Illumi replayed his parent's conversation in his head. They had sat down with him last weekend in one of their many sitting rooms. He knew whatever they had to say wasn't good when they told him they needed to talk. But he never would have imagined they'd be kicking him out.

"It's time you found alternative living arrangements." His father's words were foreign to him. "You'll still be carrying out assassinations for the family business, but from now on you will not live with us."

Illumi didn't expect that finding adequate living space difficult. Illumi could have found an apartment on his own, he had enough income. But everything... unsavory. He needed a place to crash while he searched, and Illumi had always lived with his family, and he'd always had butlers. Who would cook his food and do his laundry while he tried to find a place? He certainly didn't want to do it himself.

Illumi didn't have many acquaintances. In fact, he happened to have only one. A certain magician. Illumi first searched for him in Heaven's Arena but found that he wasn't there.

It didn't take too long to track him down. He was living in Yorkshin in a high-rise apartment in the middle of the city.

It wasn't the Zoldyck mansion, but it wasn't disagreeable.

Of course, Hisoka was thrilled to have him. If only Illumi knew that Hisoka, would not in fact, act as his butler.

…...

"I hate this." Illumi mumbled.

Hisoka looked over to Illumi, who was sitting next to him with a basket full of laundry. Illumi still hadn't figured out how to fold a crop top.

"That's life, my friend."

"We're not friends. Assassins do not have friends."

Hisoka sighed. An old fight from Heaven's Arena played on the large flat screen television. Hisoka's eyes reflected dancing lights as they glazed over. "You know, Illumi, when you broke into my house and demanded that you stay here, I was expecting a little more fun."

Illumi ignored Hisoka's comment and focused on the piece of fabric in front of him. Although he found Hisoka to not be as obedient and pliant as a butler, he was rather agreeable. Hisoka had gladly let Illumi sleep on his couch for the time being, but Illumi found that Hisoka's closet was much more comfortable, as it was small and cramped and dark, much to his liking. All he had to do was continue to avoid his advancements.

"You have to stop sleeping in my closet." Hisoka slouched on the cushions of his couch and spoke without looking at Illumi.

"No," Illumi said while pulling out a pair of brightly colored pants from the laundry basket. They were Hisoka's, and they were hideous.

"It's not up for discussion."

"I like it there."

"Last night you slept on my favorite high heel boots and now the back of the ankle opening is bent."

"You can move your shoes."

Hisoka looked away from the TV towards Illumi and smirked. Illumi could feel his stupid sly smile without looking at him.

"You could fight me over it. If you win, I'll move my shoes. If I win, you sleep with me."

"Forget it. I'll just sleep on the couch." Illumi interrupted Hisoka before he could finish. He looked down at the ugly clown pants he had been trying to fold and saw that his folding abilities were still awful.

"Where are your butlers?"

"We have been over this, I don't employ butlers," Hisoka said.

Illumi turned his head to look directly at Hisoka, who had returned to watching a fight on TV.

"You need butlers." Illumi threw the ball of cornea-injuring pants onto the floor.

"Why won't you fight me?" Hisoka whined without looking away from the screen.

Illumi blinked in surprise that Hisoka had not dropped the conversation even after he specifically commanded that he forget the topic.

"I said I would sleep on the couch."

"Only after I asked you to fight me. Why don't you want to fight me?"

Illumi looked in disbelief at Hisoka. He had never really expressed desire to fight with Illumi. Everything up until this point had been some sort of attempt to flirt with him.

"Why are you asking me this now?"

"Why won't you answer me?" Hisoka grinned again. His smile seemed malicious, and probably would have made anybody else shiver, but Illumi was an assassin, not a regular person. Hisoka's grin never made him an inch uncomfortable. It did, however, make him curious.

"Because I do not want to." Illumi studied Hisoka's face for a moment.

"You don't want to fight me?" Hisoka's grin began to fade and he looked right into Illumi's black eyes before speaking again. "Illumi, darling, is it because you're nervous that you'll lose?"

"You cannot goad me into fighting you." Illumi looked back at the magician, eyes unblinking and stare unfocused. Hisoka kept his eyes locked on Illumi for a moment, daring him to blink. Illumi didn't blink. Hisoka turned back to look at the match on his screen.

"It was worth a try." Hisoka sighed and returned to his slouching position. Illumi turned back to the laundry. All the piles of clothes he had "done" looked no different from the piles of clothes fresh from the dryer.

