Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, having just been thawed from a block of ice that might have previously contained WCW's Yeti…or not…was a man on a mission as he had heard rumblings of how the wrestling world had changed dramatically since he had been frozen in time since…two-thousand-and-four!!

His first stop was to attend the SmackDown/ECW tapings in his hometown, and like any typical mark, he came armed with signs, and even a few markers to spare for "just in case". A little scribbling here and there, and he flashed his first masterpiece for everyone to see:

"I paid front row to see Chris Benoit!"

(Collective gasps all over the place)

Having been unable to keep up-to-date in four years of events, Austin would need a quick refresher course on WWE's newest persona non grata. "Crikey! You'd think you know a person!" Austin handed over the sign to security, but never fear, it would be a matter of seconds before his next flow of creative juices would produce:

"Eddie stole my hubcaps!"

(Lady in crowd: "How dare you! You awful, awful man!" Austin: "Aw, shaddup! That lyin', cheatin', stealin', Mexican jumping bean has seen these signs many times!")

Austin would get pulled back by a horde of fans and have to be reminded about Eddie's tragic death three years earlier. "Oh my word! What has this wrestling world come to? Have I missed many other things too?"

Nearby fans came up with a laundry list of things that had taken place in the four years since Austin had been frozen in time:

Cena not cool anymore

Midget getting airtime, cruiserweight title; belt abandoned

Eddie's legacy exploited

No Trish/Lita/Stacy/etc.

Incest storyline

Great Khali as champion

Angle/Booker/Christian/etc. in TNA

Vince Russo back in the business (that one caused Austin to ask, "Is this part of some diabolical scheme from Dr. Evil?")

Eventually, the ring announcer would welcome everyone to the event and the ring apron was set up for ECW to take place. Austin tried to get an "ECW" chant started but nobody was up for it. "The C stands for Corporate". Finally, with no other alternative, poor Austin decided that creating an old-fashioned "Puppies" sign was the way to go.

By then, it was time for the first match to take place. "This contest is scheduled for one fall! Coming to the ring, weighing in at 500 pounds, Big Daddy V!"

Three hours later, Austin woke up from his shock-induced coma and asked for a specific request: WWE events can only be watched while placed in cryostasis.