Disclaimer- I do not own Glee or anything in relation to the show. Original characters and future situations are my own. Everything in the past seasons have happened, this is just an angsty future one-shot. I hope this isn't too out of character. And if you haven't give Good in Goodbye by Carrie Underwood a listen to. Enjoy!
Good in Goodbye
I heard you laughing in a crowd outside a restaurant we used to go to
I caught a glimpse that stopped me in my tracks
It took me back
You looked happy with that little girl up on your shoulders, happy
I know where she got those crystal eyes of blue
Time's been sweet to you
It was July. Her first time back in Lima since it happened all those years ago. Yes, there were phone calls and emails and letters here and there through the years to catch up, but nothing ever started again. Apparently destiny or fate or whatever wasn't in their favor. They just weren't meant to be. If anyone told Rachel Berry that Santana Lopez would be the one to get her to go back home, she would have thought it was the apocalypse. Of course their senior year in Glee they had become sort of friends, but after living together for four years they formed this bond, one Rachel now believes is stronger than she has ever had with anyone else. Quinn came up with Puck every so often but that was always to see her show, maybe grab a bite to eat and to meet a boyfriend or whatever, but they always left. Kurt moved to the city two years after graduation. He started going to F.I.T and took Master Classes on the side. However he was always fragile around her, never wanting to mention his brother or home or anything that has to do with Glee and the happiness it brought them. She was fine though; after all these years she could honestly ask "How's Finn?" without her heart breaking, but that didn't mean she ever did. Plus, she always thinks he resented her a little bit for making it into NYADA after choking her audition and him nailing his, and frankly, she kind of resented herself too. Tina moved to Chicago with Mike and although they barely talk, Rachel knows about her beautiful children and is godmother to little Alvin Chang. She knows Mercedes and Sam broke up right after he moved to L.A. But, still best friends, he plays the guitar for the Grammy nominated songstress. Thinking about her closest friends' accomplishments, she puts in her Ipod Playlist of all things Glee as she stepped on the train she still gets chills from. Listening to Mercedes' grammy-nominated single, Valerie and any duet she sang with the boy who broke her heart. She thinks she is stronger now. She can do this.
The only reason she's coming back is because Mr. Shue is having a ten-year reunion from when they won Nationals and summer is the only time everyone was available. Her dad's usually come up this time of year to see shows and walk around the city and to see why their daughter never comes home, but damn Santana and her lawyer skills for persuading her to go back home this year. It isn't that the memories hurt too much when she knows she'll inevitably pass Burt's (now closed) tire shop, or that she will tear up when she stands on that auditorium stage. She knows that will happen, but that's not why she doesn't want to be (now) fifty three minutes away from Lima. She swore to herself (and Finn) that after graduation she was going to New York and never coming back, and if there was one promise the two of them can keep, it's that one. Except now, because of Santana's damn, well-deserved NYU Law degree, that promise is broken.
She was lucky though, the only marriage she missed was Mr. Shue's and Ms. Pillsbury, (and another one but she wasn't even invited to that one). Rachel knew she should have gone but it was only four months after everything happened and Will understood, however that didn't stop Santana from making Rachel feel guilty about this, saying that since she didn't go to the wedding the least she could do was go to his reunion he was so excited for. Of course she couldn't say no.
Rachel fell asleep the last half hour of the train and was awoken by Santana and Britney being in love. She was happy for her friends. After Britney finally graduated- she surprised Santana in the city, along with her acceptance letter to Adelphi University on Long Island on a dance scholarship.
For the longest time Rachel resented the couple, wishing the same would happen for her until she realized it wouldn't. It wasn't an epiphany or some startling revelation. In fact, she always knew it wouldn't happen, but on the day Santana and Britney said "I Do" and moved out of the cardboard box apartment she believed she would share with someone else, it hit her that she was really alone. She cried herself to sleep that night, and every night after for a month. Every morning she would wake up and go to rehearsal, and avoid Kurt and Santana. One morning, was extremely bad and she had to call in sick. She hated doing that but this was bad, and all she wanted was a big set of arms to hold her the way they did when she choked on her audition ten years ago, but they weren't there and that made her cry even more. And then, Santana stormed in her room after a month of being ignored (using the key she never returned) and saw her best friend crying, holding on to a McKinley High School football jersey. At first, she planned on screaming and going all Lima Heights on Ms. Rachel Barbra Berry, but seeing her best friend like this changed her mind. They had too many fights about this before.
