The Misadventures of Ki-Adi-Mundi
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, it is property of the brain of George Lucas and Lucasarts. If I did, Plo Koon would be speaking, alive, the chosen one, and his groin spawn would be ruling the galaxy by now.
Summary: Ki-Adi-Mundi. Warrior. Jedi. He was one of the greatest masters of his time. His strength and wisdom were the stuff of legends. But it's rather difficult to write a legend about a guy who won't shut up…
Author's notes: You know you want this fic. You know you need it. Give in. Read. Read! READ! …And yes, none of this is representative of how the characters really behave. I am actually quite fond of the series as a whole, but as we all know, in fanfiction, anybody is fair game for being turned into idiots. This story is especially made for people who wished the other council members got more lines. Enjoy! D
-The time of Ki-Adi-Mundi's appointment to the Jedi Council…-
Plo Koon was on his way to the council room for the orientation ceremony of Ki-Adi-Mundi, a cone headed Cerean from Cerea. However, that wasn't what was on his mind at the time. He was thinking of the occasion because his good friend, Micah Giett, was killed and they were choosing Mundi as his replacement.
Poor Giett…he was probably one of the few Jedi who could match the Kel Dor master's sarcastic wits. They had shared many an adventure, their resourcefulness and skills ensuring they came out on top. Micah gave his life in a conflict with the Yinchorri, and Koon once more had to mourn the loss of a good friend. Before, he had lost his former master.
Still, they were one of the Force, and it was the will of the force that Ki-Adi be chosen. He was a decent being ad a good knight, so Koon supposed he'd have to just move on once more.
Little did he know what lay in store for him…
In the council chamber, the diverse and powerful Jedi Council was speaking with Ki-Adi-Mundi. Yoda and Mace Windu, as usual, led the proceedings.
"We appoint you to this council, Ki-Adi-Mundi."
"Always in justice, shall you raise your blade, Master Mundi. Your seat, you may now take," Yoda beckoned in his unusual form of Basic.
Koon nodded in silent approval, as did several of the council members. The Cerean smiled and bowed humbly.
"I thank you for this honour, masters," he started, "But I am but a mere knight. I do not believe I deserve this appointment."
"You have proven yourself an able knight," Windu reasoned, "You are the one best suited to the seat of the late Master Giett."
Koon nodded in agreement once more, hoping that they could get to the meeting. Like the issue of Micah's own padawan learner…
"Thank you, masters," Ki-Adi said once more, "BUT I believe others are better suited to this position than I am! After all, I am but a knight, and no mere knight has ever been on this council!
"There is no shortage of great masters to take that seat, so I beg you to reconsider!" the wordy Cerean implored. Well, this was annoying…
Master Windu shook his head.
"I am afraid the matter has been settled. Our wisdom has decided that YOU are the one best suited."
"But surely there must be SOMEONE-"
"Yes, how about Qui-Gon?" Plo Koon found himself saying a little TOO quickly. An awkward silence filled the room. Qui-Gon was not what they would consider council material. Oppo Rancicis, that hard-assed snake-master, gave his usual rebuttal.
"Now that's, ah a-say-a, that's a-IIIMPOSSIBLE!" the Thispiassian hissed with his peculiar accent behind his fuzzy head, "Weee kaaaynnot, ah say we-a kaaaaynnot, SETASIDE ahr most HALLOWED TRAAADISHIONS! Jinn DEFIIIEEES, ah a-say DEEEFIIIIEEES ahr most HALLOWED TRAAADISHIONS!"
(Author's note: No. You are not imagining things. Master Rancicis is speaking like Foghorn Leghorn)
Mace Windu sighed. This always happened whenever Jinn was discussed.
"Ki-Adi-Mundi, you may be seated. May the Force be with you."
"But Master, I must decline because-"
"JUST TAKE THE SEAT ALREADY!!"
The council collectively gasped and stared. Plo Koon covered his mouth, but having to wear an anti-ox mask, he ended up covering the mask.
He did that? He yelled at the new guy?
Plo Koon cleared his throat and motioned to the empty seat.
"I am certain Master Giett would want it to be this way."
Ki-Adi-Mundi smiled sheepishly and bowed.
"Well, if you insist…"
As he took his seat, Koon couldn't help but wonder if the Cerean was always that wordy, or if he COULD shut up…"
-The Naboo crisis, Qui-Gon's funeral…-
"Always two there are," Yoda mused aloud, "A master and an apprentice. No more…no less."
"But which was destroyed?" Master Windu pondered aloud, "The master or the apprentice?"