"You need butlers." Illumi gave up on trying to fold the laundry. He crossed his legs and relaxed on the couch. It was a beautiful white couch that Illumi found rather comfortable, and rather stylish. Hisoka's whole apartment was surprisingly well put together.

Illumi breathed as he decided to try to enjoy the match Hisoka was watching. It looked like it was from Heaven's arena. It was a lively match between a young man and a woman, and although he didn't really seem like it, Illumi could tell that Hisoka was way into the fight. Hisoka's leg bounced up and down. Watching this match probably put him in the mood for some violence. Illumi concluded that Hisoka's penchant for some bloodshed was the reason he has asked Illumi to fight with him.

"Illumi, sweetheart, you're staring at me." Illumi looked up from Hisoka's knee to see Hisoka's face staring back at him.

"I was only observing your behavior." Illumi responded calmly.

"Oh? And what exactly have you observed?" Hisoka sat up a bit and turned more completely to face Illumi.

"When you watch fights, you get in the mood to fight."

"And how did you conclude that?" Hisoka's grin had returned.

"You asked me if I wanted to fight you. You've never wanted to fight me before. Also, you begin to call me things like "sweetheart." In general, you get antsy and irritated." Illumi blinked a couple of times when he was done speaking, proud of his observations. Hisoka chuckled.

"You really are cute, you know that?"

Illumi's mouth twitched and his brows wrinkled for just a moment at the comment. "Do not belittle me."

"What are you going to do about it? Fight me?" Hisoka laughed.

"No, you would probably get off to that." Illumi nearly cringed at the thought of Hisoka getting off to fighting him.

Hisoka, surprised, sat up straight and turned his face to Illumi.

"And what exactly would you know about 'getting off?' Hm?" Hisoka's full attention was focused on Illumi now. His eyes searched Illumi's for any sign of nervousness before he spoke again. "Let me ask you this, how exactly do you get off, Illumi?"

Illumi knew at this point that Hisoka was trying to throw him off and make him uncomfortable. Illumi would not be flustered by this petty attempt.

"Well I personally don't 'get off' to anything, but I know that you do."

"And what do you think I get off to?"

Illumi tilted his head. "You're probably a masochist. You always go looking for trouble and for people who are stronger than you for fun. You let a little boy live so that he could get the chance to grow into someone that could annihilate you. You find some sort of sexual pleasure in thinking about how strong your opponent is. If I had to guess what it is exactly that you get off to, it would probably be pain."

Hisoka's eyes widened after listening to Illumi. Illumi tilted his head back to its original position and looked straight at Hisoka's bewildered face. Hisoka burst into laughter, much to Illumi's surprise.

"You really are observant, aren't you?"

"I am an assassin. Observance is part of what I do."

"What other skills do you possess?" Hisoka's voice dripped with the sound of genuine curiosity. His eyebrow raised and his lips stretched as he smiled. Illumi never understood smiling. In the wild, animals bear their teeth to show aggression. Normal people smiled to show that they were happy, but Illumi always got the feeling that when Hisoka smiled, just as a hungry wolf would, he showed his teeth as a means to threaten.

"You already know what I'm capable of." Illumi maintained his unblinking stare. He knew that any movement he made would be seen as weakness. Hisoka stared back at him waiting to see any disruption in his calm demeanor. As Hisoka expected, Illumi stayed perfectly still. Hisoka let out a small chuckle before turning away from Illumi's unending gaze.

"I must say, my friend, you are observant, but you're not entirely correct about what it is I get off to." Illumi felt his face wrinkle at the spot between his eyebrows. He was almost never wrong. Also, Hisoka called him a 'friend,' and not in any way that hinted at sarcasm. This was unacceptable. Assassins didn't have friends.

Hisoka noticed Illumi's confusion through the corner of his eye and smirked. "You're right about one thing, I enjoy pain, but when it comes to sex, I always want to get under my partner's skin…" Hisoka was facing Illumi again, but Illumi stared straight towards the TV screen. "I love inflicting pain. Coloring my partner with bruises and scratches... and other marks." Illumi could sense Hisoka getting closer to him. "What I love the most is pushing them so far into a world of pleasure that anything and everything – even pain – pushes them further into ecstasy." Hisoka was inches away from Illumi's face, whispering in a low voice into Illumi's ear. Illumi had endured years of torture and training to become an assassin, and both women and men had all desperately thrown themselves at Illumi in the past. Usually they would try to seduce him to stop him from killing someone, or to try to get out of paying him for an assassination, but not one of them had ever once made him the least bit interested. They were all offers made out of desperation. Offers made to Illumi to use their bodies to his liking. But Illumi always found it beneath him to use someone's body for sex. He just, never got the appeal.

