Of Mai and Her Mother
Mai was in a good mood, a trace of a smile lingered on her face. Lunch now over, Zuko had left for the palace as he was due back for meetings. She brought her fingertips to her lips as she recalled memories of sweet kisses.
"You shouldn't throw yourself at him like that." The sound of her mother's voice snapped her out of her reverie.
Damn! I didn't see her. How long has she been there? And I was not throwing myself at him!
Mai knew better than to engage her mother, so she merely turned to face her and waited for the lecture to begin.
Lady Yumi looked her daughter over. She had grown into quite a lovely young lady. She was elegant and poised. Her beauty was marred only by the frown or bored expression she chose to wear. It dimmed her loveliness and made her look drab. It rendered her a flawless, but lifeless china doll; perfect yet dead to the world.
Yumi knew this not to be true. She had seen Mai with Zuko. She knew her daughter lit up around him and Zuko around her. Unbeknownst to the pair, she had watched the two from afar for a long time. She remembered shy children stealing glances at each other, rouge tingeing their cheeks. Childish antics involving mud had turned to hand holding and bold pecks on the lips when they thought no one was looking.
The fateful day of the Agni Kai, young love, first love, had turned tragic. She and Yoshi were undecided on how to tell their daughter what had happened when to their horror they learned that the Princess had beaten them to it. That day the nation lost their prince. Along with him, she and her husband had lost their daughter. It seemed that in his banishment he had taken her heart with him. She didn't eat. She didn't speak. She was stock still. She was broken. All traces of life, those hints of rebellion left behind from her childhood which would surface now and then, were gone. It worried them so, that they looked the other way when she took up throwing knives. They told themselves it was therapeutic and that it was a good thing for her to have an interest in something.
Over the following years Yumi had tried in vain to find someone to interest Mai. She recalled her frustration when Mai rejected every boy she had introduced to her. Not even Tom Tom's arrival could draw an emotion out of Mai. When they received word that they were going to Omashu, thoughts of a new beginning for their family, for Mai, filled Yumi with hope. Unfortunately, the change of scenery did not improve her daughter's outlook. Instead Mai grew snide and sarcastic, tolerable only because it was veiled by her boredom.
Yumi recalled her guilt at the relief she felt when Mai was called away by the Princess. For all the things that Princess Azula was, she was able to spark in interest in Mai. Yumi's heart had sunk in fear because her daughter was once again trapped in that girl's company. For all that she and her husband pretended to be blind to what went on at the palace, they were painfully aware of the cruelty of the place and of the people behind its walls. For some reason, in Zuko's absence, Azula brought Mai to life. Yumi thought that perhaps it was because they were firebenders; perhaps even because they were royalty. It never occurred to Yumi that the Princess provided Mai with one thing that no one else did, freedom. Though on a tight leash, Mai was allowed to explore the negative side of her personality. Where Zuko had brought light into her world, Azula brought darkness. However, that freedom alone was enough to entice her and call her to the Princess' side.
Mai had patiently waited for her mother to being her lecture. When she didn't, she stared intently at her wondering what was wrong. Her mother wore a sad expression, the look in her eyes told Mai that she was lost somewhere far away and long ago. She waited a moment longer, then another before she started to worry.
"Mother?"
A small sad smile graced Lady Yumi as she stepped back into the present and regarded her daughter. "Mai, you have so much to give. Don't throw it all away."
Indignation filled Mai. Throw it away? On Zuko? Is she saying he isn't worth it? And I thought they'd be thrilled that their only daughter had "caught" the Fire Lord where so many others hadn't. I can't seem to do anything right in their eyes, can I?
Yumi could not read Mai. She simply could not understand anything going on inside Mai's head, but she knew enough of her body language to understand that Mai had taken her statement the wrong way again. Goodness! Why is it so hard to just talk to you? Why must you always be so negative?
"Mai, come," she commanded and led them both to one of the benches lining the garden.
Yumi inhaled deeply, hoping that she would not make things worse by bringing things out into the open.
"Mai, I know that you do not believe it, but your father and I want what is best for you."
Mai carefully shielded her reaction to the words. She was adept at not giving anything away. To say that her mother's words surprised her was an understatement. In fact, Mai thought her mother delusional.
"We want you to be happy."
Right; because you've done everything in your power to see I was happy.
"You are a woman now, no longer a child. You cannot behave like one. Your actions, even your inactions, have consequences." Mai was blank. Yumi could not tell if anything she said was sinking in. She continued nonetheless. "You have the Fire Lord's interest. There are many who envy you and wish you ill. You must guard against attracting unwanted attention."
So you want me to be with Zuko because he is the Fire Lord, and you don't want anyone to see us in order to avoid a scandal.