Just as the grand masters were about to silently contemplate on this thought, however, a familiar voice interrupted.
"Impossible! The Sith have been extinct for over a millennium!"
The life-time council members turned to master Mundi and began to give their explanations.
"Been through this we have, master Mundi. Trust Obi-Wan we do," asserted Master Yoda. The Cerean nodded in affirmation and was silent…for a few seconds.
"But still, it seems VERY unlikely! I mean, they've been extinct for over a millennium! That's like more than a thousand years! And there are 365 days a year! So that's a lot of days!"
"We can discuss this some other time, master Mundi," Mace Windu suggested with his seemingly infinite patience. For awhile, that was enough, but the Cerean Knight felt the need to voice his utter disbelief…
"Still, I can't help but think that it's not the Sith…I mean, logically, they shouldn't exist, when something is gone for over a thousand years, it's almost certainly extinct, right?"
"Perhaps the mysteries will be revealed as time goes on-"
"But still, it all sounds quite impossible! The Sith-"
"SHUT UP before into the fire I throw you!"
A collective gasp spread throughout the funeral procession. Yoda looked around incredulously, cleared his throat and beckoned the guests to resume mourning.
Meanwhile, in another section of the funeral…
"You will become a Jedi, Anakin. I promise."
-The Separatist Crisis! Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's office…-
"We are keepers of the peace. Not soldiers."
As the meeting adjourned, the Jedi representatives were met with the loyalists. Their numbers were pitifully few…a sign that the Republic was in for some bad times.
Master Yoda went up to Senator Amidala of the Naboo. He had heard, of course, of the latest attempt on her life. It was most fortunate she survived, as she seemed to be one of the few good senators left.
"Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart," Yoda sincerely greeted.
"Thank you, Master Yoda," the senator replied gratefully.
"Do you have any idea who was behind this attack?" she asked directly.
"Our intelligence points to disgruntled spice miners, on the moons of Naboo," Master Windu answered calmly. It wasn't much, but it was the best lead they had so far.
Padmé's eyebrows knitted.
"I don't wish to disagree," she started, meaning she perfectly wished to, "but I think that Count Dooku was behind it."
Ki-Adi-Mundi stepped forth. Ten years had improved his relationship with the council somewhat. They now knew just how opinionated the Cerean was and had learned how to deal with it. Besides, he was a good, honest family man, a wise Jedi and a skilled duelist. They had to respect that.
"He is a political IDEALIST," Ki-Adi replied, accenting on 'idealist', "not a MURDERER."
"You know, milady," Windu reasoned, "Count Dooku was once a Jedi. He wouldn't assassinate anyone…It's not in his character."
"Yes, like we've said, milady, he is a political IDEALIST, not a murderer."
"But he's the leader of the sep-"
"But he's not a MURDERER."
"But the Count wants-"
"He's a political IDEALIST."
"But-"
"A political IDEALIST."
"-he-"
"Not a murderer."
"-would like-"
"NOT. A murderer."
"-to see me-"
"Murderer? No. Political IDEEEAAAALIST. Say it with me."
"DEAD!"
The senator's outburst elicited a moment of awkward silence from everyone. The senators, the Jedi, Palpatine…everyone.
"…Well, I still think he's a political idealist."
-The Battle of Geonosis, in the gladiator coliseum!-
Well, the secret attack on the droid control ship could have gone better. They supposedly deactivated the central computer only for the battle droids to get back up and start blasting again.
It would explain why Master Koon and Master Mundi were being escorted as prisoners into a circle of survivors. The Kel Dorian and Cerean were placed right next to the senator from Naboo as Count Dooku was finishing his speech.
"Surrender," the Count offered, "And your lives will be spared."
"See? I told you he was a political idealist and not a murderer," Ki-Adi whispered smugly to Padmé. "Would a murderer offer a peaceful solution?"
"We will NOT be hostages for you to barter with, Dooku!" master Windu defiantly retorted.
"Then," the Count began heavily, "I'm sorry, old friend."
The battle droids readied their weapons, the blasters clicking and whirring into place. The Jedi raised their sabres in preparation, although Ki-Adi-Mundi was understandably distressed.
"Wait, this can't be right, he's a political IDEEEAAALIST, not a murderer!"
"LOOK!" Padmé cried.
Master Yoda had arrived.
-The Clone Wars have begun! Ki-Adi-Mundi gives his report on General Grievous' dreadful debut!-
"…So then I told them to FOCUS! For we are JEDI!"
"Yes," Even Piell, the short and grumpy Lannik council member interjected, "We've been through that already, Mundi. Get to the point."