But this situation made Illumi uncomfortable in a way he never knew was possible. Hisoka wasn't offering himself. Hisoka was threatening Illumi with the possibility of pleasure. And he didn't have to say anything.

"You are too close to me." Illumi finally spoke up.

"Does this make you uncomfortable?" Illumi felt his heart begin to beat faster despite his will to keep calm. It was too obvious that he was, in fact, uncomfortable.

"Yes."

Hisoka's right hand slid around Illumi's shoulder while his left hand moved to rest on Illumi's leg.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Do not test me, magician." Illumi could feel Hisoka's hand slide further up his thigh. Illumi's legs spread just an inch at the touch, much to Illumi's surprise. No one had ever dared place their hands there, and this reaction his body was having was unsavory.

"You can stop me at any time." Hisoka whispered.

Illumi breathed, finding his concentration. No one ever dared touching him, because no one ever had the right. "Fine, I will."

With one swift motion, Illumi plunged one of his large pins that he kept with him at all times into Hisoka's shoulder and lunged towards him, pinning him against the couch. Illumi stood up above Hisoka and placed his foot on his chest. Hisoka groaned in pain for a moment smiled as he looked up from beneath the very flustered Illumi.

"I'll kill you." Illumi glared down at Hisoka.

"Careful, Illumi, you're turning me on." Hisoka moaned and his face flushed pink. His eyes sparkled over and a strange aura overcame him.

"You dare to assume that I would ever let you of all people have the privilege of touching me? Did you forget who I am? Or worse, do you know who I am but you still forget your place?"

"Is this a bad time?" Hisoka and Illumi heard a voice from the doorway. They turned to see Chrollo, standing by the entrance, holding several grocery bags.

"No, not a bad time at all." Illumi answered calmly.

"Don't answer him as if this is your place!" Hisoka squirmed underneath Illumi's foot trying to get away as he spoke.

"Did you remember to get sardines?" Illumi pressed his foot down on Hisoka but kept his eyes on Chrollo as he walked over to the kitchen located behind the living room. Chrollo had been living with Hisoka for longer that Illumi had, although it was not by choice. He was still under the control of Kurapika's chains and could not communicate with his troupe. Chrollo was a much more agreeable roommate than Hisoka and he got along well with Illumi. He kept to himself mostly to read or do research on how to get his Nen back. It was Illumi's understanding that the reason why Hisoka was not currently living in Heaven's Arena was because of his duty to Chrollo.

"They didn't have any, sorry. I don't know why you like those little canned fish anyway. They stink up the whole apartment." Chrollo walked past the living room and into Hisoka's kitchen, setting the bags down on the white breakfast table.

"I like the way the little bones feel when I bite into my sandwich," Illumi explained.

"Don't mean to interrupt, but my shoulder is starting to bleed onto my carpet and it is VERY hard to get blood out of white shag!" Illumi looked down at Hisoka and studied his face. He was clearly in pain but he didn't seem to be taking any pleasure from it. In fact, he was completely different than before. His face was still red, but he didn't have the same expression on it as before.

"So, I knew you two were into kinky shit, but I always assumed Hisoka would be the top." Chrollo spoke from the kitchen as he put groceries away. Illumi removed his foot from Hisoka.

"Top?" Illumi got off the couch and walked towards the kitchen. Hisoka got up and shuffled quickly to the sink before Illumi could reach the counter.

Chrollo looked at Illumi for a moment, registering his question. "Oh, honey." Chrollo looked at Illumi with what Illumi registered as pity.

"What does that...?" Illumi slowly put together the context of the situation and Chrollo's words. "Oh. We weren't doing anything like that." Illumi was almost offended that Chrollo assumed he would be engaging in activities of the sexual sort with Hisoka.

Chrollo shrugged. "I can't ever really tell with Hisoka. His sexual escapades usually have something to do with dominance and you looked like you were putting him in his place." Chrollo spoke as he placed the new bread in the breadbox.

"It unnerves me that you know this about him." Illumi reached into the grocery bags as he spoke, deciding he would help Chrollo put away the vegetables.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"I would never allow that clown to touch me in such a manner." Illumi pulled a jug of milk out of one of the bags. Meanwhile, Hisoka groaned as he took the pin out from his shoulder. He took his shirt off and rinsed the stab wound, which wasn't too deep, but from what Illumi could tell from Hisoka's breathing, it stung like hell.

