So this is inspired by my best friend moving away, and I felt that by writing this down, it'd help me figure out what I'm going to do with myself once she leaves. And if it's too OOC, that's my bad.
Disclaimer: Pffftt... Like I own iCarly. Or any of the songs mentioned. I'd sure like to own a Joan Jett, though...
It was the last day of school for the iCarly gang. Carly, Sam and Freddie were juniors now, having each passed or exceeded in their sophomore classes, and frankly, most people were surprised Sam had made it that far without getting shot or locked up. This year would have ended perfect- if it weren't for one thing.
Carly was moving away. And this little fact wouldn't be so bad, if Sam wasn't totally in love with her. She'd never told Carly this, and had actually planned to during the summer. But now Carly was leaving, and this devastated Sam to no end. Of course, Sam being Sam, she couldn't let her emotions show. So she pretended to be happy for Carly all the while cursing Spencer for taking that art job in Montana and slowly dying on the inside.
Sam had decided that since Carly was leaving to Montana a week after school ended she would spend every day she could with her. Sam had inherited some money from Uncle Carmine, who unfortunately passed away a few months earlier. So during Carly's last few days, with her newfound money, Sam lavished Carly with dinners, gifts, and lots of Girly Cow. Carly merely thought this was Sam's way of filling a week of time with a summer of fun, and while she pretended to dislike the insane amount of affection she was receiving from Sam, she really enjoyed it and felt special. Sam, on the other hand, was living the dream of dating her girl, without actually dating her. This was enough to satiate Sam's desire for Carly.
On the last day of Carly's life in Seattle, a large going-away party was held for her in her apartment, funded by the now-wealthy Sam. Everyone was there- Gibby, Wendy, T-Bo, even Melanie found a way to show up. Sam had rented some fun party goods to make Carly's last party better than all the others. Lights were hung, ice was sculpted, and chocolate fountains were acquired (and then bought by our favorite blonde) all to make this party unique. What really stood out, though, was the karaoke machine. It had over 90,000 of the hottest songs of all the decades, and it had an easy-to-use interface so even the most computer-dumb person could use it. That didn't matter, since Freddie is Geek no. 1 around Bushwell and volunteered himself as honorary DJ.
Since this was Carly's party, her guests allowed her to choose who went first, and what song they had to sing. Carly, being her usual kind self, didn't want to make anyone mad by having them go first and decided to have the machine randomize both the singer and song. Spencer ended up going first and had to sing "Kiss Me Deadly" by Lita Ford. Luckily, he knew the tune from his childhood and could sing almost without a hitch. Plus, everyone got a kick at him unsuccessfully trying to hit the high notes. Next was Wendy, with "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga. She was a choir kid and therefore was a success at singing the song. After her was Gibby with "La Bamba". He didn't know a single word to the song, but his shirtless dance was more than enough to make up for it. In fact, it was almost too much...
After an hour of songs both young and old, the only person who hadn't sung yet was Sam. Actually, she was nowhere to be found. Carly figured she'd be in the studio and went upstairs to check.
"Sam? You up here? It's your turn to go."
Carly was met with near silence. She could hear a quiet sniffling in the corner near the back of the room.
"Sam? You're crying! You never cry!"
"I'm not crying... I got... something in my eye."
"Sam..."
"Okay fine. So I'll miss you. A lot."
"Sam, we've gone over this. I have a phone you can call me on and Freddie even told you he'd teach you to videochat with me. It'll be like I'm on a really long vacation. And I told you I'm coming back as soon as I can."
"But... You don't understand. I'll miss you and you won't be here. And it's not like vacation it's the end of the world."
"Only your world, Sam."
"Yeah, actually. My world is ending. You are my world and now you're leaving. So... Carly. This is gonna be hard, especially for me. You're all I've known for the longest time. And I love you."
"I love you too Sam."
"No, listen, this is different. I. Love you. Like, really, reeeeally love you. Like I would do anything for you and I want... I want to kiss you and hold you and never let go and now you are leaving me forever. And I don't think I can handle that."
At this point Sam collapsed into Carly's shoulder crying harder than that time she had to work that awful job. Those tears were tears of exhaustion and complaint. These ones were of despair and hopelessness, of a love lost. These were real tears. And for once, Carly really had no idea what to do. Sure, she loved her best friend, but she wasn't in love with her. Carly's and Sam's loves were two different things. Where Carly saw a lifelong pal, Sam saw a life partner. She had no idea on how to break the news to Sam that she just wasn't interested in romance and had no feelings for her. And after what Sam was preparing to go through, the loss of her best friend, Carly wasn't sure if Sam could take this news. But she had to know, so she wouldn't hold out for a lost cause.
"Sam, you know you're my best friend. And you know I will always love you. But I don't "like" you like you "like" me. If I did, I would have told you. I'm not telling you to do this because I want to hurt you. I'm telling you this so you don't wait forever for me, only to be heartbroken again and again. So don't wait for me after I leave, okay? Can you do that? Move on from me? Or at least don't make yourself unavailable to the world because you're waiting for me. We aren't going to happen. We won't get together."
Sam stiffened up against Carly's shoulder as soon as she realized Carly really didn't want her, and Carly worried that she had said something too wrong. She'd made sure to speak as tenderly and sincerely as possible. Could she possibly have ruined their relationship?
All misgivings were immediately lost as soon as she saw the look in Sam's eyes. She wasn't mad or disappointed, or any of the other things that Carly had thought she'd be. Sure, she still had tears in her eyes and hints of sadness, but for the most part she looked happy.
"Carly, that was the best thing I have heard all day. I'm sad I won't see you probably for a really long time, and I can't really imagine what it's gonna be like without seeing you every day. And even though I can't ever have you... Well, that doesn't seem so bad anymore."
