He He, ii has been longer than i planed but i have these things up. i am honestly too giddy to write anything remotely serious right now, mostly because a little while ago a new Borders opened up near me and a went there. i ended up broke :( but it was worth it because i got 8 new books:) i have been offline reading them and have finished :( but my birthday is coming soon! any way enough about me being happy and causing you to think i died or something.
this is basically what i write when i am High on life (be it because of books of something else) and I'm proud because this actually has some plot. more on that later.
Disclaimer i do not now nor does it look like i will in the foreseeable future own FMA.
"Hiya!" a strange girl said sticking her face in front of Ed's
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm me!" she shouted giggling hysterically after that "and I know who you are!
"Lot's of people…"
"You are you HA HA I'm me and you are you… that could be a song!" the girl said interrupting Ed.
"Are you on drugs?" Ed asked
"Nope!" the girl nodded her head "I'm on Math!"
"The hell?"
"Wait… that's not right… Math sucks… and blows… wait how can it suck and blow? It defies Nature… wait what was I saying… oh yeah guess what you, I'm high on life!"
"Life?"
"Yup" the girl shook her head "join us!"
"No"
"Come on! We have fun! We hurt things, we blow up friggen buildings!"
"Huh?" Ed asked very confused
"yes sir, we at High on life have two main goals, blow up any junk in our general area, destroy institutionalized hell know as school, eat all the chocolate in the world, make the publics think you are crazy and most importantly recruit new meat!"
"New meat?"
"Yes, you my vertically challenged playmate are the new sacrifice to out god Xilon the muse!"
"Chossum! I get a part!" some random dude shouted causing the girl and Ed to look at him.
"Wait sacrifice?" Ed asked as he looked back at the girl.
"Yes my pretty! To our god the muse Xilon!"
"Huh?"
"Damn you bastard! To our damn god! You will be prey to him forever more you friggen retard!" the girl shouted slapping him.
"That wasn't very nice!" Ed commented
"Oh wait… you is… you is… OMG you is Zonat!"
"Zo what?"
"Zonat you retard!" the girl said grabbing Ed's ear "where have you been bad doggy!"
"What the hell is wrong with you!"
"Shut up Edo"
"Wait… I though I was Zowhatever"
"I said silence monkey boy!"
"What?!"
"God you retard… wait where am I?" the girl said looking around her. "Oh nose! Nuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" the girl screamed and then threw Ed in front of her "take the one with angst! I'm too crazy to die so old!"
"What?"
"Gotcha!" an old woman said grabbing Ed "now come here!"
"Run it's the Monte!" the girl screamed running away
"Wait help me!" Ed shouted
"Now you will get high on life too young Jedi!"
"No I don't like life!" Ed yelled as a yellow man with a text book came closer to him.
"Surrender! Be one of us."
"Nooooooooooooooooo!"
Three days later-
"Hiya Al!" Ed said brightly to Roy bringing his face too close for Roy's comfort.
"Edward what are you doing?" Roy asked as Ed's grin scared him.
"I just found the best thing ever Hughes!"
"Fullmetal?"
"That's a funny name Riza; wait why are you so sad?"
Roy's eye twitched "did Havoc give you drugs?"
"Havoc yes lets!" Ed shouted "we must blow up random junk!"
"Wait what? Are you even listening to me Edward?"
"I'm not Edwhatever, I is me!" Ed giggled "I'm high on life sir" He suddenly said sounding fully serious "isn't it great!" He broke down laughing.
"You need help, and a straight jacket, maybe two, and a padded room" Roy said hand moving to the phone.
"What? No, no sir I do not, I am sane, I am sane in a friggen crazy world, and the world needs the jacket because it gets cold and the room because it is lonely. You need a hug!"
"Get away from me!" Roy shouted as Ed squashed him in a bear hug.
"Don't you like me?" Ed said making puppy dog eyes. "Mommy Winry doesn't like me!" Ed screamed as he ran from the office.
"Wait Ed get back here!" Roy shouted after Riza and her gun convinced him that Ed needed help.
"You came back, I'm sorry" Ed said as he looked at the river.
"Ed?"
"Are you made of meat?" Ed asked Roy
"Uh… why?"
"No reason, but all things meat die, I want you to be a plant." Ed said "and I'll water you and trim you and pick pretty flowers off of you!"
"Uh… that is weird"
"Yup, I agree, but you should know better" Ed said "wandering all alone here, a cat like you is in danger!"
"Cat? I don't even like cats!"
"Damn it you idiot!" Ed shouted and Roy though that he had finally returned to normal. "Come with me," Ed growled dragging Roy with him.
