frasier Crane
CALLER; Doctor Crane?
SAM: Yeah, Doctor Crane
CALLER; Aren't you going to say it?
SAM: Sorry?
CALLER; Don't I get to hear it? You got
something against me? Is this what I get when I finally get up enough
courage to speak to you?
SAM: I'm sorry caller, can we start
again. We seemed to get off on the wrong foot here
Roz's eyes bug as she settles her headphones again
CALLER; WHAT! You can't be serious.
That's it, that is IT! I have taken about all I can take from you
people, always making fun of me, talking BEHIND MY BACK, pointing at
me WHEREVER I GO!
SAM (taken aback); Can...can we start again here. What is
your problem?
CALLER; MY PROBLEM? MY PROBLEM? I have
outsized feet on a small body, I have to have my shoes handmade. My
doctor even says Ronald McDonald wouldn't wear my cast offs. But that
isn't my biggest problem. My problem is that a dumb radio shrink is
making fun of me when he won't even tell me 'he's listening'. You have
some nerve doc, call yourself a healer? I've seen band-aids with more
curative powers!
Phone is slammed down noisily
SAM; ...
Roz makes signal for a break
SAM: Well I think now would be a
good time to...take a moment...and
Roz, frantic, even more definite motions for a break. Sam makes similar
motions and Roz nods. Sam thinks she means to stretch things out
SAM; ...see what we can look forward
to...on
Roz bangs on window
SAM; ...the Frasier Crane Show...
There is a sign held up saying 'commercial you di- the rest of the last
words obscured by the frame of the window.
SAM (speaking at a swifter pace); But first lets go to commercials
He smiles and gives Roz the thumbs up. Roz is still frantic and making
large arm movments. Sam looks behind him and sees the commercial
cassette and pushes the play button.
He gives Roz the thumbs up again and we only see his offended reaction.
will raise a few laughs. As a show this part of the script would
probably take up the first ten minutes so let me know if you like it
via a review as I'm working on the rest of it.
What if Sam Beckett leaped into Frasier Crane
A Leap In Seattle
Frasier Crane lies in the bath, wearing a green mud pack face mask and
eye mask. Suddenly he is enveloped in a shimmering blue field and Sam
Beckett has taken his place.
Sam pulls the mask from his eyes and looks around him. He studies the
bath and sniffs the scents in the steam and recoils slightly. A shaving
mirror sits next to the tub and he picks it up and recoils again as he
sees a green face looking back at him.
SAM; Oh boy!
Frasier Crane opens his eyes and looks around him, he is in the Imaging
Chamber. Somewhat understandably confused he turns a full circle to
take in his surroundings. He looks at himself and sees the white body
suit.
He recoils for a second and then looks again.
He touches his firmer stomach and broader shoulders and smiles in that
patented self congratulatory way.
FRASIER (sounding very happy); Oooh boy!
TITLES; THE FRASIER TITLE CARD ENVELOPED IN THE 'LEAPING' ELECTRIC HALO
MARTIN is in his usual spot reading a football magazine and DAPHNE is
trying to sort some photos on the glass dining table.
FRASIER/SAM comes from the bathroom in his bathrobe and studies the
balcony area as if for the first time, taking in the view and also
trying to discover where and when he is.
As he gazes out of the window Daphne looks up and frowns, Dr Crane is
gazing out at Seattle with his hair sopping wet and only wearing his
robe.
DAPHNE; Did you enjoy your bath Dr Crane?
SAM is lost for a second until he realises there are people in the room.
SAM; Er... yes.
Sam cinches his robe and Martin looks up from his magazine.
MARTIN; Your hair's still wet. Well, what you have
left, is still wet.
Sam reaches up and smiles guiltily
SAM; Yeah...
EDDIE wanders in from the kitchen and up to Martins chair. He looks at
Frasier / Sam and sits down, his head turns to one side and then the
other. He approaches Sam and makes eye contact.
SAM; Hey there, how ya doin...(Sam takes a
second to make sure) boy
Sam kneels down and Eddie rolls over to let Sam rub his stomach. Sam
enjoys a few moments playing with Eddie whilst Martin nearly has a
coronary and Daphne's brow creases even further. She shares a concerned
look with Martin.
MARTIN; You okay Frase?
SAM; Sure. Why?
MARTIN; No reason. I just thought that since
Eddie ate your precious liverwurst you weren't speaking to him
DAPHNE; As I recall you said you were
going to have him stuffed, mounted and put on the top of the Space
Needle. For starters.
SAM; What? Just cause he ate some
pate?
