Short and Crappy (but really funny) Pet Shop of Horrors
fanfic
By Mel Kitsune (melkitsune@aol.com)
The smell of incense lingered heavily in the air, and a
squeak was heard, followed by the noises of several loud but highly exotic
pets. Loud knocking and cat-calling
could be heard from the front of the pet shop, and standing up in a way to make
himself look even more graceful, exotic, and mysterious, Count D made his way towards
the door.
"Welcome," he said as he opened it, and was greeted by about
fifty or so beautiful young women (and men).
D's eyes widened slightly, but not enough to be noticeable by your
average anime viewer (unless of course they are a certified bishounen-watcher,
and in that case they'd also be sure to make note of the fact that on this
particular day he had a hangnail on his left index finger). "Oh my," D said in voice that always makes
it sound like he's in your bed, "What are you all doing here this fine day?"
"Count D!" the girls (and some guys) screamed. "Count, we all love you! We traveled all
over the world to bring you the best candies and cookies!"
"I love you the most, Count D!" a young pigtailed girl
said. "I flew to Italy last week and
picked you up this box of hundred-dollar chocolates, just to prove to you how
much you belong with me." D was, once
again, mildly surprised (not that you'd be able to tell).
"You little liar!" an overweight woman screamed. "Look how skinny you are! You've probably never eaten chocolate in
your entire life! I belong with the Count! We share the same tastes in food!"
"Pig!" the schoolgirl cried out.
"Health nut!" the overweight woman replied, yanking on one
of the girl's pigtails. Soon a general
brawl had ensued.
"Oh my," Count D sighed, resting his chin on a thin,
well-manicured hand, looking exasperated as chaos raged on behind him. "It's such a shame I'm not particularly
hungry at the moment."
Just then Leon walked in because (big surprise!) he… um… it'snotlikeIwantedtoseetheCount
IjustwasboredandfiguredI'dstopby… not that fine, upstanding American
citizen Leon Orcott was bored with his job… it's just all that paperwork causes
paper cuts and then he needs Band-Aids, and what with the salary they're paying
him… but anyway. Just then Leon walked
in, munching away on a Butterfinger. He
paid no mind to the pile of fangirls (and boys) in the front doorstep, merely
stepping over them all (and not very carefully, mind you- he gave the author a black
eye).
"Um, hi D…" Leon muttered as the few remaining conscious
fangirls (and boys) looked on, some in agony, and others with their cameras
ready. "I, uh… just thought I'd stop by
to say hello, and um…" Unsure of what else to do, Leon held out his candy
bar. "Would you like a bite of my
Butterfinger?" D clasped his hands in
front of him as his eyes began to sparkle brightly.
"Oh, Leon!" D exclaimed, throwing himself towards the
detective and clinging to him. "I knew
it! I knew you loved me!"
"Um… hey… D, um… don't you think this is moving a bit fast?"
Leon asked as D starting tearing his shirt off.
"Let me eat your candy," Count D purred in his bedroom
voice.
"Um… okay…" Leon said, a bit dumbfounded. Count D pushed him down on the coffee table,
ignoring the flashes from the cameras rapidly going off as the detective and
the pet shop owner began to get their freak on. Thank God for small miracles, because the author got some really
great pictures and will be selling reprints for $5 each.
Okay, now this is the end.
Bai bai!