"I know. I'm pathetic. It's been four years since graduation and I can't let go. I tell everyone I'm fine but I'm still heartbroken and I still cry and I'm going to die alone because every man you set me up on is not Finn Hudson." Rachel mumbled and yelled into the number five jersey.
Santana, dejected, had a letter in her and as she sat down and stroked her best friends hair she told her"First of all, you are not going to die alone. You have me and Brit and Kurt and Blaine and The Chang's and everyone else who loves you, but more importantly Finn didn't want this. I know I've said this a million times but it's true. It's still hard on the both of you- but calling in sick when you just landed your first lead on Broadway is not why he wanted you to surrender." And with that she placed the letter on her pillow, kissed her best friends forehead and left, locking the door behind her.
Rachel knew that it was only a matter of time before this got back to Kurt but she wiped her eyes and looked at her pillow and saw a letter. A letter from Finn Hudson. Except it wasn't to her, it was addressed to Santana Lopez and was already opened. She knew it was a felony to read another person's mail and she was not in the mood to be arrested. But then she realized, it was left for her to read, and that no one was around her to arrest her. So, she read it and let the last few tears she would ever cry about Finn Hudson fall. Reading the last paragraph "let her know I'm happy for her, and knew she could always do this. It's why I did what I did. You know San, I'll love her forever- but it's your turn to take care of her and to love her and I know you'll do it better than I ever did (even though she's not into girls, at least I don't think so ). See you soon. With love, Finn". And with that, she smiled. She would be the best damn Eva Evita has ever seen on the stage and when Kurt texts her "hey" two hours later, she responds with "I'm okay" and before she closes her phone she sends a mass message of "I love you" to her friends. And with that, Rachel Berry got out of bed, showered and called her director and went into work.
She was awoken from her memory when Britney asked what was first on the itinerary Mr. Shue sent them. Santana told her wife and best friend everyone was meeting at Breadstix in half an hour, giving them enough time to drop their bags off at home and go straight to the restaurant they spent so much time at when they were younger, it was clear how excited Santana was.
So, Rachel said hi to her dad's and told them where she was going and she won't be home too late, then realized how she is twenty-seven years old and does not need a curfew, nor tell her father's where she was going or who she was with- and they agreed, shaking their heads and laughing at their daughter. She missed this place, she really did. She drove to pick up Santana and Britney at Britney's house since Santana's parent's moved, leaving behind their Abuela after everything that happened.
"Nervous Berry?" Santana asked as she got in Shotgun.
"No." Rachel replied, her voice catching in her throat.
"Bullshit". Britney said from the backseat, and the three of them laughed, Santana and Britney a lot more than Rachel, but the rest of the car ride was silent.
They got to Breadstix ten minutes after they were supposed to, and everyone was waiting outside for them. Little Alvin ran from Tina's hand straight to Rachel's arms when she got out of the car and as she lifted him up the world around her went silent. She looked up and stared right into Finn's eyes and then saw the tiny hands holding onto his and as her eyes traveled up to see the beautiful baby girl sitting on his shoulders, laughing at something Finn did, her eyes began to water and her breath caught in her throat.
Santana rubbed her back and went to see Mr. Shue with Britney. Regaining focus, she mouthed "hey" to her former fiancé and saw his lips form "hey Rach" she smiled and took Alvin back to his mom and noticed the woman standing next to him, with perfect strawberry blonde hair and the cutest style and just so damn perfect, smiling politely at Quinn and Puck's shenanigans, holding on to Finn's arm. So, she walked over to the couples and stuck out her hand, took a deep breath and said
"Hello, I'm Rachel Berry."