Sam frowns... how did he know it was pate as opposed to liverwurst as
Martin had said
MARTIN; And that was before you found his little
gift in the bathroom
The Chamber Door slides open and AL walks through dressed in a three
piece suit and holding his requisite cigar.
SAM; Well...I guess I did over react
a little
He stands up but Eddie won't leave him alone and jumps up excitedly
wanting to play more.
SAM; I guess I better go get dressed
Sam looks at Al and so does Eddie, who is overjoyed to see another new
playmate and scampers over to AL and starts jumping up at him.
Martin and Daphne see Eddie jumping up at nothing
DAPHNE; Oh no he's seeing things again
MARTIN; What do you mean again?
DAPHNE; He does this. Last week I took him down to the park and he
started jumping up at that man with the cart. It was really strange,
it was if he was seeing things that weren't there. It took me all my
strength to pull him away!
MARTIN (affronted); He wasn't seeing things Manny, usually
gives him free hot dogs.
DAPHNE; Oh! I wondered why he kept
throwing sausages at us.
Sam takes a second to consider the interplay and walks back to 'his'
bedroom. Eddie follows him happily.
FRASIERS BEDROOM
AL is already there and admiring the king size bed
Sam enters closely followed by Eddie who leaps up on the bed and stares
at Sam.
AL (leeringly); Hey Sam, are these sheets real silk?
SAM; Who am I, Al?
AL: Apart from a dogs best friend?
Al points to Sam's new pal
AL; You are...(studies handlink)
Doctor Frasier Crane. A radio psychologist living in Seattle.
SAM; Radio?!?
AL; Yep, you've got your own show.
Five days a week.
SAM; I can't do a radio show!
(pause) Which days a week?
AL (slaps handlink); Monday to Friday
SAM: What day is this?
AL; Monday
SAM: Oh boy!
Sam walks to the wardrobe and opens it. Nothing but suits can be seen.
SAM: So why am I here?
AL; Well, as far as Ziggy can tell
...(hits handlink and it produces a mewling sound)... she can't tell.
SAM; What!
AL: Give her a break Sam, we're
pretty close to being in the present here. Historical records are just
that Sam. We're dealing with recent data here it'll take a fraction
longer to pin point your mission
Eddie is following Sam around the room and looking back at Al as he
speaks. He sits down and stares at Al.
SAM; How much longer?
AL: You'd have to ask Ziggy. Hey
there pooch. Hey Sam, who's your friend?
Al speaks to Eddie and encourages him to jump up at him, only to fall
right through him. Both think this is a great game.
SAM: Erm... I think his names Teddie.
Who are those people out there?
AL (consulting handlink); Martin Crane, your father and
Daphne Moon his physiotherapist. Your brother is infatuated with her
and will use any excuse to drop in to see you to see her, if you get
what I mean.
SAM: My brother? What's his name?
AL; Niles Crane. He's a
psycho ...(SLAP)... chologist. He's a psychologist too.
SAM: So why aren't they together
if he's so interested in her?
AL: He's still married to Maris...
(Als eyes widen as he studies the screen on the link)
SAM: What?
AL: I've never seen this much data
on one person. She's got more credit cards than Visa. (The handlink
makes a weary noise) And her medical records have their own database.
SAM: Is she ill?
AL (leans closer to the link); I don't see how, she's had every
treatment available to woman... and some to men as well!
SAM: So. What am I here for?
AL (still studying records): My God, I thought they only did
that to animals!
SAM: Al!
AL: Huh? Oh, right. I'll have to
get back to you on that. (Chamber door opens)Enjoy your show.
SAM: Show!?
AL; Yeah, you're on in an hour
SAM; Oh.. (Chamber door drowns out
the rest)
IMAGING CHAMBER
Frasier is admiring his new body and strutting around the chamber. He
stops to look at his nails, frowns and polishes them against the body
-suit as Al enters the room.
FRASIER(haughtily); And you are?
AL: Hi, I'm Al, I'll be your
waiter for this evening
FRASIER; Very droll, but this isn't
any restaurant I'd frequent. Too minimalist. I know who you are.
AL: Yeah?
FRASIER; Oh yes. Here I am, relaxing
in a bath, rosemary and cinnamon permeating my sinuses..
AL: What is doing what?
FRASIER; .. and suddenly I'm talking
to a man in an empty room whilst I'm clothed in white and posses a
younger, firmer (pauses self consciously)...er, slightly heavier body.
AL: Only under different gravity!
Frasier shuffles away awkwardly
FRASIER; You, sir, are my subconscious.
I've fallen asleep and now I've entered the calm place of my mind.
The epicentre of my restful state. An analytical library where I can
focus on nothing or everything. Isn't that so?
