Beginning Over
Disclaimer: I don't own the usual suspects. Thalia and Kara are my own creations. Any other characters own themselves. Lyrics are used without permission.
I'm in the hospital, Kara's dead. She dead and it's all my fucking fault. She's dead and now they're in there trying to save my child. Something else I did. I never deserved her, she gave me everything. Stephy's here, she never really got close to Kara but she 'feels my pain', suposedly. Bullshit. How can she understand what it feels like to lose your best friend, lover and the mother to your child in one blow. If I hadn't put her in prison this would never have happened. How could she be pregnant? Why didn't she tell me? I loved her, I'd have done anything for her. She left me a letter, I can't read it. I don't want to hear her say how much she hates me. Stephy's taliking to me, I don't want to hear it. Great, she can tell I'm not listening, she's coming over.
"Shane, did you hear me?" she asks
"Sorry Steph I'm not in the mood." I reply.
"Shane, read the letter. You need to." I might not want to listen, but she's right. I pick it up from where I dropped it. Slowly I peel back the paper. I pull out the cheap paper, it's got Kara's neat script on it. Stephy looks at it and leaves me alone.
'Shane,
I love you, I love you so much that it hurts for me to write this. I can't live anymore. I didn't do anything but in here I feel so guilty.
My cellmate punishes me for 'hurting' you. I could never hurt you, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything, especially for not telling you about our baby. I couldn't, I wanted to, but I wanted you to marry me for love, not because I was pregnant. I hope you can understand.
I have no choice but to kill myself, if I don't I will be killed.
When you read this I'll be dead. I'm a selfish bitch. Where ever I go after death, I'll be watching over you.
Just do one thing for me, promise me. Promise me you will leave Marissa, she's no good. I love you.
Kara'
I read it in a rush, not absorbing the weight of the text. Not wanting to remember. I re-read the letter slowly. She's asking me for forgiveness, ever since the day of her trial I've silently been asking for her forgiveness. My phone begins to ring. I look at the ID, Marissa. I answer it, dropping the letter.
"Hello Marissa." I say wearily
"Shane, baby, where are you? You missed our date," she says sickly sweetly.
"Marissa, Kara's dead, I'm at the hospital." I sigh, beginning to slowly realise what's happened.
"Oh, so the bitch's dead, then why are you still there?"
"Marissa, shut your damn mouth." I snap. "She's dead, but as of this moment, my child might not be."
"Shaney, you can't be considering bringing the bastard home, if it does live. We talked about it...."
"MARISSA! That is the last thing I have of Kara's, it's not a bastard. It's something you never wnated to give me. I will raise that child in my home. You will be getting the hell outta my home and you'll never say a single word to me or my kid, ever again." I hung up and threw the phone across the room. Marissa had severely crossed the line and I wasn't going to take it. I watched as the phone hit the wall and shattered. Finally, the tears that had been crying inside for so long came out in a flow of violent sobs. "Kara, I'm so sorry. I love you." I rest my head in my hands. The doctor walks in with Mom and Stephy. I don't acknowledge them but Mom rushes over and hugs me. I can tell she is crying too because her tears are making my shirt wet. I look up at the doctor.
"Mr McMahon," she begins, "as you are aware, your former girlfriend suffered massive bloodloss. She has unfortunately died, however as I'm sure you're aware, she was pregnant. She was much furthur along than she thought, just into her 30th week. We have been able to save the baby. If you'll follow me." Oh God, I'm a father, that was the best news I'd recieved all day. I shakily stood, the doctor led me out of the room to a baby unit. My baby laid in an incubator at the foot a note read Maddox McMahon girl. I had a baby girl, through my tears I smile, she's so beautiful. Mom grabs hold my arm.
"Oh Shane, she's beautiful." she says. "She needs a name."
"What about Larissa Kara Maddox McMahon"
"No, Larissa reminds me of Marissa."
"How about Amanda?".
"Mom, what about Thalia Louise McMahon?"
"It's beautiful." I smile at her, but I don't feel happy. I need to give my daughter everything I can. My little Thalia, so perfect, not realising the chaos she'd been born into. I turn to the doctor.
"May I hold her?" she nods. I approach my baby girl and slowly pick her up. She's so small, she opens her eyes and looks at me. She's got her momma's eyes, my nose and her mothers lips. I'm saddened to look at her, she's so much like Kara that I'll never be able to forget what happened, not that I ever could. Andrew Martin has appeared with Stephy, I look at them. There's wonder in their eyes.
"Stephy, Drew meet Thaila Louise McMahon. My baby girl." They smile at me.
"May I hold her big bro?" I hold Thalia tighter, it must have been obvious. "Sorry, I didn't think."
"Shane O' I miss her too. She left you with the greatest gift ever." I can feel myself begin to cry again. Thalia's huge eyes gaze up at me. I never want to let her go, I trust my sister, friend and mother though. I gently pass her to my sister.
"Thalia, meet your Aunt Steph." I say. Stephanie then passes my daughter to my mother.
"Hey, Mom. Your Granddaughter." Stephy says before hugging me. Drew eventually recieves my daughter.
"Drew would you like to be Thalia's God father?" I ask carefully.
"I'd love to but, why me?"
"You because you are one of my best friends and I know Kara thought so much of you."
"Thanks Shane."
"I want Vicki to be God mother." I say, I've just thought this, I want my daughter home. Mom's holding my new baby, I can see her being a heartbreaker.