As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you're holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you'll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah, sometimes, there's good in goodbye
He smiled at her. It felt like forever since she's seen that smile; in real life, not pictures, her memory or dreams. And she smiled back. It was an expression she believes will always be saved for each other, and was confirmed when his eyes followed back to his wife. His smile changed. It wasn't worst or better or less loving or even more loving, it was just different. With a head nod from Finn, his wife took her hand and laughed.
"So you're the infamous Rachel Berry. Glad to meet you, finally!" She said with a chuckle. "I'm Kim, Finn's wife." It wasn't said maliciously or rudely or like she was marking her territory, not like she had anything to mark. They were older now, more mature. Nothing was going to happen, especially now that he has a daughter. She was sweet, and Rachel wanted to hate her for that.
Puck went over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, followed by a hug from Quinn. The conversation continued, but Rachel was oblivious from it. She excused herself when Puck started talking about Quinn's most recent bizarre pregnancy craving- she's heard this story about five times and needs to see Santana. Earning a small smile from Quinn and a wink from Puck, ignoring the small smile from the Hudson's she turned around to bump into Mr. Shue.
"Rachel! Oh my God. I am so happy you could make it." He said while pulling her into a hug. "Our table's ready so I'm going to gather everyone up. He said it so fast Rachel didn't even have time to respond, so she walked away, chuckling to herself.
As she walked into the restaurant, she sees Santana, Mercedes, Sam, Blaine and Artie talking by the Hostess stand. Not wanting to interrupt their conversation, she began to turn around to head to the bathroom, until she heard Sam yell out for her. So she walked to the circle and joined in when they opened up. She never got used to people wanting her to be involved.
"Hi baby girl, where have you been so far?" Mercedes asked.
Bending down to kiss Artie's cheek, she told them she was talking to Quinn, Puck, Finn and Kim. Before wanting any awkward questions, she asked Artie where Alyssa, his Fiancée was.
"She had to stay home and work this week, she'll be here next week for when we go to Cedar Point." Rachel nodded and everyone laughed as Sam's face lit up when the conversation turned to the amusement park. She liked Alyssa; she worked a lot, but was good for Artie- Rachel loved that she never pitied him and his chair, not ever. She also didn't miss Mercedes sad smile at Sam, still obviously in love. She winked at Mercedes who responded with a shake of her head and looked away. If anyone knew how she felt, it was Rachel, who also noticed the same expression Sam had when he looked at Mercedes. Rachel knew it was only a matter of time before they got their acts together, they still had time.
"I hate to interrupt this conversation about the death tolls on every rollercoaster in the United States, but Mr. Shue said our tables ready." Rachel told the group.
Clearly starving, Sam, Mercedes, Artie and Blaine practically ran to the table, leaving Santana and Rachel alone, laughing at Sam asking Blaine if "it would be cool if we call Mr. Shue- Will."
"I like her". Rachel said.
Not even having to say her name Santana understood. "I know. She's sweet, doesn't that make you hate her more?" Rachel answered with a smile.
"It would be a lot easier. But no. His family is beautiful and he deserves this. He's happy." Rachel said.
"I know. You do too, ya know." Rachel nodded. "I'm gonna go get my breadstix on so I'll see you and your little paparazzi in a bit." And Santana winked and walked away.
Confused Rachel saw Finn's daughter standing right behind her, Finn's brown hair and eyes staring right behind her. She had a shy smile and Rachel looked around for her parents before kneeling down.
"Hi sweetie. I', She got cut off before she could properly introduce herself.
"Are you Rachel Berry?" she asked.
Shocked, Rachel confirmed the little girl's thoughts and asked how old she was.
"I'm four on July 23rd. My name is Barbra Christina Hudson and I'm your number one fan." This little girl was much more confident than just seconds before, and Rachel started tearing up.
"I'm sorry honey, did you say you're name was Barbra?" It's clear Christopher was named after his father, the man her ex-fiancee successfully redeemed, but Barbra? No way.