"Where are we going?" Roy asked.
"To Xilon my god"
"I though you were and atheist."
"Duh, of course I am you sausage! Xilon is a muse in so not a human"
"Well I guess but what…"
"Silence, bad banana!" Ed shouted as he dragged Roy. Ed dragged Roy all the way to the other side of town where he dropped him in a heap.
"Did you bring the meat?" a voice asked.
"Nope, I brought a peppercorn!" Ed said giggling again.
"Well, that will do" with that the girl Ed had met before showed up and threw a robot at Roy
"GET HIGH ON FRIGGEN LIFE YOU BASTARD!" the two insane teens shouted as they threw grass at the man.
"What are you two doing?!" Roy screamed as the teens persisted.
"Join us!" they responded.
Over the next few weeks one by one everyone in Central HQ fell victim to those already high on life. Envy watched the now crazed humans fight each other and any sane people unfortunate enough to get close.
"Hah, stupid weak humans" He said to himself as the other Homunculi came up to watch from the rooftop perch as well.
"Yes, my plan has succeeded now there is no one to stop us" Dante said.
"Should we really be this close? Is it safe?" Lust asked while Gluttony just drooled
"Hey look they got that Ishballen dude!" Envy laughed seeing Scar dancing in a tutu.
"We are immune" Dante responded.
"Ya think so huh?" several voices asked from behind.
The seven (Greed was not there) on the roof turned to see the girl, Ed, Scar, and Roy grinning evilly at them.
"When did you…?"
"Mua hahahahahahah!" Ed cackled as they approached (evil Ed laugh yayness!)
"Get high on life you thingies!" Roy yelled.
"What she said" Scar said cracking his knuckles.
"I get the cross-dresser!" the girl squealed.
"No I do!" the others said and soon they all were fighting over who got Envy.
"Who are they talking about?" Envy asked (ha he is clueless!)
"You" Sloth said bluntly.
"Wait this is not how mortal enemies do things." The girl said.
"You are correct" Ed nodded "shall we go for tea?" he asked as he somehow got into a tuxedo and a monocle (ya know that one lens on a chain thing)
"No, we have too much time" Roy stated looking at a banana.
"Shut up all of you go back down there and cause chaos!" Dante shouted at the humans.
They all looked blankly at her for a little while before they looked at each other and shared a mischievous look.
"POPCORN WAR!" the girl yelled "ARM YOURSELVES MEN! TONIGHT WE FIRGHT FOR SPARTA!"
"WHO ATE MY GUN?!?!?" Scar asked as he grabbed the banana from Roy.
"I'm sorry" Roy said to Envy.
"For what?"
"This!" the four humans said giggling as they smashed a pie in his face.
"Hey all you worms help us fight the popcorn thieves from the far under!" Ed shouted from the roof to the crazy people on the ground.
"For popcorn?" Breda asked
"For dippers!" Fury confirmed
"For the monkey!" Havoc shouted dressed up in pot and pan armor waving a spatula as he charged to the building.
"High on life, high on life!" the rest chanted as they followed.
The homunculi and Dante found themselves trapped on the roof surrounded by crazy army personnel and one random girl armed with various things including fruit, silverware, and a rubber chicken.
"Join us!" they chanted acting like brainless zombies (and let's admit it, some times they are very brainless)
"Dante we are immune right?" Pride asked
"Yes, even I am no longer really human, so we barely qualify as alive."
"Hmmmm, good point" Pride said.
"One two three!" Ed counted as the rest heaved a huge wooden walrus up the stairs.
"What are they doing now?" Wrath asked.
"No one knows" Sloth replied.
"Yes we's do" the four original humans said smirking, "Fire" they shouted.
Suddenly the walrus shot a mountain of textbooks at the seven.
Then all the crazy people pulled out a chair and popcorn and watched as the homunculi and Dante became high on life and they laughed at their antics.
Two days later-
Al walked to Central HQ wondering why Ed had not been at the train station to pick him up. When he got there he saw all the Homunculi and Army personal along with Scar and some random girl lying in a heap sleeping and dressed in odd outfits.
"What is going on here?" Al asked
"Hmmm?" Ed groaned sleepily as he pushed his head out from under the pile of people he was buried under. "Hey Al, what happened?" He asked seeing the situation.
"I was going to ask you" Al said helping Ed up.
"I have no clue" Ed said "hmmm."
The plot is... get as many people high on life as possible. in this fic. Al was with Winry for some reason... don't ask. anyway R&R if you do i might just calm down enough to write something of quality again. yes that is a threat.