"Really? You're not devastated or anything?"
"I am. But I'll try to take your advice and... move on I guess. I'll be sad, but that'll pass. Eventually."
"That's a relief to hear. I worry about you, you know? And not just with your criminal record.
"Yeah, I know. And that's probably why I like you so much. You've always been there for me even when my sister or mom weren't. I can always count on you."
"I'm glad you know that. And even if I can't be here with you physically, I can be here on the phone, and you can always email me and if you call me I set your contact info to Priority mode, so whenever you call me, even if my phone is on silent it will still ring."
"Cool. Wait, phones can do that?"
"Phones from this century can."
"Gotcha."
The two girls sat in silence for a little while, both thinking about what was next in their future. Finally, Carly broke the silence.
"You know, we still have a party to attend. And you still have a song to sing."
"Ughhh... FINE. But only for you, and I get to pick the song."
"That's fine with me. And Sam?"
"Yeah Carly?"
"I'm glad you understand, and that we can still be friends."
"Well why wouldn't we he? Freddie's been pining after you since he first saw you and you're still friends with him. It's like, and I hate saying this, but it's like I'm a female Freddie. Except I'm so much cooler. And not a nub."
"Aw Sam, don't insult Freddie. He's all you'll have for a few years-"
"UGH DON'T REMIND ME!"
The two girls went downstairs together, and it appeared they hadn't been too sorely missed. The karaoke was still going strong and sometime during the party Spencer had run out to grab more chips and chocolate for the fountain. Carly and Sam arrived at the end of Freddie singing "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad" by Meatloaf.
"Hey Sam, where've you been? It was your turn like thirty minutes ago!"
"Shut it, nub. Mama had some bidness to take care of. Anyway, I'm going now. But I don't want a big deal made of it, alright?"
"Sure, whatever. Whaddya want to sing?"
"Move over and let me do it myself. It's a secret. No peeking!"
As soon as the track started up, Carly knew what song Sam had chosen and why. She always knew Sam liked Joan Jett's version of "Crimson and Clover" more than most of her other songs but she didn't quite understand why. And even though some of the lyrics didn't quite fit the occasion, Carly knew that Sam was singing to her. It wasn't so much about the words as it was the feelings behind them.
"Now I don't hardly know her."
Carly thought this line was funny. Sam totally knew her. They were best friends since they were eight.
"But I think I could love her."
Now she knew Sam loved her. Even though she'd never reciprocate the feelings...
"Crimson and Clover."
At this line, Sam looked deep into Carly's eyes, and Carly truly understood what Sam felt for her. And she felt the slightest pang of regret that she didn't love her back, because no one should have to love someone so much and get nothing back.
The next day, Sam and Carly were at the airport with Spencer. All three of them had tears in their eyes, but Spencer's were mostly because he decided to try spicy hot sauce.
"Well... Here we are. We're at the check-in stations, so this is where we part. Sam, I'm really gonna miss you. I'll call you every day, I swear. And as soon as I can, I'll come by and visit."
"Don't forget about me, okay?"
"Sam, why would you think I even could?"
"I don't know, okay? I don't know. I just... This is... God, why can't you stay? Why did Spencer have to take the job?"
"Dad won't pay for our place any more. We can't afford it. This place in Montana, well, we can afford this place now that Spencer's getting the job. Besides, it's only Montana. It's not that far from here."
"Well I don't know that! For all I know Montana could be near the Canadian border!"
"Sam! Seriously! It's right next to... never mind. But I'm not that far away from you!"
"But you are! You are the one thing in my life that really matters to me and that I care about and you're leaving me!"
"SAM! It. Will. Be. OKAY!"
"No it won't! YOU make things okay! Who's gonna make things okay when you're gone, huh? Not Freddie, not Gibby, especially not me! It won't be okay and you fucking know that! You-"
At this point in Sam's anguished rant, Carly grabbed Sam by her cheeks and gave her a short peck on the lips. It didn't last more than a second, but it served its purpose.
"Sam? Are you okay? You look like you're going to faint."
"Yeah, yeah Carls, I'm fine. You made things better."
"You know that kiss was a friend kiss... right?"
"I'd like to think it wasn't, but if that's what you meant by it, then it was a friend kiss."
"Good, because it was a friend kiss. To make you feel better. Like medicine."
"That was the best medicine ever."
"So... I guess this is goodbye, then?"
"Yeah, I, I guess it is. Stay brune, Cupcake."
"Stay blonde, Mama."
Sam began to walk off, back to where she could catch a cab ride back home. She knew what Carly meant from the kiss, but she couldn't help but pretend that Carly was secretly suppressing hidden feelings for her best friend. She was about one hundred feet away from Carly when she heard a faint, "I love you!" She turned around and yelled back, "I love you most!" and chuckled. Sam walked outside and called for a cab, knowing she wasn't going to actually pay the driver with the money Spencer gave her. She might be rich, but she wasn't about to start paying for cab rides.
Meanwhile, on the plane...
"So, little sister, I saw you smooch Sam. You two finally get together, or what?"
"What? We're not together. I don't like her that way. She likes me. That's why I kissed her. I don't like her. Not romantically or a crush or anything. And finally? You think there is something between us? You're wrong. Because I'm straight and NOT in love with Sam."
"You keep telling yourself that, kiddo."
You keep telling yourself that.
So, whadja think? Not bad? Too dialoguey? Anyway, I haven't written in a while and I need to get back on my other story, I know, and maybe now that it's summer vacation I can finally sit down and finish the story. Besides, last thing I wrote, my best friend thought it was too... disturbing, I think was the word she used? That one was about breaking out of prison. She thinks I'm a wreck, I imagine.
OOPS TOO LONG RAMBLING AUTHOR'S NOTE reviews are always nice and stuff. They make my day, I swear.
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