"Yeah. My daddy gots to name me and my mommy is gonna name my baby sister when she gets dropped off."
Kim was pregnant. That's why they were sharing those stories about morning sickness and cravings and labor.
But more importantly- Finn named his daughter Barbra. Why did she not know this? Rachel stood up and saw Finn leaning against the Hostess stand; clearly hearing the whole conversation. They locked eyes and smiled at each other once again; tears now welling in both pairs of eyes.
"Come on Babs, let's eat."
"But daddy! Do you know who this is?" Barbra practically yelled.
Finn joined Rachel and his daughter "Yes I do. And we're going to eat with her but everyone is getting ready to order and mommies waiting for us so you go run over to her."
"Fine" Barbra puffed, starting towards her mother.
"You look good Rach." Finn said as he wiped her tear's and began to follow his daughter to the table.
Rachel saw Kurt wave his hand over, saving her a seat, but before she made her way to the table, she had to wash her face.
I don't regret it
The time we had together
I won't forget it
But we both ended up where we belong
I guess goodbye made us strong
And yeah I'm happy
I found somebody too who makes me happy
And I knew one day I'll see you on the street
And it'd be bittersweet
She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror before splashing water in her face to erase the tear stains.
"Hey."
She looked up and saw Finn's reflection in the mirror.
"You can't be in here Finn." Rachel said, turning around to face her ex.
"I know, but I wanted to talk to you. Alone."
"Does your wife know you're in here?" She didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, spiteful. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"I know." Finn closed his eyes and sighed while Rachel leaned on the bathroom sink.
It was silent for a few moments, not awkward but not the same silence they both used to take comfort in.
"She's beautiful." Rachel whispered, deciding to break the silent.
"Thanks" Finn conceded.
"Both of them, I mean. You're a very lucky man Finn Hudson."
He laughed. A hearty, Finn Hudson laugh, and she smiled though not really getting the joke. "I know. I've been told that many times in my life," smiling at her.
"It sounds like you're going to be lucky again in about six months" Rachel said and saw Finn's face light up before it falling down again, realizing what she knew. Rachel saw this and tried to comfort him, but still standing her ground at the sink. "I'm happy for you. I really am. You have a breathtaking family and you're raising a charming little girl who is just like you and I have no doubt that she will be everything you wanted in a daughter and then some. Your new baby is going to take after your wife and be lovely and delicate and absolutely brilliant just like Barbra" Rachel said with a smile, a real one. She realized Finn was tearing up. "Hey" she said, getting his attention and locking eyes"you're doing great." She said encouragingly.
Finn breathed out"You have no idea how much that means to me. Like, none Rach. I know we always talked about what our family and kids would be like, and as much as it hurts me to hurt you, I wouldn't trade this family for anything."
That should have felt like a thousand knives into her heart but it didn't, she just smiled again (she seems to be doing that a lot, either sad ones, encouraging ones, understanding ones, or just Rachel Berry smiles, she missed the latter one the most).
"God, that was such a dick thing to say" Finn kicked himself. He really didn't want to see Rachel cry again, but instead he saw a Rachel Berry smile, he really missed those.
"No, you're fine.
"Tell me about Ryan" Finn said.
She sighed, nervous talking about this to him. Come on, it's Finn! She figured Santana or Kurt and Blaine, probably all three, told him. "It's new, really new. That's why I told him not to come with me. I didn't want anyone to get attached or too personal, or any other love triangle to form." They both laughed. "But I like him, I really do.
It was true. She's known Ryan for a long time, he went to NYADA with her and had a couple classes together. He was currently in Rock of Ages as Drew and they got along wonderfully. She was treated well and knew that she could have a future with him.
Now it was Finn's turn to smile. "Good Rach, this is what I wanted for you."
"No it's not" Rachel argued, jokingly. "You wanted me to win hundreds of Tony's and find you and then we can have even more hundreds of babies." Then she began laughing, and he joined in. Were they really joking about the same thing she spent years crying about, and from what she's heard- he's done the same.