"Yes, do, ah say DO get to the POINT, Master, ah say, MASTER Mundi!" Oppo Rancicis (once more in the style of the Foghornian Horned Leg chicken aliens)
The Cerean cleared his throat and Plo Koon sighed. This was another one of THOSE meetings.
"Well, the point is that we may have been exhausted, but when was the last time someone stood up to FIVE JEDI, and HELD H IS OWN? ! This…MUST be dealt with!"
"Technically," Kit Fisto began in his silky deep voice, "He faced a padawan, two masters of good skill, one SEXY knight of great skill, a rather bulky Whipid knight, and a rather unskilled fighter. How was it he died? Had his skull crushed?"
"If you MUST know," master Mundi snorted, "Yes, that was how he died. General Grievous caught him by surprise and he had his sabre in a high stance which, by all accounts, is a good move unless the enemy gets to your face or body before you can. And I would appreciate it if you didn't talk that way about my late SUCCESSOR."
"But you have ANOTHER successor, a COMPETENT one. That Hett boy…what was his name again? A'schaharazade? Raised by Tusken Raiders and all that," master Fisto tactlessly proposed before flashing his pearly whites again. Some council members didn't like that…they found it unsettling. Those…blank…doll eyes…coupled with that creepy smile…it was just…weird…
Ki-Adi-Mundi clenched his fist.
"FOCUS! We are JEDI!"
"Get, ah SAY, GET to th' point, Master, ah a-say MASTER Mundi!" the snake bodied Jedi master urged.
"Well, as I said, this MUST be dealt with!" Ki-Adi-Mundi said, glaring at master Fisto and his green tentacles. "I mean, come on! FIVE Jedi! That's almost like…FIVE JEDI!"
"I agree," Mace Windu added, "This General Grievous is changing the shape of the war!"
It was then that Obi-Wan got up and proposed something which he knew would cause debate: Let his padawan forego the trials and become a Jedi Knight.
"This is, ah a-say this iiiis A-PREPOSTEROUS!" the Thispiassian hissed once more, "Weee kaaaynnot, ah a-say we-a kaaaaynnot, SET AHSIIIDE aaahhhr most HALLOWED TRAAADISHIONS!"
"In this time of need, why do we hold back the chosen one?" the Cerean demanded. The dark skinned Windu narrowed his eyes.
"Whether or not he IS the chosen one is still to be determined!"
"Mmmm……Palpatine's been demanding this for MONTHS now," mumbled Even Piell from behind his horrible scars.
"Politicians have no say in Jedi matters!" Mace quickly asserted.
"But in this time of need, WHY do we hold back the Chosen One? I mean, he's the CHOSEN ONE, and he's like really powerful! WHY do we hold him back? I mean, y'know, he's like STRONG and that would REALLY help us out!"
The council members, by now used to master Mundi's long-winded tendencies, continued debating.
"Well, he IS a cunning warrior, AND our best pilot!" Kit Fisto brought up.
"But he is reckless with his gifts," Adi Gallia reminded with concern.
"But he IS a cunning warrior! AND our best pilot! That means he can fight AND fly! And with the exception of my AWESOME naval battles," Master Fisto said with all humility, "Most of our battles involve fighting OR flying! It's a win-win situation!"
"But he is RECKLESS with his gifts," a frustrated Adi Gallia said through gritted teeth.
"Sometimes in the past, yes," Master Kenobi said, following which he conveniently found loopholes to let Anakin weasel out of the trials.
"It would seem he has but one trial left to face," a horned-faced Zabrak master mused.
"Testing the spirit?" Shaak Ti asked.
"Facing the mirror…" Even Piell corrected ominously.
"But I thought it was testing the spirit?"
"We call it facing the mirror around here."
"That's odd. When I took the trials it was the test of the spirit."
"Well, then your master was a renegade, Shaak Ti. We call it facing the mirror."
Master Rancicis, sitting pretty on his coiled tail, decided to add his opinion.
"And that is what, ah say that is what CONCERNS me! Ta walk, ah say ta WALK the path o' th' JEDI, ya gotta HAVE, that is ya gotta HAVE a STROOONG SPIRIT! That requuiiiiires, ah say REQUIRES discipline! And he has often, ah say OFTEN disobeyed YOU, has he not, ah Master Kenobi?"
The council was silent for a few seconds, trying to discern just what the heck the master just said. Yoda, himself possessing an unusual speaking pattern, gave his response first.
"Did you not disobey me from time to time in your youth, Master Rancicis?"
