Dear Abby,
I'm gay! Whew, it just felt like a huge weight was just lifted off my shoulders…. Not really since you are nobody to me and I couldn't possibly tell my big brother and my mom I was gay as easily as I'm writing this letter. What would they think of me? I might as well commit murder or rob a bank! Knowing my mother she would send cheery hallmark cards to my prison cell! Too bad Hallmark doesn't make happy cards for being gay.
Abby, I'm scared. I want them to know but then I don't. I even tried to be straight, dated a couple of guys but I felt trap, uninterested. Then I kissed my first girl and it was amazing. She was amazing. I wished I could have introduced her to my mom or go out with her on a date, and probably fall in love but it never happen. I pushed her away because I wanted to keep her my dirty little secret and she didn't quite fit into it. I'm sick of hiding but I fear being open about my sexuality. What will everybody think? Help!
P.S. I'm never this whiny, either!
In Need of Help,
K.K.
I sat back, battling between whether I should be relieved or afraid. Relieved that I could finally tell my secret to someone or be afraid that by sending this letter somebody I knew could easily find it. I pursed my lips, before once again checking over my shoulder for any nosy residents. But the Palmwood's lobby was as empty and dark as when I came in. I turned back to the computer, with hesitation I moved the mouse over the 'send' key and waited. Waiting for what exactly? I wasn't sure.
"Just do it Katie!" I whispered harshly under my breath. My hands didn't obey at first and then finally after a gulp of air I pressed it. The computer made a soft whooshing sound and the letter was gone. A pop up came on screen telling me that the e-mail had been sent and I cried. At first, only a few tears fell then there was more and more until I finally just sobbed. I sniffled and hurriedly deleted the draft, logged out, and turned off the computer. My hands were shaking the whole time.
'I needed the advice,' I thought, 'I was too scared to get it from someone real.' That was true. I tried so many times to tell someone, to seek their help but I could never get the courage. I saw too many movies to know how gays were treated. I wouldn't be able to take it from my friends and family, they would hate me, make fun of me. Everyone in the hotel would know that Katie Knight was gay and my brother would be disappointed. I couldn't have that. Not Kendall. I wouldn't hurt him, I promised clenching my fists so tight my nails dug into my palms. Wiping tears on my sleeve, I determinedly march to the elevator, to go back up to the apartment of my sleepy family, and pretend that nothing was wrong.
For Kendall.