This is written as a birthday gift for astraldrop11. Happy, happy birthday and I wish for more bishounen for you!
This is my first time writing a TezuFuji fic and since I'm not that all familiar with this pairing, I did some research and read a few doujinshis. I was a bit… traumatized at how OOC most of them were (and doing things I could never imagine a person could do with a poker face O.O) and I'll do my best to keep this in character.
Also, I've only read one TezuFuji fic in my life, and it was about Tezuka dying, too. Though I'm sure that the plots are pretty different so yes, I'm not sure if something like this exists already. (I sure hope not.)
Special request: I posted this five days early so I could get at least a few people to greet astral-chan on her birthday. So if it isn't much trouble, please take your time and leave a greeting! Thank you so much, minna-san!
Enjoy!
Warning: Mild yaoi implications; character death
All disclaimers apply.
Eulogy
Gone - flitted away,
Taken the stars from the night and the sun
From the day!
Gone, and a cloud in my heart.
- Alfred Tennyson
I
The smile on Fuji Syuusuke's face remained fixed as he entered the room.
Everyone was silent, and the smell of roses filled the air. Soft music was playing, and Fuji chuckled, as he realized that it was Tezuka's favorite composition. He tightened his hold on the bouquet he was holding, and tried hard to keep his smile as a raven-haired woman approached him.
"Sakura-san, it's good to see you," Fuji greeted softly, holding out his hand for her to take. "Are you doing well?" He silently noted her pale complexion and shallow cheeks, but he said nothing in comment.
She took his hand gently, and instead of shaking it, she pulled him to her in a warm embrace. "I'm so happy you could come, Syuusuke-kun."
"Of course, it's my pleasure," Fuji replied, prying her softly away, as he felt that the bouquet was hurting her. He held it out and gave another smile. "For you."
"Thank you." She took it and gestured towards the center of the room. She gave him a knowing smile. "Mitsu has been waiting for you, it seems."
II
"Fuji, double time."
"Haii, haii, buchou," Fuji replied teasingly as he rushed towards the school gate. As soon as he reached the poker-faced senior, he blew on his hands quickly and rubbed them together before stuffing them into his pocket. "Shall we?"
Tezuka said nothing in reply and walked ahead of him. Fuji had to run to keep up with his long strides.
"You're really too tall, Tezuka," Fuji commented, as soon as he caught up. "With your stride, it's hard keeping up with you."
"Hn," Tezuka muttered, glancing a little at Fuji. "You're too short."
A chuckle escaped Fuji's lips. "But you don't have to worry about me getting left behind. I run fast, you know. And I stick like magnet; no matter where you go, I can follow. I'll never be too far." Fuji looked back at the road. After a short pause, he said, "Looks like our match is inevitable, now that you're fully healed, right?"
"It seems so."
"I wish you good luck, Tezuka," Fuji said, opening his eyes. Determination flickered and he grinned. "I'm sure you're going to need it."
"Same here." The barest of smiles came across Tezuka's face, and to Fuji's surprise, Tezuka got hold of his pocketed hand and held it tight. His poker face betrayed an expression of warmth before he looked away and said, "It's cold."
Fuji dug his face deeper into his scarf to hide the blush on his cheeks. "Yes, quite. Thank you."
Tezuka looked ahead and once again, the warmth on his eyes were gone.
III
"It's been long, Mitsu." Fuji smiled as the usual Tezuka-face greeted him. "I missed you. You haven't changed a bit."
As expected, no reply came from the former Seigaku captain.
Fuji leaned closer to look at his face. Smiling, he traced the outlines of his face. "I always told you that you worried too much. Look, you have lines over here…" Fuji ran his finger gently over the space between Tezuka's brow, "… and here, as well. I knew I will always be better looking than you are. Though it's funny because it doesn't matter."
Pain flickered in the tensai's eyes before he looked away. He nervously played with his tie as he tried to keep smiling. His voice became softer until it was barely a whisper. "Funny how you also make me wear the stupidest clothes. You know how much I hate wearing tuxedos. And you always make me do the things I hate. Like eating sweets instead of spicy food, like making me smell roses, like being gone when I wake up the next day, like making me cry…"
He paused silently, before he finally sat down. He brought his hands to his face and the smile he was trying so hard to keep up suddenly shattered.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
IV
"I'm sorry."
Fuji turned to look at Tezuka underneath the towel on his head. He had just finished shower after practice, and Tezuka was keeping his racket in place. He smiled and cocked his head. "Tezuka is apologizing to me? How odd."
Tezuka looked at Fuji. "You were crying."