Disclaimer: I don't own the usual suspects. Thalia and Kara are my own creations. Any other characters own themselves. Lyrics are used without permission.
I'm in the hospital, Kara's dead. She dead and it's all my fucking fault. She's dead and now they're in there trying to save my child. Something else I did. I never deserved her, she gave me everything. Stephy's here, she never really got close to Kara but she 'feels my pain', suposedly. Bullshit. How can she understand what it feels like to lose your best friend, lover and the mother to your child in one blow. If I hadn't put her in prison this would never have happened. How could she be pregnant? Why didn't she tell me? I loved her, I'd have done anything for her. She left me a letter, I can't read it. I don't want to hear her say how much she hates me. Stephy's taliking to me, I don't want to hear it. Great, she can tell I'm not listening, she's coming over.
"Shane, did you hear me?" she asks
"Sorry Steph I'm not in the mood." I reply.
"Shane, read the letter. You need to." I might not want to listen, but she's right. I pick it up from where I dropped it. Slowly I peel back the paper. I pull out the cheap paper, it's got Kara's neat script on it. Stephy looks at it and leaves me alone.
'Shane,
I love you, I love you so much that it hurts for me to write this. I can't live anymore. I didn't do anything but in here I feel so guilty.
My cellmate punishes me for 'hurting' you. I could never hurt you, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything, especially for not telling you about our baby. I couldn't, I wanted to, but I wanted you to marry me for love, not because I was pregnant. I hope you can understand.
I have no choice but to kill myself, if I don't I will be killed.
When you read this I'll be dead. I'm a selfish bitch. Where ever I go after death, I'll be watching over you.
Just do one thing for me, promise me. Promise me you will leave Marissa, she's no good. I love you.
Kara'
I read it in a rush, not absorbing the weight of the text. Not wanting to remember. I re-read the letter slowly. She's asking me for forgiveness, ever since the day of her trial I've silently been asking for her forgiveness. My phone begins to ring. I look at the ID, Marissa. I answer it, dropping the letter.
"Hello Marissa." I say wearily
"Shane, baby, where are you? You missed our date," she says sickly sweetly.
"Marissa, Kara's dead, I'm at the hospital." I sigh, beginning to slowly realise what's happened.
"Oh, so the bitch's dead, then why are you still there?"
"Marissa, shut your damn mouth." I snap. "She's dead, but as of this moment, my child might not be."
"Shaney, you can't be considering bringing the bastard home, if it does live. We talked about it...."
"MARISSA! That is the last thing I have of Kara's, it's not a bastard. It's something you never wnated to give me. I will raise that child in my home. You will be getting the hell outta my home and you'll never say a single word to me or my kid, ever again." I hung up and threw the phone across the room. Marissa had severely crossed the line and I wasn't going to take it. I watched as the phone hit the wall and shattered. Finally, the tears that had been crying inside for so long came out in a flow of violent sobs. "Kara, I'm so sorry. I love you." I rest my head in my hands. The doctor walks in with Mom and Stephy. I don't acknowledge them but Mom rushes over and hugs me. I can tell she is crying too because her tears are making my shirt wet. I look up at the doctor.
"Mr McMahon," she begins, "as you are aware, your former girlfriend suffered massive bloodloss. She has unfortunately died, however as I'm sure you're aware, she was pregnant. She was much furthur along than she thought, just into her 30th week. We have been able to save the baby. If you'll follow me." Oh God, I'm a father, that was the best news I'd recieved all day. I shakily stood, the doctor led me out of the room to a baby unit. My baby laid in an incubator at the foot a note read Maddox McMahon girl. I had a baby girl, through my tears I smile, she's so beautiful. Mom grabs hold my arm.
"Oh Shane, she's beautiful." she says. "She needs a name."
"What about Larissa Kara Maddox McMahon"
"No, Larissa reminds me of Marissa."
"How about Amanda?".
"Mom, what about Thalia Louise McMahon?"
"It's beautiful." I smile at her, but I don't feel happy. I need to give my daughter everything I can. My little Thalia, so perfect, not realising the chaos she'd been born into. I turn to the doctor.
"May I hold her?" she nods. I approach my baby girl and slowly pick her up. She's so small, she opens her eyes and looks at me. She's got her momma's eyes, my nose and her mothers lips. I'm saddened to look at her, she's so much like Kara that I'll never be able to forget what happened, not that I ever could. Andrew Martin has appeared with Stephy, I look at them. There's wonder in their eyes.
"Stephy, Drew meet Thaila Louise McMahon. My baby girl." They smile at me.
"May I hold her big bro?" I hold Thalia tighter, it must have been obvious. "Sorry, I didn't think."
"Shane O' I miss her too. She left you with the greatest gift ever." I can feel myself begin to cry again. Thalia's huge eyes gaze up at me. I never want to let her go, I trust my sister, friend and mother though. I gently pass her to my sister.
"Thalia, meet your Aunt Steph." I say. Stephanie then passes my daughter to my mother.
"Hey, Mom. Your Granddaughter." Stephy says before hugging me. Drew eventually recieves my daughter.
"Drew would you like to be Thalia's God father?" I ask carefully.
"I'd love to but, why me?"
"You because you are one of my best friends and I know Kara thought so much of you."
"Thanks Shane."
"I want Vicki to be God mother." I say, I've just thought this, I want my daughter home. Mom's holding my new baby, I can see her being a heartbreaker.