Master Oppo Rancicis was shushed in all humility at that comment.
Master Yoda 'hmm'd before speaking.
"A just debate this is. But in these times, need all the knights we can. Unorthodox, young Skywalker's career has been. So too will his trials. Trust in the force, I do…a knight he shall be…"
That was it. Yoda had spoken.
"So just so I'm clear," Ki-Adi-Mundi began, "We're not holding back the chosen one anymore?"
"That matter is still up for debate."
-The time of episode 3, Anakin's appointment on the council…-
"You are on this council…but we do not grant you the rank of master."
Anakin's blood boiled. He'd seen more frontline action than any of these old asses! HE should be the one in the midget's seat! Was he not the Chosen one? !
"This…this is an outrage!" he said with quiet anger, "No Knight has been appointed to the council and not been made a master, it's unheard of!
"I'm more powerful than any of you! ESPECIALLY you, and you, and you, and you!" he yelled, pointing his mechanical fingers at Stass Alie (Adi Gallia's cousin), Agen Kolar (who shrank back in shock), Kit Fisto (who simply smiled) and Coleman Kcaj, a Jedi Master with an upside-down head.
Just as Ki-Adi-Mundi made to open his mouth, Anakin was pacing to his seat.
"Uh, Skywalker, actually-"
Anakin sat down into Ki-Adi-Mundi's seat, garbling the hologram of the Jedi Master and now sporting a holographic blue cone head. Ki-Adi-Mundi's next words were jumbled into static.
"I krrrrks a knBRAAAAAP when I was apkrrrrrrrk-"
"It's preposterous! An outrage! Nothing like this has happened before! I mean, what kind of PATHETIC being do you have to be to NOT be made a master upon promotion? ! NOTHING like this has ever happened before! EVER!"
"Well, you ARE a cunning warrior…AND our best pilot!" Kit Fisto replied with his characteristic smile.
"Not now, master Fisto! I've just been insulted!"
"Take a SEAT, Skywalker," Mace Windu cut in, his voice full of authority.
"But I'm already seated."
"YOUR seat."
"Oh."
Anakin got up from Ki-Adi-Mundi, gave one last withering glare, and sat down. Ki-Adi-Mundi cleared his throat, preparing to give his report. He cleared it again a few more times for emphasis and adjusted himself in his seat on Mygeeto before speaking.
"We have surveyed all systems in the Republic but have found no sign of General Grievous. It's like he's not even there…y'know…in the systems. Like there's no sign of him. And we've looked EVERYWHERE. In the Republic, that is."
"Have you tried looking in your mama's house?" Anakin sullenly asked.
Ki-Adi-Mundi paused, as if considering the question, and answered.
"Like I've said, Skywalker. We've surveyed all systems in the Republic but have found no sign of General Grievous."
"Hiding in the Outer Rim, Grievous is. The outlying systems you must sweep."
"We do not have many ships to spare," Obi-Wan commented warily.
"What about the droid attack on the Wookies?" the Cerean asked. That was his next order of business before Skywalker…accosted him.
"It is critical we send an attack group there immediately," Master Windu stated.
"He's right. It's a system we can't afford to lose," Obi-Wan added.
"But what about the droid attack on the Wookies? And the Outer Rim is made up of SEVERAL systems! Which one are you referring to?" Master Mundi asked.
"We ARE talking about the droid attack on the Wookies, you tart!" a cranky Saesee Tiin barked.
"Oh. It's just that you didn't SAY you were, so I assumed we were talking about Grievous."
"Go I will. Good relations with the Wookies I have," Yoda suggested.
"It's settled then. Yoda will take a battalion of clones to reinforce the Wookies on Kashyyk. May the Force be with us all," Master Windu concluded.
"But I thought we were dealing with the droid attack on the Wookies? Where IS this Kashyyk?"
"It's the home planet of the Wookies," Plo Koon sighed behind his gas mask.
"How do YOU know?"
"My MASTER was a Wookie? On the council?"
Ki-Adi-Mundi let out an 'Ah' and promptly ended the council meeting.
-Obi-Wan is sent to Utapau-
"Palpatine thinks General Grievous is on Utapau?" Ki-Adi-Mundi characteristically started the meeting with."
"A partial message was intercepted in a diplomatic packet from the chairman of Utapau."
"That doesn't answer the question. Palpatine thinks General Grievous is on Utapau?" ol' conehead asked once more.
"But…I just said that Palpatine had a possible location. On Utapau."
"Yes, but what does that have to do with a partial message in a diplomatic package? Does Palpatine think General Grievous is on Utapau or not?"