"Well, yes, I suppose I was," Fuji replied, returning his attention to his damp hair. He wiped it more forcedly this time. "I think anyone would cry, after losing for the first time in his life. Saa, buchou. You really made me feel so much pain." Fuji did a mock sob, and wiped his fake tears exaggeratingly on his towel.
To his surprise, Tezuka was suddenly standing close to him, his head at level. He was holding out a handkerchief towards Fuji and Fuji's eyes widened. He quietly took the handkerchief, without taking his eyes off Tezuka's serious look.
Tezuka gave a small smile, which earned him a wider set of eyes from Fuji, before he turned back onto his rackets.
After a long pause, Fuji said, "I was joking, Tezuka."
"I know."
"Then why…?"
"Don't ever cry again."
Fuji stared into Tezuka's face, trying to see if he was joking.
Then he remembered that it was Tezuka, and Tezuka never, ever joked.
V
"Mitsu always talked about you, Syuusuke-kun."
Fuji looked up and saw that Sakura was watching him with a sad look on her eyes. "May I?" she asked, gesturing towards the seat next to Fuji. Fuji didn't reply, and she took the seat, placing her hands primly on her lap.
"He would always mention you at the oddest of times, like when we were doing the dishes together. He once said, 'Syuusuke hates citrus dishwashing soap,' and I would laugh because he had been so out of the blue. Then, he would do his usual expression, crunch up his eyebrows and frown, saying, 'Well, he does,' and he'd go back to his work silently." Sakura gave a small laugh.
Fuji nodded. "We've been together for so long, I guess he's used to my quirks. I hope he didn't accidentally adapt them. That would've troubled you a lot." He smiled. "He talks about you a lot, too, Sakura-san."
Sakura placed her hands on one of Fuji's, and she gave him an encouraging smile. "You two have always been inseparable, and I know how hard it is to say goodbye. I'm happy that you came here, Syuusuke-kun. I thought…"
"It wouldn't have happened otherwise, believe me," Fuji replied confidently. "Mitsu will always be…"
Fuji paused, thinking of the right words. He smiled.
"… my best friend."
VI
"Tezuka, would you mind helping me with my stuff?"
Tezuka looked surprised as Fuji turned up in front of his dorm room. He glanced at the key in Fuji's hand and sighed before complying. He took the biggest bag and silently walked it inside.
"You really did it."
"Of course!" Fuji announced. "When I said that I was going to follow you, I meant it. And it's lucky that we get to be roommates, ne, Tezuka?" Fuji carried another one of his bags and followed Tezuka as he brought it in.
"It can't be helped."
"Yes, it can't," Fuji assured him happily. "So we're stuck together, whether you prefer it or not."
Tezuka didn't reply and just continued on helping Fuji.
"Say, Tezuka…"
"Mitsu."
Fuji looked at Tezuka with wide eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"Mitsu," Tezuka repeated. He scratched his chin in an almost bashful manner, a manner that Fuji never knew existed in Tezuka's system of emotions, before he turned around to get another one of Fuji's bags. He cleared his throat and Fuji realized that he'd been standing in the middle of the room, dumbfounded.
"Ah, sorry. I was spacing out."
Tezuka smiled, and Fuji could feel goose bumps on his skin. It was junior high since he last saw that smile, and he felt his pulse race.
"It's fine, Syuusuke."
And he turned his back onto Fuji again, maybe because he didn't want him to see another one of his rare expressions.
At that moment, Fuji didn't mind.
VII
Sakura stood up and straightened her black dress. She gave Fuji one last smile.
"If it won't trouble you, I'd like you to be one of the speakers, Syuusuke-kun. It doesn't have to be formal or anything, I'm sure Mitsu wouldn't like something like that. It can be of any topic about Mitsu you wish to talk about and I—"
"I'd love to, Sakura-san."
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
As soon as Sakura walked away, Fuji looked back at Tezuka and smiled. "You have such a lovely wife, Mitsu. I'm kind of jealous. And guilty. I feel like I've stolen you from her. It's because you don't tell her what you feel, and you keep spending your time... with me. I always thought it would be better if you spent your free time at home."
Fuji cradled his chin in one of his hands.
"Then again, it's not like I regret anything."
VIII
"Tezuka… Tezuka… it's time to go home."
Fuji tried to pull off the sheets covering Tezuka's face, and it revealed Tezuka, his eyes open. For a second, he discovered that he had stopped breathing. Looking at Tezuka's cold, hard face, and realizing that he was the only one who was able to see through that still filled Fuji with disbelief.
Recovering, Fuji pouted, "If you were awake, you should've just said so. Now go clean yourself up, Sakura-san must be waiting for you. It's almost midnight. I can't believe you almost slept over again."
