I do not own the twilight saga or any characters related to twilight.
If I did I wouldn't be writing fanfictions.
Paris: Do not deny to him that you love me.
Juliet: I will confess to you that I love him.
Paris: So will ye, I am sure, that you love me.
Juliet: If I do so, it will be of more price, being spoken behind your back than to your face.
Paris: Poor soul, thy face is much abused with tears.
Juliet: The tears have got small victory by that, for it was bad enough before their spite.
Paris: Thy face is mine, and thou hast slandered it.
- Act Four, Scene 1, Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
Bella
I turned around to face the middle of the dull kitchen. I sighed and leant back against the edge of the kitchen counter, letting my body slide down until I was sitting on the floor with my head between my knees.
All of a sudden my body was shaking. I realised that the heavy sobs exploding from my chest was causing this.
I heard footsteps from someone lingering in the doorway.
"Bella…?" Jacob's voice sounded unsure.
He quickly and gracefully sat down next to me on the floor and said sorrowfully, "Oh, Bella, I did it again, didn't I?"
I turned to face him.
With his big, warm hand he wiped the tears away from my cheeks. "I'm sorry for hurting you…again. I'm not very good at keeping my promises am I?" Jacob laughed a weak laugh as he spoke.
Even at the worst of times Jacob always found some reason to smile. That was the Jacob I loved. He was my own personal sun that brought warmth and happiness into my cold existence. If only I loved him the way he loved me, there is nothing more that I wanted to give to Jacob than my irrevocable love for him.
Unfortunately, my heart was wrenched out of my chest several months ago by the most amazing man in the universe. No matter how much I loved Jacob, it would be nothing compared to how I had loved him.
It was as though he was a drug. Exactly my brand of heroine was what Edward – I cringed at thinking of his name – had said about me once apon a time. Of course it was all lies now. He was my Romeo and I had hoped that I used to be his Juliet. Now he was gone, my Romeo left me. And I was left with…Paris.
But could I learn to love Paris anyway? What if Paris really wasn't so bad? What if Paris was the only one who kept me sane when Romeo left and sent me spiralling into a weird state of emptiness? What if I could actually see myself loving Paris? Of course not the same way as I loved Romeo. My heart wouldn't skip a few beats the way it did when I saw Romeo. I wouldn't be intoxicated by his presence the way I was when I was with Romeo. But I could love him.
Deep down I kind of already was in love with him. In some kind of way…
Maybe I hadn't realised my love for Jacob because I had been in love so deeply with someone else when I first met him. Maybe I actually loved Jacob from the very beginning.
I realised that I was staring at Jacob and he stared at me with more intention behind his deep chocolate brown eyes. "Bella…" he said softly as he leaned his head towards mine.
Uh oh. This was it. This was the typical lean-in-kiss move. As his lips were about two centimetres away from mine I was still undecided. There was no way I was going to reject him. I would never hurt Jacob that way. And when I thought about it properly I realised that there was no reason to reject him.
My Romeo was gone and he was definitely not coming back. Sure, Alice was here for the time being but she would be gone in a day or two. But my knight in shining armour wasn't coming to wake me from my sleep. So maybe I was stuck with the king's jester instead. Maybe that wasn't so bad. Maybe I was secretly in love with him but I just didn't know it yet.
If I kissed him now maybe it would feel right. It could feel the same as when I hugged him or held his hand… or not.
Who was I kidding? It would feel a lot different to that. It would feel much more intimate than that. But maybe that's what I wanted with Jacob.
His warm lips finally met mine and I felt a roll of excitement and anxiety wash over my body. At first I kept mine still but eventually I gave into his pure, innocent love. I let myself be taken over by the moment. I was kissing him back and I wasn't ashamed of it.
I was right all along. My lips moving against his did felt right. It wasn't the same as Edward's breathtakingly amazing kisses, but it did feel nice. It felt what I imagined kissing a regular human boy would feel like.
Jacob held my face in his hands and ruffled my hair as a sign of passion. His kiss was getting more vigorous. He definitely wasn't holding back, but neither was I.
I wrapped my hands around his waist and brought his body closer to mine. Eventually our innocent kiss grew deeper as Jacob's lips coaxed mine open. I was a war of head versus heart and it was obvious which had triumphed. I leaned into the kiss with more intensity than before. It was as if this had building up for months and months and everything was rushing out in one big, fat hormonal outburst.
But I didn't stop, truthfully I didn't want to. I didn't care that it didn't feel the same as when I was with him. I didn't want it to feel the same. I was sick of feeling cold. During the darkest, coldest time of my life warmth was what I needed, what I craved. Jacob supplied that sense of warmth that I needed so desperately.
Finally but unwillingly I broke away from Jacob's keen lips, although the kiss had been slow we were both out of breath.
We both sat up and leaned against the kitchen cupboard. I curled up into his broad chest. He patted my head, stroking my hair.
I stared up at him in surprise, and he stared back mirroring my expression.
"Jacob…" I started saying, my voice shaky. "I think I … I think I'm in love with you."
"I know, Bella," Jacob spoke softly with a slight smile appearing on his face. "I've been in love with you for a while now."