"Do not invite trouble. Trouble will always find you." Yumi grew silent then. She really did not know what to tell Mai. She wasn't sure how to protect her daughter. She never had been. Since early childhood, Mai had been caught up in the affairs of Fire Nation Royalty. She had been hurt by them. She was able to escape for a short while, only to be pulled back in. With Zuko's return and now with his throne secure, it was a certainty that Mai would forever be tangled up with the royal family.
"My dear, I know how you feel about the Fire Lord."
Zuko. His name is Zuko. And how could you possibly know?
"I think he cares for you too." Yumi could feel Mai relax a little and she felt the confusion more than saw it in her daughter.
Oh what to tell her? That noblewomen, for all their breeding and demure appearances, are vultures? That they believe their daughters more worthy than she of any attention from the Fire Lord? That they speak of their affection for each other as if it were dirty and scandalous? That now that the Princess is in disgrace, safely locked away, they talk of Mai as if she too were something to look down upon simply for her association with her? Oh Mai!
"Remember what you have been taught."
Yes mother. I remember. You ingrained it into me well. Don't speak unless spoken to. Keep still. Do not disappoint us. That's it, isn't it? I am not only to keep from being a disgrace to you and father, but Zuko as well now? First it was keep the Princess happy. Now am I to keep the Fire Lord happy?
You don't want me "throwing" myself at him because you think he'll throw me away when he is through with me. You want to be able to say 'my daughter caught the Fire Lord.' You think I am jeopardizing that. You'll never understand because you are so wrapped up in appearances. That's not how we are. You'll never understand.
"Mai?"
Yumi could see that things were not going well with the conversation. It was one-sided anyway. Mai just sat there and listened as she had been taught to do. It was for her protection. Goodness knows the innocent mistakes a child could make in that den of vipers. She was commanded to be the Princess' playmate. We could not refuse. It was all we could do to teach her, instill in her, the behavior she need to practice to keep her safe, to make her a smaller target. Look at what the Princess did to Ty Lee. She was her personal servile. In the end the poor thing had to run away from home.
Yumi gave up. Things between her and her daughter had been strained for years. It was not that Yumi did not care what her daughter thought of her, but that she cared more about Mai's welfare. Let her think what she wants of me. Let her hate me. That is fine, so long as she is safe and happy. And she is happy with him, only him. But they don't realize that it takes more than love to make things work. People whisper, things happen, traps are everywhere. How do I help you to avoid the mistakes of the past?
Mai watched as her mother struggled with something. Time was wasting and that annoyed her; not that she had anything to do but wait for Zuko to be free again in order to spend some time together.
Yumi decided that the best approach was the tried and true one. She straightened herself and shrugged off the concerned mother mantle. By Mai's side sat a noblewoman of the Fire Nation, prim, proper and regal. The lesson would be short and to the point. It would be the foundation, stripped of any candy coating, examples or embellishment. It would be what Mai needed to know.
"Mai, a woman must be stronger than a man. She must bear the brunt of his pain, relieve his tension, be his confidant, and support him in all things. A whisper in his ear could soften or harden his heart. Take care in what you say to him. Honor him always. Take care not to wound him. Take care not to be a burden to him. Remember this. Practice this. It will save your Zuko."
Mai gave her mother an obligatory nod. She did not understand what had prompted her mother to say this. Her mother stopped making sense a long time ago. Still, she would store all this away till later when she could take it apart and examine it for what it was.
Yumi was satisfied that Mai had paid attention. Time would tell if she truly heard and understood what she told her. Worry gnawed at her. They don't understand. They think love is holding hands, kissing and lovemaking. Oh Agni, please let them still be innocent in that department! They don't understand that sometimes love is not enough and that it will take everything they have to stay together and make things work.
"That's my good girl."
She reached out to pat Mai's hand. She then left the garden. Mai was alone with her thoughts.
It will save your Zuko.
It rang like a refrain in Mai's head. A deep breath was exhaled and she too made her way out of the garden. Interestingly enough, Mai was wondering what it would have been like to have grown up in a different family altogether.
You made him promise to do what?
Mai could hardly contain herself. Zuko had all but confessed that she had no place in his life. How else could he ask Aang to end him without giving any thought as to how it would destroy her?
Calm yourself Mai. Calm. This is Zuko we are talking about. He isn't that way. He is an idiot and he's stubborn and . . .ugh! Calm yourself.
A woman must be stronger.
A woman must be stronger.
Mai took a cleansing breath. When she was in control of herself again she went to Zuko and pulled him into an embrace. No words were exchanged. She allowed him to rest. His problems were bigger than hers.
A woman must be stronger. We'll get through this together.