AL (bluntly); No... yes...no...I'm sorry, you
lost me somewhere after the centre business
Frasier glares at Al
FRASIER; Some Freudian guide you turned
out to be
AL: Whatever. I'll try to help you
through this, but it's only because I like your dog
FRASIER; MY dog? What are you talking
about?
AL: Teddie
FRASIER; Ted?...EDDIE! That scavenging
little cur? My dog? What kind of psyche do I have? I'd sooner bring
one of Dad's VCR 'classics' in here with me than that insane flea circus!
AL (quietly notes and punches into handlink): Not his dog...
FRASIER; What are you doing?
Frasier approaches Al as he drops the handlink down to his side.
FRASIER; Are you making notes about me?
Are you taking down everything I say? GOD!
Al isn't quite sure what to make of Frasier as he stalks away to a
corner
FRASIER; I must be more complex than
even I thought!
Al screws his face up in disbelief and leaves.
KACL-780 STUDIOS
Sam wanders past the studio windows one way and then the other.
ROZ watches him as he does this and finally opens the door to Frasier's
booth as Sam makes a second pass
.
ROZ; Frasier! We're on in two minutes where
have you been!
SAM ( smiling awkwardly and clutching a briefcase); Oh, hi. Yeah, got
kinda lost. Couldn't seem to find the studio
ROZ (cautiously) You haven't taken too many flu
drugs again have you? Are you feeling okay?
SAM: No, I'm fine. Honestly
ROZ: Then why are you wearing that
tie?
Sam flips the tie and frowns.
ROZ: You said you couldn't think of
anything ever tailored that would go with that tie.
SAM: Well I changed my mind. I kinda
like it now
Roz smiles and touches Sam's arm.
ROZ: I knew you'd see sense one day.
Thanks Frase, that's cheered me up
SAM: Why?
ROZ: Cause I gave it to you numbskull.
SAM (quickly covering); No, why does it make you happier
today?
ROZ; Oh, you know...
Roz shrugs and dashes to her post. She points at Sam and the chair
and slips on her headphones.
SAM (gingerly slips on his own headphones and studies the equipment
infront of him. Roz gives him a countdown from three and suddenly he
is on air)
SAM; Erm, hello Seattle, this is...
Roz is frantically waving and signalling at him. Sam is lost.
Roz mimes pushing a button and Sam's finger hovers over one as he looks
at Roz. She nods and Sam stabs it. Immediately howling feedback fills
the studio and Roz and Sam's headphones.
SAM; AH!
ROZ; AH!
The feedback dies as Sam stabs another button and a caller is
unceremoniously brought onto the air
CALLER; Am I on? Hello? Is this thing
on?
SAM: Yes, hello, I'm here. How can
I help you?
CALLER; Who is this?
SAM; Frasier Crane
CALLER; Doctor Crane?
SAM: Yeah, Doctor Crane
CALLER; Aren't you going to say it?
SAM: Sorry?
CALLER; Don't I get to hear it? You got
something against me? Is this what I get when I finally get up enough
courage to speak to you?
SAM: I'm sorry caller, can we start
again. We seemed to get off on the wrong foot here
Roz's eyes bug as she settles her headphones again
CALLER; WHAT! You can't be serious.
That's it, that is IT! I have taken about all I can take from you
people, always making fun of me, talking BEHIND MY BACK, pointing at
me WHEREVER I GO!
SAM (taken aback); Can...can we start again here. What is
your problem?
CALLER; MY PROBLEM? MY PROBLEM? I have
outsized feet on a small body, I have to have my shoes handmade. My
doctor even says Ronald McDonald wouldn't wear my cast offs. But that
isn't my biggest problem. My problem is that a dumb radio shrink is
making fun of me when he won't even tell me 'he's listening'. You have
some nerve doc, call yourself a healer? I've seen band-aids with more
curative powers!
Phone is slammed down noisily
SAM; ...
Roz makes signal for a break
SAM: Well I think now would be a
good time to...take a moment...and
Roz, frantic, even more definite motions for a break. Sam makes similar
motions and Roz nods. Sam thinks she means to stretch things out
SAM; ...see what we can look forward
to...on
Roz bangs on window
SAM; ...the Frasier Crane Show...
There is a sign held up saying 'commercial you di- the rest of the last
words obscured by the frame of the window.
SAM (speaking at a swifter pace); But first lets go to commercials
He smiles and gives Roz the thumbs up. Roz is still frantic and making
large arm movments. Sam looks behind him and sees the commercial
cassette and pushes the play button.
He gives Roz the thumbs up again and we only see his offended reaction.