Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. Come on, it's fanfiction, which obviously implies that in no way I own the characters.
Warning: Incredible stupidity. I'm not even joking.
Author's Note: I think I've lost my mind, but it's not in the lost and found bin. But this idea was just too crazy to ignore. (Anyhow, this is part of a new series I'm starting called Logic In Pieces... or LIP, if you will. Incredible stupidity from none other than L!)
That's What She Said
"L, don't you realize there's a world outside this building?" Light asked, referring to the tall building L had insisted on, well, building.
"It's more important to work on the Kira case," L reasoned, sucking on a lollipop nosily.
"Well, isn't that a shame," muttered Light sarcastically, shifting in his computer chair to look back at his laptop. L's eyes followed him carefully. "What exactly is a shame, Light?"
Light nearly snorted as he thought to himself, Doesn't this man know sarcasm? However, being the opportunity snatcher he is, he replied with a simple, "A new McDonald's just opened up a few blocks away."
"Oh, has it?" L asked, sounding uninterested. Matsuda stumbled into the room, two cups of coffee in hand.
"Here's your drinks!" he happily chirped, placing the warm mugs in front of the teenager and man.
"Thank you, Matsuda," Light said with a smile. He turned his attention back to L as Matsuda sat on the nearby couch and picked up a stack of papers - that were supposed to be read and analyzed about three days ago.
"Anyway." Light paused to clear his throat, then continued, "I've been reading some reviews of McDonald's online, and a lot of them say that they have good milkshakes."
"McDonald's!?" Matsuda gasped and dropped the papers onto the floor, causing them to fly every which way. "They give people heart attacks!"
"Brilliant deduction, Matsuda," L responded, sarcasm lacing his voice.
"Thanks, L, I mean, Ryuzaki!" Matsuda bowed. Suddenly, his eyes widened even further. "Perhaps McDonald's is related to Kira!"
L suddenly stood up and commanded, "Matsuda, I want you to pick up those papers, read them, and file them into their appropriate spots. Light and I are going out for a stroll. We'll be back in a while."
"Okay, Ryuzaki! Have fun!" Matsuda cheered. L and Light nearly ran toward the door.
"I will go there only for the milkshake," said L, determined. "Nothing else."
"Fine, fine," Light responded with a shrug. "Suit yourself. I'm getting a salad. I'll pay."
"Alright, then," L replied, shuffling inside the fast food restaurant. Miraculously, there wasn't a long line of people waiting to order their heart-attack-on-a-bun and artery-clogging-fries special. L hurried toward the counter, Light being dragged on the chain behind him.
The employee eyed the pair with an odd, curious look, which seemed only to affect Light.
"Welcome to McDonald's! How may I help you?" chirped the underpaid worker.
"I want a grilled chicken salad and a coke, and a chocolate shake for my buddy here," Light said, motioning politely toward L.
"How big do you want your drink, sir?" asked the worker.
Light said nonchalantly, "I'd like a large."
Light's jaw nearly dropped to the floor when he heard L murmur, "That's what she said."