"Maybe you're a little right, but I was right about something Miss. Four-Tony-Award-Winner" Finn assured her, still laughing.
"You knew that?" Rachel said, suddenly stopping.
"Of course. I always knew you'd get there. I watch it every year to see you. I've watched it with Barbra every year since she's been born. She refuses to go to bed until 'Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musica'. Kim doesn't really understand or like musical stuff so it's kinda like mine and Babs's thing."
"I like that you call her 'Babs Rachel whispered. "But thank you, that means a lot."
He smiled at her again "I know, but you don't have to thank me- you do it every year in your acceptance speech!" And with that, she walks over into his arms. It's not romantic, but it is comforting. She hasn't felt his arms in years and she did miss them.
She did thank him every time she won, though not directly. She would close her speech, dedicating it to those who sacrificed everything for her to get her where she was, no matter how hard and that she will always have a place in her heart for them, followed by smiling into the camera, kissing her 'Tony' giving Finn Hudson her smile, if there was an off chance he was watching, and she was right.
He pulled away from her and she suddenly got embarrassed. "I have something to tell you." Finn said, looking into her eyes.
"Okay…?"
"I go to your opening show every time you're in a new role and I probably see the show another five times, bringing Barbra at least twice and she loves it and so do I but I was too afraid to go backstage or wait by the stage door so we always left but I always left you flowers. Every show- tulips. And I'm sorry I never told you but Santana knew and I told her not to tell you cause I didn't want to shake your confidence, even though it's stupid to think I could do that to you but you know what I mean, but you're really good Rach. Not that I ever doubted you but it's just wow." Finn rambled together.
"See ya soon." Rachel whispered, starting to tear up again.
"What?" Finn asked, masking his face in confusion like he was back in high school.
"Six years ago, a week before the opening of Evita, a month after Santana and Britney got married, I felt really alone. More alone than ever before. I think because it hit me we were never going to get back and I had no one. Santana came in my room and left a letter with me. A letter you wrote to her, about you letting go, again. You wrote 'see ya soon' and I guess I never thought about it, and figured you were just writing in cliché. But you were going to see her soon. At Evita." The tears came down faster. "That was also the day I swore I would stop crying over you and here I am, in a bathroom in Lima, no, in Breadstix, once again, crying over you."
"No you're not." Finn said. "You're not crying over me, or because of me, you're just emotional and it's like we're closing the book on us- for good. What's that thing called when you finally get that feeling?" He asked.
"Closure?" Rachel helped, wiping her tears and nodding her head in agreement.
"Yeah, that. We never had that and I think this is good. This is what we needed."
And then, Finn reached down and kissed her. Finn Hudson kissed Rachel Berry. It felt like junior year all over again for a second, until she realized it was the closure they never had. He has Kim and Barbra and his new baby and she had Ryan and she was doing great. They pulled away at the same time a few seconds after their lips touched, knowing this would never happen again. This was nothing like junior year. This was closure.
He pulled Rachel into an embrace and rested his head on top of hers.
"And just so you know," Finn whispered, "just because I love them, doesn't mean I love you any less."
Rachel shook her head, not wanting to say anything and ruin the moment, however that went unnoticed when Finn released her and said;
"Come on, our friends are waiting. They'll think we're pooping.
And they walked out of the bathroom, laughing, towards the New Directions, Finn towards his family and Rachel toward her best friends, giving each other their smiles reserved for each other one more time before ordering.
But as bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you're holding on to someone that you gotta let go
Someday you'll see the reason why
Yeah, sometimes, yeah sometimes, there's good in goodbye
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Dinner went well. It wasn't awkward and it was nice to talk about their memories and to learn about the changes happening in the new 'New Directions'. It was nice, and something felt really great about the Ohio summer air that wasn't the stiff, sticky City heat she's been so used to since she was forced on that train. Mike's telling a story about his last choreography project when she realizes this. Putting the sweater on, she knows that back in the city she wouldn't need that sweater- and she woudn't need it because of Finn. For as long as she remembered, there has been a part of her that hated him for giving up on them, but after tonight and when they talked, she realizes the blessing and freedom he gave her; the same things Santana and Kurt have been telling her for years, along with the rest of the glee club.