Tezuka sat up on the bed and looked at Fuji, his eyes becoming gentle. Fuji suddenly felt scared, and he was tempted to hide under his blanket. But the stare somehow made him immobile. He reached out to caress Fuji's cheeks. "Just a little more."
Fuji held Tezuka's hand and smiled. He closed his eyes and brought the palm to his lips. Before he could kiss it, Tezuka had grabbed his face and was kissing him fervently against the mattress.
For the second time that night.
IX
Fuji looked over the hundreds of people who came.
He could see familiar faces; Oishi, Inui, Kawamura, Eiji, Kaidoh and Momoshiro were there. Each of them had their new lives, but somehow, they all seemed to be familiar, no one had changed. He smiled as he saw Oishi fussing over Eiji, trying to make him quiet as the redhead kept crying, Inui had his mischievous, knowing glint in his glasses, Kawamura was trying hard not to cry, Kaidoh and Momoshiro, who were ignoring each other earlier, were now comforting each other. There was also Ryoma, Tezuka's new 'pillar', all grown up, with his hand tightly wounded with Sakuno's, as he tried to seek his own comfort. In his arms, he held a small boy with a Fila cap on.
He began to speak. Fuji didn't know what he was saying. Whether he was repeating what words the previous speaker was saying or if he even made any sense at all – he had no idea. He searched the faces of his audience – nobody seemed surprised. Just… sad. He kept on talking, talking, talking…
And he was laughing. God knows what he was laughing about. Nobody laughs at eulogies. He looked at everyone. Nobody else seemed to be sharing in his sick source of mirth. But he couldn't stop – he found everything so silly. Talking about someone who wasn't going to hear, to reply.
He stopped. Nobody moved. It was as if time stood frozen on the spot.
It sank in.
"Mitsu… is gone." And he stared into space, his blue eyes wide with surprise. "He won't come back. Not anymore."
There was a long pause.
He looked at Sakura, and he wondered if he would just come clean. His emotions were threatening to take control of him and he held onto the podium for support.
"I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see Mitsu. Not like that. He didn't even say goodbye. But still, I'm happy. Because he left the people he cared for really happy. His wife, Sakura-san. His teammates. His family. Me."
His voice broke but he held on tighter His knuckles were white, and they were shaking. With grief? He didn't know.
"The truth is… I… I'm really… Mitsu is my…"
For the first time since he lost to Tezuka, Fuji began crying. It wasn't a noisy cry; the tears fell quietly as he stood there. He smiled and looked at everyone, his blue eyes shining with tears.
"Mitsu will always be the most important person in my life."
X
"Good bye," Fuji said, smiling. He patted Tezuka's suit straight and looked up at him. "You didn't really have to see me away. You still have that important conference, right?"
Tezuka said nothing.
Fuji had recently received an invitation for a photography workshop on France. It would take him six months to finish the supplementary course, and he knew that it was an opportunity he had to grab, if he wanted to become a professional.
"Well, I won't be too long. France isn't on another planet. The six months would be over before we realize it." Fuji grabbed his bags and gave one last smile. "I don't want to risk missing my flight. Take care, Mitsu. See you in January."
Fuji turned around, ready to leave, but he stopped as he felt Tezuka's arms around him. He smiled. "I have to go."
"I know."
Fuji laughed. "I can't, with you clinging to me like that."
"I'm sorry."
Fuji turned around, and his eyes widened as he saw Tezuka. He was crying. Fuji had to blink twice to make sure. "M-Mitsu! Are… Are those tears?" He pointed stupidly at Tezuka's face, slapping himself inwardly for such an immature reaction. Quickly, he composed himself and laughed nervously.
Tezuka took out his own handkerchief and wiped his face. "I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't," Fuji said, smiling gently. "I won't be long. I promise."
"Take care."
"You, too, Mitsu."
The week after, Tezuka was involved in a car accident.
XI
Fuji was the only one left on the site.
He took something white out of his pants pocket and squatted before the site, dangling the piece of cloth in front of the small shrine.
"I never really thanked you for this, did I?" Fuji asked. He placed the folded handkerchief onto the stone and looked back at the chiseled letters.
Kunimitsu Tezuka
And Fuji stood up, burying his cold hands into his now empty pockets.
No one would hold his hand, but it was okay.
The memory of it stayed, anyway.
Fin.
This is a birthday present, but the theme of the story is death. ;o; Sorry, I find it easier to write sad themes for BL stories… wah, I hope you, erm, enjoyed this, at least. Also, I decided to separate the sections since my thoughts were all in a muddle and without the separators, I would risk mixing it all up incomprehensibly.
Again, happy birthday to astraldrop11! If you review, don't forget to leave her a greeting, ne? :)
Beautiful Taboo