The Other Side

We are easily outnumbered and overpowered and I give up struggling against the many arms that unceremoniously throw us both into the large but empty shipping container. Ray, on the other hand never stops kicking and shouting, not even when the huge metal doors are slammed shut and we are plunged into inky blackness. I retreat to the back of the wagon and sit down as Ray's continued punches rain on the door and resound around the walls.

"Ray!" I yell over the din and he swings round peering into the gloom. "Give it a rest. They're not going to let us out and there's no one else around," I tell him. "Save your breath."

"What?"

He hasn't yet realised what I had the minute we were encased.

"Calm down and slow your breathing," I tell him, my eyes adjusting slowly to the darkness. He looks at me quizzically and then wheels round sharply to hammer one last blow in frustration, still unaware of our very grave situation.

"We've got to get out of here," he shouts wildly. "No one knows we're here. Maintain radio silence Cowley said. An Operation Susie." He pauses for a moment. "Why the hell are you so calm?"

"Because I don't want to use up your share of the air like you are using up mine," My tone is even and low and my words stop him in his tracks. He is completely still and all I can see is a flicker of his eyes as the awful realisation finally hits home.

"Yes, mate, these things are airtight." I give confirmation to his unspoken question. "So sit down and stay calm."

For a few seconds I don't think he has heard me but then numb, he stumbles towards the adjacent wall and slides his back down it to slowly seat himself. I lean my head back and close my eyes, taking the opportunity the ensuing silence brings to focus on my own breathing. When I open them again and glance over to Ray he is motionless, his head bowed, elbows resting on his knees.

"You alright?"

"How long do you think we've got?"

"I don't know mate, a few hours. Longer if we keep still and calm."

"What does it matter if we're going to die anyway."

"Because," I tell him softly "I want to live as long as possible."

When he speaks again Ray's tone is apologetic. "No one knows we're here,"he repeats and it's a statement he's making to himself as if to confirm the position he finds himself in but I answer anyway.

"No. I managed to press the tracker switch in the car but that's all they'll find eventually. The car. No one will know we've been taken miles away to a disused dockyard."

"Yeah, but if they'd have wanted us dead they'd have killed us both instead of throwing us in here," Ray reasons. "They'll come back for us. They have to."

When I don't respond my silence tells him I don't share his view and we fall silent for a long time each alone with our thoughts, trying to come to terms with what's happened and what is to come. I don't know how Ray's going to cope. He's volatile and given to emotion whereas I am better at handling my feelings. This situation however is something neither of us has ever come close to experiencing. Usually death approaches us in the form of a bullet, something instant and final and we'd have not known much about it but this is altogether different. His voice breaks through my concerns and it seems our thoughts have collided.

"I didn't think my life would end like this."

"No?"

"I thought I'd be shot. I thought it would only be a matter of time before the next bullet had my name on it."

"Shame they took our guns off us then." I tell him. "I could have put you out of your misery!"

My banter elicits nothing from him and we lapse into another long period of silence.

"We're in trouble aren't we?" Ray says eventually and there is a frightened edge to his voice.

"Yeah,mate, we are. Big trouble."

I hear him draw in a long breath and then swallow hard before he stretches himself out to lie on the floor and I find myself copying him. We lie in silence like a pair of sardines in a can except that this can is not going to be opened. Ray is so still and quiet that I wonder if he has fallen asleep. Like me, he's always had the knack of being able to sleep anywhere but whether he has or not I sense he needs my silence and I give it to him as I have my own thoughts to process.

A couple of hours later Ray stirs. "Its been pretty good us two working together hasn't it?" Ray says presently, as we sit stretched out on the floor opposite each other and he kicks my foot gently.

"Your're not going to start getting soppy on me are you?"

When he doesn't reply I am instantly regretful of my words. He's been my partner and friend for five years and the only one to come even close to understanding me.

"Yeah mate, it has." I tell him softly Wouldn't have wanted anyone else, not that I always felt like that."

"No?" he sounds mildly surprised.

"No. When I knew I was going to be partnered with a cop I wasn't too happy."

"Ex-cop." he corrects me.

"Same thing. I was jumping around from job to job-Army, Marines,S.A.S, never really settling or being comfortable in them. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it- well most of it but…. I don't know. CI5 came along just at the right time though to be honest I didn't expect it to be any better but it suits me. I didn't know it at the time but Cowley obviously did. You've been good for me too, your're what I needed…made me a better person, smoothed off my rough edges."

"Yeah, I'm still working on them!" We share a laugh and then he says "Before we were partnered you were the talk of the canteen. I don't think many people wanted to work with you. You seemed to have a reputation that I didn't know about. When I found out it was to be me I was a bit ….scared. No, scared's not the right word. Maybe I was in awe of you, I mean you'd been to all these places,done all these things. Me? I'd never been out of London, I was just a copper. I felt a bit weak, soft, like I had a lot to prove."

"Mate, you had nothing to prove,"I tell him, surprised by this admission. "You'd risen up the police ranks in record time, you were streetwise, had contacts. You definitely weren't weak or soft. Or if you were soft then it was in all the right places and at all the right times. There's been many a time that's come in useful. No. Cowley knew what he was doing putting us together, it was us two that didn't at the time."

"Do you think he'll miss us?"

"Cowley?"

"Yeah."

"Nah. Be glad to see the back of us. I think we got up his nose at times." I laugh.

"And he got up ours."

"True, but he's the best man I ever worked for."

"Yeah, me too." Ray agrees.

"I bet it's him that finds us. All that will remain is your mop of curly hair!"