For years, living alone in her carboard box apartment, she wished she could go back. That maybe she would fail so she can go to Georgia and get Finn Hudson back and prove to him that she couldn't do this without him. They deserved each other and to be happy together and maybe that won't be in the city or under Broadway lights but they would be together and that's what she wanted. That was until she landed the role of Eva, destined for greatness.
She came out of these thoughts when she felt a hand pull on her sweater and she realized everyone was standing up, walking to the doors. Rachel looked down and saw Barbra smiling back at her.
"Hey Babs! Whats Up?" She said still sitting down, so she could reach the four year old.
"Only daddy calls me Babs." Barbra informed Rachel.
"Oh," Rachel said dejectedly, "I'm sorry Barbra, I didn't know."
"It's okay, I want you to call me that too. It makes me feel special. You're like my most favorite person in the world and I wanna be just like you. I'm gonna be a big star and be on stage and sing a lot like you and daddy used to. We watch videos all the time you and everyone else here. That's why I wanted to come so badly. My daddy almost hired Nancy, my babysitter, because he said it would be too much but then I begged him. I sawed you six times on stage and I still never met you, I told daddy I wanted to realllllllly badly so he let me! And everyone told me I could walk out with you when they walk to the car so here I am!" When she finally finished, Barbra let out a huge breath and Rachel smiled, recognizing the similarities between Finn and his daughter.
"Well then Babs, I am very happy you were the one to take me to my car." Rachel said while starting to get up from the table. "Also, I am very sure you will be a star one day, you seem to be one already. It's good to have dreams Barbra, and to never be afraid of chasing them, but know that it will be tough and it won't come easy." While explaining this to her, Rachel didn't even notice Barbra talking hold of her hand as they walked towards the door. Rachel smiled down at her while Barbra replied;
"I know. Daddy says you gave up a lot but that you were always a star. And he tells me I can be a star and it runs in my family since daddy is a star too."
"Yes, You're daddy is a star." Rachel said, adoring how much Barbra looked up to her father, but clearly lacing her words with confusion.
'No, really. He is a star, there's a star named after him. He said he'll get me one too one day but that his star is saved for someone else. But don't worry, he still loves me a lot." Rachel smiled. Of course she remembers 'Finn Hudson'. She looked at it every night, she just didn't realize he remembered too.
At this point the pair was outside and walked towards New Directions in time to hear Will say that the new club has prepared something for them so they all should meet at the auditorium after school. Everyone seemed excited and Rachel looked at Finn, who was looking at his daughter, still holding hands with her. Everyone was dispersing and Rachel heard Kim tell Barbra to leave Ms. Berry alone and that we were leaving. Rachel was about to say that she was fine, but Barbra dropped her hand and starting running towards her parents. However, a few steps into her run she turned around straight to Rachels legs and gave her a hug.
"It was my biggest wish that I could meet you Ms. Berry. I wished it on my candles on my birthday cake. This was the best day ever." Rachel, once again started tearing up, but from happiness. She loves this little girl already, despite the ache in her heart noticing the similarities between each other.
"Call me Rachel" she told Barbra and her smile reached her ears.
"Come on Babs" She hears Finn say, walking towards the two, leaving Kim behind. Barbra hears her dad and turns around straight to his arms and Finn lifts her up. Rachel smiles at the interaction and Barbra waves to Rachel. Before they turn around Finn kissed Rachel's cheek, with his daughter on his hip and whispered;
"You're doing great. See ya tomorrow. And in Wicked." He winked and turned around, back to his wife.
Rachel stared as Kim grabbed Finn's hand and they walked towards their car. Finn Hudson's beautiful family, going home- and once again, she smiled.
There's good in goodbye, mmm
Any reviews or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!