A/N: So, I'm an awful person. I know. Beautiful Redemption PM-ed me this idea October 16th. It's now January 12th. I am an EXTREMELY awful person. You guys are allowed to throw things at me, or (attempt) to kill me. I totally understand. I deserve it. And it's only 617 words long too. I'm so awful. I hope it was worth the wait, Beautiful Redemption.

Read on!

Disclaimer: IDOTIFS

"It's your turn to take first watch," Ash says, even though we both know I have for the past several days.

I only make a comment neither of us hear and take a seat at the base of a tree, leaning against the sturdy trunk. Ash sits against another tree, his sword on his legs, not trusting me to stay alert and keep some party from stealing it. Just like it's been for centuries: Distrust thick and heavy in the air between us.

I watch him as he quickly falls asleep, no emotion leaking onto his face, even in this unguarded state.

For a second, I consider sticking my dagger through his ribs and being done with it. Killing him. Fulfilling the oath that's been between us as long as the distrust has. And though he doesn't trust me with much, I know he's sure of that one thing: that I am no danger to him.

If I wanted to kill him, I would have done so earlier, even more easily. And the best part was, it wouldn't have been me that had taken his life. I would be free of any blame.

Why didn't you do it?

It was a perfect solution. Oberon himself approved of it, and it was only right for me to expose the third Winter Prince I the middle of the Summer Court. Exactly where he wasn't supposed to be.

But I couldn't do it. I would never be able to pinpoint an exact reason for my own actions, but I had vague guesses. Maybe it was because we had been best friends and hunting partners for almost a millennium. Maybe, despite the bad blood that had existed between us for years, I still… missed him. Our friendship and camaraderie. Or maybe, I felt like she would still know I was responsible. And even after all we'd been through, how perfect and easy we could be together, she would still push me away.

And with an almost audible sound, the thoughts I had been trying to hold back flew forth.

Meghan Chase. The Summer King's daughter, the girl I had watched since she was born. The girl I fell in love with when she was young and still naïve to the true world that lay around her. I had been her best friend, her everything. I had kept my feelings for her just as secret as my identity, not wanting to reveal one without the other.

But I had waited too long. And then, with only two weeks spent in Faery, Ash had gotten her.

The person sitting across from me now, sleeping and unguarded. The one I still couldn't bring myself to kill. And for all my thinking, I still couldn't figure out why. I had done worse things, so many awful, horrible things, in my lifetime. I had killed and maimed and raped and raided. I had caused more than a few nightmares. I was, by every definition, a monster.

I closed my eyes with an annoyed huff, slamming my head into the bark behind me in anger and frustration. Images played across the back of my eyelids: Meghan saying "I love you" to me right before walking out of the Nevernever after Ash. Then my two hunting partners, us laughing together, scaring off what we were trying to catch. Oberon taking me under his wing when I was only a young boy who had committed his first regret. Other, human and fey alike, who I had helped, who sought me out just to talk. Even people who had seen my darker side – they didn't abandon me.

Of course I didn't kill Ash, I realized. I'm not a monster.

A/N: Yeah, so one of the reasons I haven't been writing is because I've been stuck in a little bit of a fanfiction rut. I either can't write it, or whatever I do write turns out awful. This is the only (semi)okay thing I've written in a while. I hope it was okay!