"And beside it your ridiculously long eye lashes!" We start giggling and both realise that there is an air of hysteria to the sound, borne of the stress we are under.

In the distance I hear the faint sound of an emergency vehicle and there is a sudden scratching sound to the roof of the container. Ray is on his feet in an instant believing rescue is close at hand. He is still clinging to the vain hope that we will be found whereas I have long since accepted that we will not.

"Hey, hey, in here!"

The scratching noise stops and the sound of the emergency vehicle drifts into the distance before disappearing altogether. We hear a couple of seagulls bickering overhead and Ray realises it is them he has heard on the roof. He stands quietly in the corner for a moment and I'm conscious of how hard he is breathing after such little exertion and how hot it is getting in here.

Ray sits back down again and we are quiet for there doesn't seem much to say.

The cold hard floor is numbing my backside and I force myself with effort to my feet. Walking slowly to the front of the shipping container I lean my forehead against the cold of the door. Ray's right. What's the point of conserving what little air there is if we are going to die. Its just prolonging the inevitable, dragging out the slow torture. I want it over now. I start to feel my heart rate increase as sweat prickles at my brow and I'm suddenly very hot. My mouth is dry and I can't seem to catch my breath. I recognise it as panic, something I've witnessed in other people but I've always concentrated my mind to the task in hand so that it has never affected me. Until now, and that fact alone only adds to the rising feeling of teetering on the brink of being out of control. No matter what I try to think of to allay it my heart refuses to listen and it pounds in my chest and in my ears…and I can't get enough air….and I don't want to die…. not here….not now…..I've got to get out…no air…

"Bodie?" I am unaware that Ray has come to stand beside me until he touches my arm. "Mate?"

Gasping I turn to look at him and can see its not just me I've frightened but dispite this he has calmly taken in the situation.

"Breathe, just breathe." He says slowly and forces himself to smile as his eyes glint in the half light. Its all I need to begin to bring myself back under the usual strict control I place upon myself. We sit back down opposite each other again as the sweat dries cold on my skin.

"Better?" Ray asks but I can't answer him yet, my mouth is still dry and its several more minutes before I stop trembling and fully regain my lost composure.

"Shit." I utter eventually, berating myself for this unexpected loss of self control.

"Don't worry about …..it." He tries to catch his breath in the thinning air." Besides, its confirmed something for me... that I've often wondered…about."

"What's that?"I ask.

"That you are human after all!"

I kick his foot gently in retaliation. I can't help but be, as I always am, so incredibly proud of sound of our voices, I realise, is a soothing distraction from our downward spiralling thoughts and just as I am about to speak Ray seems to have sensed this too.

"I hope someone …..waters my plants." he says, a humourous tone to his voice.

"I hope no one goes to ….my flat." I tell him. I've got four days worth of …..washing up in the sink and rubbish….. waiting to be taken out to the bins!" I'm suddenly aware of the effort it is taking to speak without struggling for breath but hide this from Ray. "And don't get me started on how much …ironing there is!"

"Bodie!"

"I know. Keep meaning to get …..a cleaner in don't I? Never get round to it."

"I thought you sweet talked…. your girlfriends to help out."

"Yeah, but they draw the line…. at dealing with my stinky socks."

"I don't …..blame them."

There's a moment of quiet before Ray says meaningfully "I'm glad you're here" and I realise he's noticed our air supply is starting to dwindle. He suddenly appears bereft of all hope and I see the wetness of tears on his cheeks as he moves his head.

"Me too…..glad you're here, I mean." I feel the need to be beside him and shuffle slowly across the floor panting heavily with the exertion to sit leaning reassuringly against him. I have a headache the likes of which I have never known.

"So", Rays says softly, "Its off to Heaven, to the other side….. The other side of life."

"For you maybe," I reply. "I've done too many things…in my line of work…that I'm not proud of."

"But you didn't want to do them?"

"No….. it was a necessary evil."

"And you ….regret it?"

"'Course I do."

"Then you'll go to the other side….too."

"And be stuck with you again?…no thanks!"

We are beyond being able to laugh now, it is too much effort. Instead Ray snorts softly and leans harder against me for a second.

"Have…. they got…. girls up there." I ask.

"What?"

"Girls… in Heaven."

"No, mate."

"Then I'm definetly not going!"

Ray tries to laugh. "They've ….. got angels."

"Angels?"

"Yep."

"Mmmm!"

"Don't….even think about….it! You'd be …thrown out.!"

"You always …..did…. spoil my fun."

It is getting increasingly difficult to draw in enough breath to speak and so, unconsciously, we both stop talking which only adds to our distress. We both want this over yet the instinct to live is still so overwhelming. The lack of air is also affecting my ability to think straight. For a moment I can't even recall where we are or what we are doing here but strangely I don't feel frightened by my mental confusion. Fear has been replaced by a serene acceptance of our fate. I am ready to die, there is no fight left in me now and I know we haven't got long left.

"Love….you." Ray's voice is but the merest whisper and even that has taken a supreme effort. His last dying words touch the very heart of me. I pull in the deepest breath I can from some of the last dregs of stale air as I need him to hear my words.

"…too….mate." Its all I can manage. It seems to take me forever to summon the energy to seek out his hand and thread my fingers through his. There is the lightest squeeze from them and I reciprocate and then we wait. Death hovers close ready to take us from this living hell.

I am vaguely aware of the faintest pressure from the hand that has lain still in mine and I think that Ray is letting me know that he's still there, still alive, until I feel the fingers loosen from my fragile grasp. There is the sound of a short exhaled breath before his head drops lightly against mine. He has gone. Within seconds life leaves me too and I slip silently away to join him….on the other side.