"Oh please, Illumi. You know I turn you on." Hisoka grinned despite being in pain.

"There's nothing to turn on," Illumi said before sniffing a peach.

Hisoka wrung out his shirt in the sink. The copper smell of blood reached Illumi's nose for a moment as the water in the sink turned red. Hisoka held his shirt up to see the damage.

"Illumi you owe me a new shirt."

"Good, maybe I can buy you something that isn't hideous."

Chrollo chuckled at Illumi's comment.

"What the fuck are you laughing at with your fuzzy-collared-plunging-neck line jacket made of leather?" Hisoka snarled at Chrollo.

"It's called fashion, maybe you've heard of it? Or were you too busy being a traitor to find yourself a decent outfit?" Chrollo turned to look at Hisoka, who stood by the sink. Illumi grabbed a muffin and sat down at the kitchen table. It was blueberry.

"Pfft. You're still mad about that?"

"Uvogin and Paku are dead." Chrollo slammed the refrigerator door.

"Collateral damage. But don't worry, once you get your Nen back, you can fight me all you want about it." Hisoka wrung out his shirt one last time before walking away.

"How are you even friends with this guy?" Chrollo leaned back on the granite countertop and crossed his arms.

"He is not my friend." Illumi took another bite of his muffin. Chrollo tilted his head and looked at Illumi with a confused expression.

"You've been living here for a week and I still don't know what your relationship to Hisoka is. Are you his boyfriend?"

"That question is insulting. I am not his boyfriend."

"You obviously still have your Nen, so how did he trap you here?"

"I came to live here because I needed an alternative living arrangement."

"You just came to live here but you're not Hisoka's friend?"

"Assassins do not have friends." Illumi finished the last of his muffin. "I've known him for only slightly longer than I've known you, but I know what he is capable of and how he chooses his fights. He is..." Illumi thought for a moment, looking for the right word. "…familiar so I moved in. Things have been stranger than I imagined since coming here."

"In what way?"

"He asked me to fight him today. He's never done that before."

Chrollo chuckled. "That man has been itching to fight me since the day he met me. He's probably still upset that I can't use my Nen and is looking to fight with anyone."

"Hopefully once you get you powers back he'll leave me alone."

"Hopefully."

Chrollo gathered the grocery bags off the table and threw them away. Illumi handed Chrollo the wrapper from his muffin, which his black-haired roommate took to throw away for him.

"You know, Chrollo. I was surprised to find you living here with Hisoka. I was worried it would be a problem considering you were already taking up Hisoka's guest room, but you're not a terrible roommate."

Chrollo breathed a short breath through his nose, almost like a laugh, but not quite. "You're not as terrible a roommate as Hisoka. So, thank you for that."

Chrollo walked out of the kitchen, leaving Illumi sitting at the breakfast table. He watched as Hisoka walked into the living room with a spray bottle and a rag. Illumi observed curiously as Hisoka scrubbed blood out of his couch and carpet.

...

Chapter 1, Fin

…...

Extra

Hisoka was awakened by the sound of a shrill scream coming from Chrollo's room. He jumped out of his fine linen sheets and ran down the hallway to see what was wrong. He'd be damned if someone got to kill Chrollo before he ever got the chance to fight him.

"What happened?! What's wrong?!" Hisoka yelled and Chrollo pointed to his closet.

"Did someone try to hurt…?" Hisoka peered into the closet and saw Illumi, hanging upside down from the rack by his feet. "…you?"

"Illumi, I told you that you couldn't sleep in closets anymore."

"You said I couldn't sleep in your closet anymore."

Hisoka sighed. "Illumi, I can't have you giving Chrollo heart attacks. If you kill him, I'll have to kill you. Go sleep in the broom cupboard or something."

"It smells like dust in there."

"Then sleep on the couch!"

"…Fine."

Illumi gathered himself and left Chrollo's room.

Hisoka crossed his arms and looked at Chrollo, whose face was red in embarrassment.

Hisoka laughed before returning to his room.

Illumi curled up into a ball on Hisoka's couch and covered himself in a fortress of blankets. He fell asleep inside his cocoon, his head poking out from a small opening in the covers. The last thing he looked at was the faded stain of blood on the carpet.

…...

Fin

…..

Note:

Hello everyone! For those of you who have been reading this story, I'm doing updates of the earlier chapters! Feel free to re-read and review as you please

Thank you!