ME: Many people have complained about Jennifer Lawrence being casted as Katniss Everdeen, on the basis of "people of color" actors not being called for over "Caucasian" ones.
Warning: This response will be honest and politically incorrect.
It was a pleasant morning in Panem-at least, as pleasant as a morning in a country that considered its youth disposable cannon fodder could be.
"Hello," Katniss said. "I'm Katniss Everdeen from the popular young adult dystopian franchise, The Hunger Games."
"And I'm Peeta Mellark," said Peeta, "from the same story. And we're here to talk to you today about people on the Internet complaining about casting of the film adaptations."
The two walked towards their alcoholic mentor, Haymitch Abernathy. He was drinking non-alcoholic liquor-not something he'd normally do, but having to get a new liver (owing to cirrhosis occurring due to his lifetime of drinking, a result of his PTSD from winning the Second Quarter Quell at the cost of his loved ones for humiliating President Coriolanus Snow) had caused him to make the switch.
"Hello, my poster children for post-traumatic stress disorder," Haymitch greeted.
Katniss scowled at him. "Even while sober, you're an ass. An unbelievably gigantic ass!"
Haymitch snorted before taking another sip. "What are we talking about now? Is it to display how advanced Panem is at biology and medical science since I got myself a new liver? Because that would be about as exciting as your sex life."
The twenty-three year old briefly blushed. "At least I have a spouse!"
Just as Katniss froze after replying (having realized how uncalled for it was), Haymitch put down his drink. "Damn. Normally I'd call you out for somehow becoming an even bigger ass, girl, but you actually have some spunk left in ya. Not to mention that, in light of my actions throughout the books and movies, I'd be a bit of a hypocrite for lecturing others on politeness."
Peeta rolled his eyes. "Can we please get to the point of this story? There's also the fact the author can only keep this up for so long." He then leaned in and whispered, "And for the record, Haymitch, I HAVE slept with Katniss."
Haymitch finished his drink and yelled, "Alright!" He paused before adding, "I'd actually bet my house you haven't even seen her without clothes on, but after the Quell even I'm not stupid enough to risk homelessness." The elder Victor shuddered at his memories of the Fiftieth Hunger Games. "Plus a year of being married may have gotten our little Mockingjay to loosen up."
He then turned to the camera as Katniss raised her middle finger behind him. "Alright, people. As anyone who has Internet access may have noticed, the riff-raff have been complaining about Jennifer Lawrence being chosen to play Katniss. From Tumblr to actual news websites, the rabble have moaned and moaned, yelling, 'racism!'" He turned to the Huntress of District Twelve. "Okay, sweetheart, why don't you tell the fans why they need to grow up?"
The female Victor complied. "Alright, readers. In the books, I'm described as having olive skins, black hair, and gray eyes. The first reason was why a certain Tumblr blogger who goes by 'katnissisoliveskinneddealwithit' felt fit to complain about Caucasian actresses being called for over person of color ones, and has claimed to be a person of color herself." Katniss briefly rolled her eyes then continued with a, "Even though calling someone 'colored' is actually racially inappropriate in at least modern America as of this writing. Also, she seems to be ignorant of the fact Gale committed huge war crimes in designing the snare bombs, became a genocidal mass murderer, and is an overall unpleasant state terrorist in the Mockingjay book. Clearly, anything she says is pure crap that doesn't even warrant a grain of salt, to be honest. Peeta, would you like to help explain why?"
"Of course, my queen," Peeta replied.
"...you don't need to call me that, Peeta."
"..." There was a pregnant pause. "Of course, Your Maj-I mean, Katniss."
Peeta cleared his throat while Katniss blushed out of embarrassment, only this time without a response. "While Jennifer Lawrence, being a classic blue-eyed blonde, lacks natural olive skin, black hair, and gray eyes, her being a Caucasian actress is not cause for complaint. For example, Italians may have an overall 'Mediterranean look' and/or an olive complexion, yet they all remain European."
"That's right, folks," Haymitch added. "So, why don't all you complainers have a nice little cup of SHUT THE HELL UP?"
ME: A/N: Yeah, I go with the "marriage after five years, daughter ten years, son fifteen years" theory. While there is a possibility of Katniss marrying between, say, seventeen and twenty-two (she does mention that, "-it took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree to them") and having the daughter around twenty-two, she isn't mentioned at all in my fanfic ROAB. So that would require editing and/or a notification that I've retconned my story somewhat-that would be too much trouble at this moment, and it's not as if twenty-seven and thirty-two are late times to give birth for a woman considering risk of fertility loss around middle age for females (even accounting for advanced Panemanian medical treatments).
Normally I would not include a Take That at others in my fanfics out of politeness, but the Tumblr poster I refer to pulled the race card and defends Gale as he is depicted in the books, even though he ended the story as a monster. Respect is reserved for those who earn it, it is not in the Bill of Rights. Disrespect is also to be distributed to those who earn it and those alone, particularly this idiotic excuse of a woman (assuming the moron isn't some guy with a keyboard).