"…Yes. Yes he does."
"Hmm…act on this we must. The capture of General Grievous will end this war. Quickly and decisively we should proceed," Yoda advised.
Skywalker raised his head and spoke up.
"The chancellor has requested…that I lead the campaign."
Mace Windu frowned at Palpatine's meddling and answered.
"The council will make up its own mind on who is to go…not the Chancellor."
"A master is needed, with more experience," Yoda pondered, his clawed three-fingered hand on his chin.
"I concur," said Ki-Adi, "Master Kenobi should go."
"I agree," Yoda nodded.
"Aye," Windu seconded.
"Aye."
"There's no need to say aye, master Mundi, you were the one who proposed that Master Kenobi should go."
"Aye!"
-The Battle of Utapau is joined!-
The figure of Commander Cody materialised in a hologram before the other masters gathered.
"Master Windu, may I interrupt? General Kenobi has made contact with General Grievous, and we have begun our attack."
"Thank you, commander. Anakin, deliver this report to the chancellor. His reaction will give us a clue to his intentions."
Anakin nodded, however begrudgingly, and left the room. Once Cody had left as well, Mace Windu could talk freely with the Jedi gathered there.
"I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi…the dark side of the force surrounds the chancellor."
"If he does not give up his emergency powers after the destruction of Grievous," Ki-Adi mused, "then he should be removed from office."
"The Jedi council would have to take control of the Senate in order to secure a peaceful transition…"
"Once we remove him from office."
"…Yes, Master Mundi. That is correct."
"Provided he does not give up his emergency powers. And that's only after Grievous is defeated. You think Master Kenobi is up to the task?"
"Proposed that he go, you did…" Yoda confusedly stated. Aayla Secura, the midriff showing blue-skinned Twi'lek babe only looked bewildered at this curious behaviour.
"Ah, yes. So I did. Aye!"
"He's already made contact with General Grievous."
"Oh."
Mace Windu sighed and shook his head.
"The Jedi council would have to take control of the Senate in order to secure a peaceful transition. And becoming government is not something we normally do."
"Because we'll be kicking Palpatine out of office? I'm beginning to think he's more MURDERER than POLITICAL IDEALIST…"
"To a dark place this line of thought will carry us…" was Yoda's cautious comment. "Hmm…great care we must take."
"When we remove him from office? But he's just a weak old man! What can he do? Not like he's the Sith Lord, right?"
Mace Windu shook his head.
"Be that as it may, I will take three Jedi to arrest the Chancellor if things don't go as planned. All we can do now is wait until General Grievous is destroyed."
"I concur. Master Kenobi should go."
Aayla Secura arched her eyebrow and spoke.
"You sure you have two brains in your biology?"
"Actually, I have two hearts. Why you ask?"
-Mygeeto! The time of order 66!-
Ki-Adi-Mundi stood beside Commander Bacara, the clone commander he served alongside and had a begrudging respect for. They were before the droid army, about to lead their troops into battle. The rain fell heavily as always.
"C'mon!"
"General Mundi, we need to get our vehicles in position first-"
"C'mon!"
With that rousing 'come on', Ki-Adi-Mundi charged towards the droid army. Commander Bacara sighed and gave a signal, ordering his clone marines into the fray. While they charged, however, he got a transmission from Palpatine.
"Yes, my lord?"
"Commander Bacara. Execute Order 66."
What? He could kill the annoying general he had the misfortune of serving under?
"You're not pulling my leg?"
Palpatine paused at this. Stupid independent clones…
"No. I'm not."
"Because I've REALLY looked forward to that order."
"Just…just execute order 66."
"Copy that."
Master Mundi turned and raised a fist.
"C'mon!"
"Oh, we'll come on alright, Jedi…"
The clones stopped, their weapons cocked, whirring into the active mode. Ki-Adi-Mundi turned, only to be shocked at what he saw.
"Come on?" he asked hopefully.
Commander Bacara and his men fired.
Ki-Adi-Mundi was no more.
((Author's notes: The following gag was from my good friend Jordan. My hat's off to him!))
For good measure, they shot him while he was down a few more times. Curiously, each shot caused his body to utter his last words.
"Co-Come o-Come on! Come on! Come-come-come-come-come-come on-on-on-on-on-on-on-on-on! C-C-C-C-C-C-Come o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-on!"
"Hold on, troopers. I think he's dead."
The clone marines cheered loudly.
End notes: I like Ki-Adi-Mundi. I really do. I just like some of the other Jedi more. XD